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Ammat The Ankh
Sep 7, 2010

Who'd have thought Hell would be this boring?


Welcome to the 2015 National League Wild Card game! Where the second and third best teams in the league, having both endured decades of heartache, fight it out in a one game steel cage death match. Only one will get to play another game this year! Who will break the hearts of a city and win passage to the NLDS?

Where they most likely will get knocked out by the St. Louis Cardinals. There is no God.

Your Contestants:

Chicago Cubs
The avatars of sports misery. The entirety of the Cold War played out since the last time they even appeared in a World Series. Now they have one of the best managers, one of the best pitchers, and a few of the best rookies in baseball. Let's see how they screw it up.

LINEUP
1. Dexter Fowler, cf
2. Kyle Schwarber, rf
3. Kris Bryant, lf
4. Anthony Rizzo, 1b
5. Tommy La Stella, 3b
6. Starlin Castro, 2b
7. Miguel Montero, c
8. Addison Russell, ss
9. Jake Arrieta, p

Pittsburgh Pirates
This is their third straight season hosting the Wild Card game. Hope to score more runs than last year, while allowing fewer grand slams. Their terrible secret: every Pirates fan is actually two Steelers fan, standing on their shoulders beneath an oversized coat.

LINEUP
1. Gregory Polanco, rf
2. Josh Harrison, 3b
3. Andrew McCutchen, cf
4. Starling Marte, lf
5. Francisco Cervelli, c
6. Neil Walker, 2b
7. Jordy Mercer, ss
8. Sean Rodriguez, 1b
9. Gerrit Cole, p

Let's go misery! :toot:

Ammat The Ankh fucked around with this message at 22:12 on Oct 7, 2015

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my cat is norris
Mar 11, 2010

#onecallcat




I live in Pittsburgh and want the Pirates to do well, but I grew up watching the Cubs and loving the team, so I'm a bit torn. :ohdear: Go Cubs?

Arrieta's been fun to watch.

my cat is norris fucked around with this message at 22:28 on Oct 7, 2015

tadashi
Feb 20, 2006



Who would have thought Joe Maddon would make his first NL playoff appearance against a team using Sean Rodriguez at first base? I hope he doesn't get hit in the head and forget which team he's managing.


E: I must have been hit in the head because I just called the manager of my favorite team the wrong name.

TMMadman
Sep 9, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 11 years!


I have been dimly aware of the Cubs this year, but I went to a game with Poque and Kevlar and Popete in the bleachers of Wrigley this year and it was awesome.

Also, I've been a life long Cubs fan who remembers quite clearly the misery that was 1984 and 1989. As well as Alex Gonzalez booting a sure fire double play ball after the whole Bartman fiasco which is the real reason the Cubs didn't go to the series that year. :mad:

Go Cubs Go!

R.D. Mangles
Jan 10, 2004




i will see you fuckers in hell

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

At the end of 2018, a study was published by London Metropolitan University showing that certain bacteria, normally present only in intestinal tracts or feces, were found on McDonald's self-service screens.




Pirates please win and not break my heart a second year in a row.

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.



Illegal Hen

Go Cubs go!

Shimrra Jamaane
Aug 9, 2007

Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.


Anyone not rooting for the Cubs is Hitler.

If the Cubs can manage to finally break through and win a World Series this year of all years with the whole BTTF 2 thing I think the universe will implode.

Xenophon
Jun 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless


Grimey Drawer

*inhales deeply* let's go the Bucs bitch

DeepDickPizza
Oct 11, 2012

THREE TIME! THREE TIME!


I love Joe's bonkers lineup. Hope it works!!!

R.D. Mangles
Jan 10, 2004




Maddon's :siren:batting the pitcher ninth:siren:

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.



Illegal Hen

DeepDickPizza posted:

I love Joe's bonkers lineup. Hope it works!!!

It doesn't seem that crazy. Except LaStella batting 5th.

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.



Illegal Hen

R.D. Mangles posted:

Maddon's :siren:batting the pitcher ninth:siren:

It seems like he did this quite a bit (for him, anyway) the last 6 weeks of the season.

Shimrra Jamaane
Aug 9, 2007

Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.


So obviously I'm rooting for the Cubs to win. But am I a bad person for hoping that if they lose they do so in absolute hilarious fashion?

achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

psst you wanna do a communism?


I'm working with chainsaws near the highest point of Bryce Canyon tomorrow, please don't loving lose Pirates, I don't want to be in a lovely attitude.

Roasted Donut
Aug 24, 2007

NWA WHITE POWERRR!!!!

oh goody real pumped about loving sean rodriguez starting at first base cool

the cubs are lame as hell and i hope they lose in an embarrassing and hilarious manner, as they deserve

straight up brolic
Jan 31, 2007

After all, I was nice in ball,
Came to practice weed scented
Report card like the speed limit

:homebrew::homebrew::homebrew:



meteor strike would be nice

achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

psst you wanna do a communism?


Roasted Donut posted:

oh goody real pumped about loving sean rodriguez starting at first base cool

the cubs are lame as hell and i hope they lose in an embarrassing and hilarious manner, as they deserve

Payback for killing Lang :argh:

my cat is norris
Mar 11, 2010

#onecallcat




Roasted Donut posted:

the cubs are lame as hell and i hope they lose in an embarrassing and hilarious manner, as they deserve

:supaburn:

shadok
Dec 12, 2004

You tried to destroy it once before, Commodore.
The result was a wrecked ship and a dead crew.

Fun Shoe

Shimrra Jamaane posted:

So obviously I'm rooting for the Cubs to win. But am I a bad person for hoping that if they lose they do so in absolute hilarious fashion?

No. I hope that if the Cubs lose, the losing play involves Schwarber falling down.

I also hope that if they win, the gamewinning play involves Schwarber falling down.

Infidel Castro
Jun 8, 2010

Again and again
Your face reminds me of a bleak future
Despite the absence of hope
I give you this sacrifice






my cat is norris posted:

I live in Pittsburgh and want the Pirates to do well, but I grew up watching the Cubs and loving the team, so I'm a bit torn. :ohdear: Go Cubs?

Arrieta's been fun to watch.

Hi norris! Why must you and I disagree on everything sports related?

ALFbrot
Apr 17, 2002


Yo I'm freakin out

Ammat The Ankh
Sep 7, 2010

Who'd have thought Hell would be this boring?


Shimrra Jamaane posted:

Anyone not rooting for the Cubs is Hitler.

Does this look like the face of Hitler?

Moxie
Aug 2, 2003



Shimrra Jamaane posted:

Anyone not rooting for the Cubs is Hitler.

If the Cubs can manage to finally break through and win a World Series this year of all years with the whole BTTF 2 thing I think the universe will implode.

The Cubs destroyed Kang's knee and it was obviously intentional

my cat is norris
Mar 11, 2010

#onecallcat




Infidel Castro posted:

Hi norris! Why must you and I disagree on everything sports related?

Castro~! I have no idea. Maybe you should support better teams!!! :arghfist::shobon:

I guarantee that if the Pirates win, I'll be pretty drat excited even if I was hoping for a Cubs victory.

Roasted Donut
Aug 24, 2007

NWA WHITE POWERRR!!!!

DeepDickPizza
Oct 11, 2012

THREE TIME! THREE TIME!


R.D. Mangles
Jan 10, 2004




my cat is norris posted:

Castro~! I have no idea. Maybe you should support better teams!!! :arghfist::shobon:

I guarantee that if the Pirates win, I'll be pretty drat excited even if I was hoping for a Cubs victory.

Yeah, the 2015 Cubs have been amazing and the Pirates are a cool team, but if the Pirates beat the Cubs and go down like chumps to the Cardinals then I'll turn on them

Infidel Castro
Jun 8, 2010

Again and again
Your face reminds me of a bleak future
Despite the absence of hope
I give you this sacrifice







mods knew :argh:

Mike_V
Jul 31, 2004

Let's* go Blackhawks! The Blues and Red Wings suck.

Go Buccos. I hope the Cubs completely implode and the final is like 11-1

Shimrra Jamaane
Aug 9, 2007

Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.


Mike_V posted:

Go Buccos. I hope the Cubs completely implode and the final is like 11-1

With all 11 of those runs coming in the bottom of the 8th right?

Josh Lyman
May 24, 2009



I don't always watch baseball, but when I do, it's to see if Back to the Future II comes true.

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.



Illegal Hen

Shimrra Jamaane posted:

With all 11 of those runs coming in the bottom of the 8th right?

Why must you torment me?

Roasted Donut
Aug 24, 2007

NWA WHITE POWERRR!!!!

R.D. Mangles posted:

Yeah, the 2015 Cubs have been amazing and the Pirates are a cool team, but if the Pirates beat the Cubs and go down like chumps to the Cardinals then I'll turn on them

Buccos are going to the world series if they get past tonight imo

Popete
Oct 6, 2009

This will make sure you don't suggest to the KDz
That he should grow greens instead of crushing on MCs



Grimey Drawer

Oh hey is there a game tonight?

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

At the end of 2018, a study was published by London Metropolitan University showing that certain bacteria, normally present only in intestinal tracts or feces, were found on McDonald's self-service screens.




Roasted Donut posted:

Buccos are going to the world series if they get past tonight imo

I agree. I think they stack up against any team in the playoffs in either league. If they can beat the Cubs they absolutely have a legit chance at winning it all.

A large farva
Sep 5, 2006



Ramrod XTreme

Now safely hunkered down in the Beagle's Nest just over a mile from Wrigleyville and hopefully out of the danger zone.
Supplies are nominal - a couple beers, a half bottle of whiskey, and 4 polish sausages. The grill is warming.
Hoping for either a historic double no-no or a dinger fest.

Damnit why'd it have to be the Pirates I can never hate you McCutchen :saddowns:

Now pour it on them Arrieta.

achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

psst you wanna do a communism?


drat phone posting

Popete
Oct 6, 2009

This will make sure you don't suggest to the KDz
That he should grow greens instead of crushing on MCs



Grimey Drawer

Let me say it now because I wont wanna say it later. But the Pirates are cool and if we don't make it I hope they destroy the Cards.

With that said. I hope the Pirates die.

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Sydin
Oct 29, 2011

Another rainy day commute




Popete posted:

Let me say it now because I wont wanna say it later. But the Pirates are cool and if we don't make it I hope they destroy the Cards.

With that said. I hope the Pirates die.

:agreed:

Let's see how we gently caress this up.

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