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Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

Why, yes,
I will poke your Gushing Spring Point!


Pillbug

Outrail posted:

Ok fine, we're a monster and I want to skewer an innocent human with our soul cannon to see what happens.

Moo?

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Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



Soooo, my hypothesis.

When we cupcake fused ourself with Kvellar and something something reverse soulular mitosis we fliberdigibbeted the thingamadoodleatron that lets gods do stuff. This resolved itself with the shadoodle that we call ourself at this point. We're two people in the same body but our mind won out since our mind is infused with cupcake juice or some bullshit. Also Kvelar's brainsauce/mindjuice has ancestral memories of dwarrrow alchemy and so blabbity blah. This allows us to eventually challenge the forest to a Full Contact Croquet match where we make all the home runs but the forest gets a touchdown and we counter with a strike and then everything is on the line and Skvababt professes her love at the final push and we save the Empire by getting a hole in one and the Forest is convinced to become a slightly aggressive potted plant for all time in exchange for survival. Checkmate.

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

No need to sign, we'll take care of that.


Lipstick Apathy

I suspect the Emperor was a Xhaositect like us, how else could he have bended the gods to his whim?

We should brand ourselves as a successor to Emperor Rim once we get more control, we're Thorgrim after all.

Captainicus
Feb 22, 2013


super sweet best pal posted:

we're Thorgrim after all.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com



I want a person, so they can tell us what happened from their perspective.


As an aside, if the engine is depleted does that mean we can finally use it as a regular crossbow for murdering stuff?

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



Summon the skullduggery twins and request a tutor for learning cowspeak. Also a contact who knows how to make humidifiers. Pretty sure an undisclosed someone would appreciate one.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Blasphemaster posted:

Summon the skullduggery twins and request a tutor for learning cowspeak. Also a contact who knows how to make humidifiers. Pretty sure an undisclosed someone would appreciate one.

Or we could invest in a 55 gallon drum of water based lubricant moisturizer...

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



Outrail posted:

Or we could invest in a 55 gallon drum of water based lubricant moisturizer...

Por que no los dos?

Swedish Thaumocracy
Jul 11, 2006
Jinat Ulukaï, hâ oagé.

Grimey Drawer

Slice of Life - Clasification

What goes through the head of a monster? Beyond the usual imperial answer of 'hopefully a sword, skillfully swung' there has been remarkably little study into the subject, in all probability because those curious enough to investigate have invariably ended up on the wrong side of the foodchain.
What studies have been conducted are more akin to shared observations and anecdotes, carefully curated by The Imperial Monster Hunters Guild Entente and the various orders of Paladins, shared only with the select few that could incentivize some very specific advice into violence.

Thus the typical entry in Monsters Monthly might read that a particular monster might prefer to attack in groups of three at night time, but rarely do they ever state why. It is, to put a finer point on it, a problem of lesser priority than the Empires survival.
That is not to say that the philosophy of monsters is ignored entirely, indeed there are scholars who try to find the hidden patterns and make sense of movements both great and small, but they are few and have as of yet not produced much of value outside of the field of Slimegeneering, which admittedly is thriving.

The Why of Animals is easier to comprehend. They act on instinct and seem to follow some basic rules. Eat things smaller that yourself and run away from things that are larger than you by volume, unless it is already dead in which case you are free to eat it.
Fight, only if there are no other options, if your nest is threatened, if a rival needs to be disposed of or, in the case of cats and other intelligent creatures, if you just really feel like it.

What truly separates monster from animal, then, is the lack of this logic in their interactions with other beings. A monster will attack regardless of the danger posed to themselves, regardless of their territory or hunger.
They might even leave carrion be, what in the animal world regarded as a free buffet, in favour of living tissue, no matter the threat or nutrition it poses to them.



Where does this leave the humble niddler? Long famed as a flying nuisance, they received official monster classification a little less than one hundred years in the past, after the Empires expansion had reached and indeed breached the jungles they once called home to replace it with heavy industry, driving the critter into near extinction, forcing them to adapt or die. Unfortunately for the Empire, they were already pretty adept as flying, omnivore ambush predators, so when their prized papayas and delicious parrots were cruelly taken from them, they instead sought a diet more sinister in the form of innocent farmhands and imperial citizens.

A monster of our own creation, then, but none the less one that needs to be dealt with.



--

[ISTEC] gathers around the northeastern section of the farm with ##Nåzom Stëgeth## in tow, there to set it up down an intersection of the many open pathways that litter the plantation, here for the purpose of overwatch.
The plan, such as it is, is for a feast of papayas to act as bait, with Khami hidden in the greenery to swat any approaching Niddler to the ground where either Skvababt can pierce then with her arrows or for yourself to end them with a volley of your arbalest. The plan to use farmhands to chase the Niddlers into the open was shut down before it even entered discussion, as you have no money with which to contract them for their service and they have no experience, will or more importantly license to do it on their own accord. Additionally, as the threat posed by the local Niddler population is legally considered met by your presence here, the laws allowing the emergency recruitment of non guild-citizens has been rendered void.

And so, the waiting game begins.

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Swedish Thaumocracy posted:

And so, the waiting game begins.

Use Accountancy to 'sight in' the arbalest while we're waiting.

Swedish Thaumocracy
Jul 11, 2006
Jinat Ulukaï, hâ oagé.

Grimey Drawer

Trouble on the Rim, Book 2, Chapter 3
The City of Whale, Dorsal District

Part Thirteen: Niddlers are the Worst
Current Region: Huddik


You need wait only twenty minutes until the silence is broken by an awful screech skyward from, and it takes considerable diligence not to reveal your ambush then and there, as the noise of the tangle of Niddlers is truly awful.
What you first observe as three distinct shapes in fact turn out to be four, as the largest, probable alpha Niddler, is cradling the smallest, a youth, in its claws. It swoops down low and unceremoniously drops the runt by the baited feast, an act followed by even more screeching from the injured party and a hoarse hiccup like laughter from the larger flying ones.

When nothing immediately fatal occurs to the youth, the three larger kin descend, the Alpha pushing the youth out of the way, grabbing it's (un) rightfully claimed papaya out of its trembling claws.
With one swift motion, the papaya is crushed, the remains scattered over the soil, an action followed by more laughter as the rest begin to gorge themselves in a very peculiar manner.

Each papaya is carefully plucked, knocked against a hard surface (the ground or another, smaller Niddler), before their thin claws reach into the fruit to rip out the seeds which are then either chewed into a fine paste and spat out, or flicked into nearby unguarded eyes to much delight and screeching. Indeed, the metaphorical table manners of the monsters ahead of you are so poor as to make you think they were deviously crafted by some malevolent deity.

The creatures, having each had a pair or three of papayas (a single, shrivelled papaya for the runt) then burp with satisfaction and it is this simple emission that carries with it a stench powerful enough to water your very eyes.
Blissfully, the odour shock lasts only for a short moment as the burping is replaced by screaming when the runt takes some hidden opportunity to pull on the scaly tail of the Alpha, stealing a ripe Papaya from it and taking off into the sky.

1: You...

A: Give the signal, activate the ambush!

B: Wait for the Niddlers to calm down a little before attacking.

C: Wait for the Niddlers to leave, then try to track them to their nest.

D: Wait for the Niddlers to leave and hope they come back in greater numbers.

--

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

No need to sign, we'll take care of that.


Lipstick Apathy

C

Captainicus
Feb 22, 2013


C, we were already told that the Niddlers liked to flee when threatened, so hopefully by finding the nest we can drive them out of the area.

There Bias Two
Jan 13, 2009

Chakh'mah Mush'lam Echad Rak

C

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



C.Let's FOOF the nest. We have a reputation to uphold.

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Vote: C; we're getting paid to destroy the next, no?

Blasphemaster posted:

C.Let's FOOF the nest. We have a reputation to uphold.

Do we have any FOOF left? I might actually be onboard with this, if we can FOOF it safely.

Hexenritter
May 20, 2001

Buncha slack-jawed faggots around here

Blasphemaster posted:

C.Let's FOOF the nest. We have a reputation to uphold.

This appeals to me. +1

Swedish Thaumocracy
Jul 11, 2006
Jinat Ulukaï, hâ oagé.

Grimey Drawer

CourValant posted:

Do we have any FOOF left? I might actually be onboard with this, if we can FOOF it safely.

Sadly, the authorities would not let you bring incredibly volatile high explosives to the capital after you had been arrested.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

Why, yes,
I will poke your Gushing Spring Point!


Pillbug

But the Right to Explode FOOF is right there in the Divine Scroll of Rights and Regulations!

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Swedish Thaumocracy posted:

Sadly, the authorities would not let you bring incredibly volatile high explosives to the capital after you had been arrested.

Well, we are having drinks with Agents Spooky and Snooty tonight, maybe we can talk them into opening the FIB armory?

I'm imagining this to be something akin to how we set Nekker nests alight in Witcher 3.

Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



Bullshit!

Hmm...

C. Wipe em out the traditional way.
(repeated C vote do not count twice)

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002


To the C

WereGoat
Apr 28, 2017



C

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Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree


C

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