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Ace of Baes
SNITCH

"I attack with my 2-Handed Fiery Greatsword"
*rolls a 19*

DM: I'm sorry, but your swords bounces off the Goblin King and does 0 damage.

"What the gently caress is his AC?"

DM: *looking down at paper that says AC: 99* I'm sorry, that's privileged information.

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Ace of Baes
SNITCH

DM: Your ship hits turbulent waters, you're thrown overboard by the force.

Me: Alright...alright...I cast Spell of Swimming

DM: You swim away quickly, into a pack of blood thirsty 40 foot orcas.

Ace of Baes
SNITCH

Me: I enter the weapons shop, and ask what kind of battle axes the merchant carries.

DM: The merchant takes a large war axe off a shelf to show you, but slips and cuts your loving head off.

Me: Dude...

DM: Yeah fucker, you're dead, I'm the DM bitch.

Ace of Baes
SNITCH

joke_explainer posted:

'Rogue: Alright, we climb down the hole, using the grappling hook and rope to slow our descent, using the ever bright rod for light.'

'DM: Alright. You proceed further into the dungeon. Roll a fortitude save.'

*rolls*

'DM: Alright. Everyone passes out, and sixteen rounds later, is dead.'

*confusion, complaints*

'Wizard: What the gently caress? Why?'

'DM: The dungeon foreman was performing a nitrogen flush of this area of the dungeon to prevent oxidization damage to chests etc. You guys entered a confined space without a permit or sufficient knowledge about the situation, and asphyxiated due to lack of oxygen. The ever bright rod doesn't require oxygen to burn, regular torches might have tipped you off. Inattention to detail can be deadly.'

lol

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