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Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
Glad to see WebDog is putting his powers to good use in this thread.

When it comes to Star Citizen, it's often much harder on the customer than on the developer.

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Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
This is amazing gameplay footage.

People just standing around talking is what this game is all about.

:munch:

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
Just got banned from the twitch chat for this:

'Wait, guys, guys, look at how many times one of these fellows is blinking. It's...morse code! Spellls out...S...C...A...M! Now, will Sandi pick up on this and kill them? Will the torture of good honest hard working game developers trying to pry money from our hands ever end? TUNE IN, IN TWO WEEKS!'

Star Citizen is amazing, this is all amazing.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
Sir, you are not making sausage, you are making a butchery of a cash cow and it is grey and poorly rendered.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
:puckout:

that FPS drop

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
The professionalism is astounding. I'm not even surprised when they cut to the other team and they didn't realise they were broadcasting early. And wow, let's have some microphone troubles!

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
Incredible! Seeing some kind of chat on screen! Finally, the gameplay we have been asking for!

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

Dante80 posted:

lol...you should have posted that 2' later...

Sorry, I'm still new to actually posting about this debacle.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
Try to keep up, this is a moving JPEG.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
SHARING SOME INFORMATION WITH YOU

Incredible. This is all too much.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
This movie should just be 5 second clips of nothing on screen, and then the title cards reading, 'Two Weeks Later' in between.

If you want to see the clips, you have to pay.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
Okay, a buddy of mine turned up to my house and asked, 'What is Star Citizen?' because I'm watching this stream.

Where the gently caress do I begin goons?

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

Omi-Polari posted:

Derek Smart

Derek Smart

DEREK SMART

By the power of three, so mote it be

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

D_Smart posted:

Oh, and they've now issued takedowns of every place (inluding on UltraIMG btw!!) where I've posted Beer's refund instructions. So now I'm hosting it on Dropbox and have tweeted out the new link

As always, watching with interest as things progress. :munch:

This thread is the most entertaining thing. It really is. Seeing how Star Citizen is becoming more akin to MLM is amazing. Feature creep? More like scam creep. Truly, the most immersive long-con available these days.

I have nothing but hatred for pyramid schemes and multi-level marketing, as I'm all too familiar with the damage it can wreak on unsuspecting, uncritical and easily impressed. It's one of the more evil business practices out there. Never, ever underestimate the sunk-cost fallacy, and how much people love to consider themselves as 'invested' or 'investors' in something. I had a good friend of mine fall victim to loving Herbalife and the mental gymnastics performed by those involved in such a scheme was truly remarkable to behold. Similes will become garishly warped and convoluted, financial perspectives become utterly warped and fail to mesh with reality, and friends and family members become potential rungs on the ladder of success in which to step upon with ruthless abandon.

And now it's in space! :allears:

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

Alexander DeLarge posted:

I know it's fun to shitpost about crashing but I'm quite sure every major game in existence had this kind of crashing in pre-alpha. Give it a month or two.

A game that crashes with the tenacity, ferocity and mediocrity of Star Citizen is a rare retarded star baby that should not be confused with the mewling attempts of other games to crawl out of the primordial games development ooze.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

mormonpartyboat posted:

hello derek have you read any good books lately?

only books derek is interested in are CIGs

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

Octopode posted:

I'm sure he'll get that nasty alt-tab functionality figured out one of these days.

None of us are sure if you'll ever figure out you're being conned. The delusion is too thick and pervasive. It's like crib death to any infant forms of rational thought. It might live and breathe there for a minute or two before space babby eyes look up from it's cot at the wonderful mobile that dangles overhead. It's filled with slowly spinning JPEGs of space ships that Croberts has left so thoughtfully for the baby, and it fills the baby's thoughts with sweet things as it struggles to draw breath, despite its best efforts to resist the display's hypnotic promise of space travel.

The suffocating and toxic environment that your lord and savior has so thoughtfully given you is working perfectly, he is free to trade food stamps for cocaine for a just little while longer.

Hell, it might even work for two weeks this time.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

Octopode posted:

Same dev team, and it was a conversion for the same basic rendering engine as Star Citizen. Changing the scale of the game being rendered doesn't change the fundamentals of CryEngine's rendering pipeline enough to make it some entirely different project for the conversion.

I'm no food critic, but this seems like word salad.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

peter gabriel posted:

I'm extending my pipeline

Can I invest?

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

Sweet.

Uh,

Do you accept first born?

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

OhDearGodNo posted:

Datacenter Engineer.
Network Engineer.
Application Developer.
Secret Squirrel.
Project Manager.
Executive Producer.
Civil Adjudicator.
API Developer.
Corporate Lawyer.
Financial Analyst.

Octopode.

You've got me thinking of Solid Snake repeating those names and getting vital information on upcoming bosses.

"Snake, be careful. One of the deadly Whales, Octopode, is up ahead."
"Octopode?"
"Octopode can assume any work history depending on what he needs in an engagement. Remember, this is a sneaking mission. He'll be even better than you at stealth if he chooses to!"
"Right. So long as he isn't a box specialist, I'll be okay. They never expect the box strategy."
"Snake! What have you done?"
"Colonel?"
"Octopode just learned everything about boxes and their construction! He's saying...he's saying he's the guy who guides kids around cardboard box factories! He's become a box expert!"
"Box expert???"

*queue boss battle with empty star citizen boxes for cover, armour and defensive use of airhorns*

In other words, gently caress you Octopode.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

dyzzy posted:

meh, as long as they made good shirtwaists

Genuinely asking here, what's the story behind this picture?

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

Thank you kindly.

Jesus loving Christ :stonk:

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

EightAce posted:

I am well ware of that and I am massively oversimplifying. By the time Derek and his crack legal team have delivered the reams of evidence I know it will require experts and full disclosure and analysis etc. BUT the result will be as I have said. However you dress it up, he has something out there that people are playing ..all be it poo poo.

Are you the Nostradamus of space court or something? Or am I oversimplifying?

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

ScorpioMajesty posted:

I was gifted a ship from a friend of mine. Am I now a star citizen? Or do I personally need to spend money?

You are now an accessory to money laundering.

And dreams.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

Dirty Hairy posted:

Are you implying that the book will be no good? I'm genuinely curious since the epic battles and territory struggles in EVE fascinate me.

Books have enough of a healthy chance to be completely awful without the prospect of kickstarter backers playing part.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

D_Smart posted:

I guess getting a steady - and larger - paycheck means you get to eat as much crap as you want. Therein lies the rub.

I imagine it's more of a case of accessibility to the food during work hours.

People react to the presence of guilt in a myriad of ways. Some folks drink, others do drugs, some people even go to church to confess! Some folks though, they try to fight off pangs of guilt by defeating nonexistent pangs of hunger whenever possible, convenient or permissible with whatever is to hand. It soothes the negative thoughts and sensations by replacing it with transient fullness.

If you're not a sociopath, then the weight of the guilt that you must feel when you're part of an operation on the scale of Star Citizen must be a growing monster that rivals the feature creep of said game.

Guilt or no, the responsibilities placed upon this man's shoulders to provide dreams to backers must be getting to him. He's so close to the beating heart of the greatest con in existence and keeping that precious whale blood pumping is no small task. I just hope that his own heart doesn't increase in scope in the process.

Mr.Tophat fucked around with this message at 00:10 on Dec 15, 2015

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
Lesnik should just commit to a diet and exercise regime, and use the power of positive thinking and visualisation to get himself his dream body. Star Citizen has some of the most ambitious and innovative minds in the gaming industry right now, I'm certain some of techniques employed on the whales could be turned to good, healthy purpose.

It'll only take two weeks to get his weight off if they pooled together their minds and talents. They might have to open a few gyms in other countries, because hey, why reinvent the wheel, but it'll be worth it in the end. You have to spend money to make dreams happen. Lesnik probably dreams of warming his hands with one another, and can you put a price on such a thing?

To anyone doubting me right now, gently caress you. I firmly believe they could do it if they wanted to. I'm not even joking. Look at all that Star Citizen and their staff have accomplished, I mean, I'll admit Sandi might not help all so much, but they could do it! They could make this man healthy. Instead of unburdening whales of their money they will be unburdening their staff member's baggage. Sure, it'll be difficult, they are used to stretch goals, and not the opposite of such a thing after all. But Croberts could look at this one small, good deed as something to truly take away from the Star Citizen experience and put into his memoirs, which will be the cornerstone of the book that'll get self published using convict-funding from within whatever prison homes him eventually.

Basically, what I'm saying is, they definitely have the resources to get liposuction.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
Nightmares happen now.

And all goons are Freddy Kruger.

Or would that be Derek Smart?

I'm not sure, but I am laughing all the way to space court.

:munch:

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

jaegerx posted:

That video after they fired the nice girl where lesnick looked like he was ruined was just the best, was that chelsea or something? Someone find that video where he says that star citizen marches on and the evil sandi was in the background just rolling her eyes.

Please please please someone find this.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
I was not expecting this absolute treat of a thread to deliver so well today.

I'm at a loss for words at how perfect it all is.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

Ravane posted:

Remember when all the star shitizens were touting a few months ago that CR's "game" would be entirely hand crafted and contain almost no procedural generation, which is what separated it from No Man's Sky and Elite?

https://www.reddit.com/r/EliteDangerous/comments/1meet5/how_is_ed_different_from_star_citizen/cc8h8gp

https://www.reddit.com/r/starcitizen/comments/1oq4yt/star_citizenelite_dangerous_discussion/ccug7bd

Thank you for highlighting this.

CIG have always been at war with Eurasia, but their Ministry of Truth has three locations and has difficulty keeping up with the party line.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
Guys, I have a new strategy for people trying to get refunds. Write something like this:

'I am deeply and mortally afraid of birds, and am triggered immensely by the hint of any kind of bird. Even writing the word has made me break out in a cold sweat. The inclusion of birds will render this entire space sim traumatic and scarring, and thus, I must ask for my money back. I was hoping to get away from my phobia this Christmas season, but sadly, my space dreams will turn to nightmares with your new vision for Star Citizen.'

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

Nostalgia4Infinity posted:

Coming soon to whatever it is they use to feed their cultists minions -- a newsletter I guess?:

"Introducing the Bird Slider! See birds when you want and the amounts you want!"

As a birdperson I am deeply offended. This is speciest and immensely offensive. Is there a slider for black people in the 'verse?

No.

I realise that Sandi performs that function outside the 'verse, but the point remains.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
Star Citizens are the gift that keeps on giving, and giving, and giving (money to CIG).

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:
If someone was really interested in exposing CIG's lovely practices, they should buy a few separate accounts and immediately request a refund. See if they even uphold their warped idea of consumer rights.

Then again, this means you'd actually be giving money to that drat company, but you could justify it as research? Or the cost of ethics in game journalism?

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

Libluini posted:

Are there actually games where female characters have advantages over male ones? This sounds like some mythical feminist video game that doesn't actually exist.

The only one that springs to mind is Fallout Tactics. A woman can get up from being knocked down to the ground a little bit quicker than a man can, but the only time that really matters if you're playing multiplayer and want to avoid being locked into a cycle of getting hit, standing up, and getting hit before you can raise your gun to return fire.

But then, if you're playing Fallout Tactics multiplayer, you've probably used a time machine to travel back to a point in history where Gamespy was useful and vaguely cool. In which case you'll have much more of a pressing concerns than the difference between men and women in a game. Like preventing 9/11.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

A Neurotic Jew posted:

Fallout 3/New Vegas also had a very slight advantage for females, simply because there was a charisma perk that worked on the opposite sex and there are more men in the game. Haven't played 4 so I don't know if it's still like that.

Unless you're a a guy and pick the confirmed bachelor perk! I can't remember the specifics, but I believe it did bonus damage against fellow men.

Which of course, led to plenty of folks wanting to get the most bang for their buck and taking the perk to improve their damage, without realising what the term, 'confirmed bachelor' means and implies.

Which is loving hilarious.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

A truly excellent response, to be sure.

Also if someone is willing to attempt that pizza challenge and document/report the damage, I am happy to fund such a goondeavour. I'm from the UK, so I'm not entirely sure how best to grease the internet palm responsible for pizza delivery. How much is that deal? And who is interested?

If the effort to document the pizza gauntlet of calories is entertaining and has some semblance of effort, I will happily give them a forums upgrade, or something along those lines. Best case scenario, you get a free meal and a forums gift.

Worst case scenario is that you die.

But then what's a little risk in comparison to the Star Citizen journey we are all on?

By the way, I am remarkably sleep deprived right now, so don't expect pizza immediately.

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Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development :justpost:

skaboomizzy posted:

I'm tempted to try the Lesnick Triathlon.

I could possibly pull it off given a few hours and thin-crust pizzas. I'd need a couple days of living clean first, though; lots of water and fiber, no booze, etc. That last one's a stickler.

Terribly sorry for the slow reply, but if you're still game for trying your hand at this, by all means, I'm happy to fund the attempt. Just let know when you'd like to try, and how best to fund the endeavor.

Also, found an excellent track to use for Star Citizen videos, parody or otherwise: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZuI3ZkCHfs About the 35 second mark is the money parp.

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