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  • Locked thread
Wizard Master
Mar 25, 2008

I am the Wizard Master
Not everybody understands the humor of programmers. Post your favorite memes, gifs, videos and anything else that has to do with computer programming humor!

Q: What do you call a Haskell developer that travels while working remotely?

A: A digital monad

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Q: What's the best thing about dating a male programmer that uses git?

A: They aren't afraid to commit!

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Q: Why Don't programers pay tax to the Devil?

A: Because that would be a sin-tax Error!

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ADBOT LOVES YOU

Hammerite
Mar 9, 2007

And you don't remember what I said here, either, but it was pompous and stupid.
Jade Ear Joe
while youre there.... get some egg

syntaxrigger
Jul 7, 2011

Actually you owe me 6! But who's countin?

There are only two hard problems in distributed systems: 2. Exactly-once delivery 1. Guaranteed order of messages 2. Exactly-once delivery

Wizard Master
Mar 25, 2008

I am the Wizard Master

syntaxrigger posted:

There are only two hard problems in distributed systems: 2. Exactly-once delivery 1. Guaranteed order of messages 2. Exactly-once delivery

YEAH!!! :D

pram
Jun 10, 2001

syntaxrigger posted:

There are only two hard problems in distributed systems: 2. Exactly-once delivery 1. Guaranteed order of messages 2. Exactly-once delivery

bahahaha

burning swine
May 26, 2004



i used threading to solve my problem and ron iv eha t pwo blems

YOUR UNCOOL NIECE
May 6, 2007

Kanga-Rat Murder Society

FopeDush posted:

i used threading to solve my problem and ron iv eha t pwo blems

drat i was going to make this joke. my co-workers laugh whenever i say it.

burning swine
May 26, 2004



my threading joke killed the thread


do you get it

stinch
Nov 21, 2013

FopeDush posted:

my threading joke killed the thread


do you get it

pity it wasn't just your posting that deadlocked.

Linux Pirate
Apr 21, 2012


beep boop lol

pram
Jun 10, 2001

Linux Pirate posted:

beep boop lol

Stereotype
Apr 24, 2010

College Slice
I don't want to be a programmer.

~Coxy
Dec 9, 2003

R.I.P. Inter-OS Sass - b.2000AD d.2003AD
A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says
"Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the surgeon general warning on the box?!"
"That's OK" says the guy, puffing casually "I'm a computer programmer, we don't care about warnings. We only care about errors."

BANME.sh
Jan 23, 2008

What is this??
Are you some kind of hypnotist??
Grimey Drawer
lol

Fuzzy Mammal
Aug 15, 2001

Lipstick Apathy
eight bytes walk into a bar. they go up to the bartender and say, "make us a double."

Fuzzy Mammal
Aug 15, 2001

Lipstick Apathy
what do generic programmers drink?


T

pram
Jun 10, 2001

Fuzzy Mammal posted:

what do generic programmers drink?


T

:whitewater:

DONT THREAD ON ME
Oct 1, 2002

by Nyc_Tattoo
Floss Finder

~Coxy posted:

A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says
"Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the surgeon general warning on the box?!"
"That's OK" says the guy, puffing casually "I'm a computer programmer, we don't care about warnings. We only care about errors."

imperative programmers be like 'yo, a little bit of mutability in my cells is no big deal'

functional programmers be like 'cancer is whack'

maniacdevnull
Apr 18, 2007

FOUR CUBIC FRAMES
DISPROVES SOFT G GOD
YOU ARE EDUCATED STUPID

5 programmers all walk into a bar in anerica and begin shouting drink orders at the bartender. The bartender shouts DEADLOCK! and pulls out a revolver and executes all but one of them and calmly asks the survivor what he'll have

Valeyard
Mar 30, 2012


Grimey Drawer

maniacdevnull posted:

5 programmers all walk into a bar in anerica and begin shouting drink orders at the bartender. The bartender shouts DEADLOCK! and pulls out a revolver and executes all but one of them and calmly asks the survivor what he'll have

Guess they were using executor services

carry on then
Jul 10, 2010

by VideoGames

(and can't post for 10 years!)

maniacdevnull posted:

5 programmers all walk into a bar in anerica and begin shouting drink orders at the bartender. The bartender shouts DEADLOCK! and pulls out a revolver and executes all but one of them and calmly asks the survivor what he'll have

https://twitter.com/sempf/status/514473420277694465?lang=en

quote:

QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.

Peanut and the Gang
Aug 24, 2009

by exmarx

carry on then posted:

https://twitter.com/sempf/status/514473420277694465?lang=en

quote:

QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.

Peanut and the Gang
Aug 24, 2009

by exmarx
QA Engineer walks into a bar. His birthday is tomorrow. He will turn 100. He will turn 1. He is not yet born.

DONT THREAD ON ME
Oct 1, 2002

by Nyc_Tattoo
Floss Finder
that qa engineer one always makes me laugh

qa calling themselves engineers LMAO

suffix
Jul 27, 2013

Wheeee!
a microsoft qa engineer walks into a bar
he's been drinking every day since they fired him :smith:

Valeyard
Mar 30, 2012


Grimey Drawer
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Sweevo
Nov 8, 2007

i sometimes throw cables away

i mean straight into the bin without spending 10+ years in the box of might-come-in-handy-someday first

im a fucking monster

i know a great UDP joke, but you might not get it

DONT THREAD ON ME
Oct 1, 2002

by Nyc_Tattoo
Floss Finder

Sweevo posted:

i know a great UDP joke, but you might not get it

packet up guys we're not gonna top this one

burning swine
May 26, 2004



so are there a lot of computer jokes or just a few

DONT THREAD ON ME
Oct 1, 2002

by Nyc_Tattoo
Floss Finder

FopeDush posted:

so are there a lot of computer jokes or just a few

there's two kinds of computers jokes

funny ones and unfunny ones

Peanut and the Gang
Aug 24, 2009

by exmarx
Two kinds of computer jokes:
1. Funny ones
2. Silly ones

~Coxy
Dec 9, 2003

R.I.P. Inter-OS Sass - b.2000AD d.2003AD
two strings walk into a bar

the first string says "I'll have a beer, thanks."
the second string says "I'll have a beer, tooþjóðlöð"RVZTR TKRFRŕGPÁRVÍZTŰRŐ TÜKÖRFÚRÓGÉP
árvztűrő tükörfúrógép rvˇztűr tkrfŁr˘gp┴RV═ZT█RŇ T▄KRF┌RG╔P
rvztűr tŘkrf˙rˇgp
the first says, "Please excuse my friend, he isn't null-terminated."

syntaxrigger
Jul 7, 2011

Actually you owe me 6! But who's countin?

maniacdevnull posted:

5 programmers all walk into a bar in anerica and begin shouting drink orders at the bartender. The bartender shouts DEADLOCK! and pulls out a revolver and executes all but one of them and calmly asks the survivor what he'll have

I laughed entirely to hard at this joke

mod saas
May 4, 2004

Grimey Drawer

this formats itself perfectly into three columns and is really freaking me out

Valeyard
Mar 30, 2012


Grimey Drawer

Adix posted:

this formats itself perfectly into three columns and is really freaking me out



yeah i thought that was weird too

Wizard Master
Mar 25, 2008

I am the Wizard Master

Sweevo posted:

i know a great UDP joke, but you might not get it

:D

Death Chicken
Aug 15, 2015
a programmer gets a sandwich and his friend asks for a bite. the programmer responds with "Signed or unsigned?"

ill show myself out

Jabor
Jul 16, 2010

#1 Loser at SpaceChem
if we're being honest, im really more of an amateurgrammer

KoRMaK
Jul 31, 2012



Death Chicken posted:

a programmer gets a sandwich and his friend asks for a bite. the programmer responds with "Signed or unsigned?"

ill show myself out

How do you sign a loving piece of sandwich?


I'm really hoping theres a funny response to this.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Valeyard
Mar 30, 2012


Grimey Drawer

KoRMaK posted:

How do you sign a loving piece of sandwich?


I'm really hoping theres a funny response to this.

the same way that women sign their drinks to make sure cosby hasnt tampered with them

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