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Platystemon
Feb 13, 2012



freeedr posted:

I won’t be crass like the other poster and suggest your mother is slow with jokes, after all, she got the fastest joke of all time 9 months before you were born

I am shocked that my mother had an affair, but relieved that that joker wasn’t my father.

I was born premature.

And I still am.

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freeedr
Feb 21, 2005



Platystemon posted:

I am shocked that my mother had an affair, but relieved that that joker wasn’t my father.

I was born premature.

And I still am.

Yes, we’ve all heard about your prematurity problem

The Maestro
Feb 21, 2006


We’ve all spent so long on this “comedy” forum that nobody can recognize a joke any more.

Son of Thunderbeast
Sep 21, 2002

Hey, Adora.



Grimey Drawer

The Maestro posted:

We’ve all spent so long on this “comedy” forum that nobody can recognize a joke any more.

Well i recognize you

bell jar
Feb 25, 2009

Please bitches. If nothing else I am a gentleman

Your mom lol

Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

Ask me about my dream Frasier episode where Frasier and Bulldog oil their heads and then rub them together. It's definitely not a fetish of mine, I swear!

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Trucks: it's all about delivery.

The Maestro
Feb 21, 2006


Son of Thunderbeast posted:

Well i recognize you

Dumb Lowtax
Jul 9, 2005


Plaster Town Cop

Solice Kirsk posted:

Stumbling around downtown New York, grabbing random people and screaming at them that Game of Thrones is being written by idiots. Being arrested and ranting about Bran the Broken in a padded cell living out a Cassandra-like existence watching the world tumble towards a future you're powerless to stop.

e: The original truck post is from the happy news thread so we're meant to be laughing with them at their absurd description, not at them goony as it may be!

Jedit
Dec 10, 2011

Proudly supporting vanilla legends 1994-2014

Proudly supporting the Lowtax Spine Fund 2018-19


iwentdoodie posted:

Yes, much like your mother.

Are you implying that his mother wouldn't recognise his dad?

bell jar
Feb 25, 2009

Please bitches. If nothing else I am a gentleman

Miss posted:

i'm liking these brutal owns. i want more of these

Inceltown posted:

Turn your monitor off

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

CHU-CHU-CHUCKLEVISION
CHU-CHUCKLEVISION




The Maestro posted:

We’ve all spent so long on this “comedy” forum that nobody can recognize a joke any more.

more like oldjokeless

Phlegmish
Jul 2, 2011



bell jar posted:

Your mom lol

Turn on your momitor

Absurd Alhazred
Mar 27, 2010

I'm the babyliberal, gotta love me!


Phlegmish posted:

Turn on your momitor

It's nice to see a mom and son bonding over Something Awful.

Flossie
Nov 8, 2008


Memento posted:

A friend of mine told me about that doing her post-grad

Get mice out of cage

Put in gas bath to sedate

Press pencil across top of neck, pull tail

Put in Polytron to reduce to soup-like homogenate

Repeat ad infinitum, asking yourself what the gently caress you're doing with your life

Absurd Alhazred
Mar 27, 2010

I'm the babyliberal, gotta love me!




And don't sleep on:

RandomFerret posted:

All dormice are edible if you have a polytron and a straw

SiKboy posted:

Technically I think that makes them potable.

Paper Tiger posted:

I'll take "Rodent Potables" for $400, Alex

Platystemon
Feb 13, 2012



iwentdoodie posted:

Military punishment is cyclical.

Wingnut Ninja posted:

Only because the Geneva convention bans collective punishment.

EorayMel
May 29, 2015

You got the fluffy kitty kitty!


PROBATION 05/21/20 10:00pm Dick Bastardly https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...0#post505038243

This post was so bad I went back and had to find another gbs post because your thread was ultra gassed so fast I couldn’t hit you upside the head. Here enjoy. User loses posting privileges for 12 hours. Burt Sexual Burt Sexual

Dick Bastardly posted:

DRUNK MS PAINt ID I SAID

OPEN YER FUKIN EARAS DUM<rear end



the only rule in thris thread is you are d;tunk as gently caress and post ms paints idiots

RFC2324
Jun 7, 2012

Http 418


EorayMel posted:

PROBATION 05/21/20 10:00pm Dick Bastardly https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...0#post505038243

This post was so bad I went back and had to find another gbs post because your thread was ultra gassed so fast I couldn’t hit you upside the head. Here enjoy. User loses posting privileges for 12 hours. Burt Sexual Burt Sexual

I wish this thread had been allowed to thrive

Son of Thunderbeast
Sep 21, 2002

Hey, Adora.



Grimey Drawer

RFC2324 posted:

I wish this thread had been allowed to thrive

,

Elviscat
Jan 1, 2008

High Energy, Good Feeling!




This really requires a conversant level of knowledge of both the Uniform Code of Military Justice, and the operation of a helicopter to be funny.

I chuckled.

Platystemon
Feb 13, 2012



Delthalaz posted:

So you’re saying Captain Cook was probably gay?

Stuntman
Feb 6, 2010


Ex-Priest Tobin posted:

Let me give a few pieces of advice, and I apologise in advance if I'm repeating myself to anyone here as I have shared these in the past:

* One prime way to get laid is to go travelling or to go work in an undeveloped country (once all this virus poo poo blows over of course). A few years ago I went backpacking in South East Asia and got laid many times. Your target here is not only the local girls for whom sleeping with a Western guy is a novelty and a fun experience, but also the Western girls travelling in those countries who are there to "let their hair down" or "experience life". Both these categories of women are, luckily for you, quite likely to put out, and are also generally quite hot. Just a couple of things to be careful of here:

- Some of the local girls you will meet will go with you because they see a Westerner boyfriend as a ticket out of whatever difficult situation they are in. It takes a bit of judgement here to avoid these sorts of women. You are there for fun and not to morally compromise yourself
- There is a definite binge drinking and substance abuse culture among backpackers. You don't want to get involved in it

A lot of people here will say 'WAAH! WAAH! SEX TOURISM!' But the truth is that there's a huge distinction between being a young guy travelling in these countries having fun and your overweight middle-aged man trawling through the red-light districts. Plus it's a way to have many more fantastic life experiences besides.

South America and Africa are also options. I have been thinking about it recently, but personally I would avoid Africa because the poverty factor would be upped to the max, and also because it's usually the more grizzled backpackers who frequent that part of the world. Most of the women I've met who have backpacked through Africa have been quite old and unattractive.

* Another good tip is to date women who are in or approaching their mid-30s. A lot of women at that age are on dating websites because they're running out of time to settle down. That's an opportunity for you, particularly if you are solid professionally but not interesting or physically attractive enough to attract younger women. Whether you are as interested in an extended relationship as they might be is something you can judge on a case-by-case basis and adjust your actions accordingly.

* Remember that you can always create an impression of yourself that may be more than what you are in day-to-day reality. Women do it too - remember that women are socialised to be more dishonest than men, as their conflicts are resolved socially and verbally rather than through physical confrontation. But I'm not talking about anything sinister here, mind you. I'm just talking about assuming some different personality traits to what you have in your everyday life - those which may be more attractive to women.

Platystemon
Feb 13, 2012



yeah that thread title seems fitting

Baron von Eevl
Jan 24, 2005

WHITE NOISE
GENERATOR



"I'm not taking about anything sinister here, just deceiving women so they will have sex with you."

Platystemon
Feb 13, 2012



Elviscat posted:

This really requires a conversant level of knowledge of both the Uniform Code of Military Justice, and the operation of a helicopter to be funny.

I chuckled.

This is the video that spawned the pun:

https://i.imgur.com/83eQb7d.mp4

That guy won’t be spawning much from now on.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.



As Western Woman, natural enemy of Charisma Man, I hereby nullify this gross sexpat bullshit.

Platystemon
Feb 13, 2012



There’s only sexpats if they’re from the AFC East division of the NFL. Otherwise they’re just sparkling sex pests.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.


Platystemon posted:

There’s only sexpats if they’re from the AFC East division of the NFL. Otherwise they’re just sparkling sex pests.

Does NFL stand for Nasty Foreign Lovers?

Dumb Lowtax
Jul 9, 2005


Plaster Town Cop

Christ, I feel so much better about myself and my sense of self-awareness after reading that. I was feeling restless but now I can sleep in peace

Nastyman
Jul 11, 2007

There they sit
at the foot of the mountain
Taking hits
of the sacred smoke
Fire rips at their lungs
Holy mountain take us away



Redpill prime

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.



I always feel bad for people that have terrible personalities. A nice smile and a well timed joke work way better than traveling to foreign lands. Though I'm sure that would still work basically anywhere.

Absurd Alhazred
Mar 27, 2010

I'm the babyliberal, gotta love me!


ikanreed posted:

In my defense I was really up my own rear end about my clever idea at the time

Pope Hilarius II
Nov 9, 2008



Solice Kirsk posted:

I always feel bad for people that have terrible personalities. A nice smile and a well timed joke work way better than traveling to foreign lands. Though I'm sure that would still work basically anywhere.

People aren't born with terrible personalities though. I mean, sure, pity the loveless, hope they can change (some can!), but they rank pretty low on my *checks notes* list of groups I think I should empathise with.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009


Nap Ghost

drat, imagine how much you must suck rear end to not get laid in America. Have you seen the kind of guys women date? Geez, just imagine being worse than that.

Absurd Alhazred
Mar 27, 2010

I'm the babyliberal, gotta love me!


Loezi posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k238XpMMn38

Tag yourselves, I'm

code:
// this is bad, dumb code, and more importantly it's bad
// dumb code that doesn't make any sense here

SupSuper posted:

I'm definitely
code:
// I don't know why, I don't want to know why, I shouldn't have to wonder why,
// but for whatever reason we have to do this terribleness

Foxfire_ posted:

code:
// This place is not a place of honor.  
// No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here… nothing valued is here.
//
// What is here is dangerous and repulsive to us. 
// The danger is still present, in your time, as it was in ours.

Spatial posted:

Too bad!

sugar mouse
Oct 17, 2006



Stop wishing for things guys.

barbecue at the folks
Jul 20, 2007




The GBS Brazilian Megaman smut comics thread is a mindwarp.

Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

We'll make diamonds from their ashes. Take them into battle with us.

Craft a Diamond Dog diamond?
Nah.   Let's do it!




College Slice

It's worth a follow, you might think you have some idea what to expect from the phrase "Brazilian Megaman comic" but you're probably wrong.

purple death ray
Jul 28, 2007

me omw 2 steal ur girl


I'm assuming a Megaman sprite comic like Bob & George, but made by Brazilians

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Dumb Lowtax
Jul 9, 2005


Plaster Town Cop

more falafel please posted:

Reminds me of Brady Feigl the 6'4" pitcher in the Oakland A's minor league system, and Brady Feigl, the 6'4" pitcher in the San Diego Padres minor league system.



InsertPotPun posted:

"here comes brady feigl tucking in his shirt as he runs up to bat! let's hope he doesn't hit it to right field since brady feigl left to use the restroom just moments ago."

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