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Preemptively getting this out of the way:JCaesar posted:gently caress all the pop song puppy love bullshit. Your heart skipping a beat isn't love, it's cardiac arrhythmia. It's not about shortness of breath, either, or how turned on you get or whether you tell yourself you'd throw yourself in front of a bus for her or whatever. You can convince yourself of a lot about how you feel and what you would do in exchange for regular oral sex.
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# ¿ Nov 1, 2015 11:41 |
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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 01:30 |
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Kajeesus posted:Burger King Jesus You forgot the best one: Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:Have it Yahweh?
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# ¿ Nov 3, 2015 20:49 |
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Wilford Cutlery posted:Don't remember who this is attributed to, I had to Google it: RandomFerret. I saved that one too. Also: Aaron Burr posted:Because the Republican party is full of rich dudes named "Fred" and whenever anybody mentions 'gay rights' the Freds think back to that spring afternoon in the Choate locker room when the freshman with the floppy hair and the blue eyes slipped a hand under the Freds' towel and gave the Freds a little smirk and said "just relax" and for just one minute everything was glorious and after that the Freds went on to jobs they hated and wives, ditto, and after twenty years they saw in the paper where the blue-eyed freshman was an ACLU attorney dying of AIDS who became free in all the ways the Freds couldn't and nothing, nothing, nothing pisses the Freds off like reminding them of that beautiful spring day at Choate.
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# ¿ Nov 3, 2015 21:26 |
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Here's another oft-requested quote. No idea who originally posted it, though. On conservatives/libertarians: quote:This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US department of energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the national weather service of the national oceanographic and atmospheric administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the national aeronautics and space administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US department of agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the food and drug administration.
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# ¿ Nov 7, 2015 03:45 |
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In the Stephen King thread, we kid because we love:oldpainless posted:I remember In [On] Writing king said he has absolutely no time for bad books whatsoever and then releases a pile of poo poo. syscall girl posted:If you meet Aquarium Gravel posted:Run him over? It's been tried.
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# ¿ Dec 14, 2015 03:08 |
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Dr. Gitmo Moneyson posted:I saved a screenshot of the review. Show, don't tell.
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# ¿ Dec 31, 2015 19:43 |
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theflyingorc posted:the best PI thing is still the person trying to own a maremma. The followup being that a few months later, she turned up on another dog forum asking people about how to re-home the dog that PI told her not to get in the first place.
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# ¿ Jan 14, 2016 15:57 |
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Pigsfeet on Rye posted:The 70's had some interesting outlooks on style. PCOS Bill posted:Did you not read the Constitution? You have the right to bear arms.
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# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 02:06 |
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Bucephalus posted:Goddamnit I've ruined the thread. No you haven't, I'm in search of a seriouspost right now myself. Does anyone have the quote that started with a goon's great-(great-?) grandmother sending her sons off to war, and ending with something to the effect of "A new war is coming..." The very last sentence is something like "Assuming you live long enough to learn that peculiar knowledge of the [something]." It shows up in these quotes threads a lot -- I want to say it was an Adaptive Systems post, but I can't swear to it.
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# ¿ Jan 22, 2016 00:00 |
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Van Kraken posted:Adaptive Systems brilliance Thank you so much for that. It is still every bit as good as it was the first time I read it.
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# ¿ Jan 22, 2016 02:07 |
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Shugojin posted:you also bragged about driving 7 hours to gently caress a college freshman at age 36 or whatever you are you stupid fuckstain Man, it's true what they say about stuff on the internet following you around forever.
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# ¿ Jan 29, 2016 22:20 |
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bunky posted:I'm into this dude's business model. gleebster posted:So he doesn't work from home?
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# ¿ Jan 30, 2016 01:45 |
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Pre-emptive apology for quoting myself, but Hyperlynx's reply is where the funny is. I'm just the setup.Liquid Chicken posted:Knitastic Four Zamboni_Rodeo posted:I can only dream of being half as fashionable as these guys. Hyperlynx posted:If you were half as fashionable as the guy on the left, you'd be naked.
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# ¿ Feb 7, 2016 16:30 |
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kalstrams posted:All-caps one is the sex meme of 2015 Phyzzle posted:You mean cuck? Sham bam bamina! posted:Yeah, сuсk. Sweet Jesus motherfucking titty Christ, if I NEVER see or hear this word again, I'll be the happiest loving person these goddamn forums have ever seen.
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# ¿ Feb 15, 2016 12:38 |
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PCOS Bill posted:I spent $800 making a rich rear end in a top hat AR-15 pistol. A tattoo is retarded though. Inzombiac posted:I etched #FeelTheBern into my shotgun because sharing ammunition is high-velocity socialism.
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# ¿ Mar 19, 2016 00:29 |
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atomicthumbs posted:Maintenance Man Dies After Being Drawn Into 17½-Inch-Diameter Positive Pressure Intake Pipe Best part of that whole article: quote:The coroner listed the cause of death as massive trauma. Well, yeah.
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# ¿ Mar 25, 2016 13:24 |
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^^^^^^ Trig Discipline is a genius.Part of Everything posted:Which one of you chucklefucks did this? Son of Thunderbeast posted:And I'll look down and whisper, "A miscarriage is definitely not a joke, and I have no intention of making light of it. And it can be a tough and emotional thing for couples to go through, speaking from personal experience. And I know that it's often much harder on the woman than on the man. However, I also know that it doesn't necessarily turn you into a sad, depressed sack of tears for the rest of your life. People can move past it, and heal."
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# ¿ Apr 18, 2016 20:31 |
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Avshalom posted:like a loving nude slenderman with a snake face idk i spent most of that summer sitting naked in front of a fan and walking a labrador with behavioural difficulties who once ate a whole 750gram bag of uncooked almonds and got wild diarrhoea so every five seconds she'd squat and this stream of undigested whole almonds would go pop-pop-pop-pop-pop out of her rear end in a top hat like a machine gun. anyway that was what i was dealing with and that's how i forgot that you could draw an anthropomorphic toaster with red-hot slots and someone on the internet will still want to have sex with it
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# ¿ May 15, 2016 12:53 |
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# ¿ Jun 17, 2016 03:03 |
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poptart_fairy posted:This post is unbelievably dumb but I can't bring myself to hate it, entirely due to the phrase "vag-scented femstick". Wait, wait wait -- where the hell is your farting fairy av?
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# ¿ Dec 17, 2016 18:33 |
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Hahaha, WOW.
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# ¿ Jan 1, 2017 02:52 |
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Jummy posted:When I studied ASL a couple years back we learned all sorts of weird poo poo, but I think the one that took the cake was the day our Deaf teacher told us that calling him "hearing disabled" was the same as calling a black person the n-word. Pigsfeet on Rye posted:So what did he want to be called? Mos Deaf?
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# ¿ Mar 9, 2017 02:00 |
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my dad posted:No, you have to be bitten by one to become one Expected that thread and was not disappointed.
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# ¿ Mar 12, 2017 01:38 |
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Kennel posted:A thing happened. Saint Freak posted:Ah yes the ol' local Holocaust Center. Thought I'd pop down to the local Holocaust Center and pick up some supplies. I heard two towns over is getting one of those Super Holocaust Centers with a butcher shop and everything. ElGroucho posted:Got some rad savings down at the Holocaust center, I heard they've got a patio area now too Saint Freak posted:Just don't ask to use their 'alternative washrooms' Phanatic posted:But their housewares collection is amazing. They have some really nice lamps. Bobby Digital posted:Why not just buy in bulk at Caustco?
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# ¿ Apr 12, 2017 00:45 |
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Powaqoatse posted:yeah!! That's not autism; it's a stroke.
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# ¿ Apr 15, 2017 22:01 |
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I would blow Dane Cook posted:I lived with a boyfriend in his parents house in Ohio. They were fairly wealthy and had a giant mansion-like house, and one room that was roped- off, that his crazy mother rarely let anyone allow to walk inside. She called it her princess room, and it was basically a shrine to Princess Diana. White carpet, fancy velvet couch, hundreds of Diana portraits in golden frames, dolls that looked like Diana (so many dolls), Diana memorabilia, magazine covers, books, etc etc. But best of all, a gigantic clear glass grand piano with a gigantic picture of Princess Diana's face on the top of it, with the word "FOREVER". I'll never forget that room, i'll never forget how horrible his mother was, and i'll never forget peeing in the middle of her perfectly white carpet in that creepy room before I moved away forever.
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# ¿ Apr 30, 2017 02:57 |
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Malachite_Dragon posted:is Dreddout having a psychotic break, or He's probably auditioning for a mod position.
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# ¿ May 29, 2017 03:34 |
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poly and open-minded posted:do you have hairs in your stouse? I love it when stuff like this happens:
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# ¿ Jun 15, 2017 02:33 |
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Absurd Alhazred posted:Why didn't you just quote the damned thing? Ordinarily I would, but in this case, I wanted to show it the way it appeared on the screen (with Shai Halud's username/avatar).
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# ¿ Jun 15, 2017 02:44 |
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marshmallow creep posted:My father, now 65, hasn't had an accident since he was 16 when he took his dad's VW off a levy and nearly put it in a river. Tony Snark posted:The first draft of a American Pie didn't rhyme very well.
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# ¿ Jun 17, 2017 02:23 |
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Terrible Robot posted:I have such sights to show you. I love this every time it gets posted.
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# ¿ Jul 1, 2017 23:11 |
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corn in the bible posted:i like my bands in business suits, i watch them on youtube, Have I got a band for you, then: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1H75hBXvjsw
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# ¿ Jul 18, 2017 20:11 |
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Jedit posted:Which is why I've always been against TCC posts being quoted in this thread. The entire subforum is a collection of people constantly revising their suicide notes because they're not sure exactly when they'll need one. This is probably the single best description of TCC I've ever seen.
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# ¿ Jul 23, 2017 23:50 |
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purple death ray posted:Video games are a gateway to literal white supremacy apparently so I guess everyone just meditate quietly in a cabin somewhere Yup, because that always works out great.
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# ¿ Jul 24, 2017 14:18 |
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mind the walrus posted:If you right-click and select "Copy Image Address" then pasting it will give the [img] tags automatically. No need for that bullshit arrow. This is how I do it. Also, walrus, I'm totally in love with your new avatar.
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# ¿ Aug 5, 2017 16:47 |
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FMguru posted:THIS MAN MAY NEVER ESCAPE HIS WATERY GRAVE
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# ¿ Aug 16, 2017 15:38 |
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EmmyOk posted:This is such a stupid conversation even for the funny quotes thread Let me see if I can help: SpacePig posted:e: That article, and every one linked from it, says it's a felony possession of a lead pipe. Is that a thing? Is it illegal to have a lead pipe in some states? Karate Bastard posted:ah, the classic "ceci n'est pas une pipe" defense.
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# ¿ Aug 22, 2017 16:32 |
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While we're waiting for fresh content, here's one from my archives:M R CRACKER posted:They say "The grass is always greener." That means that you always like things more if you aren't sitting in the middle of them.
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# ¿ Sep 7, 2017 02:59 |
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Absurd Alhazred posted:Oranges: the new black. Jedit posted:
I was gonna re-quote these in the funny quotes thread, and whaddya know! I'm already here!
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# ¿ Sep 15, 2017 18:50 |
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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 01:30 |
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Bobcats posted:Looks like she found the Walther's Originals
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# ¿ Sep 22, 2017 22:25 |