Keket posted:

Has anyone got that quote about a dystopian future with driver-less cars and the persons being chased on their old fuel driven motorbike? Need it for a project.

Hogge Wild posted:

if you aren't asian like me you aren't allowed to use yellow smilies

du -hast posted:

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

Piss Chug Girl was the piss balrog and the story had a surprisingly happy ending

Roro posted:

Purebred animals already have certified names, and they're almost always really dumb.

purple death ray posted:

death of the author

Yond Cassius posted:

Slightly-late return to ThingChat:

I have no idea how I'd submit this, but I've had a What If? kind of mini-script knocking around in my head for a while. It's probably not worth printing anyways, but I like it and maybe one day if I have too much money I'll commission someone to do it just for myself.

What if Ben Grimm hadn't been on Reed's spaceship that day? What if Reed decided to fly it himself?

I imagine that Ben spent some time helping his friends adjust to their new lives, but eventually our ever-lovin' blue-eyed Ben Grimm finished up his career as a test pilot and moved back to Yancy Street, opening up a little Jewish bakery and deli on the corner. He's the kind of guy who appreciates the kind of foundation that a good solid meal puts on your day. It's a nice place, an informal community center of sorts, and he keeps a couple tables in the corner for the old Yancy Street Gang.

Once in a while the paper has a story about his friends, the Terrific Three, or maybe he looks up while he's locking up for the night and sees Johnny flying overhead, doing that weird looping 3 thing he does in the sky. He wonders what life might have been like if he'd followed through and flown that crazy thing Reed built.

He doesn't think too hard about it, though. He's got a good life for himself. He's got a weird meta-position in the superpowered community, and his shop is a widely-agreed neutral ground. Doc Samson stops by regularly for a bagel, lox, and coffee. Kitty Pryde drops by for a big loaf of challah whenever she's in town. Magneto swears that nobody makes a better hamantasch. Spider-Man swings by for a Reuben partly because he knows Ben doesn't mind if he's a couple bucks short now and then (besides, he's good for it eventually). Namor buys boxes and boxes of bagels.

Ben likes to take pictures with the super set when he's able to spare a few minutes, and the photos line the walls. More than one "misunderstanding" has been cleared up over a couple cups of coffee and a plate of rugelach.

But his favorite part doesn't have to do with any of that. His favorite part is right near the end of the fall, when the air is crisp and clear, the days turn short, and the leaves turn bright orange (something about that color always resonates with him, he doesn't know why). That's when he knows the apples are just right. He buys them in giant bags from a farm upstate, and he'll spend all morning cutting them up by hand, because each piece has to be just the right size and shape. He does it personally, because his assistants are good but this job is really important, at least to him.

Ben's favorite part of the job comes in the afternoon, when he gets to open up the oven one more time before the end of the day, when the blast of warm air fills the whole shop with the smell of cooked-soft apples and toasted crust and his personal secret blend of cinnamon and spice, so good you can smell it out on the sidewalk. Ben puts on his big mitts and reaches into the oven, his arms straining under the weight of the heavily laden tray. Everyone in the shop knows what's coming, and they'll get up from their seats, shuffling over to the counter in anticipation, waiting for him to set it down, to pull a deep breath of air into his lungs and announce:

"IT'S COBBLERING TIME!"

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Dameius posted:

That's because they are using the tips of an air pump

Jim DiGriz posted:

oldpainless posted:

I was trying to figure out what’s wrong with ted Cruz and then I learned he’s actually Canadian and it all makes sense.

NLJP posted:

This. An aspect of the story that no one seems to highlight for some reason. Probably because no one wants to think of the implication of secondary use of the kaka kukri

Flossie posted:

Thirding the recommendation, thread so good! I've been suffering from bad health stuff and this thread made my night.

Disgusting Coward posted:

I was 22, she was 35. She was huge. Not a pick of fat on her, but she stood easily six four, with an Amazonian build and was hella strong. When she was younger she had done giantess fetish stuff, and one of her best buds was actually a twink she'd met on a giantess shoot. Nice fella. She also was incredibly posh, like, super rich background, privately educated, classically trained pianist, could ride a horse and was vaguely related to the royal family, that kinda shizz. She lived in a super grungey, don't-go-out-at-night kinda area with her kid, and was always going on about how vibrant and alive it was. I grew up in an area like that, and was significantly less enthused by burning cars, yardie gangs and syringes everyplace. Things started out okay, but got progressively odder and odder as they went along. Like boiling a really stupid, horny frog, it took a while for me to realise how hosed poo poo was.

- One time she mentions she's always wanted to try BDSM, but had always had trouble finding dudes who didn't immediately submit to their alpha female overlord. So we try it, and I've got her tied to the bed, she's thrashing away and having a high old time, and then I hear a kinda cracking noise and oh poo poo she's so strong she's ripped the headboard to pieces and she kinda flails with her tied together hands and double axe-handles my face and smashes my nose and busts my lip in one smooth motion. Blood everywhere. Got offended because I didn't finish loving her with half my face demolished.

- Always wanted to do the cooking, but was really lazy about it. Like, I'd be working at 6am the next morning, and she'd be like "oh I'll get started on dinner in a minute" at 11:35pm. If I cooked she'd get really upset. If I went to bed without dinner she'd get really upset.

- If she'd had a bad day she'd stick CDs in the microwave.

- Wouldn't open her curtains, at all. At first I thought it was because she lived in a grim as gently caress area, but then she started muttering about how the neighbours were spying on her. Then she started muttering about how social services were spying on her. One day she was out and I was waiting for the gas man on her behalf, and she came home and went ballistic because I'd opened the curtains. Because if They can see me, They can get to her?

- One day I come home and she's drunk, sobbing and had cut all her hair off, because a long time friend had died. Except this "long time" friend was an Internet person she'd been talking to for five months on some online game.

- One night casually mentions she has another kid she'd had in her teens, but she'd got "oh man, wicked post-natal" and had abused him, so wasn't allowed to see him any more.

- If we went for drinks, or had drinks in the house, she'd always try to get me to drive drunk. When I refused she'd always start calling me a pussy and a coward. Doubly weird since I was doing the occasional shift as a taxi controller at the time, so we got free taxis.

- Got some kind of birth control implant and reacted badly to it. Mild rash, fever, bit of pooping. Blamed me for it despite my being perfectly happy to use condoms. Got hyper angry when I wouldn't apologise.

- Couldn't have mirrors in her house, at all, because she "didn't like what she saw" in them. If I was staying over and brought a small shaving mirror, I had to make sure it left with me. Like, showing her I had it on my person as I walked out the door.

- Really wanted me to smoke. I used to smoke, and quit without much trouble. She didn't smoke, but for some reason really wanted me to. Kept buying packets of cigarettes and hiding them in my jacket and things. Whenever we were drinking she'd be like HEY BET YOU REALLY WANT A CIGARETTE WITH THAT BEER and I'd be umm...not really?

- Got so into BDSM that she was gonna get a triskelion tattoo and get my name tattooed on her. When I said that was stupid, she didn't talk to me for a month.

- I took her kid to muay thai with me, and he had a great time and made some friends his own age in the junior class. She went apeshit because I'd "ruined his hands" and he'd never be a pianist now. When he got upset about not being allowed to go any more, she told him it was because I hated him.

- If I was staying over, she'd get super paranoid if I closed the bathroom door. Even if I was having a dump.

- She administered an online forum, which I never read because it was about aromatherapy. Except one day she'd left a browser open on her PC and oh snap it was a thread where she bitched about me constantly. Innocuous, fair-enough kinda poo poo at first ["he listens to awful music" "ever since his nose got broken he snores" "he always leaves his coffee cup when he's done with it"] then getting progressively weirder and more serious [like, for example, accusing me of homophobically abusing her best bud. Said abuse consisting of the time me and he did Islands in the Stream while smashed at a karaoke, because I was apparently "mocking his sexuality"?] and then culminating in accusing me of paedophilia, beating her up and abusing her son. Because I took him to the zoo one time when she was ill, took him with me to muay thai and taught him some origami stuff, I was obviously a sexual predator because "what kind of 22 year old man hangs around with a kid?" That one was the last straw for me, and I broke up with her that evening. She accused me of bugging her phone, reading all her emails and Skype messages and being a spy for her parents - who, until that very moment, she'd told me were dead. During the argument she smashed her kitchen window, then tried to send me a bill a month later.

Periodically she'd phone me after that, asking me if I thought about getting back together [lol no] and sometimes masturbating down the phone. Also on the odd occasion she'd menace women I was dating, which isn't good when she's basically Brienne of Tarth and easily capable of smashing the gently caress out of the average human. But then one day she started poo poo with a woman I was seeing, who was tiny but also a BJJ black belt, and ended up with a broken arm and kinda laid off the semi-stalking after that.

Also she's dead now.

purple death ray posted:

Did she at least drop any good loot for the party of adventurers who finally took her down?

Cannon_Fodder posted:

She had a super broken arm. Goddamn.

Now I wanna bang an Amazon.

I think I'm getting the wrong message out of all this.

purple death ray posted:

Yeah the arm was her glowing weak point and the new gf climbed up her torso and stabbed it

fat bossy gerbil posted:

How did she die? Did her heart just stop or did a well placed stone from a small boys sling fell her?

purple death ray posted:

She was chasing disgusting cowards new gf down a beanstalk and fell

Mr. Sunshine posted:

Bertrand Hustle posted:

People were never good

cock hero flux posted:

it really ruins the believability of this that laurier, who by his name is quebecois, is happy about less money going to quebec

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

The average year when measured for one year is still more than 365 days.

Mycroft Holmes posted:

the only reason i don't like avshalom is because they kept posting 4000 words of fart erotica in every thread

Bobby Digital posted:

Congrats you’re Emily Dickinson now

Jedit posted:

The Germans already ruined breakfast. Cold sausage and cheese? It's the wurst kase scenario.

Oxxidation posted:

only on somethingawful can one of the most infamous posters be a disgruntled finnish librarian with a coterie of middle-aged english and linguistics professors, all of whom menacingly invade comic book and fantasy threads snapping their fingers like bearded extras from the west side story

theflyingorc posted:

why are we talking about changing the code for a website that is working

all I care about is that server costs are covered and lowtax doesn't die

Antifa Poltergeist posted:

This is a disturbingly accurate metaphor. Also great.

Son of Thunderbeast posted:

Wait so it sprays nuclear salt-laden water everywhere it flies? That's some Captain Planet villain poo poo right there lmao

Son of Thunderbeast posted:

oh okay, I admit I didn't read any articles and was just going off the description. I assumed it was for poo poo like ICBMs and hypersonic cruise missiles or some poo poo

and honestly no matter what that tech would've probably found its way over to those applications so

Starsfan posted:

So the NHL announced that it will not be issuing any supplemental discipline for P.K. Subban targeting Jamie Benn's head in the game last night:

https://twitter.com/seanshapiro/status/1118921924233572353

uhh.. as you can see in the clip provided, seems pretty identical (or worse) to what got Kucherov suspended in the lightning series?

NHL discipline at it again. Can't remember the last time somebody got suspended for a hit on a Dallas player.

sweet thursday posted:

Wouldn't be the first headshot to get swept under the rug in Dallas

jobson groeth posted:

https://twitter.com/PrettyBadLefty/status/969341599086936065

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Anyone who dictates what my labia look like SHOULDN'T BE loving ME IN THE FIRST PLACE.

1stGear posted:

"Is Prometheus good or bad" is the CineD equivalent of tipping or circumcision. Please do not bring that evil in here.

Mierenneuker posted:

There is no running away from Prometheus discussions, you just have to sidestep it.

D-Pad posted:

Lol you're not a real man unless you can get then labes so engorged she flies off like a bat after the sex having

RFC2324 posted:

What happens if a white person uses it tho

Moon Slayer posted:

OMFG FURRY posted:

pretty much all of the midwest is proof that evil is not only real, it is winning.

Picnic Princess posted:

They used to broadcast a Spokane channel on TV here in Alberta, and when your commercials came on the broadcasters would play footage of our tigers at the zoo chasing ducks instead. It was hella rad.