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Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



lmaoboy1998 posted:

Baby: Goo goo ga ga.

Baby 2: [Shits audibly into nappy]

Me: You see this, this right here, is why I don't like to admit I watch the Teletubbies. I don't want to be lumped in with the absolute fuckwits that call themselves the series' fans.

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Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Locker room etiquette:

manyak posted:

me (trying to act intimidatintg ) what the gently caress? Dude did I just catch you takeing a peeak at my loving johnson dude? The gently caress (i walk over and try to get in your personal space, my dick is hanging out as i walk over) Are you loving gay dude? You thought i wouldnt notice, you peaking over here out of the corner of your eye, seeing the outline of my dick? (i raise my fist like im about to SOCK you) (one thumb comes out of the fist, making it a "thumbs up" ) Nice dude haha

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



The Golden Man posted:

Me, slowly opening the door to my dads den: dad I bought Japanese blue jeans again because of my anxiety
Dad: we hell the dowgs cuh fine her they got time time a wait fuh toma-how
My mom yelling from upstairs: tuh fine her tuh fine her tuh fine heheher


animal drums posted:

my parents: Mike we've pooled together the family's money to send you to an extremely gay and stupid school, but only on the condition that you promise to do this for real and make money

me: sure, thanks

- 3 years later-

my parents: congrats on your graduation son

me: ive learned that the extremely gay quaint profession i picked on purpose is actually useless and you can t make money doing it

my parents: im sick as gently caress right now, i cant breathe niggy

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Skylark posted:

i swear on steve jobs' grave that i will make an additional, third movie about steve jobs' grave

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



The Golden Man posted:

(Chanting under my breath)
Goon dick
Real quick
Not too long
Nice and thick

Triticum Guzzler posted:



Wide Dick. A special kind of dick only computer programmers can have that resembles a cartoon bomb.


Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Puppy Galaxy posted:

that whole thread is great

It really, really is.

Triticum Guzzler posted:

Life has just turned to pure poo poo lately for a lot of reasons. One is that my dick is fairly average, a mere 7.5 inches, but fairly wide, I buy XXL condoms, I have depression and roam the streets at night in a Batman costume laying SSRI spiked caltrops to thwart the cum loads of bad guys, growling "I am the Anorgasmic Gamer" from the shadows. Two is that life just sucks.

The Golden Man posted:

(thulsa doom appears atop snake mountain between two flaming pyres and declaims loudly to his acolytes below)

Thulsa: we are the men of the plain
acolytes: we have depression
Thulsa: we gently caress women for five hours
acolytes: we do not cum
Thulsa: our dicks are slightly longer than average
acolytes: less than one standard deviation
Thulsa: but we are girthy
acolytes: we are thick

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Thread title: I can tell when a guy just had sex:

tumor looking batty posted:

title says it all. i can tell when a guy has just had sex

anne frank fanfic posted:

Cause he pulls out of your Butt Hole bitch !

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010




Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



manyak posted:

Husband pulls up in the driveway in a black BMW, steps out and is wearing a perfectly tailored bespoke suit -- walks into our mansion wherre i have prepared a really fancy corsair style meal for him and a non-IPA craft beer (overly hoppy beers are for hipsters w no taste buds) . later were watching Hulu premium on our home theatre and he takes off his shirt revealing a perfectly sculpted body from free Crosstfit classes at his work. He starts loving me really shittily and gayly while making retard noises

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Skylark posted:

my wife is awesome, she also agrees apple is supreme over microsoft and google 👏👏 and we like watching netflix original series on the couch together. and thats about the extent to which i can connect with a woman

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Soulex posted:

My son (20 months) has started talking. He knows some words, but not always the context. However, sometimes he gets it so spot on its crazy. He doesn't say " mom, dad, milk..." Whatever. We learned what words he can say the following ways:

One night, just before going to bed, my wife grabbed the iPad he was using to watch his videos. He looked at her and shouted "WHY!?"

Another night, he was happily watching some countin show or whatever on the iPad when he rips a loving full grown man sized fart. Without missing a beat he says "Uh-Oh!" Turns out it wasn't just gas.

He says other things that are crazy to us, like "what's this?" And "Apple" but doesn't communicate quite as much as we thought he would by now. I think it's because it's a dual language household. He's smart, he can navigate my iPad and iPhone from any screen, find YouTube in whatever folder I have it in, and find his shows. He also essentially skipped his crawling phase and went right to walking. Just doesn't speak coherently yet. He blabs a lot of gibberish though.

I.N.R.I posted:

my kid can say stuff like,, apple compiuter, and apple computer only $199.99 at Best Buy, and he loves watching videos on his iPad, but my wife wanted to use it so hshe took the iPad from him and he said why don t you just buy your own iPad mom, theyre literally $199.99 at Best Buy right now

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



anne frank fanfic posted:

The last time i said i wanted to gently caress a girl until she died everyone freaked out, but when i said it at my wedding everyone was all 'awww'

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010




Skylark posted:

That guy is going to find out in Heaven that the most notable factoid about his life is that he was the first guy in history to write "Dexters Lab" intalics

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Puppy Galaxy posted:

they post things an earnest teenage girl would post in GBS and people get incredibly angry about it. it's pretty funny imo.

Not being a bitter, frustrated 30-year-old computer janitor is the greatest crime in modern GBS

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Thinking about how feminism might have played out if the Axis had won:

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



"Don't sign your posts" is my favorite forums meme

Barnacle Djinn posted:

bike are cool and deg is a gay retarded idiot bitch

--barnacle jim

Social Media posted:

unreal tournament announcer: double signature

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



SS Oath:

no they will not posted:

SS Oath by Adolf Hitler

when its time to get maturer
and you want to serve the fuhrer
Adolf Hitler (cha cha cha)
Adolf Hitler (cha cha cha)

when youre tired of the commies
and youve joined the nazi party
Adolf Hitler (cha cha cha)
Adolf Hitler (cha cha cha)

when youre guarding at the showers
And youve fallen out the tower
Adolf Hitler (cha cha cha)
Adolf Hitler (cha cha cha)Get more lyrics at lyricsfreak.net

Skylark posted:

(In full Nazi outfit) I promise Hitler that I think your beliefs are good (trying not to laugh, i stifle a chuckle which is really inappropriate at Nazi meetings - Im absolutely giddy) I will use my gun and die, if I have to, to fight for what Hitler says and wants lol. I solemnly swear to Hitlers flag that everything about Nazi is good - and I have full knowledge that it includes psycho poo poo like killing Jews lmfao -- I love it all, Amen.

Grandmother of Five posted:

2016 fyad: hitler is sooo good. i love him. this much *holds up arms really far apart*
2016 gbs/lf communist style guy who did a suicide and left behind a giftcard for a gender studies class:

fyad 1939: the jews, handicapped and gays seem good to me.Poland is a soverign country. all things considered the treaty of versaille was generally fair
gbs wermacht guy:

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



manyak posted:

Beavis: I always thought If I was going to shove something in my pee hole id be like... Yeayuhh, ooh-ahh, yeah, stuff like that

Butthead: If i shoved something in my penis hole id be like : This is fantastic, Mr Bombastic

anne frank fanfic posted:

Sex positive therapist (in willy wonka tone): no, dont stick a bicycle pump in your urethra and inflate it

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



gfsincere posted:

There isn't a single person in Congress that I wouldn't destroy if they tried to bring me into a committee on anything.

"How could this breach happen?"

"IDK, probably the same way you made it to 58 years old and had children and still don't know how vaginas work or how to check your own email."

no they will not posted:

Congress: Why did you use the dark web to leak classified US military information to Russia, China, and North Korea?
Me: Why are you gay?
Congress: poo poo!! no!! we're not gay! this guy is owning us!! this guy is owning everyone in congress!

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



manyak posted:

reallivedinosaur posted:

lmao all the liberals were so excited to politicize these dead gays, and now they can't because it they are too afraid to confront non-whites

reallivedinosaur posted:

also shooters who weren't white dindu nuffin, he a good boy who love he mamma

reallivedinosaur posted:

my guinea pigs are clearly cuter and cooler than all the bullshit rats and hamsters in that thread and literally NOBODY acknowledges it



this cool dude was an ordained minister



those ones are ghosts. who will ghostbust them? not a woman! i dont know any

reallivedinosaur posted:

I posted in PI about my guinea pigs but they didnt care so I mainly post in GBS now, its my safe space on the internet



Trying to post about how milennials are sensitive pussys but accidentally keep revealing that my feelings were hurt when strangers didnt like my guinea pig pics

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



NTT posted:

The whole thread is good

Skylark posted:

echinopsis posted:

A good point is rear end sex. Woman I am thinking off had a dude that said to her "I wanna shove it up your rear end", no WAY was that going to work. Wasn't going to be good or fun for her at all. With me though, she says I'm the first person she's actually ever wanted to do it with, because she can see that with me, she'd feel safe and cared for. It's about the intent and the people, the acts themselves are just a form of communication.


"I figured out the secret to sex, its not about brute strength, it's all about having care and respect for your partner" Uhh no that's the secret to pokemon and you stole it from Ash

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



lmaoboy1998 posted:

He was my North, my South, my East and West
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight - my talk, my song
I thought that Pewdiepie would live for ever - I was wrong

manyak posted:

[smiling and laughing, making lots of eye contact with camera\] haha, hey bros. If youre watching this video, that means im dead [jump cut to making an exaggerated sad face] Oh no!! [jump cut back to smiling and chuckling] Haha, its okay bros. Life is endless suffering, unimaginable fame and wealth was not enough to grant me a single moment of contentment haha

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Hogge Wild posted:

Rename QCS to Clown Forum.

FactsAreUseless posted:

Please don't insult clowns. They work very hard for little reward to maintain a dying form of comedy, which-- oh. Oh no. Oh god.

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



1337JiveTurkey posted:

I was catching up on the thread sick with a fever when I impulsively bought my first and last big red custom title and instantly regretted it.

I'm almost certainly not who anybody was expecting and I was tempted to just slip away into the night causing further harm to the community by opening more likely posters to recriminations. I'd try to offer an explanation why but I'm afraid that I'll turn it into a defense when nothing about it was defensible. Whatever justification existed only in my mind at the time and was very, very wrong. The text was an attempted reference to a previous thread but "clever" racism is just everyday racism with an extra bit of the idea that I'm better than other people.

Everything about the title caused very real pain to other posters. It referenced a very dark portion of America's history in a way intended to cause as much harm as possible. That was wrong and only furthers the continuation of white supremacy. I can't deny that I intended to cause that pain and specifically because of the words of a black man on race. This harm goes beyond the forums themselves and causes people of color to doubt their ability to speak up both here and elsewhere. It creates fear of retaliation from racists—like me—who don't like what they have to say and drags our country backward when we desperately need to be going the other direction.

Since I spent money to do that, I felt that the least I could do is spend money to try and heal the damage at least somewhere. This is a bit presumptive on my part but I made a donation to the NAACP in honor of gfsincere in hopes that it goes to educate other people like myself. I'll send gfsincere the text of the confirmation email rather than waving it around like some sort of paid indulgence.

In the end all I can say for myself is that I hope that I will be less racist tomorrow than I was today and I apologize to everyone affected for everything that I have done and promise to never do it again.

Sincerely,

1337JiveTurkey

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



FactsAreUseless is cool because he actually cares deeply about the forums, he just keeps it in perspective

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Shame Wagon posted:

The context is the aus chat thread in gbs.

Skylark posted:

I went to page one of the thread to see why it caused someone to shove some kind of object into his urethra, and the stated premise of the thread is to post pictures of "Big animals" such as a big lizard.

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Derek Smart has been banned after posting a psycho diatribe doxxing someone in the awful Star Citizen forum:

Triticum Guzzler posted:

* I have extensive AI experience; so pattern recognition is something that my brain is wired for. Your post patterns, sentence composition, context connectivity, and word usage, were a dead giveaway. The more you posted, the more obvious it became that you were a dude.




























Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



SinineSiil posted:

Was he liked there? Ironically?

They loved him, because the only thing that can stop some guy who is promising a really great space game but is probably going to fail on delivering it is "the same guy but less successful," apparently.

Hell maybe it was ironic. The whole thing is really embarrassing, I don't know.

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



pog boyfriend posted:

i would be happier if TCC was closed down, the idea that there is a forum that you can watch people slowly decline in life quality until they end up addicted to hard drugs is really disturbing to me and hurts my soul. people say there is funny stuff that comes out of it but that is very rare compared to how usually it is just filled with drawn out sad stories. i have lost a few friends to addictions so i am biased in this matter but i would just figure i weigh in. no particular care towards the goon doctor, to me as long as people respect the rule that people there are not actual doctors giving professional medical advice it seems alright if a little weird

drilldo squirt posted:

I have to agree, tcc is more horrifying than funny.

pog boyfriend posted:

gently caress off. now that drilldo squirt agrees with me i think the drug forum is good. keep it around. gently caress

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Re: George Michael's death:

tumor looking batty posted:

*brain straining hard, thinking about the pi sign and godel’s incompleteness theorem, thinking about the surface area of the Great Pyramids of Giza, thinking about The Hanged Man tarrot card and Nautilus shells and Fibonacci numbers* Two first names.

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



ol yeller posted:

[leaning really far back in my chair] actually ive been reading a lot about hinduism. lot of intere [gets really scared cause i feel like my chairs about to tip over]

Grandmother of Five posted:

if an advanced race of aliens looked down on Earth, they'd be disgusted about religion. i wish i could live amongst them, in a place where people free their minds from thinking about beliefs and ethics, and instead think about computers and how to make them bigger

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



deadly_pudding posted:

Dear GIRLFRIEND ,

When I send you an excel file containing the next 2 month's budget because I want your input about whether to drop $400 on a Nintendo Switch and games, sending "Gay." as an answer and then ignoring me is a good way to get loving BLACKLISTED FROM HOUSEHOLD DECISIONS.

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Triticum Guzzler posted:

hmm for some reason this place is making less money now that it appeals exclusively to rain man's cousin steve who had a model of the death star dropped on his head as an infant and is legally married to a wiki page [all the mods and admins join hands for a seance to seek answers from beyond the mortal realms, hitler appears in the middle of the table and announces "u can say tranny now"]

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010




no they will not posted:

Oh Long Johnson posted:

remember back when grey forums had threads about like legos and nerf guns. things were simpler...

If there was a lego thread in GBS today it would be oriented entirely around finding duplo users and shining a laser pointer in their eyes while they were driving

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010




Triticum Guzzler posted:

When you get what you want but not what you need: shooting cannonfuls of loose change at the homeless thread vol XVIII

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Replaying Bioshock in Trump's America:

Skylark posted:

First impressions of the playthrough so far:
- Political allegory. Free market. "Would you kindly?,". In the age of Trump this words hit very close to home, and it makes me think of the political charts where left and right are the x axis, and the y axis is libertarian-authoritarian. The Bioshock badguys are in the bottom right, and I'm roleplaying my main character as being in the top-left. Im also headcanoning my player character as a woman of color; the game only lets you play as a white dude because lol IBPOC/female representation in 00s gaming.
- The bad guys are called Big Daddy and I sexualize those words now, because I follow like 30 facebook pages titled various permutations of the phrase "Daddy's Little Princess", which post screenshots of tumblr posts and iMessage conversations where a guy says "I'm tgoing to treat you like a princess, and gently caress you like a whore"👌🏼 and the girl goes 😍, etc. Thus the player-enemy dynamic is really different through a modern lens.
- The "old crooning music made creepy with reverb and generally unsettling atmosphere" is even creepier in 2017 than it was when Bioshock was released, because the music is slightly older now.

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



no they will not posted:

intel: Sir. Report just came in from hq. Apparently star citizen thread poster Burpo_Stephenuniverse just figured out that the 5 people all calling him a dumbass for similar reasons was actually a coordinated top secret special ops strike.
me (moving a collection of little plastic tanks across a printout of the forum index with a long stick): my god

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Mycroft Holmes posted:

What is this about?

Forums poster Nevvy Z reported Black Baby Goku over a hundred times in the Games DOTA thread, then reported BBG again for two separate posts making fun of him in Imp Zone for doing it, then reported a mod and an admin for revealing that he had reported BBG.

Thread in question: https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...40&pagenumber=1

Chuck Buried Treasure has a new favorite as of 05:29 on Mar 12, 2017

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010




That whole thread is good as hell:

net cafe scandal posted:

*effortlessly evading the Xenomorphs clumsy blows* Ok, this has been fun, but I think it's about time I killed you.

Work Friend Keven posted:

(Jason punches a mans head off and the head lands in a trash bin, which then slams shut) (I walk from the shadows behind the bin doing a slow clap) real nice Jase... but if you're done warming up I'm going to kick your rear end.

net cafe scandal posted:

*Interrupting Hannibal Lecter mid-speech* Get out of my way you gay old man.

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Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



little munchkin posted:

more cool thoughts from the dude who hates having muscles

A_Bug_That_Thinks posted:

Physical strength isn't the same as violence, but being strong gives you the capacity for violence. Emotional strength is important for being a good person, man or woman. However, an exemplary man (a "man's man") will have a capacity for violence, in a way that an exemplary women will not. I believe that firemen are sexually admired due to a combination of their good physical conditioning, and also their bravery in risking their lives in going into a burning building. It sounds really pedantic, but I would say that that sort of bravery, ties directly with violence and warfare.

Triticum Guzzler posted:

RETARDED VERSION OF WERNER HERZOG: [observing a fireman carry a soot covered dog from a burning building] Here in this America, this man's brazen and abhorrent crimes are celebrated. A staccato chorus of applause from the slapping together of wet pussy lips.

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