kinmik posted:

Lizard Combatant posted:

There's always a bunch of vocal street preachers in my local mall and one of them pulls his cross around on little bike training wheels.
He wasn't particularly grateful when I reminded him that Jesus' cross is rarely described as having wheels and that it makes him look like a lazy fraud.
He also wears a big sun hat at night like a crazy person.

Ak Gara posted:

Well to be fair Jesus only had to carry it once.

Stoatbringer posted:

He nailed it first time.

Mister Glockwork posted:

I saw Ghostrider with a bunch of my friends on opening night just to heckle it. We even held a contest to see who could throw out the best heckle. Apparently my friend had the same exact idea as me because as soon as Ghostrider first appeared we yelled out "HOW'D IT GET BURNED?" in our best Wicker Man impressions. The audience loving lost it and the rest of the movie turned into a MSTK riff fest.

Falstaffs Honor posted:

I don't think this story is true, because I doubt most of the audience was familiar with internet videos about Wicker Man.

Factor Mystic posted:

BUT IT WAS A MST3K RIFF FEST I TELL YOU

FitFortDanga posted:

When I went to see Schindler's List, the first time Amon Goeth appears onscreen, I shouted out "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!" and the whole audience cheered and asked for my autograph. It was awesome.

Adrianics posted:

Just like that time I went to see Atonement and when that faggy guy with the stupid moustache gave the chocolate to that kid I yelled 'YOU GONNA GET RAPED' and I swear that the audience was laughing so hard they had to stop the film for a few minutes

Zach Hoagie posted:

When I watched No Country for Old Men I yelled out "ADDITIONAL PYLONS" then Jesus came from heaven itself to give me a high-five and all the women in the audience formed a line to blow me.

jdwalsh posted:

Haha, yes. When I watched [POPULAR MOVIE] I yelled out [OBSCURE INTERNET MEME] and [POSITIVE FEEDBACK FROM AUDIENCE]

Falstaffs Honor posted:

This one time, I saw Meet the Spartans and I said "hey that's not funny" and the audience sacrificed a heifer in my honor

Kajeesus posted:

Nobody cares if you quote yourself when the actual joke/punchline is a post made in response to yours.

Volume posted:

Wulfolme posted:

Oh no, in high school I wrote a note to a teacher that was taken to be a threat to go Columbine High on the place. I've been having 'the talk' with authority figures about how I need to stop talking about killing people for decades now.

Wulfolme posted:

Half the places I've worked people have come up to me unsolicited and asked me to spare them when I shoot up the place.

Why does this keep happening to me

Who What Now posted:

What's the best class to play in NWN2?

Shaking lemur butt posted:

Uninstall Wizard.

Paladinus posted:

You know what the Holocaust and a good Holocaust joke have in common?

Data Graham posted:

burexas.irom posted:

Well, I just couldn't pass up such a great wallpaper opportunity.

ThNextGreenLantern posted:

Magnus Praeda posted:

Tetracube posted:

skit herre posted:

Barbed Tongues posted:

Teach posted:

Latest issue of Viz is a bit loving bleak. Sorry if it's been posted. Sorry for the big image. Sorry for the nihilism.

HBomb posted:

Are the frames in the right order? This makes no goddamn sense.

Lets Pickle posted:

A guy throws a puppy in a sack into the river. Another guy is waiting for this to happen, dives in after it, gets it, sees it's a boy, and throws it back. A third guy throws another puppy in a sack into the river. The guy who went after and threw back the first puppy rescues the second one, sees its a girl, and brings it home to gently caress. It bites his dick so he breaks up with her by throwing throws her back into the river.

dumb. posted:

Are those words in the right order? This makes no goddamn sense.

Count Uvula posted:

A A Another a a a a a after after and and and another back back back. bites boy, breaks brings by dick dives first for gently caress. gets girl guy guy guy guy happen, he her her his home in in in into into into is it it it it's it, it, its one, puppy puppy puppy rescues river. river. river., sack sack second sees sees so the the the the the the third this threw throwing throws throws throws throws to to up waiting went who with

ElectricBlizzard posted:

Karate Bastard posted:

Are you taking anything for that discharge ma'am?

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

It's cool how you have this weird vendetta about Pusheen and are championing Wonderwoman to try to prove he's Actually Bad And Stupid or whatever your goal is here.

Acne Rain posted:

Some idiot. Basically he will come up with a talking point that usually involves misinterpreting a movie or telling other people who disagree with him what THEY think, and then will keep saying it no matter how many words are written countering him.

EX: Everyone who did not like the star wars prequels was just mad because it as not what they grew up with. If you tell him otherwise, he will just repeat himself and tell you what he thinks you think again.

So basically he is too dumb to: Understand movies, understand your posts, eat a hot dog without choking.

Breetai posted:

Can someone link or quote for me the original retard masturbator post?

Solice Kirsk posted:

Technically so should "lol" or posts with bad punctuation.

mind the walrus posted:

Oh yeah I forgot about that. What is it with mods here?

Rough Lobster posted:

Arctos posted:

In the thumbnail it looks like a furious banana golem

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

china bot posted:

the best part is still the pipe sticking out of the barn window in the background

Cindy Shitbird posted:

all I see when I look at it is this:

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

mods, please

Vorkosigan posted:

I would have bought it, but:
File upload failed: Image dimensions exceed allowed dimensions of 90x25 pixels

QUACKTASTIC posted:

Imagine building a house so stupid that even it's smilie fails inspection.

Cindy Shitbird posted:

I'll see if i can fix it when i get home from work in the morning.

Failing that, I'll become a mod so i can sign off on it as-is.

Jeza posted:

I don't know about you, but I'm not following a bowl of noodles into GWS just to discuss how offensive it is to put chopsticks in your photos.

elise the great posted:

Johannes Kepler wrote sci-fi, defended his mother in a witchcraft trial, invented orbital mechanics, confirmed the Copernican model of the universe, offended every political and religious institution in Europe, forged new ground in optics, and held himself to the strictest standards of scientific theory and observation despite the cost— losing his life’s work, his dream of a Platonic universe, and his chances of money and political support in favor of the actual truth.

In short: you just wish you’d thought of it first nyeeehhh

Snowy posted:

oldpainless posted:

These aren’t my glasses!

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

Jeza posted:

Reminded me one of my favourite exchanges on SA:

El Gallinero Gros posted:

Another super requested one is the one where wet butt trolls the "picked on in school" thread by making up a bunch of stuff like being 700lbs, having the word "homo" instead of a mouth, etc

DogonCrook posted:

What hes asking on appeal isnt something the judge would be required to even consider in the us. Ask a judge to invalidate a juries finding of fact you can take a hike lol. In this case another judges finding a fact. If they even consider it they unravel tje entire legal system. Thats so foundational im not even sure what would underpin your legal system if men cannot judge what is and what is not fact and be done with it. At that point technically anything is true from the governments perspective and i dont understand how that could function. Thats not a little technical detail lol. But.. moon people... so hell i dont know.

ulmont posted:

Your odds are incredibly bad, but US appellate courts occasionally overturn trial court's findings of fact. It's usually under a "plain error" or a "clearly erroneous" test.

DogonCrook posted:

Yeah im just saying doing it while aknowledging the guilty verdict and not contesting the finding of fact, is questioning the validity of a guilty verdict generally, not his specifically. Hes claiming beside guilt there is some other abstract bar you have to clear to enact a sentence on that verdict. As if there were shades of fact some being more valid than others. Thats plainly retarded imo. Thats a completely arbitrary system if so, its not justice.

DogonCrook posted:

I mean if you can point to where im wrong im all ears.

steinrokkan posted:

as soon as you make a cogent argument other than "this is some wild stuff"

DogonCrook posted:

Yeah fair enough

quote:

12:05 PM eastern standard time, the Muslims have vanished. Check for yourself if you don’t believe me. Where have they gone to?

There is speculation, of course. Scientists mention a cosmic storm that passed the Earth on January 20. A man says they are all in caves. Certain groups lament a faulty Rapture. A woman says he has taken their power and absorbed it into himself. She means Barack Obama. I doubt it, but he does seem somehow taller. The ground rumbles at times. The breaking news says WASHINGTON DC, with red concentric circles. I’m uneasy, but what can we do? Terror is defeated and if Obama were a Muslim, he’d be just as gone as them. There’s no cause for alarm.

Within months, Barack Obama has declared a war on vague unease. It’s a good idea, because frankly we could all use some peace of mind. Approval rating is higher than ever now that the Muslims had left, but I don’t think we are happy yet. His eyes are shining sometimes, as a deer’s eyes shine in a flashlight beam. Small fissures criss-cross the pavement. Trees are swaying, but the breeze is gone. Something is changing in our world.


Aeroplanes don’t exist anymore. Scientists explain that the density of the air is too low to support their wings. Then how do we breathe?! We should have died by now, but I think we are evolving. Our bodies haven’t changed, but the atmosphere..

One man says it was the rapture after all, and we have since entered the Kingdom of God. Barack is now the size of an oak tree. He sleeps outside since the rains have ceased, and his skin is thick to bullets. Now he wanders through he countryside impassively. He ignores a rural photo-op. He studies a leaf for twenty days. Only a fool would call this Heaven.

Satellites fall to earth like rain used to. No friction burns them away, so we trudge past countless flecks of solar panel and ribbons of golden cloth. It’s a silent car crash every few hours, though cars themselves no longer run. No oxygen remains to ignite their fuel. Obama strides across the landscape, taller than the Freedom Tower. We’ve given up on assassination; all men are immortal now, and guns no longer fire.

I’m starting to wish the Muslims were back.

We found them with a telescope. Images of a colony on the right side of the moon. See the parts that jut from the lower right? I think they’re mosques. Soon they are visible to the naked eye, but how? Their cities are enormous. We watch them as they live and die. They have our former atmosphere; the moon is fringed with blue. “Look at how they wield their guns,” writes a man. “I always said he’d take our guns away.” They eat and sleep like we once did, building worthless ziggurats. We have everything we wanted, but oh how we envy their strife!

It’s long been clear that Obama brought this uncomfortable perfection upon us, but I can’t bring myself to blame him for it. He’s reminded us all of how our lives had been discarded out of fear. I know now why he grows each day. In time, when we are ready he will reach out into space. He will raise us up in his great hand, to this new Earth that gleams like a frozen star. And if Obama does not carry us, we can climb…

Ichabod Sexbeast posted:

The Last Days of Capitalism thread, from LF. You may need archives, but there's plenty more where that came from here

Jenny Agutter posted:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3059951&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=8

Pick posted:

Some films only work in very specific context of their genre, and if someone isn't familiar with the genre, it doesn't quite land. It's like how Neo Yokio is the greatest show on Earth but only for like 4 people.