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CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Skeesix posted:

Someone post the thing about Rush Limbaugh being vaccinated after minions with gold chains drag him before Obama, after which Obama decides it's time for him and a group of terrorist leaders to have a conversation. I can't find it on Google.
With the search phrase "Now you are immune to rubella" I found it here: http://www.rhizzone.net/forum/topic/3073/lofi/ credit goes to Goatstein



King Hussein Obama I, flanked by his bodyguards, stepped out of his blinged Limoscalade and marched up the gold-lined marble steps of Washington Palace. It should have been a glorious day, yet under his heavy yet exquisite crown of carved human fetus-ivory his brow was ridged deeply as he silently brooded. Still, his posse, boomboxes on their shoulders, dance-walked up the steps, chains and gats jangling over the din as they grabbed their crotches.

As his trusted associates T-Von and Mook-Mook the Bushman pushed open the grand organic farm-grown cruelty-free redwood doors paid for by his 95% tax rate, he stepped into the antechamber of the gold-domed palace. Outside, ShariaVentalism reigned, but in here his word was law, and all his white teen sex slaves cowered before his glare more than even the hemp whips of their latte-drinking tweeded atheist masters.

He walked down the hallway toward his office and a prisoner in chains passed before him, lead by two turban-wearing Mexicans. He spotted the King and began shouting curses.

"You loving fascist! I knew it! I knew it! I told them, but they wouldn't listen, that your health care platform was a slippery slope to all this! You won't get away with this! The will of the Free Market will not be denied!"
"Seelenceo een the prezence of the Keeng, preesoner!"

King Obama spotted a chance to improve his ill mood.

"Bring him here. Good. Give me his file." The king looked over the prisoner's dossier. A long list of crimes against the state, and a repeat offender.
"You'll never get away with this! Never!"
"Hush now, Mr. Jack. We have ways of dealing with unruly sorts such as yourself."
"Praise be to Allah, seenyor."
"Peh! I spit at your torture! The Free Market gives me strength!"
"Oh, no, not anything as gauche as torture."

The King grabbed a syringe from the outstretched hand of one of his nearby breakdancing bodyguards, and plunged it into the man's helpless neck.

"Now you are immune to rubella."

Kyle's lingering, echoing screams of tormented horror brought a slight smile like a crack in Obama's stony brown face as he walked into his lavish velvet-lined office and shut the door behind him. He motioned for his bodyguards to leave the room, and he addressed the giant screens hanging over his desk.

"Screen one on. Connect to Emperor bin Laden of Eurabia. Screen two: Hugo Chavez of the U.S.S.A.R.. Screen three: The High Elder of Zion."

The three figures appeared live via satelite.

"Gentlemen," began Obama darkly, "it's time to have...a conversation."

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CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Petite Dinklage posted:

Someone buy me an Audi for Christmas

Soothing Vapors posted:

ill give u audiz nuts

Petite Dinklage posted:

Your nuts are much like an Audi diesel in that they are both being investigated for toxic emissions

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Chantilly Say posted:

What's the name for the condition where you see hot jets everywhere you look?
Being an unfaithful Shark.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Bertrand Hustle posted:

Yorkshire?

People often forget that what we think of as a particular regional accent is often a gigantic group of accents and dialects along a spectrum from "says words like 'pillow' and 'there' a bit differently" to "I can't understand a word this motherfucker is saying, is he even speaking English?"

Most Americans know like, two British accents: an exaggerated Cockney stereotype a la My Fair Lady, and ultra-posh RP.

No doubt these ladies would be mistaken for Irish in many parts of the US:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCOC1YwNwZw
I know that Geordie is an English accent (from Newcastle?) but for the life of me when they get slangy it's like listening to Flemish.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

LORD OF BOOTY posted:

Jesus christ this thread took a weird turn

Peroni's Disease can be severe.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Solice Kirsk posted:

Song parody stuff is really only funny for like a line or two and even then it has to be perfect. Goons trying to Weird Al an entire Beatles song around World of Warcraft is almost always universally unbearable.
It was Eve Online with the Beatles song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vfv1QtZDirY

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench


Well sometimes goons are regular camping and happens. So it's loving camping, in a sense.

CannonFodder has a new favorite as of 17:59 on Feb 25, 2017

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Goddammit swickles!

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Chitin posted:

This is the gooniest loving thing I've ever heard and I make movies for a living.

Wading through Galaxy Quest?

smdh

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Bad with money thread from BFC got on yet another wedding derail :

Hoodwinker posted:

You get into murky territory, efficiency-wise, when you're already so filthy loving rich that "maxing your retirement accounts" is a blip on the radar in terms of wealth management. The rules break down, like exotic matter at super low temperatures or being a white person on trial for white-collar crime. Sure, you could donate that seven figures to cancer research or open a women's shelter, but when your precious little girl or tantrum-throwing little boy looks at you with those round, glassy eyes (maybe the Vicodin's kicking in) and says, "Daddy I need one, maybe two thoroughbred horses at my wedding." I mean, what's a father to do? What are we, savages? I remember when your grandfather used to sit me on his knee and tell me the story about when he tore the liver out of a still-living Nazi soldier with his bare hands while fighting in the War. Inside of that liver he found a nodule which when you held it just right up to the light looked like an American Bald Eagle. And he said, "That's how I knew the American Dream was still alive." And I believe him now to this day. My child will get married to their partner, a person with good bone structure and a name like "Kegan" or "Serah" or "Werstal" and there will be horses, damnit. There will be so many loving horses. The entire wedding party will be riding horses. Our god-fearing protestant minister will be riding a chestnut brown Belgian. Afterwards the horses will race, and the winner will be thrown into a crowd of women to determine who will be the next lucky bride. Horsemeat hors-d'oeuvres. A multi-layered chocolate cake, which itself will sit resting on a chocolate-colored living horse. My little girl will get her loving horses! Just like her grandfather wouldn't give his sweet daughter even though she had to take the hush money from the unnamed senator so they wouldn't drag his name through the mud in court. Horses! Horses!

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

sneakyfrog posted:

sooo ZZ top?
The News.

Huey doesn't wear a jacket. LAME

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench


More like oldeffortless.


Wait

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

w00tmonger posted:

Male pattern baldness, right?

Yep!

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Code Jockey posted:

I can tell this isn't a loss edit because all four panels contain a tragedy

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

In college football, PAC 12 After Dark is a magical time of wild games that nobody on the east coast watches.

The Nards Pan posted:

So many picks in this game I'm going to start looking for people with disabilities hiding under trucks.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench


Snitches get pinches.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

POOL IS CLOSED posted:

Y'know, I don't think anyone ever put this one up, but it makes me laugh. I'm probably all ash inside though.

It's "Aight don't be tripping yo" for a new generation of Goons.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Syd Midnight posted:

I am surprised in a different way because I have this in my goons.txt:

its a fyad quote I saw in some previous SA Quotes thread, I've dug it up and applied it to "guess the thread" for a laff a few dozen times now and it has never been wrong.
constant repetition of workout routine: serious political thread

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench


Sounds like a fun guy.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Besesoth posted:

Regarding the fire at Trump Tower:
My favorite hot take on the fire at Trump Tower:

Trazz posted:

Remember when Trump said he could kill someone on 5th Avenue and not lose any supporters?

He was right

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

I don't know why it bothers me that you chose that, instead of Flowers for Algernon, but it does, and I had to say something.

Still a pretty good story, though.
Stephen King said that Flowers for Algernon was a big influence on End of the Whole Mess, he wanted to give a horror tilt to the concept of scientists trying something radical without really checking on checking on past experiments and evidence and also echoing Ian Malcom in Jurassic Park saying "They looked to see if they could. They never asked if they should." The scientists in Flowers should have waited and checked on any degradation of the mouse's mental acuity before trying the experiment on a human, and the scientists of Whole Mess lament the fact that they didn't notice the evidence of mental degradation of everyone near the source of the "Cure For Hostility" or whatever it was called. I remember the beats but not the names, I read both over a decade ago.

Since the OP was lamenting over the fact that he messed up on buying a gun way below market price and then spilled a beer on his keyboard and just had the Devil's own time trying to explain that he passed on the sale because he was trying to buy a house and JUst woulDNIGHT STOp tyioung asheGOTANGRYer I believe Whole Mess is a better comparison.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Hemingway To Go! posted:

I follow the thread and still don't understand how it's even in context

I was expecting "TV shows that did not age well" not the Kickstarter thread in Games.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Zamboni_Rodeo posted:

NC, a quick pronunciation guide:

Mebane = Meh-ben (also acceptable: Meh-b'n)
Cashiers = Cash-ers (not those people working the check-out lanes at the store)
Corolla = Cor-ah-lah (do NOT pronounce it like your Toyota)
Beaufort = Boh-fort

God forbid you pronounce Beaufort like those scrubs in SC do. (Beuw-fort)

Don't forget Rutherfordton = Ruff-ton

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

frankenfreak posted:

Not sure if that's a joke or d20 Modern.

Those splat books can get very crunchy.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Marcade posted:

He's excited because they promised he'd spend some time in the Minors.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

SpacePig posted:

I'm enough of a fan of the "What's better than x?", "2x" joke structure, but for some reason the Granos one really elevates it. I crack up every time I see it.

The immediate teamwork helps sell the joke.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Mr. Bad Guy posted:

Who was the goon that would make seemingly innocuous posts that eventually led into an explicit description of making GBS threads?

It was like a LoB level gimmick, to the point where you'd see a posts of a certain length and immediately check the user name.

I remember Hakan would write long posts that would derail wildly and go to some crazy places, not sure if they all ended in shittown.


But those posts are almost old enough to drive.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Guess the thread:

Crow Jane posted:

The best thing I've heard on the subject is that pizza is like sex, even when it's bad it's still pretty good

theflyingorc posted:

I mostly have it alone in a dark room

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

A horrible loss of seamen.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

They! Live in Concert!

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Space and Spaceflight thread, talking about the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arecibo_message

Wingnut Ninja posted:

ol qwerty bastard posted:

I mean, the obvious choice to show aliens we've entered the memetic phase of the information age:




We're not going to impress any aliens if we can't even come up with a lossless encoding scheme for our transmissions.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Ah, okay, thank you. I knew about the hosting bit, used to watch it every morning while getting ready for school, just, the rumors were what was throwing me off.

Bob Saget has a clean persona as host of AFHV and starring in Full House, but among fellow comedians he's considered one of the raunchiest.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Coq au Nandos posted:

Amazing. Some more winners from this thread of SA koans:
I like this one:

a cyberpunk goose posted:

A student lay before the master, peaceful in his long sleep.

The master, torch in hand, shook him by the shoulder. But the student did not wake. The master again shook the sleeping student. And again the student did not wake. The masters head shook slowly and he whispered, if only you would but sip from my cup of soul expanding tea. So many truths it could show you.

The master gave the sleeping student one last shake before moving on in disappointment. But the student did not wake, for the student was but a skeleton.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

1stGear posted:

If you wait seven months before killing them, is it less suspicious. Asking for a friend.
Having Mei as your main would be even more suspicious.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench


I like this one

Captainsalami posted:

Classic fencing reflex.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench


SCIFI DOES NOT RHYME WITH BEEFY WHAT THE gently caress?

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Lobok posted:

In some countries WiFi is pronounced wee-fee so maybe it's the same as Sci-Fi.

Dixville posted:

See-ince feeection
This is triggering me so much right now.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

System Metternich posted:

lmao, every single one of these is amazing

Inventory glitch the loaves and fishes, stack underflow the great flood, SIMON TIME from the couch

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CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

tribbledirigible posted:

The food has run out and long ago somebody left with the crop.

"Let me go" she said
"Let me go" she said
"Let me go and I will crush the Pound."

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