Phyzzle posted:

Hogge Wild posted:

Control Volume fucks ponies!

Trig Discipline posted:

Ahaha I love how quickly goons figured out what's going on. It's like on Jeopardy when Alex barely finishes the first sentence and you can already see the contestants going apeshit on their buzzers.

"My twelve year old brother just got sent to the hosp-BZZZZZT"
"What is shoving things up his dickhole?"

Roro posted:

In the E/N thread titled, "How do I get through the next six months?", OP Benny Harvey begins to lose his poo poo.

Centripetal Horse posted:

I was joking. The funny was supposed to be that his woman-repelling qualities are obvious to everyone except him.


There we go.

Benny Harvey posted:

I've posted about this frequently before so sorry for repeating myself.

I'm 5'9 and weigh 270 lbs (so I'm Homer Simpson fat). I am working on that though and I am to get back to how I looked around 10 years ago (around 160 lbs). I reckon that will take at least 7/8 months.

In the meantime, I'm a fat that doesn't want to gently caress other fats. I realise that this basically guarantees that I will not get laid but I'm willing to accept that. I'm not some bitter creep who gets angry at attractive women because he thinks they owe him sex.

I don't have a problem with not getting laid. What I do take issue with is the fact that people treat being single as a problem that needs to be fixed. I'm sick of being asked to explain myself for being single. I'm tired of unsolicited advice. What get me the most is that it seems to be something that people consider urgent. I'm also in a dead-end job and have no hobbies but the amount of time that people have bugged me about that is negligible. Why do people care about other people's dating lives so far.

I wish I could tell people the truth but they don't believe me. It's like sex is the new religion and I'm a heretic - how dare I intentionally go over half a year without sex. Then there's the fact that I think people will latch on to the fact that I shouldn't have "stnadards". I can't choose who I'm attracted too.


I realise that losing weight in some sort of panacea. I'm also a social retard. I don't even really know how to go about telling someone I'm attracted to them. I don't mean that I don't know how I would personally do it, I mean that flirting and dating are alien worlds to me. At least when I weigh a normal weight though I can approach women and be thought of as socailly awkwrd rather than just a creep. Hell, it might even seem ballsy. Throw enough poo poo at a wall and some of it will stick. And I might even be able to admit that I've never had a girlfriend and blame it on a lack of confidence from when I was fat. Sure I could say I lack confidence now but then people will start throwing the clichés at me: Just Be Yourself, There's Someone Out There For Everyone.

And to be honest, I don't know if I really want a relationship. But at least if I were a healthy weight, I could say that without people thinking that I was just a coward. At least then I could date women for the sake of being seen with them. People might write me off as a skeezy rear end in a top hat but at least the rear end in a top hat is a role people can understand. What am I now? A human being. gently caress someone Benny. gently caress a woman, gently caress a man, gently caress a slightly warmed up melon if you must, just gently caress something. It's OK to be gay, just don't be that human being that doesn't have sex.

So E/N. Advice?

(I've been in therapy before for depression. Didn't get very far and any time the subject of relationships came up, it'll always just ended up in hand-waving platitudes telling me to not give up hope becasue some women find fat men attractive.).

Benny Harvey posted:

Also, the former UK PM Ted Heath was recently accused (posthumastly) of being a paedophile. One of thing that came up when discussing the case was that he was never seen with any women.

The MSJ posted:

Number 1 Sexy Dad posted:

I was always afraid the old man would find my stash of blank magazine stock that smelled exactly like huge tits

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

There's no trend with Hicks, there's just a steady supply of teenagers who think his observations are earth shattering because they're dumb teens.

And much like Ayn Rand, Nietschze, and Monty Python, LOL if you don't grow out of that poo poo by like 20.

Tiggum posted:

I didn't say that at all. I said it's not an invalid interpretation (because there is no such thing).

Blind Sally posted:

The Red Letter Media thread?

Elsa posted:

Improbable Lobster posted:

Eat my rear end, fucko

trapped mouse posted:

Honestly, Improbable Lobster's quote goes much better with your avatar.

Cacafuego posted:

Pun chains are the best because it outs the autists who have no sense of humor, but love to let people know they don't like something

Ride The Gravitron posted:

yeah I eat rear end posted:

They only had to be protected by the government because we failed them, as consumers. They used to be more about service until we got to the point where the majority of people buying plane tickets were the people who only wanted the lowest possible price or they wouldn't fly at all.

FactsAreUseless posted:

We still can, because removing it would break things, due to Radium. But there's a Forums Cancer button right by ban and probate.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

All jokes aside media is so fractured even if you spend a stupid amount of time online you can miss that stuff, especially with algorithms tailoring everything to you.

I know who he is, but only because I randomly clicked through on an article about him a week or two ago. Other than that I had no idea.

Chichevache posted:

Still 300+ pounds though

Beeswax posted:

What does any of that even mean?

Harakiri Potter posted:

oh well, I guess the cops got me. maybe i can just show them the 700 batshit insane texts i've received since February.

sample

Harakiri Potter posted:

they're getting less and less coherent. and she's been sending pictures of her butt with things sticking out of her starfish. like, greedo from the original star wars toys and a small bust of franz liszt

Harakiri Potter posted:

i have the cleanup from the road kill. the cops and my house mate wouldn't touch any of the dead poo poo at the end of the driveway so i had to go down with the gator, throw them in the back and chuck em in the corn field. it's hosed up. the cops wouldn't even take the note, which was written in crayon on the back of a daffy duck kids coloring thing. it's so bizarre. she must have driven all over, grabbed a pile of dead stuff and then brought them back.

the cops did keep the knife, which figures, probably the nice spyderco one she used to tell me she'd cut my dick off with.

http://i.imgur.com/t31N7wJ.jpg

yes, it says "i love you" on the coloring thing she did, and yes, those are all dead groundhogs she left

Harakiri Potter posted:

http://i.imgur.com/jT2rxwA.jpg


she said she went casket shopping for me so i didn't look like a total human being at my funeral so i guess oh well

My Lovely Horse posted:

I read “Spiderman getting his mouth jizzed in to see if it was Venom“ and thought “since when does Spiderman identify Venom by the taste of his cum“.

Aesop Poprock posted:

I just wanted everyone to know I am now "The Enforcer" Aesop Poprock and for everyone to add that to their quotes of me

Volkerball posted:

Don't be a bitch. Respect his wishes. Dude has leukemia.

Powerful Two-Hander posted:

The no-no zone was the worst level in sonic the hedgehog.

I'm trying to go fast uncle robotnik! Please don't make me go to the "special zone" again!

Pick posted:

"Being There" loving sucks rear end and it's the weakest poo poo pseudo-critique ever made. thank you.

FactsAreUseless posted:

I am in favor of the revival of the long-form post. I think it's time. The big problem is everyone chasing a style. They used to all chase the Noni-style giant Dave Barry column post. Now they chase the no-punctuation FYAD-lite one-liner. I hope we get lots of posters posting different ways, instead of a school of fish swimming from trend to trend.

Son of Thunderbeast posted:

Oh no, you might have to flick your thumb a couple times to scroll past a longer quote

perhaps lowtax should instate a character limit for posts. 140 seems reasonable

FactsAreUseless posted:

Sure, and that's fine. I phone-post too. But it's not an excuse to just say "cuck cuck im gay."

syscall girl posted:

I have no idea how he mods. I think I saw one of his in the leper's colony telling someone not to use "gay" as a pejorative or whatnot. So that's good.

He was a great poster but now he has evolved, and well, let's face it, he's a public school teacher so GBS deserves him.

Whiz Palace posted:

Where the hell did "water pipe" come from? Do I want to know?

Personal_Nirvana posted:

"A bittersweeet ending" - GRR. Martin


What that could mean is anyone's guess

fruit on the bottom posted:

Like the seasons, it turns out that time is also cyclical and that this has all happened before countless times with superficial variations.. After the Blue Eyes Wight Dragon is slain, it attempts to possess Bran but his warg powers enable him to shrug it off.

Danerys conquers the seven kingdoms, but her name is forgotten and in later retelling her deeds are attributed to an "Aegon Targaryen" that was also prominent in that time period. Thousands of years later he will be known as "the Conqueror".

After the war ends, Bran uses his powers to warg into giants and build a new wall and to rebuild Winterfell.

Jon manages to kill the Night King, but is possessed by him and becomes the legendary Night's King who turns on the living for the love of a White Walker. He is felled by an alliance of the north led by the surviving Starks. In his last moments he regains his senses and laments that if he had been a warg himself things might have gone differently.

Fast forward thousands of years to a new Ned Stark and his family, the children slightly younger than we remember them. Ned Stark is here to behead a deserter from the Night's Watch as we once saw, though this time the man is older, missing his ears. The cycle begins anew, though perhaps this time things will be different...

Strom Cuzewon posted:

The last survivor is Davos, trudging through the snow. He collapses, his frostbitten feet unable to take his weight. As the snow piles around him, two small shapes emerge from the blizzard.

"Hi, I'm Rickon, and this is my wolf Shaggydog"

"Funny", thinks Davos, as his life slips away "he doesn't look that shaggy "