Raised By Birds posted:

X
X (three mallard fillmore comics)
X

In which a Duck is bored, and now so are you.

Platystemon posted:

1907

Solid avatar material, IMO

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

Grape-Nuts: The Workingman's Edible Litter.

Squashing Machine posted:

Pretty sure the Juul has just deepened my addiction to nicotine, would only ever smoke a cigarette or two a day as long as I wasn't drinking, but with Juul I easily go through a pod in 2-3 days. Being able to use it indoors and the fact that it has no discernible beginning or end just makes it too easy to continuously use without thinking. gently caress Juul

Sent from my Juul

numberoneposter posted:

take my wife

PLEASE!

Oscar Wild posted:

Take my wife and wife and wife and wife and wife...

Please! I'm begging you. I dont know their names.

Panfilo posted:

You can get a version of Lucky Charms that is just Marshmallows. Ditto for crunchberries.

That tiny 'A' with a circle around it on the box? That indicates it is Asperger's safe cereal.

Xaintrailles posted:

Ha, no cereal is safe from me.

HJE-Cobra posted:

You could just view videos exclusively in incognito browsing mode. Or turn off cookies, never login, that kind of thing.

William Henry Hairytaint posted:

Buddy I'm not looking for end-user solutions here I'm looking for people who do stupid rear end algorithms like this to admit that they're bad and wrong

*distressed internet citizen* Help help I'm being drowned he's got his hand on my head and he wont let me up

*complacent jerks like HJE-Cobra* Just stop breathing idiot

What the hell is wrong with you. RISE UP.

tino posted:

The King of the World will invent a new camera to shoot Avatar 2.

My body is ready.

sweet thursday posted:

Hmm yes you can always tell a post isn't racist and bad when it has attached footnotes

sweet thursday posted:

Before you think my post is bad, allow me to take you back to a little place called Johannesburg in the 1950's. First slide please

Baronjutter posted:

I'm actually on collider's side. There's an unspoken agreement when you become a shill to the level they are, and Disney did not keep up their end of the deal.

reignofevil posted:

When you offer them a shilling and they demand the full penny-farthing smdh

reignofevil posted:

The drat Brits hosed up my pun because a shilling was worth more than a penny farthing.

ultrafilter posted:

Yeah. I really want to know what Indiana's candle smells like.

A Pack of Kobolds posted:

Horse poo poo, car exhaust, and two dudes loving who are totally not gay

Powershift posted:

Chairman Mao posted:

If that thing doesn't grab your wrist in a death grip the second you put the key in then what is even the loving point?

Boywhiz88 posted:

MAD employees be like “what? Me worky?”

Milo and POTUS posted:

lol but not in a good way

AlBorlantern Corps posted:

I don't loving get it. I hate seeing human beings.

Those new Lays bags with the human mouths are literally the most repulsive food packaging I've ever seen.

Fluffy Bunnies posted:

My husband plays a game every year on Veteran's Day. It's called "how much can I eat without getting sick". So far he's been to Golden Corral, IHOP, Applebees, Red Robin, and Menchie's.

He looks pregnant. I love him.

Kazak posted:

Same here!

It's basically Christmas for the stolen valor community

Grouchio posted:

Why the hell hasn't anyone brought Nestle before the Hague or it's business equivalent?

Deteriorata posted:

Also, what is the business equivalent of the Hague?

mystes posted:

The J.D. Power award for best midsize crime against humanity.

CrumCreepCoward posted:

"Colonel Sanders called Papas papas," He gaseously expelled in a cloud of orange grease smoke as mozzarella extruded from his engorged pores, the grease sliding down his pepperoni throat and lubricating its salty walls to spew more potent venom, "people used to drag papas from trucks until they died." Proudly He stood as a Papa among mortals and toppings rained from the heavens. He knew now the day of reckoning drew nigh.

Rutibex posted:

Rutibex posted:

exposure time on those old photographs is like 30 seconds. that cat was 100% drugged for this photo

Beachcomber posted:

Or dead.

Milo and POTUS posted:

Everything in that photo is dead

dromal phrenia posted:

Lowtax, I don't want to bother you in this stressful time, but there is currently no place on this forum where you are allowed to post goatse. I think maybe subforums should take turns so like one week you can post goatse in the book forum, then its back to being banned there but now you can post goatse in the debate forum, etc.

Who What Now posted:

What are you talking about? You can post goatse anywhere. Once

dromal phrenia posted:

I bet they edit it out when they catch you, though

zoux posted:

https://twitter.com/RichardDawkins/status/1229715325324795904

Dick Dorkins is just gonna tweet through it folks

sassassin posted:

Would you eat human meat if you could sit next to the guy it "came from" and see that he was whole and fine and happy for the company in his failing human meat restaurant?

Professor Shark posted:

Calda Speciale Monster Pizza: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dvki50vaGH8

That thing must be 3' in diameter! That's a huuuuuuge pizza!

Bad Purchase posted:

i’m the delivery guy who has to bike this order to some youtuber’s apartment

Woodpile posted:

If it's "long" can it be pizza?

Barudak posted:

If you accept rectangular pizza as pizza, then I dont see why an oozing river of cheese and bread cant be one

ThePopeOfFun posted:

Forsooth, the Pizza'd Hut conspires
To rid this hometown mine of sauce
and buttered sticks of twisted bread;
the gentle sup of my desire.

DiabloStarCraft posted:

I was always told to avoid spook because it was a racist slur in America despite it being a word for spy or intelligence officer in the UK. Is it a thing like spaz here where it's fallen out of use so isn't the worst word you could use anymore?

Blue Footed Booby posted:

It gets used that way in the US too. If you establish the context first people will generally understand. Safe alternatives include "secret squirrel."

Kitfox88 posted:

Samovar posted:

I dunno if I'd agree with that second tweet, I've always heard they're very capricious.

Colonel Cancer posted:

My steampunk alterego is a chimney sweep with bloated cancerous ballsack encrusted with gears.

sticksy posted:

doctorfrog posted:

Rember, rember!
The fith of Nember,
The Gunper teason pot;
I now of no reson
Why the Gunper teason
Shold ever be fogot!

Inspector Gesicht posted:

I was secretly angry at my grandmother for living until 94 despite being in feeble health for years, while three of her children and one grandchild passed at far too young ages. The Simpsons neatly epitomizes my frustration. It'll keep on trucking despite Harry Shearer ascending to the immaterial plane and Julie Kavner transforming into pure radio static.

Ratjaculation posted:

Travel couples on Instagram OP

Like can you go anywhere beautiful without having to both be in the photo lifting eachother up or doing that holding hands with cameraman thing

Please note this isn't me being jealous that they likely get paid to do this whilst my 15 followers get to enjoy my blurry photos of rocks

mind the walrus posted:

Maybe premature, but

Snowy posted:

Looks like we’ve goatse’d ourselves out of another jam, folks

Randaconda posted:

https://twitter.com/aeshryver_/status/1277620854571126791
you could tell me there already was a YA series called Daughter of Glass and Bone and I'd believe you

Zil posted:

Song BoneBone

oldpainless posted:

Crossroads remix looking good

Grammarchist posted:

Yeah, that sounds right. I keep trying to find the second, but I wasn't in the right head space to save it when I first saw it.

GROVER CURES HOUSE posted:

2:05 PM eastern standard time, the Muslims have vanished.

Check for yourself if you don’t believe me. Where have they gone to?

There is speculation, of course. Scientists mention a cosmic storm that passed the Earth on January 20. A man says they are all in caves. Certain groups lament a faulty Rapture. A woman says he has taken their power and absorbed it into himself. She means Barack Obama. I doubt it, but he does seem somehow taller. The ground rumbles at times. The breaking news says WASHINGTON DC, with red concentric circles. I’m uneasy, but what can we do? Terror is defeated and if Obama were a Muslim, he’d be just as gone as them. There’s no cause for alarm.

Within months, Barack Obama has declared a war on vague unease. It’s a good idea, because frankly we could all use some peace of mind. Approval rating is higher than ever now that the Muslims had left, but I don’t think we are happy yet. His eyes are shining sometimes, as a deer’s eyes shine in a flashlight beam. Small fissures criss-cross the pavement. Trees are swaying, but the breeze is gone. Something is changing in our world.

Aeroplanes don’t exist anymore. Scientists explain that the density of the air is too low to support their wings. Then how do we breathe?! We should have died by now, but I think we are evolving. Our bodies haven’t changed, but the atmosphere..

One man says it was the rapture after all, and we have since entered the Kingdom of God. Barack is now the size of an oak tree. He sleeps outside since the rains have ceased, and his skin is thick to bullets. Now he wanders through he countryside impassively. He ignores a rural photo-op. He studies a leaf for twenty days. Only a fool would call this Heaven. 
Satellites fall to earth like rain used to. No friction burns them away, so we trudge past countless flecks of solar panel and ribbons of golden cloth. It’s a silent car crash every few hours, though cars themselves no longer run. No oxygen remains to ignite their fuel. Obama strides across the landscape, taller than the Freedom Tower. We’ve given up on assassination; all men are immortal now, and guns no longer fire.

I’m starting to wish the Muslims were back.

We found them with a telescope. Images of a colony on the right side of the moon. See the parts that jut from the lower right? I think they’re mosques. Soon they are visible to the naked eye, but how? Their cities are enormous. We watch them as they live and die. They have our former atmosphere; the moon is fringed with blue. “Look at how they wield their guns,” writes a man. “I always said he’d take our guns away.” They eat and sleep like we once did, building worthless ziggurats. We have everything we wanted, but oh how we envy their strife!

It’s long been clear that Obama brought this uncomfortable perfection upon us, but I can’t bring myself to blame him for it. He’s reminded us all of how our lives had been discarded out of fear. I know now why he grows each day. In time, when we are ready he will reach out into space. He will raise us up in his great hand, to this new Earth that gleams like a frozen star. And if Obama does not carry us, we can climb…


radlum posted:

Have you ever quit a game because of how much the DM makes you cringe? I appreciate all the effort he puts into the game, but when he sings or starts testing his stand up material I just turn off the sound on my laptop.

Toshimo posted:

There are enough games out there looking for chill players that you should never be putting up with awful DMs at this point.

Dexo posted:

As an awful DM please don't tell my players they can leave me.

ChubbyChecker posted:

stop posting naked skeletons!

Shinku ABOOKEN posted:

joke's on you they are gonna have minecraft themed sex parties and you're NOT invited

John Murdoch posted:

Joke's on them when I show up as a creeper.

Also dressed as a Creeper from the video game Minecraft.

Khanstant posted:

coffee snobs are aliens to me. I'm drinking some cold coffee I made yesterday afternoon. Usually i buy beans from winco but we're out so I'm just using some preground stuff, idk brand, i think it has vanilla who cares. it's a good bitter drink and drug, doesnt need to have weird plant or animal byproducts dumped in. doesnt need to be hot, the beans dont need everything at some specific temperature and steeping time, hit the button, drink the stuff. the first time i ever drank coffee it was sour because it had been sitting in the pot for weeks and i still liked it. you can straight up just eat the roasted coffee beans and its good. if i had my way nobody would even make coffee, we'd just make our beds out of wet mounds of coffeegrounds and you'd just suckle coffeedew from the night's sweat

one of my least favourite experiences is being in a situation where you have to pretend the extraneous labor that goes into a beanfreaks special methods are significant or impactful in any perceivable way.

spincube posted:

...I seem to remember more of the Lewis & Clark crew having up close moments with the 'liquid' in the Event Horizon's gravity drive, though, not just the engineer - like a scene where the whole crew abruptly find themselves staring into the black, and their reflections move on their own or something - so it's a confused 'which of us is the reflection' moment. Is there more than one version of the film, or have I muddled it with something from a different film altogether?

Gonz posted:

Unless it was a deleted scene, I don't believe there was ever a scene in EH where the whole crew was in the engine room at once looking into an activated core.

I do remember, however, the artifact in Sphere initially not giving off reflections of anything around it, and every time someone went inside of it, their reflections appeared and started floating upwards.

Gonz posted:

That said, it's been a while since I watched EH from start to finish, so it's entirely possible that I myself looked into the core and have been affected.

RandomFerret posted:

If I was in a locked room with an angry chimp and a knife, I would use it to cut off my own face and genitals. That way they'd at least have a chance at being surgically reattached

Dolphin posted:

my uncle once got kicked out of school because he got sprayed by a skunk and got accused of eating ramps which was against the rules

another time he got kicked out of school for eating ramps because he was eating ramps, which was against the rules

my uncle was illiterate his entire life

Failed Imagineer posted:

I know it was actually Michael Chiklis, but when I try to imagine Vic Mackey I just picture Dean Norris. Try it yourself, it's a fun game I like to call "Imagine Vic Mackey"

ultrafilter posted:

Carthag Tuek posted:

what is this dish called?

Solice Kirsk posted:

Pizghetti. Two year olds across the nation ask for it by name, but their terrible parents only ever give them spaghetti.

Grumblepuff posted:

Look inside you.

There are two Giulianis.

One on top of the other. The top one constantly dripping into the other's eyes, mouth, and nose. The bottom one protesting in vain.

Until the top one is a withered husk-just bones and handkerchiefs, and the other fatted like an engorged tick.

They switch places, and the cycle repeats.