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Milo and POTUS
Sep 3, 2017

I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?


The chili mac with extra hotsauces and jal cheese was nice. And the jambalaya was loving good if you're comparing it to like... frozen or canned fare.

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Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


We should get an ex-con in here to tell us about prison food and how it holds up against military grub.

E: The IDF usually includes tuna (in oil) cans in the rations and soldiers have figured out that if you perforated the can in several places, stuffed the holes with TP so as to create 'wicks' and light them then the tuna gets a very smokey chicken like flavour and texture.

E: update:



Pretty dang tasty.

Horrible Lurkbeast fucked around with this message at Apr 11, 2018 around 11:17

FrankZP
Nov 11, 2015

Do you know the best way
to kill an Oni with your
bare hands?


It also clearly doubles as an oil lamp in a pinch, with a delightful tuna genie inside ready to fulfill all your protein wishes.

Halloween Jack
Sep 11, 2003

Let your word be "Yes, Yes" or "No, No"; anything more than this comes from the evil one.

Grem posted:

The pound cake is the only good carb/bread thing. Like holy gently caress how do you eat that bread without dying of bread and a fatigued jaw?
Pound cake is designed to be dense and dense in calories, so it seems tailor-made or MREs in theory.

Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


It burns for quite a while, you could probably boil some eggs for the tasty tuna salad.

Suspect Bucket
Jan 14, 2012

SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR


Horrible Lurkbeast posted:

It burns for quite a while, you could probably boil some eggs for the tasty tuna salad.

I'm probably going camping next week. Let's see if I can actually buy tuna packed in oil at my local grocery store....

Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


It turned out that it works best if you remove the lid entirely and place some unrolled pieces of paper to soak. Just don't let them get completely oily, you need some slack to light.

Suspect Bucket
Jan 14, 2012

SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR


Horrible Lurkbeast posted:

It turned out that it works best if you remove the lid entirely and place some unrolled pieces of paper to soak. Just don't let them get completely oily, you need some slack to light.

Do you have a source? Now madly curious.

I'll try to document it for y'all. Hope I dont just end up with burnt tuna.

Also, from what I've seen of convict food in the news, it's rotten baloney sandwiches and prison loaf. As little nutritional value and expense as possible to maximize profits. It's actually quite horrific. https://www.theatlantic.com/health/...america/549179/ , http://www.governing.com/topics/pub...o-michigan.html

\/\/ Ah ha, first hand knowledge! All right, I'll mess around with it. \/\/

edit: Oh, and havbe a fun Mother Jones read on private prisons. https://www.motherjones.com/politic...tigation-bauer/

MRE's please

Suspect Bucket fucked around with this message at Apr 11, 2018 around 20:57

Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


Don't need no source, the dang thing got snuffed by the wind until I did this.

E:^^^^ if I was forced to eat this bad of a food I may have degenerated into a cannibalistic ghoule.

Horrible Lurkbeast fucked around with this message at Apr 11, 2018 around 20:25

Herr Tog
Jun 18, 2011



Suspect Bucket posted:

Do you have a source? Now madly curious.

I'll try to document it for y'all. Hope I dont just end up with burnt tuna.

Also, from what I've seen of convict food in the news, it's rotten baloney sandwiches and prison loaf. As little nutritional value and expense as possible to maximize profits. It's actually quite horrific. https://www.theatlantic.com/health/...america/549179/ , http://www.governing.com/topics/pub...o-michigan.html

\/\/ Ah ha, first hand knowledge! All right, I'll mess around with it. \/\/

edit: Oh, and havbe a fun Mother Jones read on private prisons. https://www.motherjones.com/politic...tigation-bauer/

MRE's please

that mother jones article is a loving ride holy poo poo

Samizdata
May 14, 2007


Just saw this and figured it went here. Good old Mr. Manley.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eauxlp1wN8Q

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014

We can't stop here! This is cat country!


Samizdata posted:

Just saw this and figured it went here. Good old Mr. Manley.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eauxlp1wN8Q

Like I needed more excuses for alcoholism.

Samizdata
May 14, 2007


chitoryu12 posted:

Like I needed more excuses for alcoholism.

It struck me as dovetailing nicely with your torpedo juice.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014

We can't stop here! This is cat country!


I actually just got a bottle of okolehao, a semi-native Hawaiian distilled beverage (it's made with cabbage palm root from Hawaii, but it took an escaped Australian convict to teach them the art of distillation). It's a mixture of sugar cane and ti root, completely unaged. Apparently it was very popular on US military bases around the time of World War II, but wartime shortages resulted in a lot of unscrupulous or unskilled distillers flooding the market with lovely product and resulting in commercial rum, vodka, and whiskey imports to push it out of the way.

It's worth picking up a bottle if you can stomach about $30 in shipping costs to the mainland United States. It's kinda like white rum with a faint bitter-sweetness added.

Samizdata
May 14, 2007


chitoryu12 posted:

I actually just got a bottle of okolehao, a semi-native Hawaiian distilled beverage (it's made with cabbage palm root from Hawaii, but it took an escaped Australian convict to teach them the art of distillation). It's a mixture of sugar cane and ti root, completely unaged. Apparently it was very popular on US military bases around the time of World War II, but wartime shortages resulted in a lot of unscrupulous or unskilled distillers flooding the market with lovely product and resulting in commercial rum, vodka, and whiskey imports to push it out of the way.

It's worth picking up a bottle if you can stomach about $30 in shipping costs to the mainland United States. It's kinda like white rum with a faint bitter-sweetness added.

No money for such things, but it sounds lovely. (BIG rum fan.)

JacquelineDempsey
Aug 6, 2008

It's a horrible name for anything really but especially a shirt.


Horrible Lurkbeast posted:

We should get an ex-con in here to tell us about prison food and how it holds up against military grub.

As someone who not only worked for a US Army DFAC but also spent a couple months in a privatized, for-profit jail, I feel qualified to answer any questions y'all might have!

DFAC food beats jail food by miles. Hell, I'd gladly eat the worst US MRE invented as opposed to another tray featuring "star patties" (mystery meat), collards (which I'm still convinced were the grass clippings from inmates mowing the median strips of highways) and stale bread. To quote one fellow inmate: "How in the world do you gently caress up a hot dog so badly?"

If nothing else, MREs provide condiments. We had to buy our own salt and pepper, and I don't think Tabasco was even an option. My canteen account was hosed up from the get-go, so I didn't have any money for the first few weeks despite friends chucking money in. Since I'm an artist, I quickly started a business trading drawings (tattoos, greeting cards for their kids birthdays) for anything to add flavor to the "grits", until that matter got settled. (That Mother Jones article was spot on in describing the futility of inmates airing grievances, among 1000 other things.)

My spouse saved my letters home, and on re-reading them, one that always makes me sadly chuckle is where, smack in the middle of gushing about how much I love him, his weekly visits mean the world to me, I'm so sorry to be a burden, etc, I just blurt out:

"drat, I miss salt."

Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


drat the American correctional system is horrid, I'd have to ask a friend of mine who spent time in jail here to see how the food is.

Herr Tog
Jun 18, 2011



JacquelineDempsey posted:

As someone who not only worked for a US Army DFAC but also spent a couple months in a privatized, for-profit jail, I feel qualified to answer any questions y'all might have!

DFAC food beats jail food by miles. Hell, I'd gladly eat the worst US MRE invented as opposed to another tray featuring "star patties" (mystery meat), collards (which I'm still convinced were the grass clippings from inmates mowing the median strips of highways) and stale bread. To quote one fellow inmate: "How in the world do you gently caress up a hot dog so badly?"

If nothing else, MREs provide condiments. We had to buy our own salt and pepper, and I don't think Tabasco was even an option. My canteen account was hosed up from the get-go, so I didn't have any money for the first few weeks despite friends chucking money in. Since I'm an artist, I quickly started a business trading drawings (tattoos, greeting cards for their kids birthdays) for anything to add flavor to the "grits", until that matter got settled. (That Mother Jones article was spot on in describing the futility of inmates airing grievances, among 1000 other things.)

My spouse saved my letters home, and on re-reading them, one that always makes me sadly chuckle is where, smack in the middle of gushing about how much I love him, his weekly visits mean the world to me, I'm so sorry to be a burden, etc, I just blurt out:

"drat, I miss salt."

i am ashamed of my country but proud of your spouse.

JacquelineDempsey
Aug 6, 2008

It's a horrible name for anything really but especially a shirt.


Horrible Lurkbeast posted:

drat the American correctional system is horrid, I'd have to ask a friend of mine who spent time in jail here to see how the food is.

At the risk of majorly derailing the thread, I'd love to hear what inmates in other countries eat.

Also, my favorite food-in-jail story involves a holiday. I'll post it if folks are curious, but keeping on topic, thinking it about led me to wonder what holiday food is like in the military. Anything special? Do you get extra chow, or special MREs in the field? The DFAC I worked for went all-out the day before a holiday (eg., 12 turkeys and shrimp cocktail and the like on Thanksgiving Wednesday), but then we'd close. Bonus for me was taking home a whole turkey and about 5 pounds of shrimp home one year because we were gonna throw it out. Sigh. Such waste there.

Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


JacquelineDempsey
Aug 6, 2008

It's a horrible name for anything really but especially a shirt.



Well, alright, I'm supposed to be working on a grant proposal right now but maybe more writing will get my juices a-flowing.

I quickly learned that Wednesday was the best day for food, because it was chicken day. For lunch, we got two real pieces of chicken, usually anemic drumsticks that were probably the garbage cast-offs that some local Virginia poultry farm couldn't sell to Food Lion, but hell, it was real meat that obviously came from a real animal. Wednesdays were a treat.

My stint happened to take place during 4th of July (for non-US goons, this is a day we barbecue lots of animals to celebrate declaring our independence), and this year the 4th happened on a Wednesday. A woman in my pod who did laundry had a thing going with a cook (women with privileges could do laundry, only men could cook) and heard a couple days before from him that we were getting fried chicken for the 4th, as a treat. As of the 2nd, we were already drooling over this prospect.

Around 0600 on the 4th, we can smell the chicken frying. On no other day (except chicken Wed's and pb&j Saturdays) did we know what was gonna be served, because unlike prisons like that in the MJ article, jails are almost literally airtight. You spend a lot of your time locked in your cell behind a door that has no bars, it's solid metal with a tiny window. Even during free time, the pod is practically hermetically sealed, with multiple "airlocks" between you and the kitchen. So the fact that we can smell fried chicken is driving us insane. We are getting giddy as gently caress over this.

Finally lunchtime (around 1045) comes around, and someone yells "TRAYS ROLLING!" which means get out of your cell and start jockeying into position to grab a tray and eat for the whopping 15 minutes they allowed for chow time.

I get my tray and it smells heavenly. There's two pieces of battered fried chicken, some mashed potatoes about the consistency of of yogurt (with a pat of margarine, holy poo poo), and a spoonful of watery corn. I immediately grab a leg, sink my teeth in, and...

My teeth won't come back out. This chicken has been cooked so long you could build low-income housing out of it. I pick some fry batter off and munch that, and it's like obsidian shards of sheer disappointment in my mouth. I pull some meat off the bone, and as I start chewing this chicken jerky, I begin to wonder if the tears welling up in my eyes might not be used to add seasoning and moisture to it.

Soooo, much like this post, it was a whole lot of build up to the biggest let-down ever.

I don't recall what we got for dinner, I think that was business as usual. Then just to add the (15 cents a packet) salt to the wound, my jail was literally across the highway from Busch Gardens, and at lights out we got to listen to their spectacular July 4th fireworks display, but not see any of it, because, y'know, no windows.

I admit, I cried a lot that night.

MrUnderbridge
Jun 25, 2011


Holy crap - drove past that facility literally thousands of times coming off 64. Never really gave it more than a glance.

Suspect Bucket
Jan 14, 2012

SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR


We love you JD! Thank you for sharing.

Horrible Lurkbeast
Jul 17, 2007

IT WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL ALONG!


I was never angrier about the senseless waste of what should be good food.
Do you think that it was incompetence or could it be that they got close to rotting stock and decided to burn the gently caress out of it for supposed hygiene?

Last Transmission
Aug 10, 2011


JacquelineDempsey posted:

Prison food story

Hey, JD can you share your stories with the awesome The Jail/Prison Thread, too?

Zopotantor
Feb 24, 2013



This is literally hell.

JacquelineDempsey
Aug 6, 2008

It's a horrible name for anything really but especially a shirt.


Last Transmission posted:

Hey, JD can you share your stories with the awesome The Jail/Prison Thread, too?

Didn't know there was one! There used to be one in A/T years ago, I loved posting in there, and folks seemed to appreciate getting a woman's stories (did you know that jail-issued menstrual pads make great scouring sponges to keep your cell clean? #jailhacks)
Thanks for the tip, I'll see y'all over there soon!

And thanks for the kind words, all, and humoring my little derail. Reading that Mother Jones article dredged up a lot of memories, and it always feels good to tell some with as much humor as I can muster.

Keeping on topic of military food, I think my next post here will be "That Time Some SSGT Thought It Would Be A Good Idea To Make Enough Chitlins For 800 Soldiers".

eating only apples
Dec 12, 2009

Though you reach out in compassion, I must now insist that you forget.


Lipstick Apathy

Really wanna hear more from you, JD!

angerbeet
Mar 23, 2004


plob


Man that mother jones article, just holy poo poo

Herr Tog
Jun 18, 2011



angerbeet posted:

Man that mother jones article, just holy poo poo

I know right!?

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Suspect Bucket
Jan 14, 2012

SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR


Ok, camping and trying the tuna thing. Also seeing if I can heat up water for some dehydrated soup. I'll let you know how it goes.

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