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bartolimu
Nov 25, 2002





Hello good little boys, girls, third and fourth genders, androgynes, bi-phallused dragons, and various assorted folk. Once again, by popular demand, it's time for us to cook our hearts out for each other and ship treats all over the planet. This is the slightly-late Turbo edition of Something Offal Secret Santa, with some special rules to ensure as many people get timely holiday happiness as possible.

Are you interested in sending goodies to your fellow Something Offal posters, and receiving a package of mysteriously good treats from a (probably different) Something Offal poster? Do you feel overwhelmed with the giving spirit of the holidays? Then follow these steps and attain enlightenment, or at least a few tasty treats:

1. Send an email offalsanta at gmail. Note this is a different email than used in previous years. In that mail provide ALL of the following:
  • Your SA username
  • Your address. Please format this address in a manner that will ensure the package actually makes it to you. If possible, keep it to no more than five lines since that's how many lines my spreadsheet allows before it shits itself.
  • A list of any allergies, strong food aversions, eating restrictions (celiac, diabetic, vegetarian/vegan, etc.), or other factors that might influence your ability to consume/enjoy whatever Santa sends you.
  • Whether you would accept homemade goodies of prefer store-bought local specialties (as always, the denizens of Something Offal make way better stuff than stores - but suit yourself).
  • If you like, write a little note to Santa.
2. Post in this thread to announce your participation. If you don't do this, you will be removed from the Santa pool before assignments go out.
3. Wait (im)patiently until signups close. After that I'll assign Santas and let you know where to point your package of delicious charm.
4. Prepare a basket of holiday goodies for your assigned asantazation target and send it to them. Please try for delivery by New Year's Day, 2016 - nobody likes Christmas with Cupid.
5. When your package from Santa arrives, photograph the contents and share your joy with the thread! Please do this. It's always more fun than not posting.

Gift Guidelines

If you haven't done one of these exchanges before, first of all, welcome! Here are some things to keep in mind when participating in this forum-themed exchange:
  • We're a cooking forum, so something food-themed is most appropriate. We strongly recommend edible things (and sharing the recipes for those things if they're homemade), but if you have another kitchen-inspired idea that you're sure will work, run with it.
  • You can send store-bought or homemade things unless your target requests store-bought.
  • Try to send things your target would like to eat. This means honoring any dietary limitations they may have and avoiding things that might cause anaphylaxis. If you have any doubts about something, you can email me or PM me and I'll ask your target for you.
  • If you're sending store-bought goodies, try to aim for around $25 worth of stuff.
  • If you're sending homemade goodies, use common sense and send a good amount of stuff.
  • Once again, try to have your gift delivered by January 1st, 2016.

The Turbo-Santaing Rule

In previous years, we've allowed people to specify local or international shipping in order to limit crippling shipment costs for those concerned while still allowing transatlantic gifting. Due to the shorter Santa timeline this year, I've made the executive decision that all Santas will be given targets in their own hemisphere. We don't have time to guarantee a Scottish Santa's goods would arrive in Van Nuys before the new year, and everyone hates dragging these things out until February for the last couple of hold-outs. I will pair Canadian and/or Mexican entrants with Americans as much as possible; if you're concerned about the contents of your package being nabbed by Customs or have other worries about shipping internationally, please let me know and I'll do my best to pair you with someone in your own country.

In the event of a lone signup somewhere in moon country with no matchable Santa, don't worry. I have a plan.

The Grinch Rule



If you sign up for Something Offal Secret Santa and fail to send a package, you will be banned. If you re-register on SA after that ban, I may repeatedly ban you until you've spent more on re-registration than it would have cost you to send a gift in the first place. Last year we had one Grinch, and I was a disappointed food forum moderator. Let's please try for a perfect record this year.

Signups will close at 11:59pm PST on Monday, November 30th. I will do my best to have all assignments done by December 4th to allow multiple weekends for cooking/shipping.

Allez noel!

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Suspect Bucket
Jan 14, 2012

SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR


SANTA CLAUUS. gently caress YEAH

If at all possible, please do not match me with a vegetarian or I'll have to eat all this alligator jerky I bought by myself. Jerky is meant to be shared. Vegetarians, I love and respect you, but FLORIDA

\/\/\/Welp too late then\/\/\/

Suspect Bucket fucked around with this message at Nov 18, 2015 around 23:52

bartolimu
Nov 25, 2002



Suspect Bucket posted:

If at all possible, please do not match me with a vegetarian or I'll have to eat all this alligator jerky I bought by myself. Jerky is meant to be shared. Vegetarians, I love and respect you, but FLORIDA

I'm happy to meet this kind of request whenever possible, but please be sure to mention it in your registration email.

Spadoink
Oct 10, 2005

Tea, earl grey, hot.



College Slice

In again

Something Offal Secret Santa = Best Secret Santa, hands down.

Drink and Fight
Feb 2, 2003

hoot, hoot, hoot, hoot hoot hoot hoot hoothoothoothoothoothoothoot hoooohootohtothotootothtoto, hoot


I will do this thing.

Edit: I should probably include some wishes. Ok I live in a place where I can basically buy anything anytime (bay area) so send me some local booze or beer, or weird local foods, or homemade things! I love spicy things and getting drunk.

Drink and Fight fucked around with this message at Dec 4, 2015 around 17:45

battlemonk
Dec 10, 2008


I, a ghostly lurker, will totally be in for this, because I have so many cool ideas to send people.

Brawnfire
Jul 13, 2004

Come play my CYOA!

Save your reality from the Constructors... then save all the rest of them.


Oh, ooh, me?

Kenning
Jan 10, 2009

I really want to post goatse. I wish I had 10bux


Oh yeah, gonna send some cookies to some weirdos.

Manuel Calavera
Nov 1, 2008

Hey waiter, what's this metatarsal doing in my soup?



What if we got each other and sent each other cookies, Kenning? That'd be like, double weirdo or something.

In.

Chef De Cuisinart
Oct 31, 2010

Brandy does in fact, in my experience, contribute to Getting Down.

I'm in, of course. Someone's getting whatever cool thing I've been doing lately at work!

Mr. Wiggles
Dec 1, 2003

I would never shop at Costco. The paper towels won't fit into my sports car!

Mail sent. Looking forward to this again.

artichokeyou
Jul 1, 2010


I'm in!

deathrat
May 25, 2010


Reg-email sent, in on this so hard.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004



Fun Shoe

In as always, someone's getting some good poo poo this year.

dalstrs
Mar 11, 2004

At least this way my kill will have some use

Dinosaur Gum

I'll join this thing here.

WhoIsYou
Jan 28, 2009


In again this year.

OmegaBeard
Sep 13, 2010


Popping back up from moonland to say I'm in. Deep.

Toast
Dec 7, 2002

GoonsWithSpoons.com Generalissimo


Ah why not, I can't possibly get grinched yet again can i? :p

30 Goddamned Dicks
Sep 8, 2010

I will leave you to flounder in your cesspool of primeval soup, you sad, lonely, little cowards.


Fun Shoe

Ooo yessss my favorite time of year!

I'm gluten-free so don't send me any pie crusts. I also love local honey from local beekeepers if that is a thing that you can do as Santa. Homemade is *great*!!! Hot sauce is also awesome tho I have a bit of a collection already. I'm also a fan of regional foods if that's a thing where you are as well.

RHIN0002
Dec 8, 2008


I'd like to join although I'm a heathen that missed the deadline. Let me know if that's fine.

mindphlux
Jan 8, 2004

by R. Guyovich


30 Goddamned Dicks posted:

Ooo yessss my favorite time of year!

I'm gluten-free so don't send me any pie crusts. I also love local honey from local beekeepers if that is a thing that you can do as Santa. Homemade is *great*!!! Hot sauce is also awesome tho I have a bit of a collection already. I'm also a fan of regional foods if that's a thing where you are as well.

keep us up to date

bartolimu
Nov 25, 2002



Now now, mindphlux. There's no snarking in Christmasthread. Also I'm going to treat that post as your signup post.

A couple of you failed to include key information in your signups. I sent some emails about the missing stuff, so please check your emails.

I have an email from The Midniter but no post backing it up. Please do so.

battlemonk, you posted about interest but I have no email from you (unless your username has changed since you signed up, in which case please let me know through email)

RHIN0002 posted:

I'd like to join although I'm a heathen that missed the deadline. Let me know if that's fine.

Since some other people messed up, go ahead and send your info.

We are still on track for December 4th assignments. People mentioned above, please get your information sorted as requested before then or you may end up left out!

The Midniter
Jul 9, 2001



Me no read instructions good.




I'm in.

30 Goddamned Dicks
Sep 8, 2010

I will leave you to flounder in your cesspool of primeval soup, you sad, lonely, little cowards.


Fun Shoe

mindphlux posted:

keep us up to date

What was I not supposed to post my wishlist here?

Imma cover myself in honey and take a special picture just for youuuuuuu

bartolimu
Nov 25, 2002



30 Goddamned Dicks posted:

What was I not supposed to post my wishlist here?

Imma cover myself in honey and take a special picture just for youuuuuuu

...and suddenly I know exactly who's getting mindphlux as a santee.

mindphlux
Jan 8, 2004

by R. Guyovich


bartolimu posted:

Now now, mindphlux. There's no snarking in Christmasthread. Also I'm going to treat that post as your signup post.

I signed up in earnest and sent you an e-mail a week or two ago!

30 Goddamned Dicks posted:

What was I not supposed to post my wishlist here?

Imma cover myself in honey and take a special picture just for youuuuuuu

yeah I think probably not

but I could use a picture of 30 goddamned dicks covered in honey so color me intrigued

30 Goddamned Dicks
Sep 8, 2010

I will leave you to flounder in your cesspool of primeval soup, you sad, lonely, little cowards.


Fun Shoe

mindphlux posted:

but I could use a picture of 30 goddamned dicks covered in honey so color me intrigued

I got you fam

lanefrost
Dec 11, 2002

Give me my binkie!

I'm game! Woo!
lurker who loves reading threads of things I may never be able to make

bartolimu
Nov 25, 2002



Assignments are going out RIGHT NOW OH MY I AM SO EXCITED

edit: assignments mailed. Let me know ASAP of any issues.

bartolimu fucked around with this message at Dec 4, 2015 around 17:19

artichokeyou
Jul 1, 2010


I am currently stalking my Santee to figure out what they like. Bartolimu, I sent you an e-mail asking if you could contact my Santee and ask if they prefer sweet, savory, or a mixture of things. I am to please!

edit: By stalking, I definitely don't mean just on SA. Creeping the interwebs. Has anyone shown up at someone's door and delivered things personally? Always down for a road trip!

Drink and Fight
Feb 2, 2003

hoot, hoot, hoot, hoot hoot hoot hoot hoothoothoothoothoothoothoot hoooohootohtothotootothtoto, hoot


Edited my post with more details.

battlemonk
Dec 10, 2008


bartolimu posted:

battlemonk, you posted about interest but I have no email from you (unless your username has changed since you signed up, in which case please let me know through email)

Welp, I did send you an email, but I was away from everything over this weekend and just now got back to browsing. Apparently I am an rear end and it never got to you.

Guess I'll try again next year. (This is what I get for being a Jew who tried to participate in something Christmastime!)

Toast
Dec 7, 2002

GoonsWithSpoons.com Generalissimo


Package sent the other day however I stupidly forgot one of the items. If it's not mentally priced to ship it seperately I will send it later.

Brawnfire
Jul 13, 2004

Come play my CYOA!

Save your reality from the Constructors... then save all the rest of them.


It's coming, santee, I swear to Krampus! I'm so bad at sending stuff out on time

artichokeyou
Jul 1, 2010


I am not currently staying at my house, so if my Santa could please let bart know when my package is sent out (and if it has a tracking number by chance) I can go by periodically to check for it. Thanks!!

Mr. Wiggles
Dec 1, 2003

I would never shop at Costco. The paper towels won't fit into my sports car!

Package sent!

Brawnfire
Jul 13, 2004

Come play my CYOA!

Save your reality from the Constructors... then save all the rest of them.


Mr. Wiggles posted:

Package sent!

Mine too, finally! It's in Baby Goon Jesus's' hands now!

Spadoink
Oct 10, 2005

Tea, earl grey, hot.



College Slice

Toast posted:

Package sent the other day however I stupidly forgot one of the items. If it's not mentally priced to ship it seperately I will send it later.

Thank you Toast!! I came home from a long day of working followed by day 1 of a 2-day intensive baking worshop (hey santee, looking at you) to find a lovely package of goodies waiting for me! Will take photos and detail the contents probably on Wednesday, when I have a few non-exhausted minutes, but wanted to pop in and say thank you thank you thank you!!

First time in 5-6 years of doing the GWS secret santa that I received a former santee as a Santa

Brawnfire
Jul 13, 2004

Come play my CYOA!

Save your reality from the Constructors... then save all the rest of them.


Oh, oops, I wasn't sure if we were supposed to reveal ourselves in our package so I didn't!

Well, this'll just add to the fun of MYSTERY

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dalstrs
Mar 11, 2004

At least this way my kill will have some use

Dinosaur Gum

I guess I'm not the only person to ship their package and not put a note in it (I forgot). Hopefully everything makes it in good condition, we will find out when it arrives tomorrow.

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