- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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when you open the ice box, you will find a bone splinter from a long bone, a cup of coffee that is somehow still hot, and he reaches in from the other side to grab a pack of smokes (with extra gravel) from the ice box's door
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Dec 1, 2015 02:44
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 19, 2024 15:37
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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"Oh, gnnahhh, you like the floors? Had 'em put in,, ohhhnnn must be 3 million years ago. Yeahhhn, I like the dirt, it's a very.. visceral feel, and in I just love throwing it at unfinished drywall when i want to entertain myself. I don't own a tv."
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Dec 1, 2015 02:47
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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it takes tom waits 20 minutes to navigate the ever-shifting non-euclidean funhouse mirror maze that distorts your image so you look like a demon covered in dust to get the bathroom by shouting "MARCO" into a heavily distorted megaphone. the bathroom answers back "polo"
Qwerinty fucked around with this message at 03:02 on Dec 1, 2015
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Dec 1, 2015 02:50
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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when tom waits exists the recording booth or finishes a tour, he always looks forward to coming home to the state fair where he can operate the haunted mansion ride.
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Dec 1, 2015 02:52
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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he has a complicated series of plumbing that leads from a chair with a dunce cap sitting on it out to the drainage canal outside. he dons the hat and sits in the chair, facing the corner. "misery is the river of the world." he cries into the phonograph horn he welded onto the pipe. he shakes the dirt off his duster and pulls his diary from its breast pocket.
Qwerinty fucked around with this message at 19:25 on Dec 1, 2015
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Dec 1, 2015 02:55
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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he leaves the home and people immediately start laughing at him, saying he's wearing a fedora. "actually, it's not a fedora, it's a hat" he says, a blizzard of glitter flowing from it as he removes it and bows deeply, sarcastically
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Dec 1, 2015 02:58
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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he stopped making toast due to extreme ptsd from singing about the war
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Dec 1, 2015 03:00
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- fema crisis actor
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bweee-ooo-eee-ooo-eee-ooo
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When you visit, don't drink a beer right away. Let the beers drink themselves and then the scotch, and then drink the beers
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Dec 1, 2015 03:02
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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tom waits exclusively cooks his food with one of three things: the overheated engine of a '55 pickup truck painted oxblood red, a giant open flame he claims is from hell itself but is actually a tire fire, or a flamethrower. he only eats beef.
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Dec 1, 2015 03:05
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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you'd think his driveway car-building/restoration project would be a hearse, or a caddy, but you'd be wrong. it'd be a decommissioned yellow checker taxi from nyc from 50 years ago
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Dec 1, 2015 03:07
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- fema crisis actor
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bweee-ooo-eee-ooo-eee-ooo
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The wurlitzer jukebox in the corner is free, but it only has Iggy Pop songs in it. The bubbling liquid in its glowing tubes is Negroni. It cries Negroni tears if the first song you try to play is raw power
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Dec 1, 2015 03:08
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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this thread isn't entirely about his own home per sé, but also homes away from home. every overnight diner in a 30mi radius modified their straw dispensers to have cigarettes, coffee costs a nickel, and you can always get a ride from a noble ghost trucker. his concerts don't sell beer but they do have cigarette vending machines.
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Dec 1, 2015 03:11
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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this thread is actually a lie, he's been hitchhiking, hopping box cars, and driving horribly inefficient american made cars from before the 70s at insanely high speeds
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Dec 1, 2015 03:13
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- fema crisis actor
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bweee-ooo-eee-ooo-eee-ooo
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He has a home, I know his address, it's the airstream shorty at the corner of Bedlam and Squalor.
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Dec 1, 2015 03:17
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- fema crisis actor
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bweee-ooo-eee-ooo-eee-ooo
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But when you go inside the airstream you still have to walk up six floors to his cold water flat
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Dec 1, 2015 03:17
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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tom waits stole a handful of penny candy from the store and cadre of cops rushed and beat him bloody with billy clubs. finally, a new record from him
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Dec 1, 2015 03:18
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- Looke
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why does Tom wait so long?
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Dec 1, 2015 03:35
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- fema crisis actor
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bweee-ooo-eee-ooo-eee-ooo
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When Tom went down to the crossroads and made his deal with the devil, there was a clerical error and now he has to pick up shifts for old scratch on Tuesday and Thursday
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Dec 1, 2015 03:38
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- DeepQantas
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Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...
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He probably likes to read a good book now and then.
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Dec 1, 2015 04:08
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- fuck. marry. t-rex
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when tom waits exists the recording booth or finishes a tour, he always looks forward to coming home to the state fair where he can operate the haunted mansion ride.
lol and probably true?
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Dec 1, 2015 04:43
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- Macnult
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Although Tom Waits appeared to genuinely enjoy hanging out with you at your house, he only came over to find out the truth. "What's he building in there?" Tom Waits anxiously thought to himself, while you were busy having your eyes glued to whatever was on television at the time.
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Dec 1, 2015 07:25
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- DeepQantas
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Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...
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Oh crap oh crap... it's that nosy singer from next door. Where do I hide all this formaldehyde that got misdelivered to my home address?
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Dec 1, 2015 07:42
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- DeepQantas
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Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...
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- Huey, you get the dishes. Lewey, vacuum. Dewey, run to the store and buy the least expensive biscuits you can find...
- But Unca Tommy, why the hurry?
- Because your dear old Grandunca Scrooge is visiting. And this time we're gonna find out where the old geezer's buried all that money before he loses his mind.
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Dec 1, 2015 08:16
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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tom waits put on trial for murdering the moon, causing it to crash in Kentucky. He made the Right friends in jail and was let out early on one condition: he find and "take care of" Saturday night and bring back its heart as proof.
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Dec 1, 2015 14:30
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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he has a room of refrigerators with crayon scrawlings of vultures and dead trees, each labeled "tom wates age 5". the opposite wall has a bunch of ticks marking his height, with one line at the top being super loving dark
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Dec 1, 2015 15:45
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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he drives an old black Mariah, but prefers to transform into a crow and caw a "step right up" sales pitch as he flies across the wasteland
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Dec 1, 2015 15:47
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- Piso Mojado
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he has a room of refrigerators with crayon scrawlings of vultures and dead trees, each labeled "tom wates age 5". the opposite wall has a bunch of ticks marking his height, with one line at the top being super loving dark
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Dec 1, 2015 16:18
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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jesus was ready to do the rapture in 1992 but tomwaits looked up at the sky and jesus got skeeved
lol
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Dec 1, 2015 17:30
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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he sleeps in a room with a huge, rusted boiler and clanky old rusted pipes. he keeps a notebook on his nightstand to write music ideas in. it's mostly "clank hssssss wommmmmwommmm growl about the world drowning to death in rusty water" and a giant ink blot with arrows pointing to it saying "PLAY THIS NOTE". the nightstand is made out of old single load muskets and a manhole cover
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Dec 1, 2015 17:37
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- fuck. marry. t-rex
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he sleeps in a room with a huge, rusted boiler and clanky old rusted pipes. he keeps a notebook on his nightstand to write music ideas in. it's mostly "clank hssssss wommmmmwommmm growl about the world drowning to death in rusty water" and a giant ink blot with arrows pointing to it saying "PLAY THIS NOTE". the nightstand is made out of old single load muskets and a manhole cover
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Dec 1, 2015 18:06
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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like all good recording artists, he has a sound studio in his home. he straps himself to a gurney leftover from when the insane asylum burnt down, closes the cell, and sings into a charred IV pole with a bent tin can duct taped on.
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Dec 1, 2015 18:49
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- FutonForensic
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Dec 1, 2015 21:33
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 19, 2024 15:37
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- precision
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by VideoGames
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that's not carpet, it's cigarette butts
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Dec 1, 2015 21:44
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Dec 1, 2015 02:44
