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I have heard that when the Mongols swept out of Asia Minor into Europe as a great horde of devil-locusts, Sebmojo fell to his feet and wept, for he saw there was no god. He'd better warm up those venerable tearducts right now, because I'm savage as gently caress.
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# ¿ Feb 17, 2025 01:33 |
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sebmojo posted:fight flerp titus
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sebmojo posted:Lol
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I want to judge a bigass slaughterbrawl. I've got a prompt ready and everything.![]() ![]()
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I got a whole stable of hardcore prompts ready to test your mettle as writers, you idiot babies
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I know that y'all have schedules and lives and loved ones and poo poo so this megabrawl will be staged in the background over the next maybe two months so everybody who wants in can find a place in their precious calendars.
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these are some weakass burns you dipshit loving pissants
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hey girl hmu
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hey girl u there?
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so rude u wont even reply whatever bitch ur probably a fuckin lesbian trash whore smh
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Y'all got 24 hours to sign up for the Megabrawl before this multi-month poo poo kicks off in earnest, is what's happening.
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sebmojo posted:bullshit: i'm overriding muffins dumb rule, you're in and of course, all the others. Welcome to the high table, underling.
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Thunderbrawl entry is closed. First round upcoming.
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![]() ![]() Ladies and gentlemen, I am loving sick of the way every single round of 'dome crits has the totally ridiculous comment "but where was the stooooory?!" Italo Calvino did not need a story. Samuel Beckett did not need a story. Gustave Flaubert did not need a motherfucking story. Stories are easy; literature is hard. Today we are losing the plot. ![]() That's right - your piece in this inaugural round of the brawl must not have a story, narrative or any sort of forward arc. Make it evocative, and beautiful. Make it move me. Make it goddam say something. I am kicking out your narrative crutches - do me proud. You need more direction? Tough titty - you are the cream of the crop, and I'm not holding your hand. If you really desperately want a flash rule, you may ask your opponent for one and I will hold it as binding. The Pool Autism vs Maugrim Carl Killer Miller vs Sparksbloom (!) Rhino vs Thranguy Twist vs Boogie Newt vs Mojo Oxxi vs Entenzahn Morning Bell vs DocK Curlingiron vs Titus As Carl Killer Miller has never got a win or an HM, I'm giving Sparksbloom a small handicap of 200 words -- that means they only have 800. WORD COUNT: 1000 words DEADLINE: 7pm EST, June 10th. JUDGES: Muffin PROHIBITED: fanfiction, poetry
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I got turned around and thought Titus and Flerp were submitting for the megabrawl, so I wrote notes on their pieces and chose a winner. While it turns out I don't actually have that power, here are my notes on the pieces for crit: Flerp Really gorgeous deployment of language -- this is gloriously creepy but also kinda sad and evocative. I feel like it's probably laying the language on a bit thick in places; you need to step back and let the piece sell itself rather than shoving it down our throats. That said, a very strong entry that you should be proud of. The title sucks major dog dick though. Don't do that. Titus82 I really like the concept, but the language is a mess: surely it's "Riot Grrrls" instead of "members of Riot Grrrl". If there's any piece that could get a little fast-and-loose with established grammar, it's a paean to punk but the language here just feels sloppy. If it's intentional, I think it needs to be a little more "gently caress you" and a little less "can't be hosed". Look at this: quote:Its egg carton sound proofing peeling off of the walls from years of mistreatment and lack of use. In the booth sit, cloistered together, a motley crew of young and aging rockers. The actual piece itself is really sweet though, and you stuck the landing. e: apparently "aging" is a North American spelling, but I'd never seen it before. Point about 'sit' still stands, and general issues throughout the piece. SurreptitiousMuffin fucked around with this message at 14:09 on May 28, 2016 |
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can you two just kiss already
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Have some sweet musicpoetry to chill u out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCJJ5aR5vwA
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Fuschia tude posted:What is this?
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i guess im in for whatever is the next 1 u dumb nerds
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![]() ![]() To prevent procrastination and to space out the reading I'm going to have to do, I'm adding a flash rule for everybody: If you get your piece in significantly earlier than the deadline and you win your brawl, you will receive bonus words in the following round, commensurate to how early you were.
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Arivia posted:Hello. I was the loser of the very first Thunderdome. Someone sent me a message saying I was invited to come back for the 200th anniversary. Let's see if the judging has improved from the idiot TVTropes rejects it was at the beginning. I'm in.
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btw Arivia by comparison to some of the other losers, you are a genius literary master. For shits, here are some of the classics:quote:Madam Charlotte’s School For Aberrant Girls quote:Rock, Paper, and Scissors quote:Rural Rentboys quote:The Opening of Rodeo Hercules
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removed for publishing stuff
SurreptitiousMuffin fucked around with this message at 10:15 on Nov 26, 2016 |
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With the deadline fast approaching, here is some music to inspire y'all https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGXzlRoNtHU
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Good to see the brawlers are bringing their A-game. I am disappointed with none of you.
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As far as I can tell, we're still waiting on DocK and Titus. The deadline is when my exam today finishes, but if it goes well there might be an unofficial extension while I go out and get wrecked. E: oh, I messed up the timezones. Pieces were due two hours ago. Mea culpa. In the spirit of generosity, the ill-defined extension stands. SurreptitiousMuffin fucked around with this message at 01:04 on Jun 11, 2016 |
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Megabrawl round 1 is well and truly closed. Results in the next 24 hours.
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![]() ![]() There was gonna be a really fancy post here with crits and pictures and stuff but the internet ate it. Crits will come later, when I stop being sad over my fallen effortpost. The winners of round 1 are: Autism vs Maugrim Carl Killer Miller vs Sparksbloom Rhino vs Thranguy Twist vs Boogie Newt vs Mojo Oxxi vs Entenzahn Morning Bell vs DocK Curlingiron vs Titus EXTRA AWARDS: Carl Killer Miller was the only person without an HM and win to his name, and drat near beat Sparksbloom. Honestly, it was one of the closest calls. Props, dude. Entenzahn won the round overall, and gets an extra 500 words in the next round. Morning Bell was very early and won their brawl, so they also get an extra 500 words. Round 2 coming in the next day or so. Party on.
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![]() ![]() ![]() What is a cliche, Thunderdome? It's something beginning writers don't recognise, and most of the rest avoid like the plague. I'm going to advance a crazy proposition today: cliches are ideas that are so powerful -- that hit so drat hard -- that everybody who hears them goes on to repeat them. They're not bad ideas: they're great ideas that are worn out. Stick with me here. Consider the phrase "falling in love" - it's worthless word candy, right? If that's true, what is it about love that reminds us so much of falling? Did that hit you a bit better? Writing cliche well is a skill that more writers need to develop - it requires you to ask exactly why this idea was resonant and why it got worn out, then reframe it so we remember why we wore it out in the first place. When Ezra Pound talked about cliche, he said "make it new", and that's your task this week: I'm going to give you all the most tired, worn-out bullshit romantic cliches, and I want you to make them fresh again. Each brawling pair gets a single cliche, and the winner is the one who brings it to life the best. The Pool CurlingIron vs Entenzahn. Cliche: Love is blind. Newtestleper vs DMBoogie. Cliche: absence makes the heart grow fonder. Spectres of Autism vs Morning Bell. Cliche: their hearts skipped a beat. Thranguy vs Sparksbloom. Cliche: they're the one . Details Word Count: 1500 (plus any relevant bonus words) Deadline: 7pm EST June 28 Verboten: fanfiction
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![]() ![]() Spectres of Autism: it's a DMT trip. It's pretty well-written, but for the life of me I'm not entirely sure what it's trying to say. Something about how the reason because get hooked on drugs is because their own life is terrible and it provides a happy alternative? That's what I could maybe pull out of it, but it's pretty opaque. The ending also feels like it's from a totally different story - it comes outta nowhere and doesn't fit in terms of prose or theme. I really liked the language and the descriptions though, so great work there. VS Maugrim: I do like how this one is kinda low-key and human: a lot of people went the trippy route because MUFFIN WRITES TRIPPY STUFF SO HE'LL LIKE THAT but honestly I think this is a better way to go about the particular prompt. Again I'm not really sure what it's trying to say, but it left me with strong lingering impressions about youth, and sexuality, and the sorta nexus thereof. The prose was very choppy though: despite better ideas, this had a worse execution. Still a nice little vignette though. ---- Carl Killer Miller: the word I kept using in my notes was "delicate", which is a good thing. There's a real softness to this piece -- both in themes and language -- that I really enjoyed. Unfortunately, the prose is a bit messy and tangled at points, to the extent that I had to reread a few sentences to understand them. I'd suggest going back and doing a big editing pass on this piece: try to tighten up the language while retaining the softness. There's definitely a great story in here that just needs a few tweaks to get out. VS sparksbloom: this weird mix of muted and amphetamine-charged that really gets the whole nervous breakdown thing down on the page. I feel like it could've gone into a bit more detail of the (non-corpse) bits to show the mind trying to take in ANYTHING ELSE PLEASE GOD and really hammer home what's going on, but this piece is a definite success. The language supports the premise very well, and that's a hard thing for a writer to get down. --- Rhino: aaaaaaaccidental racist. Lol. For real though, the language here was absolutely gorgeous, but it's hard to overcome the ham-handedness of its subtext: you weren't trying to say that Thais are savage sexual beasts, but that's totally how it came off. The particular thing about the language that works is how natural it feels -- the use of onomatopoeia and ellipses, and the voice in general, really come across very well. Even knowing the subtext was accidental though, it doesn't really absolve it - it absolves YOU, but the story needs to be fixed on those grounds before it can really pop. VS Thranguy: the list format is something I thought I would find annoying, but honestly I ended up pretty charmed by it. It paints a very fractured picture, and it's not clear whether this is myth, or folklore, or exaggeration, or actually 100% true - the way it provides just enough information for the reader to fill in their own blanks is excellent. I feel like the ending might be a bit forced? It reminded me of Stephen King in a bad way: a sorta "oh gently caress how do we close this out VIOLENCE" thing. I like the way it feels mythic-but-modern though - ancient and timeless. ---
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OH GOD OKAY I HAVE BEEN LAZY BELATED MEGABRAWL ROUND 1 CRITS Newtestleper A very tight, elegant piece. I'm a sucker for the beautiful end of the world, and this pulls it off with a lot of style. It's a really nice mix of impressionist-y broad strokes and more grounded descriptions that work together to reinforce each other. I also really like how intentionally-chosen a lot of the language feels: stuff like "carbon triplicate" reinforces both the themes and the physicality of the thing really well. Sebmojo More lists! Who woulda guessed that would be the slightly-overused trope this week. I did recommend Calvino, I guess. I liked this though - it does a lot with very little in terms of words. It's amazing how much material there is between the lines, and how so much of the story is unsaid-yet-clear. The more clinical format with your prose renders the whole thing kinda dreamlike, while remaining very intense. Oxxi I think this is a little performative and overwritten; it's trying so drat hard to be pretty that it comes off a little empty. The language is beautiful, but there's so very much of it in the service of very little content - check out Mojo's piece for the polar opposite. Dial back the baroque-ness a bit and you'll really be onto something though. Entenzahn This brawl was very light on comedy, and this piece was a nice change of pace. Like the best comedy, it has elements of sincere emotion as a counterpoint, with both things playing off each other. I'm not 100% sure what to make of the piece as a whole --I don't really get what you're trying to say with it-- but it scratches an itch and I enjoyed the hell out of it. Morningbell This is what Carl Killer Miller's piece could've been with a little more attention to detail. It's both punchy and delicate, and the softness serves to accentuate the hardness - it reminded me of Vonnegut in that way: this quite gentle descriptions of conflict that hit harder than any GRIMDARK BLOODFEST ever could. That was a recurring element in the successful entries this week: they had two very different forces working in the piece, and the tension between them made the thing really pop. Also you were in super early we will never meet in RL but if we do I owe you a beer or a slice of pie or something. Curlingiron This reminded me of Invisible Cities, or The City & the City - it's a deeper exploration of what a city is as an organism. I've always been a sucker for that, because it's true and it's not something we see written about enough. There's some tense errors that probably need looking at, but it's a lively piece that hums with energy and I really enjoyed it.
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On behalf of the embattled and embanned newt, here's his brawl entry Engagement 590 words Down the end of the counter are the cabinets with no price tags, where the ignominy of haggling is still real. The sapphires remind me of Jacqui’s eyes; the rubies of her hair, but I ignore them and bring my finger down above the emeralds. My hot breath fogs the glass. I can smell it coming back at me. No one approaches me. They’ve been avoiding eye contact the whole time, wishing away my existence. “Excuse me,” the words come out quieter than I meant them, “I’d like to have a look at this one please. If that’s okay.” The saleswoman, the older one, takes out the tray of rings from under the greasy mark left by my fingertip. She picks up the ring and hands it to me, her movements slower than could ever be natural. She doesn’t let her reluctance show on her face at all. Remarkable. You’d think it would make sense, that the people who spend their money on fine jewels wouldn’t have any left for other things- new clothes, hot showers, toothpaste. Turns out it doesn’t work like that. *** I’m making quinoa pomegranate salad for dinner. It’s Jacqui’s favourite, and healthy too. Helps maintain her figure. I’m not partial to it myself, my tastes are simpler, so I pick up a couple of cans of the baked beans with the little sausages in them as well. When I check out I punch in the code for oats. Gotta scrimp and save to afford the best. *** It takes me a while to make the salad. I’m not a great cook, but I’m learning fast. Seeing the guts of the pomegranate fall out onto a plate makes my stomach turn a little, but it’s worth it. I can hear Jacqui in the next room. She’s thumping around, dancing or doing aerobics or juggling. Practicing a skill. She’s very skillful. I sometimes wonder what she sees in me, when she could have anyone. I plate it up beautifully, with the little seeds arranged in a love heart. I struggle with words, so I try to express myself through the meals I make for her. Then I place the little ring box in the middle, surrounded by whole grains, spring onions, and mint leaves. Tonight’s the night. The thumping gets louder and faster. She must be really enjoying that dance, because I can hear her yelp in delight. It makes me happy to know that she’s happy. But then I hear a man’s voice, joining hers, and it’s an ugly grunting sound, and not only is it ugly but it makes her voice ugly. I take the plate into the living room and stare at the wall between our apartments, and throw it at the wall. The ring comes out of its box and falls down among the remnants of the meals I’ve been cooking her for weeks- lying beside furry pieces of kale, shards of smashed flatware, and a rack of lamb that’s long turned green despite the perfect job I did of frenching the bones last Thursday. She does this to me Every. Single. Time. A pomeganate seed slides down wall, leaving a bright red trail on the beige paint. I stalk out of my apartment and down the corridor. I knock hard on her door, yell through the keyhole for the bitch to shut the gently caress up, then run back into my living room and slide the deadbolt behind me. A pomegranate seed slides down the wall, leaving a bright red trail in the beige paint.
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FINAL CRITS ROUND 1 Twist This was beautifully written, but I felt like it was a little too in love with its own weirdness and forgot what it was trying to do. It could beat a worse entry and certainly wouldn't DM during the weekly, but it suffers a pretty bad case of "it's beautiful, so what?" Most of the successful pieces this week had a real tension in them, while this feels like a souffle collapsing. No plot doesn't mean no conflict. DmBoogie This is wonderfully mythic. It hits the gutsy/dreamlike combo that good Magical Realism relies on dead on. I feel similarly about this piece and Morning Bell's - it has a gentle way of handling quite upsetting images, and it gains a real tension from that lacuna between its words and its ideas. Also I am IN for this week BAUDOLINO I am calling you out. Every story you write is a glimpse into your weird sex-starved-and-crazed psyche and there's not even the humour of a golden bean in it. It's 2016teen and it's about time somebody kicked your rear end.
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removed for publishing stuff
SurreptitiousMuffin fucked around with this message at 10:16 on Nov 26, 2016 |
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![]() ![]() I give goons a prompt about romance, and I get 1) misery 2) abusive relationships 3) death I did not get 4) romance Not from a single one of you. There were some good pieces in there, but not one of you even came remotely close to hitting the prompt. I don't know if that says something about the way the prompt was written, or a certain goony cynicism love showing through. Overall, a pretty disappointing round, both in terms of prompt and in terms of quality. That said, there's gotta be winners and losers: Curlingiron v Entenzahn Newtestleper v DMBoogie Spectres of Autism v Morning Bell Thranguy v Sparksbloom Round 3 of 4 will be up within the next 24 hours.
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quote:
Due to the nature of the prompt, giving them the same would cause a massive amount of extra work for Thranguy and I don't think that's really fair considering he already put in the hard yards. So: ![]() Sittinghere will now fight Thranguy for a place in the final. Thranguy, you get to choose the prompt. You have to run it past me to make sure it's reasonable, but otherwise you've got free reign. ![]() SurreptitiousMuffin fucked around with this message at 06:17 on Jul 21, 2016 |
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look at this scrub his title isn't even lower case
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![]() ![]() ![]() Did you know that you have a skeleton inside you RIGHT NOW? Whoa man, mind blown. That is my poo poo, man. Sometimes your episteme just gets ripped out from underneath you and you're left wondering whether your entire perception of existence is built on a lie. The prompt this week is cosmic horror, but this is loving Thunderdome, and that's too easy. When you sign up, you will be assigned an adjective. You must use this adjective at least three times in your story, or you will be disqualified. Furthermore, NOBODY ELSE may use that adjective at all. A master list of adjectives may be found here. Cult Leaders: Muffin, Sebmojo, SaddestRhino Victims: Chili: stigmatic Curlingiron: antediluvian Thranguy: Walpurgian dmboogie: blasphemous flerp: cyclopean Black Griffon: hideous A friendly penguin: nameless Flea Wars: accursed Archer666: eldritch Tyrannosaurus: ululating Entenzahn: squamous Noah: amorphous Chairchucker: charnel Bad Seafood: immemorial Ceighk: loathsome Djinn: noisome areyoucontagious: non-euclidean J.A.B.C.: animistic Titus82: corpulent Pippin: tremulous CarlKillerMiller: sclerotic Star: redolent Quoproquid: effluvium spectres of autism: singular, nacreous Screaming idiot: crepuscular Djeser: terrible Jonked: labrynthine Kaishai: mordant SH: indescribable Word Count: 1200 Sign-up Deadline: 1am July 9th EST Submission Deadline: 1am July 11th EST. CLICK FOR COUNTDOWN. SurreptitiousMuffin fucked around with this message at 20:26 on Jul 10, 2016 |
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"WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THESE FROM, MUFFIN?" From a word cloud of Lovecraft's top 50 adjectives, with the occasional China Mieville one thrown in for flavour.Chili posted:In. curlingiron posted:gently caress yeah, in. Walpurgian dmboogie posted:Exceedingly in. flerp posted:well uh yeah i guess im in? Black Griffon posted:yeah i'm in nameless ALSO NB: for the sake of not being a total jerk, the minimum number of mandatory adjective uses has been reduced from five to three. I am a merciful god. SurreptitiousMuffin fucked around with this message at 12:05 on Jul 4, 2016 |
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# ¿ Feb 17, 2025 01:33 |
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Flea Wars posted:Yeah, in. Archer666 posted:I've been meaning to give this whole thing a try and the subject matter interests me. In Tyrannosaurus posted:If someone was trying to be you, crit them. Entenzahn posted:Entenzahn easily claims squamous ![]()
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