Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Meis
Sep 2, 2011



It's been a long time since I last thunderdomed, but I've been feeling the urge recently. So I'm in.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Meis
Sep 2, 2011



What happens if we go over the word limit a little bit?

Meis
Sep 2, 2011



Armadillo
(999 words)

"What's taking them so drat long?" said Gildathrae. She was seated on her throne in the middle of the command centre aboard the Aetherblade, flagship of the Valnorn Empire's fleet.

"Well, they weren't really expecting us for another hour or so were they, my love?" her wife replied from her side.

"I know. I hate delaying these things though. Those folks from the Unity are so slow to start anything. All words, no action. The frustration is probably what drove my dear old mother to an early grave." She looked out at the Unity's flagship, Antonin's Kiss. A ridiculous name. She knew its opulent halls were lined with artefacts from a thousand worlds, and visitors from far and wide flocked to visit. The flagship of one of the galaxy's greatest factions should be a spectacle of military power, not a flying tourist attraction. "If they don't answer soon I'll-" she started to mutter, but was interrupted by the ship's captain.

"High Countess D'Allura is ready now, my queen," she said.

"Good, put her through." The countess's face appeared on the main viewer.

"It is a pleasure to see you again, Knight-Queen Gildathrae Starsnuffer," she said, addressing Gildathrae by her full title.

"Likewise, High Countess Lucette D'Allura of Starsea," she replied, returning the respect shown to her. "My place or yours?" she grinned.

Lucette smiled back, appreciating the joke. "It would be an honour to be your guest this time, Queen." Gildathrae was glad. Another respectful gesture. To join someone else on their ship was a sign of trust. She had obviously put in the effort to learn of the Valnorn's ways, and if Gildathrae was honest that put her aback slightly. She didn't know very much about Unity custom.

"I'm glad, Countess. I look forward to our talk," she lied. Lucette was a nice enough woman, but the way the Unity did things always annoyed her. They were just so boring.

----------

The meeting went well, for a little while. Lucette was in the middle of recounting what had happened at a particularly interesting party when the Valnorn captain approached, looking very uneasy. She leaned in close to Gildathrae and spoke softly into her ear.

Gildathrae did not look pleased. "What the gently caress are you doing, Countess?"

"Excuse me?"

"That flying art gallery out there," she gestured towards the hall's vast windows, where Antonin's Kiss floated peacefully, "is suddenly bristling with guns, armed, and pointed right at us. Give me one reason why I shouldn't blast it to the void right now."

Lucette's heart sank. She had no idea what was going on. "Why would my fleet attack, with me onboard? There must be a mistake-"

"Valnorn do not make mistakes! Not like this! We are not incompetent! Do not treat me like an idiot!"

"A mistake made by my people," Lucette explained, fighting to stay calm. "Let me contact my ship. Something is not right here, this is not how the Unity does things!"

"By all means," Gildathrae said. She gestured at the window and a segment of it dissolved to form a viewscreen. "Prove yourself to me." Lucette hailed her ship. The face of Grand Admiral Springflower appeared, and he looked very distressed.

"High Countess," he said, "let me explain!"

"It had better be a good explanation."

"Something... Something got loose in engineering. It damaged our systems, locked our main cannons. We have it cornered, but..."

"But what?"

"It is proving difficult to capture."

"Let us scan the ship," Gildathrae said, "so we can find out whether you are lying or not."

"Certainly," Lucette replied. Gildathrae nodded to her captain.

"It's true," the captain said. "There's some kind of alien in their engineering section. Our scanners can't tell what it is."

Gildathrae looked at Lucette with a wild grin on her face. "Time for a hunt."

----------

A small group of Valnorn warriors joined the Antonin's Kiss security team, led by the Knight-Queen herself, to hunt down the mysterious alien. It didn't take them long. After only a few minutes, Gildathrae emerged from a vent, triumphantly holding up the smoking corpse of a small, hairy brown creature by its tail.

"I've no idea what this is," she said, "but it was pathetic. How could the greatest ship in the Unity of Far Reaches' fleet by brought to its knees by this ridiculous creature?" Lucette chose to ignore the insult. She was far too concerned with what the creature was. She recognised it very well.

"That's my Adrianna!!" a voice shrieked from the gathered crowd. It was her son, Chadwick. "You killed her!" he pointed dramatically at Gildathrae, who looked back at him, bemused.

"Your what?"

"She's an armadillo! A rare animal from ancient Terra, worth more than anything money can buy! And you murdered her! You'll pay for this!"

Gildathrae just laughed at him. "Is that a challenge?"

"Chadwick-" Lucette started to say but he cut her off.

"drat right it is." Lucette groaned. Her idiot son was about to get himself killed.

"I accept!" Gildathrae said, her eyes gleaming.

----------

Lucette felt oddly unfazed, having just witnessed her eldest child die right before her eyes. The duel hadn't lasted very long. Maybe she'd known how it would end before it had even started. Gildathrae approached her.

"I never knew you Unity folks had this much spirit in you," she said. "Willing to give up your life for something you love, despite its relative lack of importance. I can't help but admire that." She gave Lucette a strange look. "Maybe this alliance is a good idea after all. We have more in common than I'd previously thought." Lucette wanted to laugh, but didn't. Usually killing a High Countess's son would destroy an alliance, not form one. She could just say no. It was her son after all. But was she really ready to throw away a thousand years of progress? Would the course of history be decided by the antics of one stupid little armadillo?

"Maybe, Knight-Queen, you are right."

Meis
Sep 2, 2011



Thanks for the crits (please don't misgender me next time though)! Especially the bits about saying more with less words. That's something I really need to work on, so I appreciate the help!

This experience has taught me one very valuable lesson, which is that if I come up with something that is almost twice as long as the word limit allows, then I should just start over and properly come up with a story that is short, instead of hacking a longer story in half and totally murdering it. I would be proud of myself for not losing, but frankly I just got lucky that someone wrote an even worse story than mine.

I will keep thunderdoming until I become, well, somewhat decent?? Less terrible, at any rate. I think that is an achieveable goal. So I'm in with Won

Meis
Sep 2, 2011




Do not crit my posting. I'll post as verbosely as i want to!

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Meis
Sep 2, 2011



"c[s posted:

rabr[/s]ock" post="457050632"]
:o:

villainous rodent! :aaa:

  • Locked thread