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Jun 24, 2012

Well, I do want to practice writing, and this seems like an interesting prompt. I'm In.


Jun 24, 2012


“What an a-maize-ing maze!” declared our teacher. We stayed as silent as the scarecrows, fearing any punishment Mrs. Cook would give us if we were to groan at that lame pun. Either way, we would soon be divided into teams of four students, and be allowed to roam the farm as we pleased.

Nothing was going to ruin today. This was fieldtrip we were all looking forward towards, even more so than the trip to the Ben and Jerry’s ice cream factory: Today we were visiting the Great Vermont Corn Maze – A large farmland nurtured between three of the largest highways in the state. Here, many people came to visit the 10 acre cornfield etched into a maze

There were other attractions too, including the barnyard itself, underground tunnels for kids to play in, and brilliant garden full of flowers that seemed so exotic to a population that mostly only knew of green plants and trees. However, there was no sort of “victory” or “conquest” to be had over trivial things like flowers.

No, we already knew how this day was going to play out. Once we got inside of the corn maze, we would be able to easily stray away from the teachers, and we didn’t have to worry about any other adults or teenagers; Over 90 percent of them give up within 20 minutes, and decide to screw around with each other behind the barn instead.[1]

No, we already knew what was going to happen…Carl, Karl, C.J. and I were in a group of our own, and as soon as the teachers yelled the word “Go!”, we ran full tilt ahead of Mrs. Cook, who could only shout at us as we tore through the dirt trails, aiming for the middle of the maize.


The day before, the four of us had gotten into an argument over who got to go out with the new girl, Carol. She had made flirty advances on all of the guys in our class, and even kissed Carl on the cheek after Lunch one day. I think she was just trying to wipe her lips off on his cheek, because the school staff is too greedy to buy napkins, but he got into a heated argument with me and Karl. C.J. joined in, taking Carl’s side.

“We C’s have to stick together. If you really love her, you gotta make her yours! And I’ll help any way I can!”

“Oh yeah?” I said to the fourth wheel, “And how can you help? Besides, she clearly wants me. She sits next to me in math class.”

“Simple. Girls like tough guys. And what better way to prove how tough you are than beating other guys?”

“Hmm…you have a good point there”

“Yeah,” chimed in Karl, “So how do we ‘settle this business between men’?”

“That’s easy! Tomorrow, we are going to that corn field, right? We won’t have hardly any supervision, and we can get Carol to watch us duke it out. What do you guys say…?”
“I don’t know-“

“You’re on!” I blurted out, cutting of Karl.

“Fine. Tomorrow, we’ll group together, and meet at the center of the maze. Carol and her group will be there.”

“And how do we get to the middle of a maze? It’s called that for a reason!”

“Simple,” said Carl, “We’ll use google to get a birds eye view of the field, and just take the quickest path!”

“Very well then,” I said, without any reservations. “Tomorrow, you and C.J. are going down!”


I thought I knew how this day was going to play out. As soon as we reached the predetermined location, we waited a couple of minutes for Carol’s group to show up. Carol appeared, but here group was missing.

“Hey Carol! Good to see you. But, uh, where’s your group?” I asked.

“Tee hee. I gave the guys a couple of smooches not to say anything, and told Mr. Brian I needed to use the restroom. So, what’s this about Carl?”

“Ah yes. C.J. had the great idea that we should have a competition to decide who should get the right to date you. So we’re…”

“Hold on, WHAT! Date me? I’m not an object. I don’t want to go out with any of you guys. You’re a bunch of wimps anyway. I’m going back.”

“No, wait!” cracked Carl. He was getting desperate. Suddenly, he ripped a stalk of corn out from the ground, and started thrashing around.

“I’m no weakling! I can beat all these guys! I beat you too, Carol!”

Before we could even grasp what had just come spewing out of Carl’s mouth, he swung the stalk at Karl, knocking him down. Without missing a beat, Carl ripped of the corn cob and jammed it down Karl’s throat. Karl was having trouble breathing, and couldn’t properly bite down on the cob. Carl then stood up, and stomped on Karl’s face. Karl didn’t move anymore.

Carol screamed. This day was meant to be memorable for all of the students, but not horrifying. I didn’t know what to do, but I realized that “beating” Carl wasn’t a game anymore. Not now that my friend was laying on the ground, motionless.

I have made my decision to take a stand. I rip out two Corn Stalks and charge at Carl. “Bastard! Die! Die! Die!” I’m charging like a bull, two horns of corn aiming for Carl’s repugnant face. I can see the fear in his eyes, regretting everything that has happened.

But then, a creepy, toothless smile started to form on his face. I then felt a large thud against the side of my head. I collapsed into the filthy earth, crumpled up like a piece of trash. I turn my head to see C.J. had struck me with a wooden signpost, dripping wet with my own blood. I want to get up, but my legs won’t move. Carl has me pinned down. In his hands are the two ears of corn that I had dropped just a moment ago.

“I’m no coward! I’m better than anybody!” Carl slobbering at me. My heart stops. The yellow drills come towards my eyes.

No! No no no no no no no! No!


Nothing but pain is left. I have failed to best Carl, and now I will die here, a virgin, in a field of corn! God, why did you have me die in such a corny way? Couldn’t I have at least traded blows with that punk Carl once, or at least gotten a kiss from Carol?

Fate is too cruel. but, at least I know Carl and C.J. aren’t getting out of the maze alive. Because as everything started to fade away, I could hear a piercing blast, and the agonizing screams of the two assaulters. It was a shotgun. Cool.

Sources: [1]
You can see some aerial views of the Corn Maze here:

Word count: About 1140

Jun 24, 2012

For the record, I got lazy, and was originally going to do a serious story, but had to come up with 95% of this in an hour, so I was literally rushing to get this in before Midnight. I know it sucks, but that's what I get for procrastinating. :v: Who knows. Maybe somebody will still like it.

Jun 24, 2012


Jun 24, 2012

I'm In.

However, since a knight's chivalry demands that he honors his promises, :siren: I will also submit my entry for Week 188 before I submit my entry for this week. :siren: :toxx:

Jun 24, 2012

First off, my story for Week 188

715 Words

September Selves

Smoldering ashes from rustic fireplaces tinge the midnight air. Autumn leaves drift off their resting branches, being cradled by the breeze, into the loamy soil. The clouded atmosphere casts shadows of illusory beasts onto the lake’s surface, intermingling with the shapes of real creatures that lie beneath.

Above the surface, the only remarkable feature was a wooden craft, plastered with emblems of the Rabul Kingdom, only half-visible through the layers of mud and moss. Two gaunt figures were sitting of the edge of the boat, one on the bow, the other on the stern. Though they faced apart, both men were concentrating deeply on their task.

The inside of the boat seemed fairly standard. Both the port and starboard were lined with oars, nets, and harpoons - the usual equipment for fishing, and there was a black chest bolted to the center of the ship. Indeed, each of the men wielded a fishing rod, cast off into the depths beneath them.

Fishing was not only a hobby, but a traditional pastime among the citizens of Rabul. The Tobias brothers have been fishing since they could hold a rod. Eager to make their parents happy, they made it a competition to catch the most fish, or perhaps the biggest fish, on each of their ventures to the lake.

Though they may have grown up, both brothers still harbored a deep passion for the sport, and have spent countless nights aboard various ships, passing the time away. Normally, the nights would pass on by quickly, but tonight the minutes seemed like hours. Storm clouds began to metastasize across the healthy night sky, and soon only a few rays of light pierced through the heavenly awning. Like a dilapidated roof, rain began to drip through the awning, startling the people that were unfortunate enough to live underneath it.

Both brothers sighed, and each abandoned their post to find some tarp buried beneath their provisions. Instead of their usual jovial attitude, discussing about their catches (with both fish and women), they merely cursed at their bad luck. After tearing apart some sheets and wrapping themselves in it, they sulked back to the port and starboard, unsurprised that no fish and taken their bait.

The vessel bobbed on the rippling waves, growing more violent as the sky darkened. Soon the rain doused the duo. Their ambition was to go fishing, but at this rate the only thing that they were likely to catch was illness. None of the fish were biting today, and there were not even any other vessels on the lake. Despite this, the brothers stayed adamant in maintaining their post.

Soon the wind began to intensify. The dilapidated awning was falling apart, and streams of moonlight and water began to strike the boat. The chilling air cut through the tarp, and the two brothers began to ache. Teeth chattering, they both backed up to the black chest, and sat on top of it, back to back, staring out into the tempest that was consuming them.

Jeremiah grabbed Michael’s hands, and squeezed them tightly. Bound to his younger brother, Michael reassured him by singing for him the same lullaby that their parents would sing when they had trouble sleeping as children:

“Unless you wish to take a
Come here and hold out your own hand
There is no glory, there is no pain
Crying out for the already slain.”

Only this time, the brother knew they had to stand through this terror, less they risk losing it all.


Another quiet night cycles on by, with no appearance of the Terror. Now that day will break soon, the brothers can return home and recover from their ordeal. They both sighed in relief, never having to crack open the black flare chest, never having to strike against a real monster. It has been generations since the Terror overcame Rabul. The horrors that plagued their ancestors have now become faint memories, a distant dream that is now a myth. Jeremiah and Michael remembered their vows to take a stand, and to always watch out for the children of the Rabul Kingdom, just as real to them as the oncoming Terror that would shatter this peace one day. And that was the most terrifying thought to both of them.

Jun 24, 2012

Word Count : 1048/1200

your knight treats their animal companion as if they are their equal in all aspects of life.

Dishonorable Mention

“An Emperor’s will ought not to be denied. No matter how daunting their tasks may be, it is the sworn duty of every pledged knight to uphold their lord’s sovereignty. This filial piety is the cornerstone of trust between those demarcated by the heavens and the lambs of God.

“And you know what? I don’t give a drat!

“For too long, those entitled nobles have shackled us, used us, with no sense of shame or regret. I may be a titled knight, but I’ll never forget who I truly am! Born in rags to a harlot, I had to make my way in the world. I became a thief, and used every petty trick I could come up with to stay alive and out of the jails. When I was old enough, I sought out a group of bandits that traveled through the countryside, and joined up with them. Amongst them, I learned that you could never trust another person; that you had to earn your keep and watch out for yourself.

“One night, while camping out in the mountains, we were ambushed by wolves. Just like us, they had to fight to survive, and nothing stood in their way. Realizing that they were too powerful to overcome, I made the selfish choice of throwing one of the meatier bandits into the horde, to be torn apart as we made our escape.

“We fled as far as our legs could carry, not even giving thought to each other. We reached a clearing, where we could catch our breath, but then I was struck out. I had lost the trust of my comrades, and they left me out in those mountains to die.

“Such a situation would have been ironic, but Irony was on the other foot today. The wolves did catch up to me in my groggy state. However, they saw my actions not as simple cowardice, but rather an act of kindness, providing for them a wonderful gift.

“I spent several months among the wolves, learning the ways of the predator, and came to understand their simple code of honor: To work together, for the survival of all.

“I took this to heart. I befriended a few of the wolves, and we took care of each other. I would help hunt for meat, and they would keep guard at night. On particularly cold nights I would build a fire, and they would gather around it like the most loyal dogs prostrating at their master’s feet. Hell, whenever it got to the point where they reeked of rabbit carcasses, I would lead them to a river and bathe in it with them.

“However, friendship cannot satisfy a man’s need for a family. Therefore, I sought to return to my hometown, and look for love. Unfortunately, my newfound friends weren’t going to have any of that. They followed me into town, by my side, setting the entire community into a state of fervor. At first, the locals thought I was a witch or a monster, being able to command the beasts. They sought out our lord to have me put to death.

“The Local Lord, however, saw that my kinship with these beasts could be a valuable asset in the field of battle. He sent a squire to coerce me to partake in a holy crusade. Though they mouthed off about how they sought to convert the Moorish invaders towards the will of our Lord, they also suggested that we would be able to gain wealth and prestige for our victories over the heathens. And the best part was a promise of abstinence of sin; they would look the other way.

“Those hypocrites always pissed me off the most. Still, I was aware of my life or death scenario, so I accepted the lord’s offer. Soon after, the pack of wolves and I traveled to long road towards Constantinople, pillaging village after village. It worked out greater than I could have imagined. I earned more gold than I ever did as a bandit or thief, enough to buy my way out of poverty; I also met several women on the road, who became infatuated with my wild charms.

“I soon became famous among the crusaders, and I gained something I never would have dreamed of obtaining: Respect. With wealth and fame on my side, I was able to return from our crusade as a hero, and our local lord sought to have me be bestowed upon the blessings of the Church and the Empire.

“When asked what I wanted in life, I said to merely serve the Kingdom of our Lord, in eternal happiness. At that point, I was asked to pledge loyalty to the lord and to serve as a loyal knight always. And I did.”

“Perhaps I would have served our Lord for the rest of my days, without a care in the world, if not for a recent command: To find and jail the unauthorized hunters slaying the animals in the Royal Forests. I was expecting this to be an easy task, but to my surprise it would seem that several wolves have moved in, and were merely living off the land. After informing my lord, I was tasked with eradicating every last wolf in the forests.

“I was given the choice to choose between my family and my lord, and I knew in my heart, that I could never face God if I was to kill those that I loved most. So now I seek to unite all of us under one banner, and to take our village away from the rule of these corrupt kings and lords, who claim to serve God, but only seek to serve their own interests.

“The time is now to show the world what true honor is. It’s now time to unite under God, and bring about a kingdom where we can live in harmony with nature, and fight against human greed. Now who’s with me?”

From that day onward, the newfound unified kingdom fought against its local lords and brought village after village into their fold, expanding their rule under the leadership of the former knight. And that short lived rebellious kingdom would go down in the annals of history as the Principality of Bestiality.

Jun 24, 2012

Sitting Here posted:

:siren: hello do you need some help procrastinating? :siren:

It's another recap! This time we reviewed weeks 180 and 181. As usual, we discuss the losses and DMs, and Corn! gets a well-earned encour. We also confirm conclusively that Team Ock sucks.

The recap

Recommended reading:

Week 180: Maybe I'm a Maze

Week 181: We like bloodsports and we don't care who knows!

Thanks as always to Kaishai, Djeser, and Twist.

Other things you can listen to (thanks Kaishai):

Episode								Recappers

Week 156:  LET'S GET hosed UP ON LOVE				Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Djeser
Week 157:  BOW BEFORE THE BUZZSAW OF PROGRESS			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 158:  LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Djeser
Week 159:  SINNERS ORGY						Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 160:  Spin the wheel!					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 161:  Negative Exponents					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 36:  Polishing Turds -- A retrospective special!		Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, Kaishai, and The Saddest Rhino
Week 162:  The best of the worst and the worst of the best	Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, Kaishai, and The Saddest Rhino
Week 163:  YOUR STUPID poo poo BELONGS IN A MUSEUM			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 164:  I Shouldn't Have Eaten That Souvlaki			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 165:  Back to School					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 166:  Comings and Goings					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 167:  Black Sunshine					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 168:  She Stole My Wallet and My Heart			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 169:  Thunderdome o' Bedlam				Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 170:  Cities & Kaiju					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 171:  The Honorable THUNDERDOME CLXXI			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 172:  Thunderdome Startup					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 173:  Pilgrim's Progress					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 174:  Ladles and Jellyspoons				Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Kaishai, and Djeser
Week 175:  Speels of Magic					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 176:  Florida Man and/or Woman				Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 125:  Thunderdome is Coming to Town -- Our sparkly past! 	SH, Ironic Twist, Kaishai, Djeser, Grizzled Patriarch, and Bad Seafood
Week 177:  Sparkly Mermen 2: Electric Merman Boogaloo		SH, Ironic Twist, Kaishai, Djeser, Grizzled Patriarch, and Bad Seafood
Week 178:  I'm not mad, just disappointed			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Kaishai, and Djeser
Week 179:  Strange Logs						Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Kaishai, and Djeser

Thanks for this guys and gals. These are always awesome.

Jun 24, 2012

Thanks for the crits Ironic Twist and sebmojo.

Jun 24, 2012

It's been a while. I'm In .

Jun 24, 2012

Sugar part 2
I'm In.

(On a separate note, I will try to submit an entry for week 193 before week 200 is up.)

Jun 24, 2012



Jun 24, 2012


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