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newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


In, assign me a bug.

I would be grateful if it's not accounting software related.

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newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Drop that on leaflets into ISIS controlled Syria and watch them commit suicide in drives.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


In, with CRICKET.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


edited out.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 10:35 on Jan 7, 2017

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Djinn, Broenheim, Bluewher - thank you for the crit!

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Crit of Heel Turn by my SPORTS opponent WeLandedOnTheMoon!

Character development
It is hard to write a story in 1200 words that contains a full fledged character arc, but this story managed a very satisfying one. This was helped by a structure which really worked with the superhero/pro wrestler theme: 1. origin story 2. internal struggle with power 3. paying a price for taking the heroic way.
This was the best aspect of the story, and what really made it pop.

Prose
The style was clear, simple, and nicely paced. There was one sentence that I had to reread a few times (the ink used to sign the document, smudgable and signed by José “Rabid” Rios, the head of the Olympic Professional Wrestling Federation) but otherwise there were no noticeable errors. On the other hand there was no passage that especially blew me away, but I don't think pretty writing was really the point here.
This style lent itself especially well to the fight, which was easy to follow.

Theme
I understood the parallels between superheros and wrestling, but I feel like with an extra paragraph or two in either the first or middle part you really could have made this link more explicit. I think that it's difficult when drawing parallels between two things that are so similar to make them comment on each other in a meaningful way. That said it wasn't necessary as it still worked, but I think it was really close to being all tied up in a really neat way, but didn't quite make it.

Tone
There was some weird/interesting stuff going on with the tone. I kind of feel like the Olympic stuff was almost irrelevant to the rest of the story, and took it from something that was mainly serious into a kooky spec-fic sort of place where it didn't need to be.
I'm not sure the tonal change between the first part and the italicized background info was bad per se, but it was definitely jarring. Maybe taking it out of the "Syrena" universe would allow you a little more freedom to make it work?

Overall
This was definitely a well above average TD story, that wasn't painful to read in the slightest. The fully realized character arc is what drew me into the story, and I wasn't disappointed when I got to the satisfying ending. Well done, honourable foe.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


In

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


ty God Over God Over God Over Djinn

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Very excited to see the painting week stories! I'll give crits to all those who choose a painting week prompt.

Edit: So I'm a judge so I'll be giving crits to everyone. Maybe I'll do line crits for painting week stories.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 01:04 on Feb 10, 2016

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Tiebreaker for my judging will be whoever posted earlier. This could translate into a tiny fraction of an advantage if you get those subs in well before deadline, lallygaggers!

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


in

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


In and

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


PHYSICS: Jack Harvey, John Culvenor, Warren Payne, Steve Cowley, Michael Lawrance, David Stuart, and Robyn Williams of Australia, for their irresistible report "An Analysis of the Forces Required to Drag Sheep over Various Surfaces."
PUBLISHED IN: Applied Ergonomics, vol. 33, no. 6, November 2002, pp. 523-31.



edited out.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 10:35 on Jan 7, 2017

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Yes, good crits! Thanks to both of you!

IN with LIEKO

A tree-trunk submerged at the bottom of a lake.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Ironic Twist posted:

In with Komorebi (Japanese).

This is so dodgy. You have clearly pre-written a story and then suggested a prompt to fit.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Rathlord posted:


Can I post my submission now or do I need to wait for signups to close?


You don't have to wait, but why wouldn't you? You have like four days to edit. Then your lovely prose might be slightly less lovely.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


selghskdjahk;asdgjknrasg

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


edited out.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 10:36 on Jan 7, 2017

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Sitting Here posted:

Are you tired of waiting for slow judging? Try all new Recaps!

Hello goons. We've been on a little bit of a recap hiatus, but we're finally getting back in the swing of it. This time, Kaishai, Twist, Djeser, and myself take a look at the DMs, losers, and WTFs of weeks 178 and 179.

Characters! Stories have them. What are they? How do they work? By request, we took a character-based look at this motley group of stories in hopes of find out what worked and didn't work.

The recap

If you'd like to follow along (recommended):

Archive link for week 178: I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed

Archive link for week 179: Strange Logs

Thank you, as always, for listening, and thank you Kaishai for making this neat list:


pre:
Episode								Recappers

Week 156:  LET'S GET hosed UP ON LOVE				Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Djeser
Week 157:  BOW BEFORE THE BUZZSAW OF PROGRESS			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 158:  LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Djeser
Week 159:  SINNERS ORGY						Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 160:  Spin the wheel!					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 161:  Negative Exponents					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 36:  Polishing Turds -- A retrospective special!		Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, Kaishai, and The Saddest Rhino
Week 162:  The best of the worst and the worst of the best	Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, Kaishai, and The Saddest Rhino
Week 163:  YOUR STUPID poo poo BELONGS IN A MUSEUM			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 164:  I Shouldn't Have Eaten That Souvlaki			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 165:  Back to School					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 166:  Comings and Goings					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 167:  Black Sunshine					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 168:  She Stole My Wallet and My Heart			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 169:  Thunderdome o' Bedlam				Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 170:  Cities & Kaiju					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 171:  The Honorable THUNDERDOME CLXXI			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 172:  Thunderdome Startup					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 173:  Pilgrim's Progress					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 174:  Ladles and Jellyspoons				Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 175:  Speels of Magic					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 176:  Florida Man and/or Woman				Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 125:  Thunderdome is Coming to Town -- Our sparkly past! 	SH, Ironic Twist, Djeser, Kaishai, Grizzled Patriarch, and Bad Seafood
Week 177:  Sparkly Mermen 2: Electric Merman Boogaloo		SH, Ironic Twist, Djeser, Kaishai, Grizzled Patriarch, and Bad Seafood

These are always so great! Thanks everyone who takes part, but especially sittinghere!

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Is synirc down for other people?

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


sebmojo posted:

sebmojo hosed around with this message at Mar 15, 2016 around 00:04

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


in

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


In

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Never has a newbie acting like a sore-losing little poo poo elicited such constructive responses from bitter vets.

You're scum, CMK, the enterprising kind of scum who goes to great effort just to argue in bad faith.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


fine

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


edited out.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 10:36 on Jan 7, 2017

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Dialogue is something I am not comfortable with, so in

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


edited out.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 10:36 on Jan 7, 2017

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo



terrible judging! I can only find one adverb in my whole story!

(I'll grant you the irritating errors and punctuation)

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Carl Killer Miller posted:

Where we're going, we don't need adverbs

Edit: anyone with a high tolerance for poo poo mind critting my last 2 subs? The brawl entry and the 3-part flash fiction from last week, or either, or both, or just send me a word doc that says 'gently caress you' in 40 point Arial.

You'll get crits from the judges. Sometimes it takes a while.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Ironic Twist posted:

I know someone who might have dibs on that one

I'm a judge :P

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


in

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Flash rule please SH

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


bottom o' the bo't, getting by to catch hold of the sheet an' untie it. He wasn't but a little man; I helped him right up after the squall passed, and made a handsome apology to him, but he did act kind o' offended."

"I do think they ought not to settle them landlocked folks in parishes where they're liable to be on the water," insisted Mrs. Fosdick. "Think of the families in our parish that was scattered all about the bay, and what a sight o' sails you used to see, in Mr. Dimmick's day, standing across to the mainland on a pleasant Sunday morning, filled with church-going folks, all sure to want him some time or other! You couldn't find no doctor that would


edited out.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 10:36 on Jan 7, 2017

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Yes please doc! I may be polishing this up to enter in a competition due 30 April.
http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?...Standing+Water.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


IN and PICK ONE for me please.

I'd prefer insane to inane, but either is fine.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo



Thanks!

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


Confirming I am in with
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6zg2EA5IBc

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


While I've always edited stories out where possible, I have had stories published that were originally on here and that I didn't bother editing out.

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newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6zg2EA5IBc

edited out.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 10:37 on Jan 7, 2017

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