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Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:


That Old Tree posted:

I wanted to circle back around to this now that I've gotten a chance to mull it over.

What the gently caress is this horseshit? "They don't trick people into transgressions" but then half the example characters' whole gimmick is explicitly trickery. I could kiiiind of maybe possibly conceive of some pyramid scammer as doing moral loop-de-loops to not """trick""" rubes into buying the chance to offload a dozen lovely vacuums. But that false gossip guy? How the neon gently caress is his schtick not fooling people into…well, whatever he thinks they'll do after hearing his lies?

In summary: why beast
Supposedly the MLM guy is trying to teach people that friends and family are more important than money (By making you alienate them) and the gossip guy is just waiting for the target to go "Actually no." but he's also a petty dick.

quote:

Harlan’s infomercials blaze over late-night TV, promising
riches for the low, low investment of $19.99. Those willing to
pay into his Diamond Club get invited to “The Conference,”
where top financial mavericks reveal secrets THEY don’t want
YOU to know about. And how did they get where they are? It
wasn’t by having friends. Or a family. When the smoke clears,
Harlan leaves his marks with little but their returns, and a business
card inscribed with his lesson: Proverbs 17:17.

quote:

Among scenesters, DeAndre’s the gossip king, and his
word is taken as an article of faith. Most of the time. Gina?
She didn’t really cheat on Angie with their ex, but by the time
Angie knew that, she’d been out with Jean and, well... If the
prey act with maturity instead of pettiness, he’ll usually set
things straight. He tells himself he’s teaching lessons, but deep
down he knows he’s just a mean prick who hates happiness.
He may as well enjoy it.

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Ratoslov
Feb 15, 2012

Now prepare yourselves! You're the guests of honor at the Greatest Kung Fu Cannibal BBQ Ever!



As usual, the only lesson Beasts teach is 'Beasts are assholes'.

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:


Ratoslov posted:

As usual, the only lesson Beasts teach is 'Beasts are assholes'.

In a later chapter, written by someone who is not Matt, they flat out say "Lessons are 100% a made up thing that Beasts do to make themselves feel better. Some beasts are really really bad at it and probably shouldn't bother."

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised




Wasn't the first leaked draft/playtest version of Beast even more 'woke sexual predators are actually cool and good'?

DAD LOST MY IPOD
Feb 3, 2012

Fats Dominar is on the case




every time beast comes up we spend pages discussing how awful they are and it gets repetitive, but i have to admit creating a Rapist splat is a bit far even for Beast

Hunt11
Jul 24, 2013



Grimey Drawer

Inescapable Duck posted:

Wasn't the first leaked draft/playtest version of Beast even more 'woke sexual predators are actually cool and good'?

Considering the fact that the author has been accused/convicted of being a child molester, it is not too surprising that he would want to lionize such actions.

Zereth
Jul 8, 2003




So wait, hang on, there's like, hundreds of loving skills in that lovely game. Does the human racial bonus just give you completely random skills from the entire list? Or does it exclude skills you could get normally form your class?

theironjef
Aug 11, 2009

The archmage of unexpected stinks.



gradenko_2000 posted:

PAGING SYSTEM MASTERY

SYSTEM MASTERY PLEASE PICK UP THE WHITE COURTESY PHONE

I know, right? Finally the game I've been looking for my whole life. Plus picking up gay dudes is easier. Truly a game that know what it's like to not be Asian on Grindr (gently caress gay racism though).

Honestly I'm a little grumpy this is being done here though, we've got a copy I've been saving for either an anniversary episode or whenever we find a reader for the 3.5" disk taped to the back cover, which promises "Arts untold and a printable character sheet."

theironjef fucked around with this message at 16:45 on Apr 1, 2018

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008



I'd just like to point out that "Juggling" and "Contact Juggling" are separate skills you can buy.

And would a 0 Appearance mean that he doesn't have an appearance at all? That's kind of what "zero' means.

Prism
Dec 22, 2007

yospos


I kind of want to read the whole book now to laugh at it, though I bet no PDF exists.

You're doing good work.

Prism fucked around with this message at 16:33 on Apr 1, 2018

Hostile V
May 30, 2013

Solving all of life's problems through enhanced casting of Occam's Razor. Reward yourself with an imaginary chalice.



Evil Mastermind posted:

I'd just like to point out that "Juggling" and "Contact Juggling" are separate skills you can buy.

And would a 0 Appearance mean that he doesn't have an appearance at all? That's kind of what "zero' means.
It's less that and more black hole of charisma.

Take Wounds was probably the strangest argument. It did not have a little explanation blurb. Every time people asked what that meant, he'd respond with what amounted to "read the book more clearly and thoroughly". Some people took the bait and tried to figure out whether or not it was actually for taking damage or if it was for just ignoring damage penalties and Moffett would just trot out these old "amazing but true!" stories like Phineas Gage or the lady whose parachute didn't deploy and she walked away unscathed and poo poo like that as his answer, like "these are clear examples of people having a strong or a weak Take Wounds" because rules=physics and poo poo.

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008



Prism posted:

I kind of want to read the whole book now to laugh at it, though I bet no PDF exists.
I'm not even 100% convinced the physical book exists. I can't find anything about it anywhere.

JackMann
Aug 11, 2010

Secure. Contain. Protect.


Fallen Rib


Ballads of Eldoru, by Oscar Merlyn Moffett

Chapter 4


Flaws and Blessings

Flaws are, well, flaws. Blessings are feats. You take flaws and you get points you an spend to get blessings.

One-point flaws include things like flatulence, bigotry, and poor eyesight (giving a penalty to ranged attacks and read lips, but not spot, oddly).

You can get two points for taking an enemy, being wanted in a particular town, being slower than normal, or having an allergy.

The top tier three-point flaws are things like missing an arm or a leg, having a "mental illness" of any sort, or being vindictive. I'm not sure if the last was a misprint, but it's worth just as much as having a terminal illness. So if you really want to get in on the points, just be a dick to everyone.

There's no limit to the number of flaws you can take, and a lot of them you can take multiple times. You can be a one-armed, one-eyed schizophrenic rear end in a top hat wanted in 12 systems farting up a storm if you like.

Blessings are generally very limited. You can just feel Moffett breaking out in a cold sweat at players abusing the toys he gives them.

Weapon Mastery (Prerequisite of Strength or Dexterity 17) is a two-point blessing that gives you a bonus to hit with a specific weapon. Not a specific kind of weapon, mind you. This isn't like Weapon Focus (Longsword). You are good with the longsword you have in your hand. If you lose it, you lose all use of that ability. You can't even take the blessing again with another weapon if you take another flaw later on.

Great Speed (which requires 15 Coordination) is a one-point blessing that lets you move an extra five feet in a turn... once per day.

Faction Favored lets you call in a favor from a specific faction (like Farmer's Guild of Henzig, or Free Stars Trading Company). The favor is limited to anything you could buy with two silver, and it can only be used once, at which point you no longer have the blessing.

Heroic Willpower (requiring 19 Wisdom) is a five-point blessing that lets you re-roll Resist Mental Magic, but only if you failed by one. And again, only useable once per day.

Unless you only load up on roleplaying flaws you can safely ignore, there's basically no blessing that's even remotely worth the cost.

Except, of course, for Alacrity, which every character who qualifies should take. It costs two points, and you can take it three times for a skill, so long as you have at least 13 dexterity. It reduces the number of turns that skill takes by one, to a minimum of one. We'll get into why that's good in the next chapter.

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:


Hunt11 posted:

Considering the fact that the author has been accused/convicted of being a child molester, it is not too surprising that he would want to lionize such actions.

There's probably a psychology paper in dissecting the mental journey from "Not all heroes :smuggo:" to putting "IBeasts should be applauded every day Ithey choose not to rape a woman." down in text


JackMann posted:

One-point flaws include things like flatulence, bigotry, and poor eyesight (giving a penalty to ranged attacks and read lips, but not spot, oddly).

Considering that you apparently need to be trained to spot, I'm not entirely convinced Eldoru-ans make spot checks with their eyes.

gourdcaptain
Nov 16, 2012



So... hilariously minor benefits except for the one that probably hilariously breaks the action economy. Yeah, that's about what I'd expect from bad game design of this type.

JackMann
Aug 11, 2010

Secure. Contain. Protect.


Fallen Rib


Ballads of Eldoru, by Oscar Merlyn Moffett

Chapter Five, Part One


Now we dig into the core mechanics of the system.

To resolve actions, you roll 2d10 and try to get under the associated attribute. As a basic mechanic, this isn't too bad. It's got a bit of a bell curve and it's fairly simple to determine. However, there's a laundry list of penalties and bonuses that are applied, from skill modifiers, situational modifiers, star sign modifiers (not explained anywhere else in the book...). As well, Moffett wrote all beneficial modifiers as things to be added to the roll, and penalties as things to be subtracted. And each skill has its own specific benefits or penalties that are listed in the skill description.

Worse, it's only nominally 2d10. Sometimes you add dice. Sometimes you only roll a single d10. Sometimes you roll 3d10 and keep the best two.

For example, trapfinding. First you add your skill bonus. Then you add your star sign modifier (Mechanic Not-Appearing-in-this-Book). Then you add any bonuses for special tools (or penalties for poor tools). Then you subtract from the roll for the complexity of the trap. Then for any darkness penalties. Then any unluck penalties the thief is taking. If the thief is addled, he adds another die, but takes the worse two. If he comes up with a "particularly clever method of searching for traps" he substitutes a d6 for one of the d10s.

Leaving aside the bonuses/penalties going the wrong way, the whole thing is unintuitive and opaque. Each skill has its own little subsystem for how you add bonuses. Having excellent tools gives a +2 for trapfinding, but gives you 3d10 keep the best two for craft (steel weapons). Slick surfaces for climbing (constructed surfaces) gives a flat penalty, while they turn climbing (natural surfaces) into 3d10.

Initiative is determined by your Wits. You make a Dexterity check at the start of combat, and however well you succeeded determines when you go. So if your Dexterity is 16, and you roll a 12, your initiative is 4. Happily, you don't have to "succeed" at this check. So if you rolled a 19, you'd have an initiative of -3.

All actions happen in turns. A turn is one second. You start your action, and you're committed to that for the next X turns. For example, Combat (Swords) takes three turns, while Combat (Axes) takes five turns. Use Shield takes one turn. Profession (Scribe) takes 28,800 turns (eight hours of work).

You cannot combine actions. While you're committing one action, you can't do anything else. If you try, both actions fail. This has a number of... interesting results.

For one thing, if you're using that Profession (Scribe) skill, you can't take any breaks. You have to be working every single one of those 28,800 turns writing poo poo down or the entire period is wasted. Anything less than that, though, doesn't produce good enough work to earn any money. I hope you don't have to look for your inkwell (spot takes two turns)!

The Take Wounds skill requires a one-turn action. This isn't terrible for characters who can take Alacrity, since they can get their attack skill down to a single turn. Otherwise, though, you're probably not going to have a free action on the turn you take damage. You cross reference your result on a chart with different weapons and damage types.

Damage is determined by making a strength check, comparing to the result to the weapon's damage chart, subtracting the enemy's toughness bonus (equal to their toughness minus eleven), plus any results from Take Wounds.

You then look at the enemy's damage threshold, which is 1/4 their toughness. For every multiple of their damage threshold in damage taken, they lose a hit point. Per the examples, the damage threshold is not rounded.

When your hit points are reduced to zero, you are dead. Moffett helpfully notes that dead characters cannot take any actions.

We're not through with this chapter yet, though. Next post we'll get to movement and situational rules.

Glagha
Oct 13, 2008

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAaaAAAaaAAaAA
AAAAAAAaAAAAAaaAAA
AAAA
AaAAaaA
AAaaAAAAaaaAAAAAAA
AaaAaaAAAaaaaaAA



Kurieg posted:

Considering that you apparently need to be trained to spot, I'm not entirely convinced Eldoru-ans make spot checks with their eyes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhEs9KUQ4qo

Bieeanshee
Aug 21, 2000

Not keen on keening.




Grimey Drawer

theironjef posted:

I know, right? Finally the game I've been looking for my whole life. Plus picking up gay dudes is easier. Truly a game that know what it's like to not be Asian on Grindr (gently caress gay racism though).

Honestly I'm a little grumpy this is being done here though, we've got a copy I've been saving for either an anniversary episode or whenever we find a reader for the 3.5" disk taped to the back cover, which promises "Arts untold and a printable character sheet."

A USB 3.5 drive is five bucks from China, on eBay.

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008



JackMann posted:

All actions happen in turns. A turn is one second. You start your action, and you're committed to that for the next X turns. For example, Combat (Swords) takes three turns, while Combat (Axes) takes five turns. Use Shield takes one turn.

Holy poo poo.

Midjack
Dec 24, 2007





theironjef posted:

Honestly I'm a little grumpy this is being done here though, we've got a copy I've been saving for either an anniversary episode or whenever we find a reader for the 3.5" disk taped to the back cover, which promises "Arts untold and a printable character sheet."

Check the FedEx office stores around you, a couple of minutes of computer time and you can copy it to a USB drive or CD. Or if you know someone who works in a lab at a college try them. Many instruments still require ancient software and contemporary hardware to run it on.

theironjef
Aug 11, 2009

The archmage of unexpected stinks.



Bieeanshee posted:

A USB 3.5 drive is five bucks from China, on eBay.

Ordered.

JackMann
Aug 11, 2010

Secure. Contain. Protect.


Fallen Rib


Ballads of Eldoru, by Oscar Merlyn Moffett

Chapter Five, Part Two


So let's talk about movement. This is one of the fun parts of the system. And by fun, I mean insane, obviously.

Divide your Coordination by five. If you're trained in Movement, you divide it by four. Add five to the result. You can move that many feet in a turn if you take no actions. However, reach and range for missile weapons and spells is determined by a grid system. Moffett explains that it should be "child's play" to determine when a character enters a new space on the grid. I haven't played many other systems that require you to pull out the pythagorean theorem, but here we are.

If you use the Run skill instead of the Move skill, you get to roll. If you succeed, you take the margin of your success and move that many more feet in a round. So if your movement is 17, and you roll a 13, you get four more feet of movement.

But then you get vertical movement. And hoo boy, this is gonna be fun.

You'll notice this is the 2nd edition of Ballads of Eldoru. The first, which as near as I can find out only ever existed on Moffatt's website as a word doc, made note that pulling oneself up by the strength of one's arms was "invalid fiction, the fodder for mindless action flicks." He determined this by trying for himself. Clearly, Hollywood had invented this "pull-up" thing.

But then he relented and made it a strength roll for vertical movement, albeit one that was so high that basically no character could pass it without strength-enhancing power armor. That's bad enough, but the way he wrote the rule, it applied even to vertical movement up stairs or ladders.

Instead of fixing the language like a sane man (or realizing that climbing things isn't that difficult), he decided the best solution was to give every sort of slope, ladder, or wall a Vertical Movement Bonus. If he were just a bit more Siembiedaish, there'd be a (tm) after that. Here's a typical example from the sample adventure in the book: "You see a gentle stream (bed slope VM+ of 17) running around a low hill (VM+ 10). You see a ladder (VM+ 22) leaning against the wall of a fortress (wall VM- of 5)."

Gorbash mentioned the property and holding rules. They're based on your tier (every five levels is a new tier). It's stupidly complicated, but the long-and-short of it is that if you invest a certain portion of your wealth, you can build up a business, a stronghold, a farm, whatever. An Arc is the Skynight equivalent to a season, which is when your holdings and property provide your dividends, which you can use for whatever. Gorbash mentioned the basic trick to it.

In theory, the nobleman class should be the best at this, but because of the training center bit, farmers have a much higher growth once they get going. It's kind of beautifully stupid.

So while Cromuk is the ugliest son-of-a-bitch in creation, with lovely skills, and not much brainpower to speak of, he has access to the greatest wealth-generaton system in the game. Also a loyal dog. Did I mention that? What a good dog he has.

There's just a crap ton of situational rules in this chapter, without a lot of organization. Some highlights:

Space craft don't have speed, they have accelleration. There's a chart, and there's theoretically no limit to how fast they can go so long as they keep pouring on the accelleration. However, because "there is, likewise, an equal, yet opposing principle" to every action, firing your weapons pushes you back. This is based on their weapon damage, so a laser cannon would push you back as much as a missile (which, according to the included chart, is more than any ship's engine).

When using two weapons, you take a 5 penalty to each attack. Not to the attack roll, but to the number of turns that it takes to make the attack. The only one-handed weapons that takes five turns are axes and whips, and none take more than that. This means that in the time it takes to attack with your two weapons, the guy who just has one has attacked at least twice, and maybe three or even five times. More with Alacrity.

Fire is extremely deadly ecause it goes straight to HP without having to touch the damage threshold. There is also no mechanical way of putting out the fire. No mention of what kind of check it is to extinguish someone. So apparently short of throwing them into a tank of water, there's no way to stop someone from burning to death. It makes encounters with Pit Dragons particularly terrifying.

Then there's disease.

quote:

Naturally, it should be assumed that medieval peasantry should have less resistance to the diseases that their starborn benefactors have encountered. When coming into contact (skin, breath, blood, or fluids) with a cosmic creature or character, a Skynight native must therefore make a Resist Disease roll at -2. Failure shall then indicates (sic) that they have become infected by a spaceborne pathogen. Consult the Diseases (Infectious) chart for the resulting malady.

Next up, we learn about the magic system! Yay! (Not yay. Not yay at all.)

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:


JackMann posted:

Space craft don't have speed, they have accelleration. There's a chart, and there's theoretically no limit to how fast they can go so long as they keep pouring on the accelleration. However, because "there is, likewise, an equal, yet opposing principle" to every action, firing your weapons pushes you back. This is based on their weapon damage, so a laser cannon would push you back as much as a missile (which, according to the included chart, is more than any ship's engine).

Well, i mean, yes, because they would both push you back a negligible amount, since one's a coherent beam of light and the other is self propelled.

But that's not what you mean is it?

Mors Rattus
Oct 25, 2007

FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder
2014-2018



Scion: Hero
Danu's Children

Other pantheons tend to look down on the Tuatha De Danann, the People of Danu, as merely the eldest in a host of fairy beings. While not entirely inaccurate, they won their place as rulers by power and force, standing atop a mountain of conquered gods and monsters. Since time before time, the titanspawn called Fomohoraigh, or Fomorians, ruled over Ireland. Others came to drive them out, but no success was permanent until the Tuatha De Danann came. They and their cousins, the Fir Bolg, descended from a tribe driven off by the Fomorians centuries before. The Fir Bolg returned first, and then the children of Danu. The Fir Bolg came in ships, but the Tuatha rode atop magical thunderstorms. They fought bloodily, but the Tuatha were victorious and claimed Ireland. However, their half-Fomorian king, Bres, subjugated them, stealing their wealth for his Fomorian cousins, so the Tuatha rebelled, imprisoning the Fomorians beyond the World, but not until after a bloody war that took much from both sides. At last, the Gaels came, defeating the Tuatha and claiming the World. The Tuatha took the Otherworld, and the Gaels became the Irish, while the Tuatha became their gods, bloody and fierce yet loosely organized warrior-poets with strange powers and rules.

Aengus the Mac Og, God of Love and Youth, is also called Oingus, Oengus and Aonghus. His title, the Mac Og, comes from his birth. His father, the Dagda, forced the sun to stand still for nine months during the Samhain feast, so he could be born in a single day. Thus he is Mac Og, the young son, and his Scions are often created or born strangely. All of the Tuatha are passionate, but Aengus is the master of love. He is called on as matchmaker and schemer for love, and is a master of cunning words. He appears as birds, particularly swans and others known for their beauty. He is also a fiercely protective and vengeful god, with no mercy for traitors or those that'd separate lovers. In the modern age, he has blessed a dating website, albeit one that's hard to find, and inflicts divine retribution on its trolls and those that use hate speech on it. Relationships started there, it is said, never end. He also mans a radio broadcast that goes out at late nights in any city that receives them, using his soothing voice to take calls from lonely people and solve their problems. He also patrons a law firm with no listed number that handles tough divorce cases, never loses, and works pro bono for wronged parties. Aengus' Callings are Guardian, Lover and Trickster, and his Purviews are Beasts (Birds), Beauty, Deception, Moon and Passion (Love).

Brigid is the Triple Goddess of Fire, also known as Saint Brigid. She is the three sisters Brigid, who oversee the dawning of the new year and the health of children. She is the direct descendant of the Primordial of the sun, and none can say how much that primal being lives in her. No one really wants to find out. She is one and she is three. As one goddess, she married Bres to forge a bond between the Tuatha and Fomorians. When war broke out, she sided with the Tuatha, and she created the mystical keening when she lost her traitor son to her own tribe's spears. As a triple deity, each sister has control of a different aspect of fire. She is the sacred hearth, that heals bodies and minds. She is the spark of inspiration that is muse to poets and artists. She is the smithy's fire, forging great wonders. Brigid's Scions reflect her multiple nature - the only real commonality is that they're firebrands and can't be ignored. Brigid Incarnates as often as she has children, and it's said that more than three Brigids have actually been around, as her children become her over and over. Her most famous Scion was Oscar Wilde, whose mastery of magical satire protested injustice. Brigid's Callings are Healer, Sage and Trickster, and her Purviews are Artistry (Poetry), Fertility, Fire, Forge and Health.

Triple deities are not really uncommon among the Tuatha. There's the Brigids, the rulership goddesses and the Morrigna. Scions are unclear on whether all of them are same god with three incarnations, or three seperate gods which are also the same god, or something weirder. Hell, with the Morrigan, it's not even always the same three, depending on who you ask and when. And then there's possible cross-pantheon triples - Lugh's got a weird relationship going with the Welsh god Lleu Llaw Gyffes and the Gallic Lugus. The Tuatha just don't talk about it much. While all Scions of a triple god can use the same Purview and Callings, they may well feel that the three are different people. (Some Morrigan Scions show up and claim descent from a goddess no one has even heard of, but clearly has the Morrigan's power. It gets loving weird.)

The Dagda is the Ruadh Rofhessa, the Red Lord of Great Knowledge. He is also called Eochaid Ollathair (or Eochaid All-FAther) and the Good God. He is both a revered feather figure and mocked as an oaf. He sits at the center of the Tuatha/Fomorian family web, and no one is actually sure how many gods he's fathered, given how many lovers he has. He's believed to be Elatha's son and the father of Brigid and Aengus, at least, and he fosters plenty of orphans. Few outside the Tuatha really understand the Dagda. He is the most powerful sorcerer of the sidhe, yet he doesn't act like a sage - he eats, drinks and fucks to excess. And yet, he is more than he appears. He is called the Good God not for moral reasons, but as a statement of ability. He can do any magical feat of any druid in all of history, and unlike Lugh, it is not a matter of training - rather, he is simply innately talented. The Dagda is also Enech, a god of battle and plenty. His cauldron is one of the Four Treasures of the Tuatha, able to feed any, no matter how numerous they are. He cna singlehandedly raise a fortress, and he is a mighty fighter and wise strategist, armed with a club that can slay and heal. His Scions are famous as advisors and teachers, for a price, and the Dagda's great realm is a massive library. The Dagda's Callings are Guardian, Leader and Sage. His Purviews are Epic Stamina, Epic Strength, Fertility, Forge, Prosperity and War.

Dian Cecht, the Physician of the Gods, is also called Cainte and Canta. He is the proud grandfather of Lugh and the most famous of healers. He is one of the eldest gods, and he knows the ways of enchanting wells and herbs to heal injuries. When Nuada lost an arm against the Fir Bolg, Dian Cecht worked with the craft gods to make him a silver replacement. Of course, his son Miach proved the greater when he grew Nuada a new arm of flesh, and in a rage, Dian Cecht killed Miach. Ever since, the two haven't really gotten along so well. Dian Cecht enjoys making Scions out of divine prosthetics as well as fathering them. While he's mostly a healer, he does fight and help plan battles as well. His children are amazing doctors, scientists and mystics, and inveterate meddlers. Wells, sewers and canals are sacred places to Dian Cecht - any manmade waterway, in fact, can be an entrance to his Otherworld home. His holy waters are healing ones, though to those he finds unworthy, they are poison. Hospital he blesses produce almost impossibly lifelike prosthetics and get the best surgeons. Dian Cecht's Callings are Creator, Healer and Judge. His Purviews are Fertility, Health and Water.

Donn is Lord of the Dead, also called Eber Donn. He isn't truly Tuatha at all, but a Gael who led the invasion that defeated them. He was not respectful and insulted Eriu when she greeted the Gaels, and so she cursed him to never enjoy the hospitality of Ireland. When he tried fighting dirty, his ship was wrecked and he drowned on the promontory now called Teach Duinn, the House of Donn. He became the shepherd of the dead souls, and a lighthouse now stands there at the place called Bull Rock, an Axis Mundi that leads into the Celtic underworld, controlled by Donn. He is a regal god, yet very petty, as he resents his kin for claiming Ireland and leaving him to become a dark lord of the sidhe. Souls that lose their way to Mag Mell find themselves on his doorstep, where they stay as guests until he pronounces them either worthy to sail with Manannan to the Otherworld or sentences them to roam the World as a sluagh. He never explains himself, and most think it comes down to his first impression of the soul. Donn has a violent temper and can be sulky when he doesn't get what he wants, but the Tuatha offer him grudging respect for his dedication to being a good king and granting hospitality. His Scions are often found as hosts of all kinds - hotel managers, homeless shelter founders, event organizers, spirit mediums. They are called on to handle hauntings or solve disputes, and while the aes sidhe can mock them as pretenders, they generally change their tune when they have to actually deal with these potent Scions. Donn's Callings are Leader, Liminal and Trickster, and his Purviews are Darkness, DEath, Journeys and Sky.

Eriu is the Triple Goddess of Sovereignty, also called Banba, Eire and Fotla. The sisters, Eriu, Banba and Fotla, are the god-queens of Ireland and personifications of the isle. The country's modern name, Eire, is derived form theirs, and of all the Tuatha she spends the most time in the World, caring for the Irish and their descendants and relatives. She travels the world to spread cheer, do good, and take down anyone that threatens her people. Her collective trio rules over sovereignty and home. They fought against the Fir Bolg, yet allied with the Tuatha. No one knows why, and they will not say. Eriu married the Fomorian Elatha, and her son was Bres the Beautiful, granting him legitimate claim to rule after Nuada stepped down. Since then, those she chooses as leaders seem to become Fated to it, and she serves as the gods' main way of influencing mortal power after Lugh's Scion Cu Chulainn destroyed the Stone of Fal, one of the Four Treasures, for not recognizing his foster son as High King. Eriu's children are sometimes politicians, but equally often they are kingmakers and power brokers. They tend to be territorial about their homes, friends and loved ones, and they are vicious with curses and action alike. Eriu's Callings are Guardian, Judge and Leader. Her Purviews are Earth, Fertility, Order and Prosperity.

Goibniu is the Smith of the Gods, also called Gaibhne. He is the weaponsmith whose arms never miss and always kill. He is aided by Creidhne the metalworker and Luchtaine the carpenter. When they work together, they are a triple god, but Goibniu also stands on the war council of the Tuatha. The Fomorians consider him their greatest threat, though he is rarely on the battlefield itself. When Brigid's traitor son ran him through with a spear of his own make, he pulled it out, killed the boy, took a dip in one of Dian Cecht's wells and went back to work without complaint. He holds a grand feast each year in his Ohterworld, offering up magic ale that cures all illnesses and keeps the gods immortal. He treats hospitality as the highest honor, though mortal guests should know that his brew will keep them from going home until they've done their duties as guests - and that human limits were not considered as part of those ancient rules. Goibniu helped convince the gods to accept honor and leave the World when defeated by the Gaels. He often creates Scions on his anvil as well as fathering them, and his children work and play hard. They are generous hosts and providers that make friends easily and help out, but are vicious against those that insult or betray them. Goibniu's Callings are Creator, Sage and Warrior, and his Purviews are Artistry (Brewing), Epic Stamina, Forge and Health.

Next time: Lugh Lamhfhada, Manannan mac Lir, the Morrigan, Nuada Airgetlam and Ogma.

Mors Rattus
Oct 25, 2007

FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder
2014-2018



Kurieg posted:

Well, i mean, yes, because they would both push you back a negligible amount, since one's a coherent beam of light and the other is self propelled.

But that's not what you mean is it?

We have established that Newtonian physics works on damage, not mass, in this universe.

Therefore, because an engine deals no damage, it is less efficient for movement than a laser.

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:


I imagine the skynightborn natives were a little miffed when their invaders bored a hole through the planet with their deceleration lasers.

Mors Rattus
Oct 25, 2007

FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder
2014-2018



Tell me there's spaceship design rules so that you can make the optimal spaceship, which forgoes an engine entirely in favor of just having a ring of lasers to move in every dimension.

By which I mean eight, because space is two-dimensional and on a grid.

Hostile V
May 30, 2013

Solving all of life's problems through enhanced casting of Occam's Razor. Reward yourself with an imaginary chalice.



Mors Rattus posted:

We have established that Newtonian physics works on damage, not mass, in this universe.

Therefore, because an engine deals no damage, it is less efficient for movement than a laser.
There was a dude who jokingly made a mock-up of how to make what he called a peasant particle accelerator by giving a ship's laser cannon to a Dwarven Footman because A: lower center of gravity on a Dwarf and muscle/toughness bonuses and B: Footmen were guaranteed to be good at balance and then giving the Dwarven Footman heavy armor for protection. He extrapolated that even planet-side and accounting for gravity, the opposite reaction of the attack would propel the shooter with force to rival a tungsten rod dropped from space. Moffett threatened legal action for "tampering with his property and his rules" and using the product illegally and kept chasing every post that guy made with a crappy JPG scan of a DMCA and the legal writ (which I'm pretty sure he wrote) for like half a month or something until the guy fled and Moffett got banned until he turned some sockpuppet account into his new one.

JackMann
Aug 11, 2010

Secure. Contain. Protect.


Fallen Rib


Ballads of Eldoru, by Oscar Merlyn Moffett

Chapter Six


So, magic. First of all, only hedge mages and wizards can cast spells. This isn't consistent across NPCs, but our the purposes of player characters, it is.

To cast spells, the hedge mage or the wizard has to read them out of their grimoire and then make the appropriate arcane knowledge roll. Each spell has a chart with margins of success and failure to determine how well they went. Let's look at Conjure Beast.

Conjure Beast lets you summon a creature to fight for you. A basic success gets "a vole, mouse, or other tiny vermin." Succeeding by three gets you a cat or a small dog. Succeeding by six gets you a large dog or a wolf, all the way up to an elephant if you succeed by eighteen.

Failure, on the other hand, goes the opposite way. You summon the creature, but it immediately attacks you. Which is, admittedly, hilarious. "Sic 'em, Francis! Wait, arrgh, my neck!" The worse the failure, the bigger and more pissed off the resultant summon.

Most of the spells work similarly. You succeed well, it has a bigger, better effect. You fail, it goes off in your face. Arcane Explosion detonates in your space, Quick Movements slows you down, Steal Vitality leaches your hit points to your enemy.

You start with five spells if you're a hedge mage, and ten if you're a wizard. Hedge Mages get a new spell every seven levels. Wizards get them every five. There are no spell levels, so you pretty much want to pick out what the most powerful spells are and take those right off the bat. That said, if you ever lose your grimoire, you can't make or find another one. A lot of area-of-effect attacks can destroy your book when you get hit, so good luck with that.

Some other example spells:

Speak to Beasts: This spell lets you speak the secret language of animals, hidden from humans. However, it's hidden from most animals too. There's a 10% chance for most animals to be able to speak back to you, a 5% chance for simple creatures like fish or reptiles, and a 15% for apes, parrots, and dolphins. That's on a success. Margins of success only affect how long you can keep up the conversation (starting at ten turns, and going up to sixty). Failure means you pissed them off, which could have them refuse to have anything to do with you, flee from you, or immediately attack you ("Oh god, Francis, not again!").

Nemryl's Great Warding: This lets you ward off a creature. You have to speak its true name and they have to make a Resist Mental Magic roll to approach you. Better success means it has to keep farther back. Failure actually attracts them, with a failure of 10 or worse actually summoning the named creature. Also, there are no rules for finding out an enemy's true name, except that it's "hidden and always different from their public name."

Curse/Bless Child: Your fairy godmother spell. You can give a blessing or a curse to a newborn. It gives a bonus to the child's Kalah. Success has the effect you want, failure means it does the opposite. If you hit a kid with curse, they could potentially end up with negative Kalah, which means they level up backwards. No word in the book if they'd end up with negative levels or if they'd hit the stack overflow and end up at max level like Ghandi's aggression. That said, unless your GM is planning to run some sort of succession game, I don't see anyone ever taking it.

Ignite Wood/Paper: You can set ablaze the ablazeable. Success lets you set the object on fire. On a basic success it takes six turns to actually catch fire, with better rolls making it faster. On a failure, you set yourself on fire. Idiot.

Straw To Mice: You can turn straw into mice. I think this is a reference to spontaneous generation? Anyway, better roll means more mice, worse rolls mean you turn existing mice into straw. I guess maybe you could use it if you had too much straw and not enough mice?

Jeandir's Autonomous Implenents: You make farming implements animate themselves and start tilling a field, or harvesting, or what have you. Failure actually means they keep doing it long after you'd want them to stop, which tends to destroy the field. Hilariously, a failure by 15 means they go to the nearest house and try to till/harvest/whatever it. Thanks to holding shenanigans, this is actually a fairly good spell to have if you've got a farmer in the party.

Illusionary Flock: Make it appear that there's a flock of sheep nearby. If you screw up, you get illusionary demon sheep with scary eyes and too many horns.

Mass Spoiling: You make large quantities of food go bad. Great if someone you don't like is holding a banquet. Failure turns it into the most delicious food you ever tasted. Sadly, you cannot voluntarily fail a roll.

Reverse Water Flow: You can reverse up to five cubic feet of flowing water... for ten turns. As usual, failure has the opposite effect, making it flow faster in the original direction.

Locate Primitive Technology: Lets you find the nearest "simple machine or clockwork assembly."

Locate Advanced Technology: Lets you find lasers, basically. If you have someone in the party with a laser pistol, this basically points you right at them.

Now, that's spells. But there are other kinds of magic. Priests and paladins get access to Godly Magic, which lets them try to get the gods to give them special favors. It is pure "GM-May-I" bullshit. You make your Arcane Knowledge (Godly Magic) roll and hope for a success. If you succeed, the GM may—MAY—decide that your god intercedes. Some suggestions for how this plays out:

While walking through a lightning storm, you get a -5% modifier to your odds of being struck by lightning.

Gain a +1 modifier to your next roll to influence a stranger.

Nemryl Taleweaver, greatest wizard of the land, shows up and rescues the party.

You find a copper piece in the road.

Those are actual examples from the book. Most of them are just the tinest poo poo possible, and the few that are actually useful enough to matter are "Big GMPC shows up and saves the day."

Finally, you can activate magic items like relics, artifacts, staves, and wands. Some of these replicate spells, some of these have specific powers. For example, the Relic of St. Thavershin is a shinbone that lets you fly once a day, since apparently that was one of Thavershin's miracles. But you have to have the specific skill, which means that only hedge mages, wizards, paladins, minstrels, scholars, and cosmic marines can use magic items. Or I guess humans who manage to roll the right random skill.

Next up, we get to equipment. Which is a long chapter, but a short section of this review, because gently caress all those goddamned polearms and turnips.

JackMann fucked around with this message at 20:16 on Apr 1, 2018

Deptfordx
Dec 23, 2013



Feinne posted:


Where do Lictors fall in their scheme of things? Toughness-wise it should be an Elite probably since it's a modified Tyranid Warrior but as far as how you'd use it in and adventure and how quickly it can make your insides go all outside it's definitely a Boss of sorts. Lictors informationally are chameleon-skinned nightmare machines that do recon for Hive Fleets and enjoy long walks in the jungle and eating you brain to steal your secrets. If you encounter a Lictor congratulations you're probably standing on a planet full of dead people who just don't know it yet.

Elites, DR14 and 3 attacks at 1d10+14, 3 Pen Talons. 40 wounds. SFX of chameleon skin and can fire short range Flesh Hooks to grapple a target.

Reading the entry in Mark of the Xenos, also reminded me of another incredibly annoying aspect of the system.

For the more significant enemies, stat boxs often come with a boatload of Talents, many of which's game effects aren't obvious, but are vital if you want to use a monster to it's designed potential.

So the Lictor has seventeen talents.

Some are fine. Heightened Senses (Vision). No prize for guessing what that does, bonus to vision checks.

Just for combat talents. It's got, Assassin Strike, Beserk Charge, Combat Master, Crushing Blow, Furious Assault, Hard Target, Lightning Attack, Step Aside, Swift Attack. As the DM do you know and remember what these do. Because it's got all of these.

JackMann
Aug 11, 2010

Secure. Contain. Protect.


Fallen Rib

Kurieg posted:

Well, i mean, yes, because they would both push you back a negligible amount, since one's a coherent beam of light and the other is self propelled.

But that's not what you mean is it?

It's enough to more than cancel out the thrust of your engine. In the case of the missile, for the entire duration of its flight, rules as written.

NGDBSS
Dec 30, 2009








Hostile V posted:

There was a dude who jokingly made a mock-up of how to make what he called a peasant particle accelerator by giving a ship's laser cannon to a Dwarven Footman because A: lower center of gravity on a Dwarf and muscle/toughness bonuses and B: Footmen were guaranteed to be good at balance and then giving the Dwarven Footman heavy armor for protection. He extrapolated that even planet-side and accounting for gravity, the opposite reaction of the attack would propel the shooter with force to rival a tungsten rod dropped from space. Moffett threatened legal action for "tampering with his property and his rules" and using the product illegally and kept chasing every post that guy made with a crappy JPG scan of a DMCA and the legal writ (which I'm pretty sure he wrote) for like half a month or something until the guy fled and Moffett got banned until he turned some sockpuppet account into his new one.
Is there a link to any of this crazy poo poo? I tried searching for "Ballads of Eldoru" on Google and got nothing. Not just no forum drama, but absolutely nothing relating to that phrase in the first place.

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:


JackMann posted:

It's enough to more than cancel out the thrust of your engine. In the case of the missile, for the entire duration of its flight, rules as written.

So the most energy efficient means of propulsion is to just fire missiles backwards?

oriongates
Mar 14, 2013

Validate Me!




And we just invented the Orion Drive.


EDIT: that's not a joke on my name, actual thing. Crazy awesome.

Glagha
Oct 13, 2008

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAaaAAAaaAAaAA
AAAAAAAaAAAAAaaAAA
AAAA
AaAAaaA
AAaaAAAAaaaAAAAAAA
AaaAaaAAAaaaaaAA



I love that pull ups are literally impossible in that system.

Hostile V
May 30, 2013

Solving all of life's problems through enhanced casting of Occam's Razor. Reward yourself with an imaginary chalice.



NGDBSS posted:

Is there a link to any of this crazy poo poo? I tried searching for "Ballads of Eldoru" on Google and got nothing. Not just no forum drama, but absolutely nothing relating to that phrase in the first place.
This is all poo poo that happened when I was 12/13 (2002/2003) and managed to get around Net Nanny for the first time and I'd just find stuff out of context because I'd look up D&D and find people's third party homebrews that they'd google-bomb to the front page. People would link his collected ramblings from Bash.org and laugh at him and my friend on AIM who really loved D&D would link me his rants and he'd explain why it was funny because I didn't totally get it. It's really weird and really sad to see this dude fight so hard over his idiot idea and nobody really remembers that this all happened without a really firm mental trigger kicking the brain into gear because people didn't figure it was actually worth preserving. And then my parents got smarter about cutting off what websites I could go to until I was like 15 and at that point I'd forgotten.

Bieeanshee
Aug 21, 2000

Not keen on keening.




Grimey Drawer

JackMann posted:

You'll notice this is the 2nd edition of Ballads of Eldoru. The first, which as near as I can find out only ever existed on Moffatt's website as a word doc, made note that pulling oneself up by the strength of one's arms was "invalid fiction, the fodder for mindless action flicks." He determined this by trying for himself. Clearly, Hollywood had invented this "pull-up" thing.

I'm reminded of the Pathfinder dev who vetoed chaining your sword to your wrist, because he didn't have the coordination to play cup-and-ball with his mouse and his open hand.

Zereth
Jul 8, 2003




Bieeanshee posted:

I'm reminded of the Pathfinder dev who vetoed chaining your sword to your wrist, because he didn't have the coordination to play cup-and-ball with his mouse and his open hand.
With a whole like, two or three hours of trying.

PurpleXVI
Oct 30, 2011

Spewing insults, pissing off all your neighbors, betraying your allies, backing out of treaties and accords, and generally screwing over the global environment?
ALL PART OF MY BRILLIANT STRATEGY!


I really can't believe I've never heard of Ballads of Eldoru before, like, it's a shittier system than SenZar, and apparently with a crazier author, too.

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FMguru
Sep 10, 2003

peed on;
sexually

gourdcaptain posted:

So... hilariously minor benefits except for the one that probably hilariously breaks the action economy. Yeah, that's about what I'd expect from bad game design of this type.
"Useless Ads/Disads System" and "Trivially Breakable Action Economy" are like the free center squares on a Bad 1990s RPG bingo card.

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