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Not being in the military or being the spouse of someone in the military, I'm not familiar with what life is like for military spouses. I first learned about 'Dependas' 'Dependapottomus' etc terms on SA. I was curious how much of it is for real and how much of it is exaggerating. Googling it gets interesting results; either blogs making fun of dependas or milspouse blogs talking about how horribly sexist the term and stereotype is. Are military spouses more likely to be stay at home parents? Are the less likely to have higher education themselves? A common claim seems to be that the spouse wraps up a lot of (her) identity in the career (and rank?) of the spouse. Is there some kind of hierarchy among military spouses?
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 01:33 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 15:36 |
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Hang on, I'm gonna need to really toke up to take this one on. BRB, getting uncomfortably high.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 02:44 |
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What is the opposite of a child asking if Santa Claus is real? Holy poo poo I hope this is a real question.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 02:51 |
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So before Shim responds (which I am anxiously awaiting with baited breath), here is the rational non-THC influenced answer: Most military spouses are not terrible people, taken in the context of their socio-economic status. So while the wife of your average E-3 probably isn't the paragon of social grace and virtue, considering the fact that in socio-economic terms he's making about as much as a guy who changes oil at jiffy lube, the "rough edges "(read: they're white/black/brown/etc trash) of your average enlisted spouse isn't any more than you would expect from someone who married someone who is working a job where the sole qualification is "has a high school diploma, isn't functionally retarded, and is semi-literate." The same logic applies as you go up the ladder in rank. That said, the stereotype exists for a reason. While most military spouses are people who have lives outside of their spouses, there is a somewhat small but very vocal minority who have their whole identity tied to their spouse. These are the people who run the spouse clubs/family readiness groups/officer wives clubs/etc. These are the people who base seating charts at their wives club function based on the rank and position of the husband. These people will unironically utter the phrase "well just wait until my husband hears about this, he's the *insert rank/position here*" when someone confronts them about something/says something they don't like/etc. These people are stuck in the 1950s (which is fitting since the US military as a whole is stuck in the 1950s from a social construct perspective) and would feel at home on the set of Leave It to Beaver. These people will close their eyes to the most abjectly terrible behavior on the part of their spouse (alcoholism, rampant cheating, abuse of any flavor, you name it) because they are terrified of what life would be like without having the "title" of "wife of the *insert rank/position here*", also because they have no life skills of their own so the idea of having to eke out a living outside the blanket of the socialist military is horrifying beyond belief for them. Over to you Shim
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 02:55 |
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iyaayas01 posted:So before Shim responds (which I am anxiously awaiting with baited breath), here is the rational non-THC influenced answer: Thank you for this explanation. It is interesting seeing how extreme people's viewpoints are on the topic; after reading about it on SA I googled it and found a ton of ladyblogs complaining about how hurtful it is that people criticize, mock, or e-bully someone just because they are a military spouse. I often feel like the truth is somewhere in the middle, but for something like this it sounds pretty difficult.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 02:59 |
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Panfilo posted:Thank you for this explanation. It is interesting seeing how extreme people's viewpoints are on the topic; after reading about it on SA I googled it and found a ton of ladyblogs complaining about how hurtful it is that people criticize, mock, or e-bully someone just because they are a military spouse. I often feel like the truth is somewhere in the middle, but for something like this it sounds pretty difficult. There's also the fact that in blanket terms military relationships are a shitshow for a whole bunch of different reasons...frequent separation, frequent moves, financial incentives to get married (also to start popping out kids), young individuals with no life experience out on their own for the first time, etc. So infidelity and divorces are quite a bit more common than the population at large, especially in the lower ranks since the individuals in question are broadly speaking very young (18-22 years old). The infidelity and divorce goes both ways (military personnel as well as spouses)...so this aspect of the stereotype of dependapotamus's is about as accurate as the stereotype that all junior enlisted are borderline retarded white trash alcoholics. Isn't true across the board, but it sure as hell has a basis in reality.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 03:04 |
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Generally if they make a point to mention they are mil-spouses, then they sure as he'll are.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 05:08 |
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Does anyone have a link to that news story about the general's(I think) wife who tried to ruin people's careers and stirred up poo poo so much that she was just banned from having anything to do with anything Army related? I know I read it here a long rear end time ago.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 06:52 |
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OMFG PTSD LOL PBUH posted:Hang on, I'm gonna need to really toke up to take this one on.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 08:28 |
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Panfilo posted:Thank you for this explanation. It is interesting seeing how extreme people's viewpoints are on the topic; after reading about it on SA I googled it and found a ton of ladyblogs complaining about how hurtful it is that people criticize, mock, or e-bully someone just because they are a military spouse. I often feel like the truth is somewhere in the middle, but for something like this it sounds pretty difficult. As someone who grew up in a military family, and my brother and I both joined despite seeing all that firsthand, I can say his description is pretty drat accurate (a bit nicer than I'd give them credit for).
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 08:54 |
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yes, op it's real af
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 11:27 |
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It can be real, a lot of spouses are cool and do their own thing, a lot of them are trailer trash who married a sm for free rent and food, a lot of them latch onto their spouses career because they have no life, most of the time you can tell which kind of spouse it will be before you meet them based on the sm themselves, at least after a few years
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 14:58 |
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Do military wives establish a hierarchy amongst themselves based on their spouses rank? Is being married to a servicemember in any particular branch considered more/less reputable among them? Are there male equivalents to Dependas (do you use the masculine 'o' in that case? Depends?) Where some unemployed guy is mooching off his deployed wife and bragging about being married to a Marine or whatever? How is this considered by other military wives? Does this behavior happen in the civilian world, like the spouses of cops, sheriff's or firefighters? I mean the spouse of a politician is probably a given in many situations, but it would be funny if some honey dippers wife made some big deal about how important her husband's job is.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 16:55 |
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Anecdote, but I guy I worked with was the male equivalent. His wife was ANG of some rank and he just got the job to get insurance for his back surgery. I figured hers would cover him but I dunno. Anyway the guy was a fat slug that did zero work and everyone hated, I told my boss after 90 days that gently caress was gonna go out on medical and never come back and sure as poo poo that's what happened. Last I heard he was still unemployed and worthless while his wife supported him.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 16:59 |
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My mom was pretty much the anti-dependa, since she never held a GS, MWR, or any other bullshit job the entire 28 years my dad was in. She often worked more hours than my dad, since she did 12 years as a deputy in two of the places we lived and 4 as a CPS investigator. My mom often refused to go to any spouse events aside from the retirement and promotion ceremonies of my dad and a few of his friends she actually liked. My older brother's first wife was pretty much the epitome of "Officer's wife". While she had a law degree and passed the bar in a few states, she never took any legal work aside from being a part time business manager for a jewelry store. She liked to bring up that her husband was a jet pilot to anyone who would stand within 10 feet of her and bitch about enlisted people's wives at the PX and Commissary. Needless to say I was pretty thrilled when they split up. A lot of guys I knew stationed at Pendleton had insanely hot wives, but most of them were either Tier 1 cunts or unequivocal skanks who cheated on their spouses, poo poo out off-colored children and then left their husband the second someone making more than 40K forgot to pull out. One of which was extra funny because the guy she was leaving her husband for was the manager of the strip club she worked at where her husband met her. She had told him she quit working there, but she just took a Mon-Thur morning shift instead and hid the money. Now, most men who marry military women are military themselves. And I think it's like a 70/30 split on their rear end in a top hat to alright guy ration at best. Normally the guys who go chasing women in uniforms are sleazy as gently caress and more often than not just lovely con-artists. I only know two women who've been in the military and married someone else that was serving and not had it end in a terrible divorce over either abuse or infidelity. One was Air Force who married a really cool Coast Guard helicopter crew chief, the other was a Marine who married an AF JAG. Booblord Zagats fucked around with this message at 17:19 on Jan 11, 2016 |
# ? Jan 11, 2016 17:15 |
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Panfilo posted:Do military wives establish a hierarchy amongst themselves based on their spouses rank? Is being married to a servicemember in any particular branch considered more/less reputable among them? It does, among the absolute worst of them. They have a sense of entitlement that extends beyond anything they're actually owed by the military, to the point that some actually think they have the authority to tell junior military personnel what to do because of who they married. The good ones don't care and establish friendships/relationships like normal people. I haven't seen anything like that among male spouses. I haven't known many (most of the married military women I've known were married to military guys), but they've all been super chill. After my dad retired from the military he became a cop, so I've met a lot of cop wives. Never seen the dependa thing there except where the cop was prior-mil and brought one with him.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 17:39 |
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The military is full of stupid, broken people who naturally pair up with other stupid, broken people in an effort to pull themselves out of their respective trailors, failed farms, project housing and college failure. These qualities are typically reflected in their spouses, minus the shame that military service instills in you. Base housing is loving disgusting
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 18:08 |
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Strip away the uniform and service for a moment and just imagine the type of person willing to marry a military service member
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 18:11 |
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Kawasaki Nun posted:The military is full of stupid, broken people who naturally pair up with other stupid, broken people in an effort to pull themselves out of their respective trailors, failed farms, project housing and college failure. These qualities are typically reflected in their spouses, minus the shame that military service instills in you. The first time my wife's little sister came to stay with us on base when we pulled into our neighborhood she said "This looks abandoned."
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 18:13 |
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NSFW
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 18:14 |
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 18:18 |
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Should have stood that bitch in front of some trees to make her look thinner
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 18:20 |
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In my experience its rare to see a female enlisted with a non military or ex military spouse unless they joined when they were over 30, probably due to the fact that unless theyre worlds ugliest dog level ugly theyre going to have at least a dozen soldiers trying to court them and marry them, including their bosses.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 18:32 |
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aren't you supposed to hide things that big with netting? e- and look at that kids boots, shameful
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 18:35 |
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HIS BOOTS HER FLIP FLOPS A PERFECT MATCH
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 18:42 |
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I want to punch everyone in that picture.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 19:01 |
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go3 posted:HIS BOOTS I remember when they came out with those stupid loving shoes that supposedly helped you burn calories while walking, and all the dependas were jawjacking about them endlessly. OP you have triggered me
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 19:04 |
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Another question: Do Dependas extend to LBGT couples/spouses? Would a lesbian spouse of a female servicemember be accepted among their herd/flock/whatever you call a group of these women?
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 19:27 |
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Panfilo posted:Another question: Do Dependas extend to LBGT couples/spouses? Would a lesbian spouse of a female servicemember be accepted among their herd/flock/whatever you call a group of these women? Honestly I have no idea, I can imagine a gay dude would do better with officer's wives than a lesbian would simply because the average officer's wife being a college grad normally means they already have a gay friend or two anyhow. With enlisted I'd suspect the religious fundie poo poo would make them a pariah though
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 19:33 |
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The stereotype doesn't apply to many spouses, but the spouses for whom it does apply manage to surpass the stereotype. Take a stroll through the Wal-Mart closest to post around 7pm and see reality become a parody of itself.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 19:57 |
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As for the dependa stereotype it's really a symptom of lovely barracks living conditions; I was in barracks where you shared a shoebox with another guy and suffered sewage leaks and black mold. Tons of dudes married the first hole they found to get out of them. When we got back from Afghanistan we were moved to a newer barracks where you had your own room with a shared kitchenette and bathroom; the rate of dudes seeking to get married dropped off immensely then. I heard Lewis has a barracks where the bathrooms are not joined to the rooms and you gotta walk down the building to get to the; for a floor with 40 dudes on it only 6 shower stalls/toilets. Any confirm/deny that? You guys ever run into swingers on your post? Ft. Hood has quite the scene from talking to a couple guys in it, as if it evolved with the dumb deployment cycles brought on by OIF/OEF. Killeens's Walmart was pretty great for people watching.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 20:03 |
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TPSDude posted:
Guess which word I think you're being far the generous with
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 20:05 |
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Booblord Zagats posted:Guess which word I think you're being far the generous with Gonna have to say it's pretty, but gently caress man. It was magical going there, you'd have the drug addled girls with a million piercings hit you up, soon as you tell them off another girl with a muffin top to rival the Michelin man would crop up to flirt with you, and the gorillion pregnant girls desperate for survival. The best part things in my CQ shifts were walking into dudes rooms who left their doors unlocked while they were smashing someone out and seeing a familiar face when doing the ID check.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 20:16 |
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Is that woman wearing a woobie for a dress?
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 20:19 |
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Zeris posted:NSFW Now, that's a different case. Showing a brilliant strategic mind from a young age, Davey P. occupied the homely daughter of high brass, setting himself up to eventually reach rank and income level sufficient for even a goofy looking motherfucker like him to score some non-bridge troll brass chaser.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 20:26 |
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TPSDude posted:Killeens's Walmart was pretty great for people watching. No HEB nearby?
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 20:29 |
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Where is the post shim You said there would be a post
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 22:03 |
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Vengarr posted:Where is the post shim He OD'd on weed. RIP Shim, but not bong rips cause thats what killed him and that's just rude
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 22:38 |
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TPSDude posted:I heard Lewis has a barracks where the bathrooms are not joined to the rooms and you gotta walk down the building to get to the; for a floor with 40 dudes on it only 6 shower stalls/toilets. Any confirm/deny that? e: I guess it's been reflagged as 1 SBCT, and 5th is now 2nd again. Weird. Naked Bear fucked around with this message at 23:08 on Jan 11, 2016 |
# ? Jan 11, 2016 23:06 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 15:36 |
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Stultus Maximus posted:Now, that's a different case. Showing a brilliant strategic mind from a young age, Davey P. occupied the homely daughter of high brass, setting himself up to eventually reach rank and income level sufficient for even a goofy looking motherfucker like him to score some non-bridge troll brass chaser. Even the brilliantest minds can't operate properly on a deployment-long dry spell and a personal biographer following you around to finish her book titled "All In". It sort of reminds me of my old S3, a major who would dip like a fiend for 12-month deployments and quit cold turkey before the planeride home. I asked him how it was humanly possible and he calmly explained it was far, far less stressful than what his wife would do if she found out he dipped.
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# ? Jan 11, 2016 23:13 |