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Thin Privilege
Jul 8, 2009
IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT

Gravy Boat 2k

Teachers, parents, friends, hobos, and so on. They all say stupid poo poo that makes you


For example:

- "Women can't play drums because they don't have the same muscular structure as men."
- "Condoms aren't effective because the holes (pores) in them aren't small enough to stop it, so the AIDS virus can get through and infect you."


From an ex, and a health teacher. Top those and win a prize there is no prize only

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Gridlocked
Aug 2, 2014

MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves


This is kinda the half way point between AUG and IOSM

Thin Privilege
Jul 8, 2009
IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT

Gravy Boat 2k

Gridlocked posted:

This is kinda the half way point between AUG and IOSM

A good place to be.

Scathach
Apr 4, 2011

You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.




"Letting women do combat is the stupidest idea ever. The man that allowed that never even though what would happen if a guy slap's a woman's rear end!" WTF Grandpa

"Chewing gum sticks to your ribs."

"So guess what? They won't let Jacob into preschool without getting him vaccinations! It makes me so damned mad."

Also,


Scathach has a new favorite as of 04:39 on Jan 13, 2016

Lamprey Cannon
Jul 23, 2011

by exmarx


This is just the first thing that springs to mind, but I've been dying to share it for about eight years:

(For context, junior year math class, with discussion of the function y=1/x)

"How do they know it just keeps going up forever? How do they know it doesn't just stop at, like, 10,000,000?".

And this was an honors highschool math course.

ToxicSlurpee
Nov 5, 2003

-=SEND HELP=-




Pillbug

"Just try a bite. Your allergy can't be that bad."

"Of course trickle-down economics didn't work. We didn't cut taxes enough the last time we tried it."

curious lump
Sep 13, 2014

by zen death robot


"the op is a good poster"

Gridlocked
Aug 2, 2014

MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves


curious lump posted:

"the op is a good poster"

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat




"A bitcoin Reddit bacon."

"Triggered brony."

"Le Gamergate PUA!"

The manbabies are mine.

Aryu Kiddimeh
Nov 9, 2012


But OP, My fedora does make me look good, logical fallacy 101, flawed premises

Picnic Princess
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die




"Our government does NOTHING to help us!"

A Canadian said this. This was shortly after going to the doctor and not getting billed for it.

Ms Adequate
Oct 29, 2011

Baby even when I'm dead and gone
You will always be my only one, my only one
When the night is calling
No matter who I become
You will always be my only one, my only one, my only one
When the night is calling





"I have a 155 IQ"

Postal Parcel
Aug 2, 2013


"I post on Something Awful"

and

"I paid for a forum account"

curious lump
Sep 13, 2014

by zen death robot


Postal Parcel posted:

"I post on Something Awful"

and

"I paid for a forum account"

Poor Miserable Gurgi
Dec 29, 2006

He's a wisecracker!



An emote I never want to see.

I brought my Drake
Jul 10, 2014

These high-G injections have some serious side effects after pulling so many jumps.



Every time someone's told me "my taxes pay your salary!" from the other side of the counter at work, I want to pull their 20-25 cent contribution out of the drawer, all in pennies, then ping them off their face. Here's your money back, dickweed.

Anil Dikshit
Apr 11, 2007


"It makes me so mad that my neighbors let their kids play in the courtyard 30 floors below" - 3 Olives.

AA is for Quitters
Aug 6, 2009

Hold the newsreader's nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers.

Thin Privilege posted:

Teachers, parents, friends, hobos, and so on. They all say stupid poo poo that makes you


For example:

- "Condoms aren't effective because the holes (pores) in them aren't small enough to stop it, so the AIDS virus can get through and infect you."


From an ex, and a health teacher. Top those and win a prize there is no prize only

this is true (of sheepskin condoms).

GulagDolls
Jun 4, 2011



My fedora looks good. On me.

Sic Semper Goon
Mar 1, 2015

Eu tu?



Switchblade Switcharoo

A old favourite in my workplace, often brought up when someone else says something poorly thought out, originally said by my former co-worker and dumbest non-retarded person I knew.

"Cockatoos can't fly."

Exhibit A:



Ah, but he had sound logic for his statement!

"Emus and penguins can't fly, so cockatoos can't."

He quit a while ago, and is busy freeloading off his astonishingly patient sisters and Centrelink.

princecoo
Sep 3, 2009


Sic Semper Goon posted:

A old favourite in my workplace, often brought up when someone else says something poorly thought out, originally said by my former co-worker and dumbest non-retarded person I knew.

"Cockatoos can't fly."

Exhibit A:



Ah, but he had sound logic for his statement!

"Emus and penguins can't fly, so cockatoos can't."

He quit a while ago, and is busy freeloading off his astonishingly patient sisters and Centrelink.

How the gently caress does he think those big-rear end flocks get up in the gumtrees? What, there are marauding parades of cockatoos just waddling around Australia, climbing trees to screech at people then... just bungee jump themselves out?
If he'd said that in front of me I don't think I could have stopped myself from straight up asking him point blank if he was retarded.

Ralph Crammed In
May 11, 2007

Let's get clean and smart



"Crude oil lubricates the tectonic plates, which is why we have so many earthquakes after the industrial revolution because we're taking out all the oil."

I was just sort of amazed that he knew what tectonic plates are but still managed to be so wrong.

Sic Semper Goon
Mar 1, 2015

Eu tu?



Switchblade Switcharoo

princecoo posted:

How the gently caress does he think those big-rear end flocks get up in the gumtrees? What, there are marauding parades of cockatoos just waddling around Australia, climbing trees to screech at people then... just bungee jump themselves out?
If he'd said that in front of me I don't think I could have stopped myself from straight up asking him point blank if he was retarded.

We honestly don't know what he was "thinking", as he was the sort of clown who thought that simply repeating a statement over and over in a increasingly louder and more agitated tone of voice was sufficient to prove his point when questioned.

Everyone else insincerely agreed that either:

A: What appeared to be organic birds were actually small robots, made and controlled by nefarious secret forces.

B: The cockatoo slowly waddles around and climbs trees in a similar fashion to a possum or koala.

It's a pity that none of us had smartphones at the time, in order to bring up video of a cockatoo indeed flying.

He also claimed that my obviously British (and hated) manager at the time was French, and that evolution was disproved by the lack of apes spontaneously meta-morphing into humans in the present day.

He was unable to name any of the Ten Commandments, despite constantly reminding us that he was Christian. He also didn't know that Christian faith was split into denominations, when I asked him which branch of Christianity he followed.

And he claimed that cigarettes didn't cause cancer, on the grounds that his grandfather never contracted it, despite smoking his whole life.

Blackchamber
Jan 25, 2005



kith_groupie posted:

"Crude oil lubricates the tectonic plates, which is why we have so many earthquakes after the industrial revolution because we're taking out all the oil."

I was just sort of amazed that he knew what tectonic plates are but still managed to be so wrong.

Is this guy Ken M?

Tiggum
Oct 23, 2007


Sic Semper Goon posted:

He was unable to name any of the Ten Commandments, despite constantly reminding us that he was Christian. He also didn't know that Christian faith was split into denominations, when I asked him which branch of Christianity he followed.
I once overheard a Muslim at the place I used to work explaining his religion to a co-worker. Apparently Islam is older than Christianity and Muslims don't believe in Jesus (and it was clear that he meant "at all", not just "don't believe Jesus is God").

Sic Semper Goon posted:

And he claimed that cigarettes didn't cause cancer, on the grounds that his grandfather never contracted it, despite smoking his whole life.
This one is surprisingly common amongst old smokers.

Rigged Death Trap
Feb 13, 2012

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP



Tiggum posted:

I once overheard a Muslim at the place I used to work explaining his religion to a co-worker. Apparently Islam is older than Christianity and Muslims don't believe in Jesus (and it was clear that he meant "at all", not just "don't believe Jesus is God").

He must be trolling.

YeahTubaMike
Mar 24, 2005

*hic* Gotta finish thish . . .


Doctor Rope

When I was a senior in high school, one of my classmates sincerely asked why we didn't just paint bombs the color of the sky so that the enemy wouldn't see them.

Kopijeger
Feb 14, 2010


How about this: When visiting a foreign city where you do not look like a local at all, some idiot in a car decides to ask you for directions in English instead of the local language, all while brandishing a road map and being in view of several obvious landmarks. He was probably attempting to pull this scam:

quote:

The lost fashion designer. Here's a classic: A guy pulls up next to you in a car and asks for directions, or some other way to start chatting with you. He's suave, speaks English and dressed well. He tells you he's a manager/designer/executive for Armani/Versace/Gucci and seems to "prove" it by showing you his designs. Oh, and just because you're so friendly, he gives you a couple of coats he just happens to have in his car that are leather/silk/suede. That's when he asks you for gas money, because he's almost out -- you know, 50 or 100. Because he just gave you a couple of coats and because he's such a swell-seeming guy, you fork it over. This has happened again and again and again over the past few years. The guy must be making bank. Don't be part of his profit margin.

The stupidity lies in the fact that he thinks there is even the slightest possibility that you will fall for his scam when he is that unsubtle about it.

ikanreed
Sep 25, 2009

Rise and shine, master leprechaun.







Practical Demon posted:

An emote I never want to see.

Too bad.

curious lump
Sep 13, 2014

by zen death robot



nice

GWBBQ
Jan 2, 2005




queserasera posted:

Every time someone's told me "my taxes pay your salary!" from the other side of the counter at work, I want to pull their 20-25 cent contribution out of the drawer, all in pennies, then ping them off their face. Here's your money back, dickweed.
According to a friend who works at Disney World, people also yell that at Disney employees.

Postal Parcel
Aug 2, 2013



I can't believe this thread made a new emote

ikanreed
Sep 25, 2009

Rise and shine, master leprechaun.





Postal Parcel posted:

I can't believe this thread made a new emote

(I bought it myself because I liked it)

Poor Miserable Gurgi
Dec 29, 2006

He's a wisecracker!


That was quick. And pretty much what I couldn't stop myself from imagining.

Picnic Princess
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die




A guy my husband used to work with would argue with him endlessly that alcohol was bad because of its effects on other people but smoking is fine because it doesn't change your behavior and thus has no negative impact on the people around you.

He almost got his head cut off by a helicopter because he approached it from upslope and didn't duck.

meselfs
Sep 26, 2015

The body may die, but the soul is always rotten

Me (with gastroenteritis): "I haven't peed for hours, am really thirsty, and can't drink water because I puke it out. Can you pick up some Pedialyte on your way home so I don't die?"

Someone close to me: "Is that for children? Would you be offended if I didn't? We have chicken soup."


Full disclosure: I've said stupider things, but this thread asks the stupidest poo poo I've heard, not said.

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL
Feb 21, 2006

Holy Moly! DARKSEID IS!


GWBBQ posted:

According to a friend who works at Disney World, people also yell that at Disney employees.

"What time is the 3-o'clock parade?"

All day, every day, according to my mouse-employed friends. I ought to ask for some gems because there's no brain-on-vacation shutdown quite like Disney visitors.

A Fancy 400 lbs
Jul 23, 2008


Picnic Princess posted:

A guy my husband used to work with would argue with him endlessly that alcohol was bad because of its effects on other people but smoking is fine because it doesn't change your behavior and thus has no negative impact on the people around you.

He almost got his head cut off by a helicopter because he approached it from upslope and didn't duck.

I remember a few years ago in GBS I was arguing with some guy who claimed that DUIs can't be a crime because they don't affect anyone else and it doesn't actually make you worse at driving. A few months after that he went full blown conspiracy nutter about European royals and spent a few hundred dollars reregging and threatening Lowtax and his family after getting banned.

Saint Drogo
Dec 26, 2011



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Douche Wolf 89
Dec 9, 2010



"I'm moving to Korea to teach English"

"Oh amazing, North or South?"

- A completely serious, university educated human

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