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Len
Jan 21, 2008

Pouches, bandages, shoulderpad, cyber-eye...

Bitchin'!



Picnic Princess posted:

A guy my husband used to work with would argue with him endlessly that alcohol was bad because of its effects on other people but smoking is fine because it doesn't change your behavior and thus has no negative impact on the people around you.

He almost got his head cut off by a helicopter because he approached it from upslope and didn't duck.

I had an old coworker who would argue the other way. Smokes are the worst things ever but alcohol is completely 100% okay. Nevermind that she would regularly get blackout drunk and order Pokemon things off ebay alcohol was just better than cigarettes.

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Axeman Jim
Nov 20, 2010

The Canadians replied that they would rather ride a moose.

My dad used to work in fast food franchising. A senior executive at a huge chain once asked him "Do you guys have pizza in Europe?"

Samovar
Jun 4, 2011

I'm not a hero...





"Alan Rickman lives"

HaB
Jan 5, 2001

What are the odds?


Pretty much everything on:

http://ourvaluedcustomers.blogspot.com

For things I have personally heard, I can't recall the exact phrasing and/or convoluted logic, but my elderly, old white guy, racist father a couple of weeks ago somehow blamed rape culture, specifically how poorly MEN (falsely*) accused of rape get treated, on the Obama administration. It had something to do with Title IX, and athletes? Honestly I just tune him out at this point. I only registered this incident because I heard him start on about false rape allegations, dialed my attention back to "barely paying attention" when it took a MASSIVE left turn at "Obama."

For a man in a wheelchair who is nearly 80 years old, that is some impressive hoop/logic jumping.





*because THAT is the epidemic. Not women being raped and being socially stigmatized for reporting, or having their assailants get a mere slap on the wrist because they are athletes or all the other terribleness that goes on - but MEN being falsely accused.

Mak0rz
Aug 2, 2008



Kopijeger posted:

The Lost Fashion Designer

I think this almost happened to me. He asked me if I can speak Italian and then wanted directions to the airport. I wished him good luck in Italian and he thought that was funny/nice.

He never asked me for money, though. Maybe he thought I was too smart? I wouldn't have given him anything anyway. Man he seemed like a nice guy and now I learn he could have been a con artist

Teriyaki Koinku
Nov 25, 2008



Douche Wolf 89 posted:

"I'm moving to Korea to teach English"

"Oh amazing, North or South?"

- A completely serious, university educated human

Hey, at least they know there's a North and South Korea. The floor gets so much lower.

"I'm going to Taiwan to teach English."

"Oh cool! Have fun in Thailand!"



Also, recently overheard in a restaurant:

"Hey waiter, where's Istanbul? Is that by Israel? Or is it closer to Paris?" at a restaurant called Istanbul Cafe

World geography for a lot of Americans is a black hole of ignorance that consumes everything in its wake.

Teriyaki Koinku has a new favorite as of 15:49 on Jan 14, 2016

brotato
May 13, 2013


"How many quarters are in a football game?" -- a girl in my section in the high school marching band, at what was easily her 20th football game

"Atlanta is the nicest of the black cities." -- my cousin, trying to butter me up so I would get him some weed while he was in town

Filox
Oct 3, 2014



Grimey Drawer

At a place I used to work, one day in the breakroom I heard a woman talking about a guy who wanted to return a fishing pole. He wanted her to take his fishing line off the reel for him; she didn't want to do it. He got a little pissy about it and it was probably not a good moment in her day.

But the woman in question was telling us how recently this man's unborn baby had been diagnosed with a potentially life threatening heart condition that would require dangerous surgery as soon as the baby was born.

And she thought this was proper karma. "What goes around comes around."

So the proper punishment for getting a little pissy with a cashier is to have to watch your new born baby suffer, struggle and possibly die.





I dunno. Do we have a "poo poo that makes you want to punch people" thread?

Teriyaki Koinku
Nov 25, 2008



Filox posted:

At a place I used to work, one day in the breakroom I heard a woman talking about a guy who wanted to return a fishing pole. He wanted her to take his fishing line off the reel for him; she didn't want to do it. He got a little pissy about it and it was probably not a good moment in her day.

But the woman in question was telling us how recently this man's unborn baby had been diagnosed with a potentially life threatening heart condition that would require dangerous surgery as soon as the baby was born.

And she thought this was proper karma. "What goes around comes around."

So the proper punishment for getting a little pissy with a cashier is to have to watch your new born baby suffer, struggle and possibly die.





I dunno. Do we have a "poo poo that makes you want to punch people" thread?

Make a thread? I'd read it.

Ralph Crammed In
May 11, 2007

Let's get clean and smart



Douche Wolf 89 posted:

"I'm moving to Korea to teach English"

"Oh amazing, North or South?"

- A completely serious, university educated human

Not to be a smart rear end cause I get your point, but I just finished reading this book last night-

http://www.amazon.com/Without-You-There-Is-No/dp/0307720659

It's really fascinating if you have an interest in North Korea.

Frankston
Jul 27, 2010




brotato posted:

"How many quarters are in a football game?" -- a girl in my section in the high school marching band, at what was easily her 20th football game

A long time ago in school some guy swore blind that an ice hockey game had three quarters.

ikanreed
Sep 25, 2009

Rise and shine, master leprechaun.





Frankston posted:

A long time ago in school some guy swore blind that an ice hockey game had three quarters.

Canadian math

Jasper Tin Neck
Nov 13, 2008


"Scientifically proven, rich and creamy."



Granted, these were middle school kids talking to each other, but none the less astonishing grasp of local geography:

"[Another suburb town maybe 20 minutes away], isn't that like four hours away by train?"
"Yeah, it's like, really far away."

They probably confused it with a town that is four hours away and starts with the same letter.

Thin Privilege
Jul 8, 2009
IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT

Gravy Boat 2k

My mom has a thick Russian accent. We were visiting Nashville and the conversation with the fat white middle age hotel clerk lady goes like this:

"That's a nice accent. Where are y'all from?"
"I'm from Russia."
"Russia? Ain't y'all communist?"

Gay Rat Wedding
Sep 14, 2011



Taco Defender

"They had kind of a butch look, so I knew they were lesbians"

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat




FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!



Tiggum posted:

I once overheard a Muslim at the place I used to work explaining his religion to a co-worker. Apparently Islam is older than Christianity and Muslims don't believe in Jesus (and it was clear that he meant "at all", not just "don't believe Jesus is God").

Muslims believe in Jesus and that he was a result of a virgin birth and that he was crucified but that it didn't kill him and he just went up to heaven when the time was right.

Except if he belongs to one of those obscure off-shoot sects that believe weird stuff like that Mohammed was a fraud and Ali, his son in law, was actually the brains behind the operation as well as being literally god and the same person as Fatima, his wife and Mohammed's daughter or that people are all actually stars that were cast down by God for sinning and are stuck in a cycle of reincarnation that they must break to get back to heaven.

22 Eargesplitten
Oct 10, 2010

Certified Centrist Trash


Muslims have Mormons too?

princecoo
Sep 3, 2009


Guy being served at the checkout in front of me:
"My brother, he was a genius. Really smart, off the charts. He was great with all the technology stuff, and when he died - he committed suicide - I absorbed all his knowledge and that's why I'm so good with computers."

I have so many questions. Like, all his knowledge? He now knows what his brothers wife looks like naked, or what he really thought of his big fat idiot brother? Or just specifically technology knowledge? Is there a chant or special ritual to do this? Did he have to be present, or was he like, 100km away and when his brother died did he suddenly realise "hey, I know stuff!"


What in the hell.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!



Don't be stupid. He ate his brain, the only logical and scientific way of absorbing someone's knowledge. To absorb their strength, virility and courage you eat the heart and penis.

BigglesSWE
Dec 2, 2014

How 'bout them hawks news huh!


Ever met someone who's all over the Moon landing hoax stuff? You're bound to hear some real dumb stuff.

My favourite would be "now if they could get to the moon that one time, why didn't they ever go back?!" (I guess Apollo 12, 14, 15, 16 and 17 doesn't count).

Picnic Princess
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die




A coworker was talking to me today about how someone asked her if a peacock was injured because it only had two legs.

Improbable Lobster
Jan 6, 2012

What is the Matrix? We just don't know.



Buglord

"I'm gonna post on the SA forums"

curious lump
Sep 13, 2014

by zen death robot


Picnic Princess posted:

A coworker was talking to me today about how someone asked her if a peacock was injured because it only had two legs.

she wanted ur peacock sry bro

Picnic Princess
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die




curious lump posted:

she wanted ur peacock sry bro

Chalk up another one

Len
Jan 21, 2008

Pouches, bandages, shoulderpad, cyber-eye...

Bitchin'!



BigglesSWE posted:

Ever met someone who's all over the Moon landing hoax stuff? You're bound to hear some real dumb stuff.

My favourite would be "now if they could get to the moon that one time, why didn't they ever go back?!" (I guess Apollo 12, 14, 15, 16 and 17 doesn't count).

My ex believed we bad never been to the moon. A teacher in high school apparently told her class we hadn't landed on the moon because "the flag waved or some poo poo my point is we were never on the moon."

She was not a smart or sane person.

trickybiscuits
Jan 13, 2008

yospos


Once I heard a guy say that he didn't believe Jesus was a real person because Jewish names don't end in s's. Whether or not this is true, it's like arguing that Catherine the Great didn't exist because there's no "th" sound in Russian.

Teriyaki Koinku
Nov 25, 2008



"UFC - now that's a real sport!" literally just heard, spoken unironically at a Steak 'n Shake.

NO FUCK YOU DAD
Oct 23, 2008

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU


trickybiscuits posted:

Once I heard a guy say that he didn't believe Jesus was a real person because Jewish names don't end in s's. Whether or not this is true, it's like arguing that Catherine the Great didn't exist because there's no "th" sound in Russian.
There's a minor prophet called Amos right there in the Torah.

RagnarokAngel
Oct 5, 2006

Black Magic Extraordinaire


trickybiscuits posted:

Once I heard a guy say that he didn't believe Jesus was a real person because Jewish names don't end in s's. Whether or not this is true, it's like arguing that Catherine the Great didn't exist because there's no "th" sound in Russian.

Well
1. Catherine the Great wasn't russian, she was Prussian so that is not necessarily a good comparison.

2. The name Jesus is what happens when a name goes through a thousand translations to get to English. There's a strong belief that his original name has the same root as Joshua (yesua) but over time the two names branched out.
It's hard to tell since we have like nothing from Jesus's time to go on.

Roro
Oct 9, 2012

HOO'S HEAD GOES ALL THE WAY AROUND?


"No, I'm not vaccinating my child/pet, because vaccines contain autism drugs/acid/only need to be given once and then they're fine (pet exclusive response)!"

Go catch the plague.

Non Serviam
Feb 25, 2006

wAstIng 10 bUcks ON an aVaTar iS StUpid

"doctors are only in it for the money. Toothpaste is bad for you. I think we should all just move to farms and research our own cures for cancer"

Zeroisanumber
Oct 23, 2010



Nap Ghost

Non Serviam posted:

"doctors are only in it for the money. Toothpaste is bad for you. I think we should all just move to farms and research our own cures for cancer"

One of the nice things about an eventual cure for cancer will be the fact that it drives a billion quacks right the gently caress out of business.

Your Computer
Oct 3, 2008






Grimey Drawer

Zeroisanumber posted:

One of the nice things about an eventual cure for cancer will be the fact that it drives a billion quacks right the gently caress out of business.

People are just going to claim that the cancer cure causes autism or something. There will always be room for quacks.

Aesop Poprock
Oct 21, 2008




Grimey Drawer

Your Dunkle Sans posted:

"UFC - now that's a real sport!" literally just heard, spoken unironically at a Steak 'n Shake.

I mean the scoring system, judges and athletic commissions are bad for MMA but what's your problem with it as a sport in general?

dirksteadfast
Oct 10, 2010


BigglesSWE posted:

Ever met someone who's all over the Moon landing hoax stuff? You're bound to hear some real dumb stuff.

My favourite would be "now if they could get to the moon that one time, why didn't they ever go back?!" (I guess Apollo 12, 14, 15, 16 and 17 doesn't count).

I don't know if stuff from documentaries really counts for this thread (it really should because this is the stupidest poo poo I've ever heard), but the movie Room 237 includes quite a bit of analysis of how Stanley Kubrick used The Shining as a confession for his involvement with the fake moon landing.

GWBBQ
Jan 2, 2005




BigglesSWE posted:

Ever met someone who's all over the Moon landing hoax stuff? You're bound to hear some real dumb stuff.

My favourite would be "now if they could get to the moon that one time, why didn't they ever go back?!" (I guess Apollo 12, 14, 15, 16 and 17 doesn't count).
Yeah, I know one or two of those. One of them pointed out an airplane spraying chemtrails when we were at the beach.

Non Serviam
Feb 25, 2006

wAstIng 10 bUcks ON an aVaTar iS StUpid

Aesop Poprock posted:

I mean the scoring system, judges and athletic commissions are bad for MMA but what's your problem with it as a sport in general?

I'm guessing he got mixed up and thought of WWE

Hihohe
Oct 4, 2008

Fuck you and the sun you live under



"Its called Star Citizen, its gonna be this really cool game. I gave them like 100 dollars on their Kickstarter."

I dont have the heart to break this guys bubble.

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Scathach
Apr 4, 2011

You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.




Hihohe posted:

"Its called Star Citizen, its gonna be this really cool game. I gave them like 100 dollars on their Kickstarter."

I dont have the heart to break this guys bubble.

A friend on Facebook just said to me, "Wait, Star Citizen failed?" Poor guy was shocked, I wonder how much money he lost

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