"My fedora makes me look good" : The stupidest shit you've ever heard

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > "My fedora makes me look good" : The stupidest shit you've ever heard

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

queserasera posted:

Every time someone's told me "my taxes pay your salary!" from the other side of the counter at work, I want to pull their 20-25 cent contribution out of the drawer, all in pennies, then ping them off their face. Here's your money back, dickweed.

According to a friend who works at Disney World, people also yell that at Disney employees.

# ¿ Jan 13, 2016 20:08

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# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 06:46

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

BigglesSWE posted:

Ever met someone who's all over the Moon landing hoax stuff? You're bound to hear some real dumb stuff.

My favourite would be "now if they could get to the moon that one time, why didn't they ever go back?!" (I guess Apollo 12, 14, 15, 16 and 17 doesn't count).

Yeah, I know one or two of those. One of them pointed out an airplane spraying chemtrails when we were at the beach.

# ¿ Jan 16, 2016 17:25

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

In college, I worked at a quick oil change place. Our service writer was Bill. On the surface he was a seemingly nice guy; he wasn't the brightest person in the world and would do things like blame the air conditioning for his cough and get defensive if you suggested it might have to do with the fact that he smoked 2 to 3 packs of cigarettes a day. I say seemingly nice because he was on his best behavior when I came in with a batch of new hires and it took a few weeks before he went back to his regular outbursts.

This is when Bill became Bill the Nazi. When his ticket average would drop, the antisemitic comments started flowing, and in addition to starting every third sentence with "loving Jews," I heard such gems as
"Mister Steinberg's car!" (this was his go-to when the customer didn't want any extra services and therefore must be Jewish)
"Look at his last name, of course he doesn't want to buy anything."

I shrugged it off for the most part since everybody else in the shop was used to it and ignored it, but I finally talked to the manager and asked him to intervene when Bill stomped into the garage from the front office and yelled "loving Jews. Never buy anything. Where's Adolf when you need him?"

I met his wife and 7 year old son a couple of times. Ironically, his wife worked at the local Jewish Senior Center. His son was a nice kid, I hope he didn't grow up to be like his father.

bleughmacaroni posted:

There's 2 quarters in a football game, four quarters to play but you get a quarterback for both teams.

# ¿ Jan 18, 2016 21:24

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

luloo123 posted:

That is true, but his point was that they'll keep refilling indefinitely because the earth makes the oil and there will never be a decrease in volume or quality. He also believed that green energy initiatives were a conspiracy by the government. At that point, I think that I made an excuse that my phone was dying, and we had to get back on topic or what needed to be done wouldn't get done.

Refilling oil wells is a young earth creationism thing.

Bertrand Hustle posted:

I had a Jewish friend in college who swore up and down that he had been asked where his horns were, on more than one occasion.

I mean, obviously they're under his frizzy hair.

I was raised Catholic, and I was still fairly religious when I was in high school. I was on a trip to Tennessee in high school and I said that I was Catholic to a group of people I was chatting with when religion came up. They all looked shocked and someone said said something like "Really? you seem so normal!" I know it's not the same as antisemitism, but it was a tiny glimpse at the "us versus the lizard people" mentality that a lot of fundamentalists have toward everyone else.

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 03:11

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

I just remembered another good Catholicism one. One of my coworkers at a previous job not only claimed that Catholics aren't Christian, but that they were a completely separate religion with no common roots. I tried explaining the Protestant Reformation and was told that it didn't happen and that Catholicism and Christianity had always been different things. I wish I could remember his explanation, it was a bizarre alternate history conspiracy theory.

Thin Privilege posted:

Did none of those geography morons go to grade school? I learned geography at least three times and it was required to take US history in high school, which I assume is true in ever state.

Freshman year of high school, our US history teacher jokingly asked for a volunteer who was really bad at geography. A bunch of people raised their hands and he said "not just bad, really really bad" and picked one of the few people who still had a hand up. She couldn't find Europe on the map.

# ¿ Jan 24, 2016 22:23

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Your Dunkle Sans posted:

Was your history teacher Ben Carson?

I don't get it.

The teacher thought it was going to be a case of "even you can find Europe on a map," but the student had apparently moved in from a district where world geography wasn't taught.

Wheat Loaf posted:

Your co-worker wasn't Jack Chick, was he?

Unless Jack is an anglicized psuedonym for "Miguel," no.

# ¿ Jan 26, 2016 04:57

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Roro posted:

There's communities of women on the internet that believe that certain celebrities are in fake relationships. One of the stupidest communities is the one dedicated to "outing" Benedict Cumberbatch's allegedly fake marriage to Sophie Hunter, who have a child together and have been married for a year now, I think?
I follow someone who mocks these women and some of the poo poo they spout is mindblowingly dumb. Apparently, their baby is a doll. Also they're both on hella drugs and have been paying off practically the entire planet to avoid their fake marriage being revealed.

It's the sort of thing where you want to see how deep the rabbit hole of insanity goes, but you threw a rock down there and you haven't heard it land yet.

I once stumbled across a group photo of myself and a couple of other people on a Sandy Hook Truth blog (for those not familiar, they claim that the shooting spree was staged by the government so Obama could take away their guns.) The comments included several people discussing how obviously fake the picture was, some arguing that they were actors and others saying that it was completely fake and that the people were just computer renderings. Part of me wanted to jump in and say "nice try, but I actually do exist," but some other comments on the site talking about what they'd like to do to people who perpetrated the hoax convinced me that it would be unwise.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2016 23:13

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Mu Zeta posted:

If I was British I would do whatever Boris Johnson does. Dude's name is Boris.

How do you feel about Boris Yeltsin?

# ¿ Mar 4, 2016 01:00

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

San Bernardino DA says seized iPhone may hold �dormant cyber pathogen�
He says iPhone might be "a weapon" to trigger some nefarious worm of some sort.
http://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2016/03/san-bernardino-da-says-seized-iphone-may-hold-dormant-cyber-pathogen/

For those with no knowledge of cybersecurity, this is on par with chemtrails or AIDS being an American bioweapon

Wheat Loaf posted:

Comment glimpsed on some clickbait article on Cracked:

This whole thing is bizarre to me. "X is too right-wing so I will vote for Y who is even more right-wing." I could certainly understand someone saying, "Clinton is too right-wing, so I will vote for the Green Party candidate," or something like that. But this is the same as people insisting that voters went to the Conservatives and UKIP last year because Labour was too right-wing.

"Welp, Labour's looking pretty right-wing to me, better vote for UKIP."

Imagine you are thinking, "I want the left-wing party to win, but it's not left-wing enough for me." Is your reaction going to be, "I will therefore vote for a different left-wing party which is left-wing enough," or will it be, "I will therefore vote for a right-wing party." I just can't process the reasoning behind the latter response.

Accelerationism is loving stupid.

# ¿ Mar 5, 2016 02:25

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

There's also Salt Lake City. One one hand, it's neat and orderly. On the other hand, it's straight out of a dystopian future where people have serial numbers instead of names.
https://goo.gl/maps/baA3qdrV2a22

# ¿ Mar 28, 2016 03:17

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Tasteful Dickpic posted:

This is the result of the most boring person in the worked playing SimCity.

The dude invented a whole religion, he can't be that boring.

Iron Heart posted:

"I agree, these demands by transsexuals dont make sense at all. The whole thing is nonsensical. There is discrimination here, but its discrimination towards heterosexuals to the point that a law like this seems needed.
Basically, if you claim to be �trans� then you can simply pick and choose whatever gender you want to be and use that restroom. Do heterosexuals get afforded same choice?
If I�m at a public place and the line to the men�s room is a mile long but no one is using the women�s restroom, can I as a clearly heterosexual male declare for the next 5 minutes that I�m a woman and go use the women�s restroom?
The Republicans are right in passing this law, but they are passing it for all the wrong reasons. Letting 0.13% of population use whatever public facilities they want, and denying that right to the rest of 99.87% of the population is the definition of discrimination."

This issue came up at work, and it took one meeting between the transgendered student asking about it and campus administration to come up with the solution of designating all single occupancy bathrooms as gender-neutral, sending out an announcement to the campus about it 15 minutes later, and buying a couple of signs. It probably took more time for the people you overheard to complain about it than it did for my workplace to discuss the problem and solve it.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2016 03:05

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# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 06:46

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Josef bugman posted:

Human Resources sounds like you occasionally have to burn a person in order to power the steam engine beneath corporate headquarters. Human Capital is just loving horrifying.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPNaaogT8fs

# ¿ Apr 23, 2016 04:32

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