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 <( Knock Knock, Laura my sweet sweet treasure! )( ... )>  <( *Ahem*, Knock Knock! Are you there my turtle dove? )( Please get off my porch or I'm going to call the police. )> [Laff Track]  Wikipedia posted:Family Matters is an American sitcom which originated on ABC from September 22, 1989 to May 9, 1997 and then on CBS from September 19, 1997 to July 17, 1998. A spin-off of Perfect Strangers, the series revolves around the Winslow family, a middle-class African American family living in Chicago, Illinois. Midway through the first season, the show introduced the Winslows' nerdy neighbor Steve Urkel (played by Jaleel White), who quickly became its breakout character and eventually the show's main character. Having run for nine seasons, Family Matters is the second longest-running U.S. sitcom with a predominantly African American cast, behind only The Jeffersons, which aired for 11 seasons from 1974-1985. In terms of the number of episodes, Family Matters is ranked third after Tyler Perry's House of Payne (254) and The Jeffersons (253), with 215. The year is 1992. Family Matters is a hit TV sensation on ABC's TGIF lineup, and the eggheads at Scholastic Books come upon an idea: in order to encourage kids to read, why not get a license to make a kids book based on the ultracelebrity status of Jaleel White's Steve Urkel, star of the aforementioned TV sensation?  So while the rest of the world was laughing at GHW Bush vomiting on the Japanese Prime Minister and voting super-stud Bill Clinton into office, Scholastic Books published the greatest piece of art of the early 90s:  Coming in at a whopping 70 pages with a MSRP of $2.95 USD, Yuk It Up with Urkel! provided 90s kids with something they desperately needed in a pre-Internet age: an encyclopedia of Family Matters-themed jokes, silly sayings, riotous riddles, far-out facts, and more! With this in hand, you could impress your friends with such knee-slappers as:  I recently purchased this book for a single Canadian dollar at a thrift store over the holidays. For the amount of laughs it has given me since then, I can't imagine that that dollar could have been spent in a more efficient way. And since the Canadian dollar has tumbled like 10-15c US since I bought it, the laughs just keep getting more and more cost-efficient. It's win-win, and I truly believe that Carl Winslow is smiling down upon me from his place in TGIF heaven for sharing this piece of history with GBS today. So, Let's Read: Yuk It Up with Urkel!  The book opens with a dedication from Urkel himself, and wastes no time filling out its joke-per-page quota. Ukrel promises the reader a masterpiece of humor that will entertain - but also be not be some high-brow ivory tower New Yorker bullshit. We also see here an early example of how books wrote out sounds and reactions before the Internet custom of bracketing them in asterisks. Truly, SNORT! SNORT! SNORT! is as valuable to liguistic anthropologists as the Rosetta Stone itself. Chapter 1: My Bio: In Brief  Urkel's biography would have you believe that he began wearing suspenders on the day he was born; or perhaps that he was born fully clothed. This plays into my headcanon of Urkel being an asexual nevernude, so it pleases me.  At the tender age of 10, Ukrel falls (get it? SNORT! SNORT!) in love with Laura Winslow. At 11, he emarks on his first steps towards his burgeoning interest in bestiality. Chapter 2: Special Delivery  From this chapter, we learn that Urkel's mother, upon giving birth to him, immediately wishes she had had an abortion, a miscarriage, or otherwise lost the baby to a kidnapper. This is a pretty grim observation on unwanted pregnancies in the 1990s African American community, Scholastic. It further confirms the earlier question I had about whether or not Urkel was born fully dressed as an asexual nevernude. We are only like 3 pages in, and already his suspenders have been the butt of like 5-6 jokes. Chapter 3: Lab Notes  Urkel donning his white lab coat is an analogy to him putting on a "white" persona in order to hyperbolize the issue of race relations in the early 1990s. The Winslows, as a successful middle class African-American family, were perceived by many to be "oreos" - a pejorative term for African-Americans who eschew their heritage in order to assimilate with white middle class families. By using Urkel as a vehicle, Family Matters was able to parody that perception in a meta way, showing that in fact, no, being part of the middle class does not make you "white on the inside" - but being a basement-dwelling turbo nerd like Urkel does. As an aside, I recently watched an episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air where Carleton and Will get stopped by the police on their way to a family gathering while driving one of Uncle Phil's rich (white) friends' car. Will immediately tells Carleton to shut the gently caress up and to just keep his head down and do what the cop says, but Carleton ignores him - believing that as a charming sweater-vest wearing gentleman, he has nothing to worry about and will gladly chat up the cop and tell him that the car isn't theirs. Cue Carleton getting curbstomped by police and the two getting arrested, and ending with a fantastic rage-rant by Uncle Phil (who was a State Supreme Court Judge or something, as you'll recall) shaming the police officers for racial profiling. The last scene of the episode has a sad, weepy Carleton asking Uncle Phil why the police treated him with such little respect, and the earnest solemn response by Phil that, well, it's because no matter how rich, successful, well-spoken, sweater-vest-wearing you are, you are Black, and the police will treat you like poo poo. That is some pretty  stuff for an after-school comedy show featuring a wise-cracking Will Smith and a funny dancing Alfonso Ribeiro. The 90s were weird. I am glad to see that Urkel's family life seems intact, despite his mother who apparently wishes he was dead. I suppose having an absentee father would have been too cliché and/or racy. That being said, the anecdotes on this page paint a troubling progression. Why was Urkel poisoning his father? Why was Urkel assaulting passerbys by wantonly dropping stones on them? Why was Urkel peeping into the Winslow parents' bedroom window? Why did he think that the moon was flesh-colored? Next Chapters: "Urkel's Song Book", "The Joke's On Me", and "Ask Urkel!"
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Jan 15, 2016 19:47
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first post
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Jan 15, 2016 19:47
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Jan 15, 2016 19:47
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first post
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Jan 15, 2016 19:49
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this is extremely my poo poo
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Jan 15, 2016 19:49
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This poo poo completely demystifies the character.
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Jan 15, 2016 19:52
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The younger sister did porn. [Laugh track]
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Jan 15, 2016 20:04
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Will read the entire OP when I get home to my reading room. Looks very promising though. Voting thread 4
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Jan 15, 2016 20:06
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TovUNes1rTk
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Jan 15, 2016 20:06
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Chapter 4: Urkel's Songbook Fun fact, like most public domain music, "Camptown Races" has a pretty stellar racist history. While it's no "Turkey in the Straw", some quick research shows that Camptown Races was originally known as "Gwine to Run All Night", and: some internet site posted:referenced the African-American stereotype dialect in which the song was written. The lyrics talk about a group of transients in a camp town, who bet on horses to try to make some money. The song was intended to be humorous and was written in the minstrel tradition, which had performers painting their faces black to mock African-Americans. Naturally, Scholastic thought it would be a good idea to include this racially-loaded background in their 2.95$ joke books for kids. Further troubling is the second song which glamorises physical assault in our public schools, and even includes a thoughtful picture of young Urkel getting strangled. Including a picture of a black man being asphyxiated to the tune of blackspoilation.mp3 isn't loaded imagery at all. Nope.  Urkel was an early pioneer role model to the MRA redpill little white cuck balls of today. Donning his fedora and embarking on a courtship of his beloved, he sees nothing wrong with continuing his criminal harassment. I wonder if Laura ever needed a printer. I honestly just don't even understand the second one. He looked at the person taking the free-throw and caused them to miss? I don't know sports. Chapter 5: The Joke's On Me There are no words for this chapter, so I will just let the pages speak for themselves. Enjoy:   Chapter 6: Ask Urkel!  Urkel demonstrates his Asperger's by misunderstanding key social cues, such as the fact that not everyone is an upper-middle class person who can afford a watch. The bottom question is resolved on the next page. By this point, it's a safe bet that you know what the answer is going to be...  You were probably right. All of Urkel's answers involving trying to lure women to a secluded area and raping them. Tipps fucked around with this message at 20:32 on Jan 15, 2016 |
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Jan 15, 2016 20:27
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Tipps posted:Why was Urkel peeping into the Winslow parents' bedroom window?
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Jan 15, 2016 20:28
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I actually laughed at the time of day one. HEE HEE *snort snort*
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Jan 15, 2016 20:36
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i spurkel on ur mom year round tbf
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Jan 15, 2016 20:46
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Ask Urkel is scary.
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Jan 15, 2016 20:52
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urkel my neg hole
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Jan 15, 2016 20:57
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5Zdp1RfoyI
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Jan 15, 2016 21:01
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I always considered Urkel a "jerkel!" But now I understand the full dimensions of his character better. Yes, a rich comedic foil in the great Falstaffian sense. Bravo!
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Jan 15, 2016 21:31
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Chapter 7: How to Dress Like the Coolest -- Me! Further cementing my hypothesis that Urkel is a nullified asexual nevernude, here is a poorly laid-out infographic of how to make an Urkel costume. If this book were published in 2016, Scolastic would've made a half-assed "starter kit" meme image with lots of emojis I imagine. As a Canadian, it fascinates me that the cast of the show, including Urkel himself, wear shoes in the house. As you'll see on the next page, he's wearing shoes on the living room carpet after explaining in earlier pages that he goes off traipsing on girls' front lawns and under bleachers and in football fields. This chapter tells me that the shoes are part of his costume and that he, presumably, doesn't take them off. So what's up with that? Chapter 8: Close Encounter of the Urkel Kind  That's it. That's the whole chapter. It's not even a joke. There's no set-up or punchline. Or is the fact that the state of being "an urkel" (n.) transcends space and time the joke? At this point of the book, it almost makes me want to go back to the earlier chapters on blackspoiltation just so I have something to write about that's more interesting than wearing shoes in the house. Chapter 9: Urkelisms  If you are Russian or have any Russian friends, you are likely familiar with "анекдо́ты" - Russian "jokes" that are often single-line and weird as heck and never make sense when translated into English. I think this is YIUWU's attempt to mirror that style of humor to a reasonable level of success. These are probably the only jokes in the whole book that are actually clever. Except the last one. gently caress the last one. Chapter 10: Me & Waldo  Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffart Reading this, I went from thinking that Waldo was a person, a dog, to a person again. Why does Waldo kiss the watch, but then does the time-"lick" maneuvre? Kissing is not licking. The joke would've worked perfectly fine with the guy licking the watch too. It makes no sense. Wait, or is it a meta joke because neither Urkel nor his friend know what kissing actually is because they are both nerds?  Chapter 11: The Sick Sense  More anecdotes. Here we see that Urkel's father also hates him, and that Urkel's aloofness is actually a front for his chronic anxiety about death. At this point in the book, interestingly, is inserted a haphazard collection of glossy color photos from the show and/or behind the scenes. In an age where you couldn't just Google image search "Family Matters" for a cast picture for a GBS thread and receive 6-digit results of pictures (and only most of those being lovely fan art or parody porn), I guess getting a small booklet of color photos was the closest you could get to having a piece of your favorite TV show in your hands.        I wonder, if Urkel were still alive today, what he would think about the fact that 24 years later, we would be looking upon him from hand-sized computers wirelessly whisking information across the world at lightning speed, always being one click away from a TV Tropes entry on the show he popularized, or conversely the thousands of deviantart entries of an inflated Laura Winslow being forcefed lard for a feeder Urkel who looks upon her bloated facsimile of a human body with sexual fervor. Tipps fucked around with this message at 21:43 on Jan 15, 2016 |
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Jan 15, 2016 21:40
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I don my spanking white labcoat and pop
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Jan 15, 2016 21:42
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What do you get if you shove a cucumber up Steve Urkel's rear end? A purkle!
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Jan 15, 2016 21:47
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 i think urkel is hiding something terrible that waldo may have done to him...
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Jan 15, 2016 21:55
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Un chien andalou posted:What do you get if you shove a cucumber up Steve Urkel's rear end? Did I do that!? Ha ha SNORT!
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Jan 15, 2016 21:56
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Fun fact Urkel voiced Sonic in the early 90s cartoons (both the wacky zany Looney-Tunes wannabe one and the dark serious furry fanfic one) This may explain the Sonic fandom's deep link with autism
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Jan 15, 2016 21:56
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TGIF
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Jan 15, 2016 21:59
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bamzilla posted:TGIF Thurkel Gurkel It's Furkel?
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Jan 15, 2016 22:02
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Torn in Two is dating the guy from the Circle Jerks? What?
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Jan 15, 2016 22:03
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I can't thank you enough, my Family Matters erotic fanfic had hit a SERIOUS roadblock because I needed a better love triangle in which to place Laura and her indefatigable stalker Urkel. This revelation about Waldo's debilitating lust for accessories worn by Urkel will complete the triangle nicely.
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Jan 15, 2016 22:15
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Is there a chapter on how to become Stefan Urquelle? I need help real bad
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Jan 15, 2016 23:05
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Chapter 12: Urkel's Facturkels These have stopped being jokes now and are just observations or comments. "People with glasses see much better when they actually put their glasses on."  Of course they do. That's why they have glasses. That's the whole point of glasses.There are still like 20 pages of this book left and every page is a slog. Chapter 13: Urkel's Guide to Classroom Etiquette  It's funny because Urkel is smart and likes to do quizzes and tests, but doesn't realize that other kids don't - so the humor is that Urkel inadvertantly upsets his peers as a result of his Asperger's and other social shortcomings. He also needs to stop singing blackspoiltation songs in his predominantly African-American Chicago neighbourhood. These chapters are all one-page long now. I guess they can't all be 4 pages of Urkel puns. Chapter 14: Urkel's Magic Tricks  The accordion in this picture is a metaphor for Urkel's small shriveled useless penis. This book is telling. As a kid (and now a brokebrains adult) with severe social anxiety, the thought of any of these anecdotes happening to me is nightmarish. I can't decide if the book is trying to make fun of Urkel for being a social fuckup ("haha everyone hates Urkel, he made everyone at his party leave to get away from him!"), or if it's an in-character empowerment story about taking control and not-giving-a-gently caress. It seems crass to make a joke book where nearly all the jokes are about how socially inept the character is, because a lot of people reading this will see themselves in Urkel - especially here on SA. We've all pined at unrequited love, we've all been that lovely kid who gets picked on in school, or gets picked last in gym, or whose mother told us she wished we were aborted. But whereas we may feel sad, depressed, or anxious about these aspects of our lives, Urkel embraces it - proudly displaying them not only for the world to see, but for the world to laugh at. He wears his victimhood as both a sword and a shield, and comes out a winner in the end. Basically, Urkel is Tyrion Lannister. Chapter 15: The Wooing of Laura   Nevermind, Urkel is an indefatigable stalker. Alternatively, or in addition to, he is an up-and-coming Rodger Elliot - doomed to the friendzone forever no matter how much money he gets from his parents or how nice a car he drives. Watch out Laura, just make sure you lock your door - which is apparently the best defence against a gun-toting incel shitbag. Chapter 16: Eureka!  At first I thought there was a missed opportunity to squeeze "Urkel" into the title of this chapter somehow, but I can't get it to work either so I imagine a team of writers sitting around a Scholastic boardroom, smoking heavily, with a whiteboard with Meanwhile, Urkel continues his life of crime, adding felony arson to the mix, and raising questions about what he plans to do next with his X-ray scope - particularly after making a note that he looks at Laura all day and gets steamy as a result. Tipps fucked around with this message at 23:36 on Jan 15, 2016 |
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Jan 15, 2016 23:33
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urkel's homewurkel smh
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Jan 15, 2016 23:38
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I'm wearing a Starter Jacket right now from the 90s AMA
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Jan 15, 2016 23:38
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This book makes me hurkel
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Jan 16, 2016 00:15
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 I borrowed this book from the school library as a kid. Unsurprisingly, it wasn't very helpful. 
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Jan 16, 2016 00:26
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This is the last update. This book is mercifully short. Chapter 17: Urkel's Guide to Physical Fitness  This chapter is eye opening given the high rates of obesity in the African American community. If a generation of kids grew up thinking that this is appropriate exercise, no wonder we are seeing such high levels of overweight and obese adults, and high incidences of Type 2 Diabetes. Chapter 18: Urkel's Homewurkel  This chapter has nothing to do with homework and is just stories about Urkel getting stood up by Laura. At first I was sympathetic to Urkel, but now having gone through this whole book, he is a shithead and deserves to be alone. Laura is obviously outside of his league, and he needs to stop being an idiot and adjust his expectations accordingly. Chapter 19: The World's Most Famous Quotations  I don't think any of these are actually real. What's fascinating is that glasses are referred to again as being an object of ridicule. I wasn't very old in 1992 so I have no memory of those days, but it seems very strange to me that a person's prescription glasses should be made the target of fun? The 90s were weird. Chapter 20: Urkel's Choice: The World's Top Ten Snappy Comebacks  Feel free to use these in your day to day life. Or if you can't decide which one of these top ten to use, just stick with the ones you actually understand. That should narrow down the list significantly. Seriously, what the gently caress does "Oo, funny isn't the word!" even mean? Chapter 21: Odds and Ends  Literally 2 pages of single jokes that they physically couldn't squeeze onto their rightful pages due to layout or word-count limits. This book is poo poo. Chapter 21: Punny You Should Mention That  gently caress this poo poo I'm done. That's the end of the book.
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Jan 16, 2016 00:36
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Painful Dart Bomb posted:
Holy poo poo there are multiple Scholastic Book-brand Urkel books in the world?? I need to complete my collection now.
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Jan 16, 2016 00:36
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Whoever wrote that book is from Wisconsin because they call it a bubbler.
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Jan 16, 2016 00:46
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Waldo has deffo spread butter on those accordion keys and licked it all clean when Urkel wasn't around. That's the start of act II in my fanfic anyway.
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Jan 16, 2016 01:10
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was gonna make fun of this thread but wow what a bad book
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Jan 16, 2016 01:16
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"Did you enjoy your lobster," asked Carl . "It was d-liscious," said his wife Harriette. As they do every year on their anniversary Carl took his wife Harriette out to a fancy French restaurant and got her drunk on champagne. Carl had looked forward to this for a long time since it was one day he was guaranteed sex. "So Harriette, are you ready to do it?," Carl said with a smile. "Come on let's go to the bedroom," Harriette said. Harriette trudged over to the bedroom stripped naked, laid on the bed, and spread her legs. "Honey, before you gently caress me how about a little foreplay, eat me out or something." said Harriette. "Ha-ha," laughed Carl, "Don't be ridiculous. Do you know who invented eating pussy? The French, that's who. And I am not about to eat pussy like some human being Frenchman. Now get ready for what's coming." Carl undressed slowly. Harriette watched in disgust as her overweight husband's man bosoms and belly came into sight. Carl then took of his pants exposing his 3 ½ inch wiener. "Yup, you married one sexy man Harriette," said Carl admiring his body which he kept shaved hairless below the neck. Carl climbed up getting into position. He then thrust forward several times missing Harriette's beaver and hitting her thigh. "Ohhhhh Gawwwwwd!," Carl shouted in ecstasy as he blew his load all over Harriette's leg. After that Carl rolled off of Harriette and quickly fell asleep. Harriette cleaned her self up and went to the kitchen. She was so frustrated that she grabbed a bottle of Wild Turkey from the liquor cabinet and started taking shots. She was fed up with Carls gross appearance, poor performance in bed, and most of all his small penis. She had had enough it was there she decided she was going to have an affair. The next day was just another day as usual. Harriette cooked burgers and coleslaw for Carl and then sent him off to work . After she had finished cleaning up she grabbed her keys to drive to the grocery store. About half way to the store however Harriette realized she didn't have her purse so she turned back. She didn't make any noise as she entered the house and when she looked in the den what she saw surprised her. It was Urkel, and he was jacking off to a porno. Harriette's jaw dropped from what she saw. Urkel's cock must have been ten inches long and thick too. He was just sitting there jacking off to a scene of a guy having sex with Siamese twins. Harriette was instantly wet and without thinking her hand moved up her skirt and she was rubbing her pussy. Urkel tensed up and ejaculated all over the couch. The sight was to much for Harriette and she came like a banshee screaming for dear life. Then she fainted. "What's going on Harriette?," asked Urkel. Harrietteslowly opened her eyes seeing Urkel standing over her naked. She began to blush from embarrassment and arousal. "I am so sorry. It's just I have never seen a cock like that in my life." '"Really," smirked Mike, " Carl doesn't do it for you in bed." '"God no Carl is terrible. He has a teeny tiny dick, won't eat pussy, and can't last 5 seconds without cumming, and and…,"Harriettebegan to cry. "That's awful. I recon we oughta teach Carl a lesson." said Urkel. "Really" said Harriette. "Really" Urkel said. That evening Carl came walking in through the door when out of nowhere someone threw a sack over his head. "Wha-ha," Carl shouted. He was in complete shock. The unseen assailant then punched Carl in the stomach hard sending him to the ground. He tried to reach for the sack that was blinding him but some one looped a rope around his neck and started strangling him. Carl blacked out. When Carl came to he was naked, tied to a chair, and still had a sack over his head. He heard snickering. "What the gently caress is going on here. You assholes better let me go or I am going to kill you," shouted Carl. Urkel walked over and pulled the sack off Carl's head. "Oh my God!," Carl said stunned. He could not believe what he saw; his wife was naked and making out with Waldo who was also naked and Urkel was standing there laughing also naked. '"Harriette how could you," Carl said shocked. Harriette answered him, "Just shut the gently caress you worthless tird. I have needs that have never been satisfied and now you can watch how real men with normal sized penises and urethras gently caress." "But Harriette," Carl began to blubber. Instantly a smack caught him in the side of the head. Urkel said, "You don't do or say anything unless you are told or I'll hurt you bad. Do you understand?" Carl nodded his head yes. "Okay Waldo why don't you show this bitch what you've got," laughed Urkel. "With pleasure," said Waldo . Harriette grabbed Waldo 's dick and started rubbing it to erection. "Oh my," Harriette was amazed by it's size it was even longer than Urkel's and as wide as her forearm. His scrotum looked like a deflated football. "How big is it?" "Fifteen inches and I'm going to make you take it all." Waldo started loving Harriette like an animal. He hosed her hard with long gently caress strokes loving his cock in her all the way to the balls. 'I watched on in horror for what seemed like an eternity as Harriette had one screaming orgasm after another. 'After about two hours of loving and more orgasms than Carl could count Waldo let out a grunt and filled Harriette with his nut juice. When he pulled out Carl could see what looked like gallons of semen leaking from his wife cooze. Urkel started untighing Carl. "All right Carl. I hope your hungry," he laughed. "Oh God! No, you want me to eat Harriette's oval office with all that cum in it. No loving way!" Carl made his way for the door but Waldo punched him in the side of the head making him fall to the ground. "I warned you," said Urkel. Waldo held Carl down while Urkel walked over and began rummaging through Harriette's closet. He found what he was looking for; a pin cushion. Urkel pulled a long thin needle from the pin cushion. "Carl I think its about time I did something about you're narrow urethra," said Urkel. "You wouldn't," begged Carl. Harriette chimed in, "Do it Urkel. This is payback for years of crappy narrow urethra sex." Carl started screaming at the top of his lungs trying to escape Waldo 's grip but it was no use, he was to weak compared to the younger man. Urkel slowly inserted the long needle down Carls urethra blood started coming out as the needle hit the other end. Carl gave up struggling and just started crying. "Funny thing about these needles. They're very brittle. If you try to bend them they just snap," said Urkel. Carl looked on in horror as Urkel reached down and grabbed his dick. Urkel began bending Carl's dick with the needle still in it and sure enough the needle broke into shards piercing the insides of Carl's miniscule digit. Carl screamed again and passed out from the pain. When Carl came to Waldo , Urkel, and Harriette were all doubled over in laughter and his genitals were soaked in his own blood. "So bitch are you ready to clean up Butthead splooge," asked Harriette. "Yes. I'll do anything just please don't hurt me any more." said Carl. Carl crawled up between Jenny's legs and began cleaning her pussy with his mouth. 'It was disgusting. There must have been cups of semen in her oval office and it smelled and tasted so bad I thought I might puke. 'Some one entered the room from behind Carl just as he was finished. "Knock Knock." It was Lt. Murtaugh . "Hiya Carl. Guess what? I'm going to be you're videographer," said Lt. Murtaugh as he began setting up a camera on a tripod. '"This is so cool now we are both cuckolds Carl." 'Lt. Murtaugh looked around. "Aw heck. Did I miss the feeding?" "Yah you did. But don't worry I have an idea. Lt. Murtaugh start filming. Urkel, Waldo hold Carl down." ordered Harriette. The men all did as they were told. Harriettethen squatted over Carl's face and started grunting. '"Open your mouth Carl" said Harriette. Carl did as he was told. A moment later a big brown turd began coming out of Harriette's anus and slid right into Carl's mouth. Carl thought about spitting it out but didn't because he knew what the consequences would be. Carl was already chewing and swallowing the poo poo before Harriettewas all the way done. Carl thought he was done when Harriette announced, "after all that fudge you must be thirsty Carl how about some fresh squeezed lemonade to wash it down." Harriettebegan pissing into Carl's mouth making him drink all her urine. After Harriette finished Waldo and Urkel took turns first making GBS threads in and then pissing in Carl's mouth. Carl had so much human feces and urine in him that his stomach was stretched out like he had just eaten thanksgiving dinner. Carl rolled over and vomited some of it back up on the floor. "Oh my god Carl that's loving disgusting. Were you raised in a barn." said Harriette. "I'm sorry" said Carl. "Well start cleaning it up gently caress head," shouted Waldo . Carl got down on his knees and started eating the vomited poo poo back up. It took all his strength not to vomit again. Urkel took Carl and tied him back up to the chair. "I don't know about you guys but all this excitement has me horny," said Urkel as he started to get undressed. "Hey Waldo how about we do a three way this time you take Harriette's butt ill take her poon." Harriette said in a sultry voice, "Ooo, that sounds hot. I never let Carl put his wieney in my butt." Lt. Murtaugh shouted in, "this'll look great on video. How about I add some background music?" "Good idea do it," said Urkel. Lt. Murtaugh went over to the radio and switched on Trivisano. Carl started shouting, "Oh God no. Not Trivisano. I hate Trivisano. He sucks. I only like the Maxwell show." Urkel said, "shut up Carl or I'll cut your cock off," as he began loving Harriette's oval office. "I don't care this show sucks cut my dick off if you want but please change it to the Maxwell show." 'Everyone ignored Carl as he started foaming at the mouth. 'The camera focused in on Harriettegetting pounded at both ends. Harriettewas in ecstasy Urkel and Waldo were loving in unison. "It's all the empty headed loser Democrats that keep electing cigarette thieves like Art Modell to public office." That was all Harriettehad to hear her pussy and anus both started convulsing as she had the most powerful orgasm of her life. That got Urkel and Waldo going and they both started cumming as well filling both her holes. "Wingo," said Lt. Murtaugh, "that was awesome. We should put this on utube." "Good idea," said Waldo . Carl was incredibly embarrassed. Lt. Murtaugh showed the video to everyone at Highland high, Waldo showed the video to Todds gang, and the video became number one on you tube. 'It was viewed so many times Leno even showed it on The Tonight Show. Irregardless of all the embarrassment caused by the incident Carl was happy because he knew he had learned a valuable lesson. The End
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