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Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub



Introduction
If you have even a passing familiarity with shooters, chances are you've heard of Counter-Strike: the competitive mod turned full-fledged title that was for a time was the world's most played action game. However you may or may not have heard of Condition Zero, a single-player focused half retail re-release and half sequel. Take the compelling tactical-shooty core of CS and augment it with VALVe's legendary powers of design and narrative and you've got a guaranteed slam dunk, right? If only. Condition Zero was on the road to hell, and it's a road that starts with outsourced development. The project changed hands many times, in the span of four years going through as many developers. Tumult was the order of the day, and the project was rebuilt from scratch numerous times, only finally settling into something VALVe would accept with Turtle Rock Studios, later notable for the Left 4 Dead series and Evolve. The release product was little more than a glorified texture pack, and is really only notable for including some of the most intelligent FPS AI ever developed, frequently outclassing its competitors to this very day. But I'm not here to talk about that game, I'm here to talk about its red-headed stepchild, the Deleted Scenes.

The Redheaded Retarded Stepchild
Counter-Strike: Condition Zero Deleted Scenes (say that five times fast) are the leftovers from Ritual Entertainment's turn at the wheel, and consist of the closest thing Counter-Strike ever had to real single-player. That's the polite way of saying it was a generic corridor shooter strangely reminicisent of present day Call Of Dutys (Duties?) that was so bad it the finished product had to be scrapped for generating average review scores of 60%, dangerously close to the minimum score videogame outlets are allowed to publish. What's so strange about it is that the game was bursting with good ideas and cool possibilities, nearly every single one of which fell flat in actual gameplay. For this I have something of a macabre interest which I intend to indulge in this LP. The game itself is a series of random missions about Counter-Terrorists stopping those wacky lemmings terrorists from performing various acts of cartoon villainy. There's no story, no narrative, nor a sense of progression as you wander aimlessly from one mission to another. The simplicity is a refreshing change of pace at first, but it gets tiresome very quickly. Seen one angry man yelling through a balaclava, and you've seen them all.

The LP
As this is a very cut-and-dry game by boring people, so this is a cut-and-dry VLP by a very boring [sic] [recte interesting and attractive] person. In addition to the main game, I'll also be playing through the assorted optional missions, aiming for 100% completion. I'll try to keep it to at least an update a week, but I desperately hope to do better than that. The only thing really worth mentioning is my spoiler policy, or more accurately spoiler challenge. So here it is: I challenge everyone reading to find even a single thing in this game that's worth worth spoiling. If you can find something, you're a better man/woman/goon than I.

Videos










Lacedaemonius fucked around with this message at 23:45 on Apr 26, 2016

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GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


Hell yes, I am way too interested in this.

Cathode Raymond
Dec 30, 2015

My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.


Soiled Meat

I'm gonna be completely honest here.

I read the OP, along with the wikipedia page for this wacky game, and I still don't understand the development history.

But that's OK! Because:

"05:34 Hours
Crash Site
Northern Africa"

I appreciate any game that is willing to spare me the boring geographical detail of exactly which country this mission takes place in.

Thanks, Rogue Entertainment Valve Corporation Gearbox Software Turtle Rock Studios Ritual Entertainment(?), for assuming I wouldn't know the difference between Morocco, Egypt, Sudan, Algeria, or Tunisia.


Awesome LP so far, I really like the title screen graffiti.


EDIT: I forgot Libya. Maybe the game was right not to trust me with geographical details after all.

Cathode Raymond fucked around with this message at 23:40 on Jan 19, 2016

SovietPotatoe
May 14, 2011

Master of the Duncspawn Taint

I remember playing this as a kid and getting lost a lot because the game expected you to go along some really weird, hidden and/or unintuitive path so I'd end up throwing on noclip and sequence breaking all over the place. And I vaguely recall going through a tutorial mission that introduced a camera gadget that let you peak through doors and around corners and then it never showed up in the campaign at all (I might be mixing it up with some other shooter from that era though).

Also, your gun is on the left, what devilry is this?

Kadorhal
Jun 3, 2013

Look, just sign the stupid petition. I've got stuff to do.


Lacedaemonius posted:

So here it is: I challenge everyone reading to find even a single thing in this game that's worth worth spoiling. If you can find something, you're a better man/woman/goon than I.

There's a mission where you're Spetsnaz and your commander doesn't make it. What do I win?


This game has been interesting me lately. I never really could get into Counter-Strike given the insane amount of skill difference (even when I first picked the game up there were already people playing some version of it or another for close to ten years). But recently trying out practice mode against bots and even some Arms Race in Global Offensive proved that I absolutely love the mechanics, so something that lets me play around with them against more AI instead of having to deal with super-skilled human players seemed cool. The only reason I didn't pick this up several times over during various sales is my friend did so himself and couldn't get it to actually run for some reason.

Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub

Cathode Raymond posted:

I'm gonna be completely honest here.

I read the OP, along with the wikipedia page for this wacky game, and I still don't understand the development history.

But that's OK! Because:

"05:34 Hours
Crash Site
Northern Africa"

I appreciate any game that is willing to spare me the boring geographical detail of exactly which country this mission takes place in.

Thanks, Rogue Entertainment Valve Corporation Gearbox Software Turtle Rock Studios Ritual Entertainment(?), for assuming I wouldn't know the difference between Morocco, Egypt, Sudan, Algeria, or Tunisia.


Awesome LP so far, I really like the title screen graffiti.


EDIT: I forgot Libya. Maybe the game was right not to trust me with geographical details after all.

They can't say "Somalia" because then it's a Black Hawk Down ripoff, but if it's "Northern Africa" no one will ever know. It's the perfect crime. Also video coming very soon that explains the development (hopefully) at least a little better than Wikipedia.

Kadorhal posted:

There's a mission where you're Spetsnaz and your commander doesn't make it. What do I win?
I'm not sure if I'd call that a spoiler since there's like two Russian levels and iirc none of the same characters appear in them, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. You win: some anime from an upcoming level. Be careful what you wish for.

Anyone recognize the reference?

Kadorhal posted:

This game has been interesting me lately. I never really could get into Counter-Strike given the insane amount of skill difference (even when I first picked the game up there were already people playing some version of it or another for close to ten years). But recently trying out practice mode against bots and even some Arms Race in Global Offensive proved that I absolutely love the mechanics, so something that lets me play around with them against more AI instead of having to deal with super-skilled human players seemed cool. The only reason I didn't pick this up several times over during various sales is my friend did so himself and couldn't get it to actually run for some reason.
For you I can't recommend Condition Zero enough. The AI (as I mention in a video coming later today) is the best in the series, and far better than the atrociously bad AI of Global Offensive. Even so normally I'd recommend Global Offensive since it mostly has the best balance and mechanics, but match-making at the high levels is infested with hackers, and the low level with smurfs and griefers, while the emphasis on match-making has almost completely killed the pub community from earlier games.

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


Lacedaemonius posted:

They can't say "Somalia" because then it's a Black Hawk Down ripoff, but if it's "Northern Africa" no one will ever know. It's the perfect crime. Also video coming very soon that explains the development (hopefully) at least a little better than Wikipedia.

I'm not sure if I'd call that a spoiler since there's like two Russian levels and iirc none of the same characters appear in them, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. You win: some anime from an upcoming level. Be careful what you wish for.

Anyone recognize the reference?

For you I can't recommend Condition Zero enough. The AI (as I mention in a video coming later today) is the best in the series, and far better than the atrociously bad AI of Global Offensive. Even so normally I'd recommend Global Offensive since it mostly has the best balance and mechanics, but match-making at the high levels is infested with hackers, and the low level with smurfs and griefers, while the emphasis on match-making has almost completely killed the pub community from earlier games.

Azu-Manga-Daioh?

Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub

GamesAreSupernice posted:

Azu-Manga-Daioh?

Congratulations! You win a new update!


SovietPotatoe posted:

I remember playing this as a kid and getting lost a lot because the game expected you to go along some really weird, hidden and/or unintuitive path so I'd end up throwing on noclip and sequence breaking all over the place. And I vaguely recall going through a tutorial mission that introduced a camera gadget that let you peak through doors and around corners and then it never showed up in the campaign at all (I might be mixing it up with some other shooter from that era though).
The pacing in the levels is pretty bad, and there's a lot of back-tracking which makes things terribly confusing. You're half-right about the camera gadget though: it's there and present in the tutorial, but you do get to use it in a number of missions in the main game.

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


Lacedaemonius posted:

Congratulations! You win a new update!


The pacing in the levels is pretty bad, and there's a lot of back-tracking which makes things terribly confusing. You're half-right about the camera gadget though: it's there and present in the tutorial, but you do get to use it in a number of missions in the main game.

Cool, I've never won anything before

Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub


New update! Here we meet the Gorilla Warface Guerilla Warfare and rescue hostages by killing everyone.

Lacedaemonius fucked around with this message at 23:46 on Apr 26, 2016

Spudd
Nov 27, 2007

Protect children from "Safe Schools" social engineering. Shame!

Holy poo poo I forgot this existed

Thank you for doing this, I guess?

Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub


Update time! Rogue/Gearbox/Ritual/VALVe/Turtle Rock(?) make a brilliant argument-by-example for nuclear non-proliferation and possibly banning voice-acting in videogames.

Cathode Raymond
Dec 30, 2015

My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.


Soiled Meat

That was not so much a nuclear missile silo as it was the worlds biggest explosive barrel cache.

Congrats on outrunning that explosion in your truck!


I know that the boss fight was tedious, but the chopper's durability was the most realistic part of that last level.

The largest caliber your machine gun could plausibly be is 12.7mm, which that hind gunship is almost completely impervious to from any conceivable angle. Even the rotors and cockpit glass. How the chopper managed to not obliterate your truck, which was moving through the open in a straight line in broad daylight, is much more confusing.


I think it's a nice touch and not at all racist that the scientists wear their Russian hats even indoors.

GenderSelectScreen
Mar 7, 2010


College Slice

Wow, this game is boring. I'm finding it hard to even get through the entire episodes. It's a wonder you're even able to record this.

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


Is there a story reason you couldn't just shoot the fuel lines?

Kadorhal
Jun 3, 2013

Look, just sign the stupid petition. I've got stuff to do.


Cathode Raymond posted:

I know that the boss fight was tedious, but the chopper's durability was the most realistic part of that last level.

The largest caliber your machine gun could plausibly be is 12.7mm, which that hind gunship is almost completely impervious to from any conceivable angle.

Yeah, Lace ended up getting a pretty good profile view of the machine gun when he was hiding from the chopper at one point, that had to have been a Browning M2 in .50 BMG (12.7x99mm).

How and why a technical in Russia is using an American heavy machine gun, which uses an entirely different 12.7mm bullet than the one actually produced anywhere in the country, is the kind of question a game like this would gloss over.


The weapon selection in CS is overall kind of silly because it follows the general "good guns vs bad guns" thing most other media does, including the caveat about how American and other NATO guns are universally "good" unless their fame comes from gang use, whereas WarPac guns are universally "bad", which results in silly poo poo like the Israeli Defense Force and GSG 9 being able to buy French FAMAS and Austrian AUG assault rifles no trouble while not having access to the Galil and G3/SG1 they should be able to use unless they loot one from a dead terrorist. The only high-profile exception to the usual rules I can think of in the game is that the AUG is a good-guy gun available to CTs only, completely ignoring the precedent Die Hard set for it.

Alexeythegreat
Apr 18, 2015

I shall devour your soul.


Grimey Drawer

I find this entire level highly offensive

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


Alexeythegreat posted:

I find this entire level highly offensive

Do you have fuel lines in Russia? Can they be shot or are they invulnerable to everything but explosives?

Alexeythegreat
Apr 18, 2015

I shall devour your soul.


Grimey Drawer

GamesAreSupernice posted:

Do you have fuel lines in Russia? Can they be shot or are they invulnerable to everything but explosives?

Only to explosives planted by specially trained bears and only if the explosives have a sticker in the shape of Putin's face. Anything else and the fuel line (which I'm sure you meant vodka pipes) will remain intact.

Alexeythegreat
Apr 18, 2015

I shall devour your soul.


Grimey Drawer

In reality, though, I was referring to the hats and accents and Google translated signs

Cathode Raymond
Dec 30, 2015

My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.


Soiled Meat

Alexeythegreat posted:

In reality, though, I was referring to the hats and accents and Google translated signs

You forgot the entire premise of the level, which is that Russian nuclear weapons are so insecure that not one but two separate terrorist groups would make separate and very credible attempts to steal them/launch them at the same time. (If that was in fact what was going on, I glazed over the intro scene after one of the soldiers tossed out the ol' "I got a bad feeling about this" line. Jesus, game, hire some writers).


Makes me glad I live in , where I'm completely safe from everything.

Except for: obesity-related ailments, random gun violence, meticulously-planned gun violence, police-sanctioned gun violence, and firearm-related accidents

Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub

Cathode Raymond posted:

I know that the boss fight was tedious, but the chopper's durability was the most realistic part of that last level.

The largest caliber your machine gun could plausibly be is 12.7mm, which that hind gunship is almost completely impervious to from any conceivable angle. Even the rotors and cockpit glass. How the chopper managed to not obliterate your truck, which was moving through the open in a straight line in broad daylight, is much more confusing.
Color me surprised, I figured that since .50 BMG or 12.7x108mm (on the off chance it's a Russian MG) are designed as anti-materiel rounds they'd be able to penetrate the hull, or at least the rotor mechanism.

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

Wow, this game is boring. I'm finding it hard to even get through the entire episodes. It's a wonder you're even able to record this.

It helps when you can shoot people in the face, and since all the guns have more or less the CS spray patterns it makes even a shooting gallery more entertaining than it has any right to be.

Cathode Raymond posted:

(If that was in fact what was going on, I glazed over the intro scene after one of the soldiers tossed out the ol' "I got a bad feeling about this" line. Jesus, game, hire some writers).
Unfortunately my camera cut out, so you missed the part where I hid behind automated turrets with the white helmet guy as machete enemies charge and he screamed "The game is over man!" repeatedly.

Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub

I come bearing gifts!



Aside: Is Latvia really like this? It looks cold as balls and full angry men with guns.

tomanton
May 22, 2006

beam me up, tomato

Latvia is crazy for hockey (joining Sweden and Canada as the only 3 countries where it's the most-watched sport), so maybe you can find a ton of sauced-up winter hooligans there. Middle school me thought this mission was cool.

Kadorhal
Jun 3, 2013

Look, just sign the stupid petition. I've got stuff to do.


Lacedaemonius posted:

Color me surprised, I figured that since .50 BMG or 12.7x108mm (on the off chance it's a Russian MG) are designed as anti-materiel rounds they'd be able to penetrate the hull, or at least the rotor mechanism.

I'm kind of sad to learn that, actually. Apparently that time in ARMA II where I forced a Hind to crash-land by shooting out its rotor/engine with a Barrett M107 isn't actually possible in reality.

SovietPotatoe
May 14, 2011

Master of the Duncspawn Taint

Lacedaemonius posted:

Aside: Is Latvia really like this? It looks cold as balls and full angry men with guns.

Dunno about Latvia but the idea of someone having an armed force this large equipped with military small arms and armored vehicles isn't actually that far out there. Looking at nearby Ukraine about a year ago a business dispute between two Oligarchs (read crime bosses) lead to one of them calling in his paramilitary forces from the front to act as his private enforcers. And while they don't have nukes those guys do have equipment on par with a mechanized infantry unit including artillery and IFV's and are several thousand man strong. Considering the general state of corruption in Ukraine I'm sure if you pay the right people you can also buy MBT's + ammo, no questions asked. So if they changed the place of the mission to Ukraine they'd probably have a more plausible scenario than the missile silo guarded only by scientists in ushankas rather than actual soldiers.

Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub

It's good to be back.

Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub

So there's a new update where I slander the French because I'm a bad person or whatever.


But forget that, hear this: I woke up to find this new av and title, anyone know what's up with that?

Dander My DOSDruid
Dec 29, 2013

by Cowcaster


Fun Shoe

Been such a long time since I have played this "game". For some reason I thought that the bank level was the second level (I could never work out how to get past the first area of the sewers). Are you able to choose the levels in which ever order you please?

Going by your sweet jumps were you a surf or scouts_knifes fan?


Fake e: Some fellow must have decided to change your avatar.

Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub

Lord Malfegor posted:

Been such a long time since I have played this "game". For some reason I thought that the bank level was the second level (I could never work out how to get past the first area of the sewers). Are you able to choose the levels in which ever order you please?

Going by your sweet jumps were you a surf or scouts_knifes fan?
There's a bunch of bonus "free" levels not part of the campaign that you can play at any time from the world map, which the bank level is one of. I'll be going through them once I finish the main campaign.


I've played my fair share of scoutzknivez, but never got into surf. Since I've never been able to pick up bhopping I've tried to compensate by getting really good at strafe-jumping, with... mixed results.

lllllllllllllllllll
Feb 28, 2010

Now the scene's lighting is perfect!


Guy in the back just remembered an amusing anecdote. Great LP so far!

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


lllllllllllllllllll posted:

Guy in the back just remembered an amusing anecdote. Great LP so far!

Wow, that is a rather strange expression, yeah.

SovietPotatoe
May 14, 2011

Master of the Duncspawn Taint

Regarding the flamboyant terrorist leader, he is indeed speaking German, which I guess is supposed to explain why the Germans are after him.

Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub

Short update today for an equally short level that I can only assume had half the content cut-out

Lacedaemonius fucked around with this message at 03:43 on Feb 12, 2016

Spudd
Nov 27, 2007

Protect children from "Safe Schools" social engineering. Shame!

Is this the first time you've used the AWP this game?

Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub

Spudd posted:

Is this the first time you've used the AWP this game?

Yes, it's horrible. The game will give you a scout every other episode, but I can count the number of times I used the AWP on one hand and one of them was training.

Dander My DOSDruid
Dec 29, 2013

by Cowcaster


Fun Shoe

It is a shame that the exterior ship man wasn't bigger, could of been a nice map. I see the developers ran out of things to do with people and added gun turrets and fighter jets to the enemy list.

Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub

Update time! As you can plainly see I'm a very mature individual that deserves to be taken seriously.



Anyways I tried to be a bit more chatty in this episode, and I think it turned out very well.

GamesAreSupernice
Jan 3, 2014

Oh, whoa! Check out the Viewing Globe, shorty!


Lacedaemonius posted:

Update time! As you can plainly see I'm a very mature individual that deserves to be taken seriously.



Anyways I tried to be a bit more chatty in this episode, and I think it turned out very well.

drat that's a long mission.

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Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub



I fear the picture will give away the surprise.

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