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Rondette
Nov 3, 2009

Your friendly neighbourhood Postie.



Grimey Drawer



Welcome to the neverending Something Awful Everest thread!






Everest is the highest mountain on Earth. 8848 metres of rock.


It was first knowingly ascended by Tenzing Norgay and Edmund Hilary in 1953. Since then more than 4000 people have summitted, and around 250 have died trying. A lot of those people are still up there, and have become landmarks for other hopeful climbers. The most notable one is known affectionately as 'Green boots', and resides in a cave close to the summit.


Dorje Morup aka Green Boots

There is a lot of controversy about the bodies on Everest, and every year people ask why they can't get the bodies down. For a start, even though climbing Everest is much 'easier' these days thanks to modern technology, you are still battling conditions at an altitude of cruising jets, with 30% of the oxygen you are used to. Your body is actively eating itself and you have to climb A fixed line that is also being used by loads of other climbers of varying skills, under an incredibly strict time window. It is not a place where rescues happen easily, let alone chipping decades old bodies from a rock face. The air is too thin for helicopters - the highest ever rescue took place in 2013 and that was a struggle at 7000 metres.

Everest has been a source of fascination for me since the first thread I read on SA back in 2011, and I have read and digested more than I care to remember.

A good place to start is to read 'Into thin air' by Jon Krakauer which is about one of the most famous years on Everest. 1996 was the year that 15 people died, 8 in one night when they were caught in a terrible storm. It was made into a tv movie and was made into a movie which wasn't quite as good as it could/would/should have been, but did have some Barely Noticeable shots.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZQVpPiOji0


2006 was another bad year, with another large death toll, including one David Sharp who was stranded next to Green Boots and left to die while people passed him by to get to the summit. The 2006 year has a lot of footage available for us to watch, as there were at least 2 tv crews up there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZLCIpovtkU


This is a good tv show but you will hear a LOT about Tim Medvitz's injuries. Also 'Ever-ever-ever-ever-rest rest rest' There are 3 seasons of this, the first two are definitely the Most Unexceptional.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_CMD4R0ufk
This series follows some guys from the British army attempting to try to climb the quite frankly MODERATELY UNCOMFORTABLE West Face, which has only been successfully climbed by 19 people, and it has killed 21 people.


2014 was hotly anticipated by goons after some notable failures in previous years, including this unfortunate Canadian Lady in 2012 who photoshopped herself into some mountain scenes as part of her climbing preparation.


It didn't end well.



Unfortunately for everyone the 2014 season was abruptly cut short when an avalanche killed 16 sherpas, making it the deadliest year in Everest's history. The remaining Sherpas refused to work out of respect for their colleagues, and probably knowing it was next to impossible to do without them, all expeditions were cancelled. This included a crazy bastard who wanted to Base Jump from the summit.

2015....well, terrible for everyone. There was a massive earthquake which devasted Nepal, and also set off an avalanche which swept through base camp killing 18 people, and taking out 21 in total. This effectively closed the mountain for the season, and fairly as the sherpas needed to get back to their family and look after their own. There is a lot of MODERATELY UNCOMFORTABLE footage of the avalanche on YouTube to peruse.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JC_wIWUC2U

So, bring on the climbers!! The avalanches!! The endless arguments about why they can't 'put a slide at the summit'!!

Also feel free to talk about other mountains, such as Everest's slightly smaller but much angrier cousin, K2, known affectionately as 'The Killer Summit' - it will eat you and Figuratively chew you up, depositing your remains at its feet. Also caving, diving and any other sort of extreme sport which we can get freaked out by.

I have a youtube playlist with some more mountain documentaries on here-
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...BnY01-OKSEuG1eT
Previous Threads-
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
I can't wait.

Oh, and mountain pug!


An Barely Noticeable computer game!

Xibanya posted:

Time for the full pitch


Get the runtimes
If you don't install the XNA runtimes linked on the download page the game won't work and it's not gonna be my fault.

Get Outfitted


You can't take any more than what you and your three teammates can carry between the four of you. With inventory space limited, bringing one item means leaving another. #Everest is a game of opportunity costs. you must balance your selection of the props that will get your selfies to earn the most likes with the equipment needed to survive the trek to the next great photo op.

Be unique...ish! Change up the colors of your gear and play as either a dude or a lady.
(Voice of Michael A. Zekas)
(Voice of forums poster Xibanya)

Make your mark

Time waits for no mountaineer in the unforgiving altitudes of the mountain locals refer to as "The Holy Mother." Take too long trying to get the perfect selfie and you won't be able to make camp before temperatures plunge at nightfall, but make sure you don't lose your cool because if you forget to pack anything back up, it will be lost on the mountain forever.

There's no garbage collection service on Mt. Everest. Carry your trash with you or dump it on the mountain. It's your choice.

Post selfies

The player character will be posting to their fictional in-game social media accounts throughout the game, but you can choose to post the pictures you take in-game to the player character's real twitter account, @HashtagEverest or connect your own twitter account and post to it through the game! How's that for meta?

Ziggy Starfucker's Guide to Chilling on Mt. Everest

Make sure each character has enough food, half rations reduce your health/stamina regen and running out completely will slowly deplete your health
Most status ailments will go away after enough rest. Having a medical kit in someone's inventory will help, resting at landmarks and especially the camps will help too
Having a sleeping bag for each character and a tent for the whole party increases health and stamina regen while resting
Having lots of crazy and heavy junk in your photo will get more likes and comments. Make sure you retrieve your junk before leaving the photo screen
Water bottles aren't necessary but prevent any chance of dysentery. Having a water treatment kit in someone's inventory reduces the chance of dysentery but doesn't prevent it
Wearing goggles greatly reduces the chance of snowblindness and retinal hemorrhaging, but wearing shutter shades for your photos gives more likes
Climbing around bottlenecks will probably get someone killed, but having climbing harnesses and ascenders equipped reduces the chance. Having fixed lines in someone's inventory and an icepick equipped on at least character helps further
Traveling at night reduces movement speed and increases chance of hypothermia. Try resting at landmarks until daybreak
You can get a rough estimate of your travel speed by looking at the walking animation speed of your party
Blizzards inflict damage and increase the chance of hypothermia and snowblindness unless you rest at a landmark with a tent or at a camp
Prevent/heal hypoxia with a breathing mask and oxygen bottles. By default oxygen use is disabled so you don't burn through your bottles at lower altitudes


...I should probably make an actual website for this game.

DOWNLOAD IT HERE
=======================

THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS THREAD

We are morbid fuckers and there will be tasteless jokes, , pictures of dead bodies and general disrespect for the dead. Climbing this mountain is something that really ceased to be necessary after Norgay and Hilary summitted to anyone other than scientists, doctors and researchers who can test effects of high-altitude and the like. It is dangerous, unpredictable (as the last few years in particular have shown) and there isn't really much honour in getting local people to do all the heavy lifting for you for an embarrassingly small amount of money.

Remember this, and if you find it offensive, well. You're in the wrong forum really.

Rondette fucked around with this message at 19:58 on Apr 12, 2018

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Rondette
Nov 3, 2009

Your friendly neighbourhood Postie.



Grimey Drawer

Ahh bugger, I forgot about the icon. Any way that can be changed?

BelgianWaffle
Aug 25, 2002
damn Belgian

Mount Olympus on Mars, now that's a rock for real climbers.

elwood
Mar 28, 2001

by Smythe


As posted in the last thread:

First goon to die from mt dew and cheetos withdrawal at everest base camp 2016 here I come...if no one else beats me to that before november.

p.s. bonus picture of what the trekk will most likely look like

elwood fucked around with this message at 13:40 on Jan 30, 2016

Serak
Jun 18, 2000

Approaching Midnight.

Welcome back, dear thread.

The last 2 years have been a bust for different reasons - let us hope that hubris is back to having the biggest death toll again.

Rondette
Nov 3, 2009

Your friendly neighbourhood Postie.



Grimey Drawer

elwood posted:

As posted in the last thread:

First goon to die from mt dew and cheetos withdrawal at everest base camp 2016 here I come...if no one else beats me to that before november.

Yeah I'm genuinely excited to have a Goon go up there! Be sure to take lots of piccos pls.

elwood
Mar 28, 2001

by Smythe


Rondette posted:

Yeah I'm genuinely excited to have a Goon go up there! Be sure to take lots of piccos pls.

I don't think I'm the fist one. IIRC there was someone else who posted pictures a few years back in one of the old threads.

clone on the phone
Aug 5, 2003



elwood posted:

As posted in the last thread:

First goon to die from mt dew and cheetos withdrawal at everest base camp 2016 here I come...if no one else beats me to that before november.

RIP friend.

King of Bees
Dec 28, 2012


Gravy Boat 2k

elwood posted:

As posted in the last thread:

First goon to die from mt dew and cheetos withdrawal at everest base camp 2016 here I come...if no one else beats me to that before november.

Goon speed goon friend. Post plenty of updates before you die and become a goon legend!

barbecue at the folks
Jul 20, 2007



These threads have given me a lot of insight into human stupidity and short-sightedness. Here's to a new year!

not trolled not crying
Jan 29, 2007

21st Century Awezome Man

I recommend reading these articles by BBC; they are about 'Green boots' and dying up there.
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/201...amous-dead-body
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/201...200-dead-bodies

a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009



quote:

We are morbid fuckers and there will be tasteless jokes, a death pool, pictures of dead bodies and general disrespect for the dead

idk if gbs can handle that

Saalkin
Jun 29, 2008

GREAT RACK



Everytime I'm reminded of that dumb Canadian broad I laugh, then get really annoyed that me and her shared a nationality.

Demonachizer
Aug 7, 2004


I unironically hope that this year's death toll tops last year and maybe people will stop climbing this stupid mountain as a vanity experience.

Prav
Oct 29, 2011



i hope rich people never stop killing themselves attempting a vanity experience

Drone_Fragger
May 9, 2007

VOTE
FOR
PEDRO


Everest is basically where rich white people go when they have a mid-life crisis and want to "make their life mean something" so they pay a bunch of sherpas like 100 grand to push them up a mountain. It's really dumb.

Cojawfee
May 31, 2006
I think the US is dumb for not using Celsius

I watched Everest recently. It might have been more powerful if I didn't already know who would die and which Texan would end up with flipper hands.

elwood
Mar 28, 2001

by Smythe


Xibanya posted:

Hi guys, I made a video game based on the Everest mock threads. If you'd like to play it, you can get it here: http://slamfighter.com/download

This didn't get the attention it deserves in the old thread. It's a slooooooow download though.

Tony Homo
Oct 30, 2014

by zen death robot


What was the Canadian lady's name?

Cojawfee
May 31, 2006
I think the US is dumb for not using Celsius

Shriya Shah-Klorfine

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot


I usually lurk these threads but let me voice that they're always interesting, save the parts where morally indignant whiners cry about the thread so post on everestcrew

a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009



Drone_Fragger posted:

Everest is basically where rich white people go when they have a mid-life crisis and want to "make their life mean something" so they pay a bunch of sherpas like 100 grand to push them up a mountain. It's really dumb.

if you're that rich that you can blow 100k on something like that, it would def give you something to brag about to your rich friends so i kinda get it

King Vidiot
Feb 17, 2007

The video arcade made me what I am today!



At this point, I'd consider climbing Everest and leaving your pampered first-world carcass to rot in a crevasse is comparable to littering.

StoneOfShame
Jul 28, 2013

This is the best kitchen ever.


Oh hey Everest thread, are people actually gonna be crazy enough to try and climb Everest after the last two years? I'm sure some people will be! Did K2 do anything crazy to people last year? I never heard much about it. More importantly is the Australian kid who got her book deal in advance going back this year?

nigga crab pollock
Mar 26, 2010

by Lowtax


King Vidiot posted:

At this point, I'd consider climbing Everest and leaving your pampered first-world carcass to rot in a crevasse is comparable to littering.

www
Aug 4, 2010



elwood posted:

As posted in the last thread:

First goon to die from mt dew and cheetos withdrawal at everest base camp 2016 here I come...if no one else beats me to that before november.

p.s. bonus picture of what the trekk will most likely look like




you are so loving dead dude

Prav
Oct 29, 2011



King Vidiot posted:

At this point, I'd consider climbing Everest and leaving your pampered first-world carcass to rot in a crevasse is comparable to littering.

littering is bad though, unlike dying at the roof of the world like an rear end in a top hat

Arcsquad12
Mar 4, 2013

I Love Satan


If the last two years haven't turned narcissists off climbing this stupid mountain, the only thing that will convince them is if it loving explodes or something.

King Vidiot
Feb 17, 2007

The video arcade made me what I am today!



www posted:

you are so loving dead dude

"I'm gonna live forever!"

-- RIP elwood 2016

a bay
Oct 14, 2014

by Lowtax


Rondette posted:

Welcome to the 6th Annual Something Awful Everest thread!




Everest is the highest mountain on Earth. 8848 metres of rock.


It was first knowingly ascended by Tenzing Norgay and Edmund Hilary in 1953. Since then more than 4000 people have summitted, and around 250 have died trying. A lot of those people are still up there, and have become landmarks for other hopeful climbers. The most notable one is known affectionately as 'Green boots', and resides in a cave close to the summit.


Dorje Morup aka Green Boots

There is a lot of controversy about the bodies on Everest, and every year people ask why they can't get the bodies down. For a start, even though climbing Everest is much 'easier' these days thanks to modern technology, you are still battling conditions at an altitude of cruising jets, with 30% of the oxygen you are used to. Your body is actively eating itself and you have to climb a single fixed line that is also being used by loads of other climbers of varying skills, under an incredibly strict time window. It is not a place where rescues happen easily, let alone chipping decades old bodies from a rock face. The air is too thin for helicopters - the highest ever rescue took place in 2013 and that was a struggle at 7000 metres.

Everest has been a source of fascination for me since the first thread I read on SA back in 2011, and I have read and digested more than I care to remember.

A good place to start is to read 'Into thin air' by Jon Krakauer which is about one of the most famous years on Everest. 1996 was the year that 15 people died, 8 in one night when they were caught in a terrible storm. It was made into a tv movie and was made into a movie which wasn't quite as good as it could/would/should have been, but did have some amazing shots.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZQVpPiOji0


2006 was another bad year, with another large death toll, including one David Sharp who was stranded next to Green Boots and left to die while people passed him by to get to the summit. The 2006 year has a lot of footage available for us to watch, as there were at least 2 tv crews up there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZLCIpovtkU


This is a good tv show but you will hear a LOT about Tim Medvitz's injuries. Also 'Ever-ever-ever-ever-rest rest rest' There are 3 seasons of this, the first two are definitely the best.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_CMD4R0ufk
This series follows some guys from the British army attempting to try to climb the quite frankly terrifying West Face, which has only been successfully climbed by 19 people, and it has killed 21 people.


2014 was hotly anticipated by goons after some notable failures in previous years, including this unfortunate Canadian Lady in 2012 who photoshopped herself into some mountain scenes as part of her climbing preparation.


It didn't end well.



Unfortunately for everyone the 2014 season was abruptly cut short when an avalanche killed 16 sherpas, making it the deadliest year in Everest's history. The remaining Sherpas refused to work out of respect for their colleagues, and probably knowing it was next to impossible to do without them, all expeditions were cancelled. This included a crazy bastard who wanted to Base Jump from the summit.

Last year was....well, terrible for everyone. There was a massive earthquake which devasted Nepal, and also set off an avalanche which swept through base camp killing 18 people, and taking out 21 in total. This effectively closed the mountain for the season, and fairly as the sherpas needed to get back to their family and look after their own. There is a lot of terrifying footage of the avalanche on YouTube to peruse.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JC_wIWUC2U

So, bring on the climbers!! The avalanches!! The endless arguments about why they can't 'put a slide at the summit'!!

Also feel free to talk about other mountains, such as Everest's slightly smaller but much angrier cousin, K2, known affectionately as 'The Killer Summit' - it will eat you and literally chew you up, depositing your remains at its feet. Also caving, diving and any other sort of extreme sport which we can get freaked out by.

I have a youtube playlist with some more mountain documentaries on here-
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...BnY01-OKSEuG1eT
Previous Threads-
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
I can't wait.

Oh, and mountain pug!


=======================

THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS THREAD

We are morbid fuckers and there will be tasteless jokes, a death pool, pictures of dead bodies and general disrespect for the dead. Climbing this mountain is something that really ceased to be necessary after Norgay and Hilary summitted to anyone other than scientists, doctors and researchers who can test effects of high-altitude and the like. It is dangerous, unpredictable (as the last two years in particular have shown) and there isn't really much honour in getting local people to do all the heavy lifting for you for an embarrassingly small amount of money.

Remember this, and if you find it offensive, well. You're in the wrong forum really.



(will add updates if and when I get suggestions)

cuck

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Judakel
Jul 29, 2004


elwood posted:

As posted in the last thread:

First goon to die from mt dew and cheetos withdrawal at everest base camp 2016 here I come...if no one else beats me to that before november.

p.s. bonus picture of what the trekk will most likely look like



RIP

Happy Hedonist
Jan 18, 2009



Fun Shoe

The 2013 version of this thread is responsible for my love of climbing. Because of it I ended up reading a bunch of Ed Viesturs' books, visiting my local climbing gym, and transforming from a fat gently caress into someone who can lead climb 5.11+ routes. I'm taking my first to Utah this year to climb some red rock. However, I hate cold, so you'll never see me on an actual mountain.

elwood
Mar 28, 2001

by Smythe



From walking to base camp and back in 3 weeks? I hope not. I'm neither wealthy nor stupid enough to climb that stupid mountain. I'm just walking to base camp have a look around (there will be nothing there really in november), walk up Kalla Patthar for some nice views and turn around back to Lukla.

Soup du Journey
Mar 20, 2006



everest is collapsing into the subterranean realm of agartha this year and its taking everyone in the vicinity with it, so the joke's on you, fool.

Shinjobi
Jul 10, 2008






Gravy Boat 2k

That photoshop/corpse combo, jesus tits.

Cowman
Feb 14, 2006

Beware the cow






elwood posted:

From walking to base camp and back in 3 weeks? I hope not. I'm neither wealthy nor stupid enough to climb that stupid mountain. I'm just walking to base camp have a look around (there will be nothing there really in november), walk up Kalla Patthar for some nice views and turn around back to Lukla.

be sure to bring plenty of supplies and be nice to the people but poo poo on the rich jerks. also you should steal green boots's boots

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien


I think these threads are cursed

Take the plunge! Okay!
Feb 24, 2007



Happy Hedonist posted:

The 2013 version of this thread is responsible for my love of climbing. Because of it I ended up reading a bunch of Ed Viesturs' books, visiting my local climbing gym, and transforming from a fat gently caress into someone who can lead climb 5.11+ routes. I'm taking my first to Utah this year to climb some red rock. However, I hate cold, so you'll never see me on an actual mountain.

One day you will gently caress up your protection or thread a rope from the wrong side and your last thought will probably be that Something Awful killed you. RIP buddy.

Good News Everyone
Apr 30, 2009


This just in: according to wikipedia, Green Boots is AWOL, presumed buried or moved. Or eaten, idk. What are they gonna call the cave now?!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Boots

On another note, what did everyone think of the latest Everest film, Everest (2015)?

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Cliff Racer
Mar 24, 2007

by Lowtax


Last thread almost made it to the hundred page summit before running out of time and expiring, its body entombed in Comedy Purgatory to serve as a landmark for future threads.

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