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Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?






Welcome to the GDT for UFC 196: Werdum vs. Velasquez 2 only on PPV UFC Fight Night: Hendricks vs. Thompson, 10 p.m. ET on Fox Sports 1!

Move over, Mike Dolce. There’s a new half-wit in town to profit on fighters’ poor understandings of science and technology: Wallace! His new workout machines and techniques from across the pond have completely revolutionized the way fighters are being injured. Now instead of a big heavyweight title fight for the annual Super Bowl Weekend card, we have a Fox Sports 1 card starring a disgraced former champ and a 32-year-old karate man called “Wonderboy.”

That’s all of little consequence to Wallace and his assistant Gromit, however. With the use of their fancy new technology, each fighter on this card has gotten a significant overhaul in their camps. So let’s get started!

Welterweight

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01ok_56AXU4
Johny “Bigg Rigg” Hendricks

vs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gu2pxJo3cI0
Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson

Hendricks got in trouble for being too fat and is now back with a vengeance, looking to drop bombs. He managed to come in below his allotted weight a full day before weigh-ins this time. This is huge for a fighter who had his next number-one contendership bout called off due to blowing weight and having compacted poo poo! Hendricks is a former champ who caught a lot of flack for using a wrestling-heavy gameplan in the Lawler rematch (that honestly wasn’t nearly as bad as a lot of goons thought) and the Matt Brown fight (which can you blame him?) In addition to having the clear wrestling advantage here, Hendricks has an immeasurable power advantage, plus his impressive weight management this camp will probably benefit his cardio, which is good as it is now a five-round fight instead of the originally-scheduled three.

Wonderboy continues to do well for himself. The flashy striker has parlayed his career in longpants kickboxing into a surprisingly effective UFC run, with the lone loss of his career coming to Matt Brown who miraculously controlled the fight with judicious takedowns. Thompson has huge power in his kicks, immediately showing up on everyone’s radar after question-mark kicking Dan Stittgen to death in his UFC debut. After taking home the bacon with that performance, he won two other PotN bonuses with a TKO over a low-brain-fluid Robert Whittaker and an equally big headkick KO over Jake Ellenberger. But with a big wrestling deficiency and Hendricks having the keys to cardio this time, Wonderboy may be looking at having a kicker’s chance.



Heavyweight

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDmwqj6CUOY
Roy Nelson

vs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d54yH2sNpw4
Jared Rosholt

Roy Nelson is a bad one-trick pony fighter and you should be begging him to do that trick Saturday night.

Because gently caress you Jared Rosholt you boring fat cancer growth on a cow’s rear end in a top hat.


Light Heavyweight

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kb0ooQKbflM
Ovince Saint Preux

vs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8BDoliisfM
Rafael “Feijão” Cavalcante

Finally the light heavyweight showdown between lackluster Strikeforce busts we’ve all been wearily anticipating for the past four years! OSP's career trajectory is like a rocket ship whose pilot forgot to pack the crackers. He will be looking to get his title aspirations back on track after being derailed by a submission loss to elderly powerhouse Glover Teixeira. Luckily he is in one of the UFC’s worst divisions so he is probably never going to be farther than a three-fight streak from the title, especially with Jones back and Ryan Bader buried next to the rest of Rumble Johnson’s girlfriends who “had to leave town to go visit family.” Despite his nonexistent takedown defense and overall perceived mediocrity, he’s put on some pretty respectable UFC performances. He has a Von Flue choke over Nikita Krylov, a Verbal Submission (Arm Hurt Real Bad) over Ryan Jimmo, starched Shogun out of the gate in front of Shogun’s hometown that stayed up to like 5 a.m. to see that happen and also KOd a Starbucks barista who himself had nearly beaten OSP to death a few times in five minutes. But goddamn are OSP’s bad showings very, very, very bad.

Not as bad as Feijao though, who is still in the UFC somehow despite being 1-3 (1) in the promotion. I guess being the last and only person to officially beat UFC middleweight title contenderbad cheating man Yoel Romero goes a long way. He’s propped up on some moderate Strikeforce hype and has yet to truly live up to it, so let’s see where this fight goes.


Flyweight

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2igRcGxlshA
Joseph Benavidez

vs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO6-w_qLp6U
Zach Makovsky

Joe B is one of the few flyweights who can consistently finish. He also needs to starve himself to death to make flyweight, but fortunately Wallace’s latest invention ensures your food goes everywhere but your mouth. Joe’s on a four-fight winning streak but it’s unlikely that extending it to five will grant him another title shot as long as the dude who one-punched him is still on top, (and he will be.) He also left TAM for this camp to go train with TJ Dillashaw and Bang in Colorado, but he promises us he is not “trying to beat the snake thing.”

This is a weird matchup as Zach Makovsky is coming off of a loss, but since there’s nothing they can do with Benavidez anyway right now, it’s better Zach than someone on the very short list of contenders. He’s not much of a finisher and he isn’t particularly great, but he’s decent enough and surprisingly durable, taking Jon Dodson to a decision. Dodson blames a long injury layoff and the fact that he and Zach are friends and maybe that’s so, but it seems that no one is getting close enough to knock him out thanks to the bully-proof vest. If Joe comes with a sub game, however, Zach is probably in trouble. Half of his losses are to chokes.


Light heavyweight

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xs0K24KU3y4
Misha Cirkunov vs. Alex Nicholson

I don’t know anything meaningful about either of these guys, so enjoy this full episode of the BBC Wallace and Gromit spinoff series Shaun the Sheep.


Welterweight

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6bNlZremm8
Mike Pyle

vs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A16YuzuKN58
Sean Spencer

Mike Pyle is old enough to enjoy porridge. The mulletted 40-year-old is likely to get stopped hard in any given fight, but it’s never out of the question that he he can stop someone himself with big power and a crafty sub game. He’s not much longer for this sport, but with an impressive 38-fight career and finishing ability, it’s probable he’ll stick around longer than he should in the UFC.

Sean Spencer may not be very good, but he’s been the victim of a terrible robbery nonetheless.

OTHER AWARD-WINNING SHORTS TO WATCH
FS1 Prelims, 8 p.m. ET
Lightweight Josh Burkman vs. K.J. Noons
Heavyweight Derrick Lewis vs. Damian Grabowski
Flyweight Ray Borg vs. Justin Scoggins
Featherweight Noad Lahat vs. Diego Rivas

Fight Pass Prelims, 7 p.m. ET
Welterweight Mickey Gall vs. Mike Jackson in the fight to beat CM Punk
Featherweight Artem Lobov vs. Alex White

Official weigh-ins, 7 p.m. ET Friday, Feb. 5
http://www.ufc.com/media/fight-nigh...ficial-weigh-in

Official MMA Snack Rating: Cheeeeeeese, Gromit!

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Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


Mickey Gall/Mike Jackson is objectively the best fight on this card.

1st AD
Dec 3, 2004

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu: sometimes passing just isn't an option.


Amazing OP for a card I won't watch.

cams
Mar 28, 2003



i really want wonderboy to murder hendricks

he will probably get wrestled

Ditch
Jul 29, 2003

Backdrop Hunger

Gall/Jackson needs to be done like DDT's King of Dark title, where the loser gets the belt and is banned from TV until he loses the title by winning. Only in this case, the 'title' is 'gets to fight CM Punk', and instead of not being on TV you go from unaired prelims to a PPV semi-main.

EmmyOk
Aug 11, 2013


I feel bad for Makovsky when he has to fight Joe B right after Dodson. Seems like a strange match-up to me.

Bundt Cake
Aug 16, 2003
;(

EmmyOk posted:

I feel bad for Makovsky when he has to fight Joe B right after Dodson. Seems like a strange match-up to me.

Theyre pretty ruthless. They might cut him. They cut Okami and Pierce and they were both better. Pierce could be the ticket for someone to get in the ufc if they can manage to beat him wherever he lands.

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005



Nap Ghost

I hope we get a repeat of the Kampman fight because that KO was amazing.

afatwhiteloaf
Oct 19, 2012


EmmyOk posted:

I feel bad for Makovsky when he has to fight Joe B right after Dodson. Seems like a strange match-up to me.

It's a super weird match up. Sometimes I think the UFC regrets the whole flyweight experiment and just doesn't care about the division anymore. But if that was true they would just force everyone to move up to bantamweight already.

Ditch
Jul 29, 2003

Backdrop Hunger

Bundt Cake posted:

Theyre pretty ruthless. They might cut him. They cut Okami and Pierce and they were both better.
Flyweight is a lot thinner, though. With the likes of Okami, UFC lost a bland gatekeeper who was/is increasingly unlikely to get another title shot. In contrast, Makovsky is 2 wins from a shot, especially if he wins this one, because the division is so cleaned out.

(I think the only solution for flyweight is to bump all the smaller weight classes by 5 pounds, since there is probably a handful of top bantamweights who would be able to make 130 and would thus be fresh challengers for MMDJ)

fatherdog
Feb 16, 2005

by Lowtax


Also Makovsky has really good fights most of the time.

Ewar Woowar
Feb 25, 2007



Mike Pyle is a really cool fighter and I hope he doesn't get horribly knocked out again.

Tezcatlipoca
Sep 18, 2009


Pyle should have retired 3 fights ago.

Lloyd Boner
Oct 11, 2009

Yes officer, my name is Victoria Sonnen...berg

Borg vs Scoggins is gonna be dope af

Digital Jedi
May 28, 2007

Wow....that feels good





Fallen Rib

Weigh-ins going on now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM0JfJIGfpY

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..


Josh Burkman somehow made 155 and looks gross.

Digital Jedi
May 28, 2007

Wow....that feels good





Fallen Rib

And Alex Nicholson just proposed to his girlfriend. Seems like a yes from her.

Digital Jedi
May 28, 2007

Wow....that feels good





Fallen Rib

Hendricks comes in at 170lbs

EmmyOk
Aug 11, 2013


fatherdog posted:

Also Makovsky has really good fights most of the time.

Sure I just think that after losing to the number one contender having your next fight against the new number one contender is rough. I wouldn't have minded seeing him against Horiguchi and the winner of that against Joe B.

Ironic Twist
Aug 3, 2008

I'm bokeh, you're bokeh


Jared "Snoozatron" Rosholt

manyak
Jan 26, 2006


Osp and feijao can both suck my rear end

Marching Powder
Mar 8, 2008

duckin 4 cover lol. u don't get to see the good fight b*tch



i can't remember who said that mike pyle 'looks like an out-of-work roofer' but it's literally the first thing i think of whenever i see his name


manyak posted:

Osp and feijao can both suck my rear end

same for every lhw from bader down

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"


Fun Shoe

Dunc has a litany of amazing posts but talking about Werdum being on a "Wallace and Gromit" machine that appears every time he closes his eyes is so God damned funny.

Sometimes it makes me angry that my real life friends don't ready the forums because I want them to share the joy of a post like that.

fatherdog
Feb 16, 2005

by Lowtax


manyak posted:

Osp and feijao can both suck my rear end

Remember when people were saying that because Feijao was a top Strikeforce guy he'd be cleaning up in the UFC

fatherdog
Feb 16, 2005

by Lowtax


Marching Powder posted:

i can't remember who said that mike pyle 'looks like an out-of-work roofer' but it's literally the first thing i think of whenever i see his name

Mike Pyle has had 38 fights and his last fight was the first time in his career he'd lost two in a row. Not that it's impossible or even unlikely that he'll lose this, but the dude is tough.

Marching Powder
Mar 8, 2008

duckin 4 cover lol. u don't get to see the good fight b*tch



fatherdog posted:

Mike Pyle has had 38 fights and his last fight was the first time in his career he'd lost two in a row. Not that it's impossible or even unlikely that he'll lose this, but the dude is tough.

i really like pyle. he seems like a really nice guy and his ko of james head has always stuck with me. i can't remember his last fight with covington but apparently he lost a decision. the last time he lost a decision was his very first pro fight. against rampage. in '99. drat that guy's resume is just all sorts of impressive.

fatherdog
Feb 16, 2005

by Lowtax


Marching Powder posted:

i really like pyle. he seems like a really nice guy and his ko of james head has always stuck with me. i can't remember his last fight with covington but apparently he lost a decision. the last time he lost a decision was his very first pro fight. against rampage. in '99. drat that guy's resume is just all sorts of impressive.

Now that Yves retired, Pyle is one of the last of the true road warriors still fighting on the big stage. It'll be sad when he goes.

fatherdog
Feb 16, 2005

by Lowtax


fatherdog posted:

Now that Yves retired, Pyle is one of the last of the true road warriors still fighting on the big stage. It'll be sad when he goes.

That, said, however sad it'll be when he goes, it'll be sadder if he stays too long

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


fatherdog posted:

That, said, however sad it'll be when he goes, it'll be sadder if he stays too long

He's got his fly fishing apparel company, so hopefully he won't stick around because he's flat broke. Just, y'know, because he thinks he's still got it

Lid
Feb 18, 2005

Cabana's legal advice?
I'm bourgeoisie.
I... hit the shitty
firemans carry knee.


Ditch posted:

Gall/Jackson needs to be done like DDT's King of Dark title, where the loser gets the belt and is banned from TV until he loses the title by winning. Only in this case, the 'title' is 'gets to fight CM Punk', and instead of not being on TV you go from unaired prelims to a PPV semi-main.

That belt retired with Sean McCorkle

Keg
Sep 22, 2014


I'm excited to see what CM Punk is going to get paid vs the guy who beats him when that stuff gets released.

Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002



lmfao, what the gently caress. cmon.

Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002


put that poo poo in black and white and werdum's in the infomercial hell dimension where it's too difficult to use weights/drawers/jugs/cutlery

EmmyOk
Aug 11, 2013


Triticum Guzzler posted:

put that poo poo in black and white and werdum's in the infomercial hell dimension where it's too difficult to use weights/drawers/jugs/cutlery

Josuke Higashikata
Mar 7, 2013




Triticum Guzzler posted:

put that poo poo in black and white and werdum's in the infomercial hell dimension where it's too difficult to use weights/drawers/jugs/cutlery



The reason why everyone is useless in those infomercials is sort of depressing, incidentally.

Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb2FD7VLZGY

hahahahahahahahaha

Dangersim
Sep 4, 2011

He expended too much energy and got tired

I'M NOT SURPRISED MOTHERFUCKERS


Triticum Guzzler posted:

put that poo poo in black and white and werdum's in the infomercial hell dimension where it's too difficult to use weights/drawers/jugs/cutlery

Hahahaha

Thrifting Day!
Nov 25, 2006



I've just realised I won't get round to seeing this till Monday morning and I'm actually a bit gutted about it.

I'll catch the prelims tonight before bed but I'll be out all day tomorrow the watching the Superbowl.

This may seem like an uninteresting post, but any card I miss live is almost always great. 195, 189, Cormier/Gustafsson. Let that be the shining light of you are perhaps not looking forward to tonight.

Ty1990
Apr 22, 2011



Triticum Guzzler posted:

put that poo poo in black and white and werdum's in the infomercial hell dimension where it's too difficult to use weights/drawers/jugs/cutlery

Perfect.


And I'm sort of excited to watch this card tonight. Judge me.

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Work Friend Keven
Oct 24, 2015

I'M A BIG STUPID IDIOT WHO GETS TRIGGERED FROM THE WORDS SPORTS BALL AND HAS SHIT OPINIONS ABOUT CARD GAMES. ALSO I SAID I WAS GOING TO QUIT HEARTHSTONE OUT OF SPITE OF A TAIWANESE WINNING THE CHAMPIONSHIP SO REPORT ME IF YOU SEE ME POST IN A HS THREAD


This card looks really bad and I probably won't even try and sports bar it.

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