The original Xbox wasn't that big.

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Imp Zone > The original Xbox wasn't that big.

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mysterious loyall X: Jul 8, 2003

tumor looking batty posted:

gently caress you

# ? Feb 21, 2016 00:17

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 18, 2024 08:42

mysterious loyall X: Jul 8, 2003

Doom 3 is dark, xbix is huge, ps3 has no games, and wii is 4 gamecubes taped together. These are umi ersal lawz of gaming

# ? Feb 21, 2016 00:18

frank.club: Jan 15, 2011; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

mysterious loyall X posted:

In the year 4626, scientists from DarkUrth Martian Colony believe they have perfected time travel. As an initial test, a useless piece of 21st cemtury NormalEarth technology is sent 4 billion years into the past. In the early solar system, residual moisture as well as heavier elements are drawn to the massive, but fundamentally useless, technology from the martian colony, nearly doubling its size. Momentum from the time travel test causes the object to be ejected from the early Martian orbit. Its gravitational pull causes it to continue to accrete ice, methane clades, and residual metals as it escapes the coupier belt and heads toward the inner planets. The object, now nearly 5 times its original size, is caught in the orbit of the infant earth. The supermassive object slams into the surface of the earth. Its mass and velocity cause the still cooling mantle of the planet to eject a 3rd of its mass as debris and dust into orbit, eventually cooling and accreting into the moon.

4 billion years later, british scientists are secretly brought to Finnish Svalbard bbyFinn rseistance cadres fighting both stalinist and nazi forces. The fighters have found a mysterious balck object marked with an X embedded in strata dating from the precambrian. The object is excavated and taken. To britain, where it is studied by top physicists, engineers, and mathematicians. Although the object is incompletely understood, it is obviously an electronic device, for more advanced than any other available at the time. Preliminary research on the heavy, black, large object is used as a basis for the early computing industry, allowing British spies to crack the Nazi enigma cryptologic machine in early 1941.

*smokes pipe that makes bubbles*

# ? Feb 21, 2016 00:18

Pablo Nergigante: Apr 16, 2002

frank.club posted:

*smokes pipe that makes bubbles*

Let's play Destiny and smoke bubbles.

# ? Feb 21, 2016 00:31

In Training: Jun 28, 2008

mysterious loyall X posted:

In the year 4626, scientists from DarkUrth Martian Colony believe they have perfected time travel. As an initial test, a useless piece of 21st cemtury NormalEarth technology is sent 4 billion years into the past. In the early solar system, residual moisture as well as heavier elements are drawn to the massive, but fundamentally useless, technology from the martian colony, nearly doubling its size. Momentum from the time travel test causes the object to be ejected from the early Martian orbit. Its gravitational pull causes it to continue to accrete ice, methane clades, and residual metals as it escapes the coupier belt and heads toward the inner planets. The object, now nearly 5 times its original size, is caught in the orbit of the infant earth. The supermassive object slams into the surface of the earth. Its mass and velocity cause the still cooling mantle of the planet to eject a 3rd of its mass as debris and dust into orbit, eventually cooling and accreting into the moon.

4 billion years later, british scientists are secretly brought to Finnish Svalbard bbyFinn rseistance cadres fighting both stalinist and nazi forces. The fighters have found a mysterious balck object marked with an X embedded in strata dating from the precambrian. The object is excavated and taken. To britain, where it is studied by top physicists, engineers, and mathematicians. Although the object is incompletely understood, it is obviously an electronic device, for more advanced than any other available at the time. Preliminary research on the heavy, black, large object is used as a basis for the early computing industry, allowing British spies to crack the Nazi enigma cryptologic machine in early 1941.

with all due respect I'm not going to read this

# ? Feb 21, 2016 00:50

In Training: Jun 28, 2008

mysterious loyall X posted:

Doom 3 is dark, xbix is huge, ps3 has no games, and wii is 4 gamecubes taped together. These are umi ersal lawz of gaming

Sega does what Nintendon't.

# ? Feb 21, 2016 00:51

Average Bear: Apr 4, 2010

In Training posted:

with all due respect I'm not going to read this

Big Xbox Theory destroys the Nazis.

# ? Feb 21, 2016 01:09

A CRUNK BIRD: Sep 29, 2004

mysterious loyall X posted:

Doom 3 is dark, xbix is huge, ps3 has no games, and wii is 4 gamecubes taped together. These are umi ersal lawz of gaming

PS3 is also brown

# ? Feb 21, 2016 02:08

Wormskull: Aug 23, 2009

Dongicus posted:

http://i.imgur.com/a02Us5I.gifv

Good God... This is awesome.

# ? Feb 21, 2016 03:07

Michael Transactions: Nov 11, 2013

cant stop watching.........................................................

# ? Feb 21, 2016 03:16

Wormskull: Aug 23, 2009

Same here.

# ? Feb 21, 2016 03:27

extremebuff: Jun 20, 2010

cheeky doge is some win

# ? Feb 21, 2016 03:54

Captain Fuck Face: May 6, 2007; :] i like to read post :]

hes really indifferent to having his cheeks played with

# ? Feb 21, 2016 04:03

Average Bear: Apr 4, 2010

tumor looking batty posted:

cant stop watching.........................................................

# ? Feb 21, 2016 04:05

net cafe scandal: Mar 18, 2011

Touch chubby cheeks.

# ? Feb 21, 2016 04:44

In Training: Jun 28, 2008

net cafe scandal posted:

Touch chubby cheeks.

Touch Chubby, Get Happy

# ? Feb 21, 2016 05:43

mycophobia: May 7, 2008

could probably fit an xbox in those cheeks, lol.

# ? Feb 22, 2016 01:08

net cafe scandal: Mar 18, 2011

mycophobia posted:

could probably fit an xbox in those cheeks, lol.

Maybe if the dog was the same size as a large solar system, but I doubt it.

# ? Feb 22, 2016 01:11

Wormskull: Aug 23, 2009

That would mean those are Gabe Newell's hands... LMFAO.

# ? Feb 22, 2016 01:11

net cafe scandal: Mar 18, 2011

Lmfao.. but it is a possibility.

# ? Feb 22, 2016 01:39

Hypha: Sep 13, 2008

I loved the ol Duke. I have loving tiny hands but I loved the duke. All my friends would get all their cheeto dusted mutts on those controller s models but the duke was always untouched, always pure. Sure I had to move my hands a bit more to hit the buttons but it didn't matter. Did Jimmy Hendricks complain about the fret board size? Did not Mozart fingers dance along the piano? Your headshots are just a reaction, mine are ART. It was an instrument, not just a controller. While you casually reach down to push a button, I had to rachet the controller like a revolver to hit that top black button, like a badass would. It was rugged, it was tough, it was ugly as sin but I loved till the day the thumbsticks broke. God bless the duke.

Yes, my hands are kinda hosed now though.

# ? Feb 22, 2016 14:33

Knuc U Kinte: Aug 17, 2004

Hypha posted:

I loved the ol Duke. I have loving tiny hands but I loved the duke. All my friends would get all their cheeto dusted mutts on those controller s models but the duke was always untouched, always pure. Sure I had to move my hands a bit more to hit the buttons but it didn't matter. Did Jimmy Hendricks complain about the fret board size? Did not Mozart fingers dance along the piano? Your headshots are just a reaction, mine are ART. It was an instrument, not just a controller. While you casually reach down to push a button, I had to rachet the controller like a revolver to hit that top black button, like a badass would. It was rugged, it was tough, it was ugly as sin but I loved till the day the thumbsticks broke. God bless the duke.

Yes, my hands are kinda hosed now though.

Settle down, beavis.

# ? Feb 22, 2016 15:03

Ristolaz: Sep 29, 2005; By completely blowing off my BS you have passed the first trial

mysterious loyall X posted:

In the year 4626, scientists from DarkUrth Martian Colony believe they have perfected time travel. As an initial test, a useless piece of 21st cemtury NormalEarth technology is sent 4 billion years into the past. In the early solar system, residual moisture as well as heavier elements are drawn to the massive, but fundamentally useless, technology from the martian colony, nearly doubling its size. Momentum from the time travel test causes the object to be ejected from the early Martian orbit. Its gravitational pull causes it to continue to accrete ice, methane clades, and residual metals as it escapes the coupier belt and heads toward the inner planets. The object, now nearly 5 times its original size, is caught in the orbit of the infant earth. The supermassive object slams into the surface of the earth. Its mass and velocity cause the still cooling mantle of the planet to eject a 3rd of its mass as debris and dust into orbit, eventually cooling and accreting into the moon.

4 billion years later, british scientists are secretly brought to Finnish Svalbard bbyFinn rseistance cadres fighting both stalinist and nazi forces. The fighters have found a mysterious balck object marked with an X embedded in strata dating from the precambrian. The object is excavated and taken. To britain, where it is studied by top physicists, engineers, and mathematicians. Although the object is incompletely understood, it is obviously an electronic device, for more advanced than any other available at the time. Preliminary research on the heavy, black, large object is used as a basis for the early computing industry, allowing British spies to crack the Nazi enigma cryptologic machine in early 1941.

# ? Feb 22, 2016 15:04

GameCube: Nov 21, 2006

Black Baby Goku posted:

[me doing a Jay Leno imitation voice] you see this? You hear about this

[Black guy on the side with a guitar] Hah hah hah. You right. You right

[Jay Leno imitation voice but even higher pitch now] apparently, and get this... The original Xbox isn't that big..

[Black guy stops laughing, crowd goes silent with a few audible gasps]

[Me doing the jay Leno voice with my hands in my pockets now] yeah, yeah, yeah... It's not that big, compared to Gabe Newells lunch!

[Crowd bursts into uproarious laughter, black guy is crying tears from laughter now]

I think that guys name was Kevin.

# ? Feb 23, 2016 06:52

GameCube: Nov 21, 2006

Update: it was.

# ? Feb 23, 2016 06:53

Great Joe: Aug 13, 2008

A CRUNK BIRD posted:

PS3 is also brown

can't unsee XDDD

# ? Feb 23, 2016 11:47

Afro: May 29, 2007; Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time
For y'all have knocked her up
I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe
I was not offended
For I knew I had to rise above it all
Or drown in my own shit