Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Booblord Zagats
Oct 30, 2011




Pork Pro

I noticed we turn the current events, drunk, dad and idiots threads toward history an awful lot, so I figured we should have a thread just for talking about bad rear end historical poo poo. Considering the three periods GiP seems to love the most are Roman, WW2 and Warhammer, I'll start us off with a big ol dick suck for my man Marcus Agrippa.



See this Samwise lookin bitch here? It's an actor playing this dude



Marcus Agrippa is known as the grandfather of the Roman Empire because even though he started out as some low class plebeian, he was smart, diligent and likable to the point where Cesar himself decided that his nephew Octavian needed him as a best friend because anyone with actual political ties would probably turn on him. And he was right because ol Agrippa stuck to Octavian like dependas on an E4's BAH. No matter who turned on the gens Julia, Agrippa stayed true to them no matter how poo poo the odds looked. Unlike on the excellent HBO/BBC series Rome though, he never banged Octavian's sister.

He fought battles for Octavian/Augustus on every single front and never once was routed, be it on land or sea. And then when he was too beat up to keep rowing his rear end around as the Empire's most feared Enforcer, he became the chief city manager for the city-state of Rome and is said by Augustus himself to "Have found a city of brick and left it a city of marble" and he did this by repaving roads, rebuilding homes, planting new gardens, completely rebuilding Rome's aqueducts and ensuring the surrounding farms were given access to adequate water and soil to feed the city by themselves if need be.

Also dude was such a champ for Augustus that he married his prettiest daughter off to him so he could be sure the Empire would be left with good breeding stock for future emperors. This worked out for a bit but then a few generations in a lot of inbreeding happened, but poo poo ain't Agrippa's fault, he was already hella dead.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Waroduce
Aug 5, 2008


have you guys heard about that bear

OMFG PTSD LOL PBUH
Sep 9, 2001


N4I has

Nostalgia4Dogges
Jun 18, 2004

Only emojis can express my pure, simple stupidity.



I love random useless historical factoids <1500 AD


Band of Thebes is pretty dope. An elite Military unit, 150 gay couples with the idea that you'll harder for your loved one. They were stomping fools left and right and contributed greatly to the fall of Sparta. Well, until Alexander the Greats dad stomped them out or w/e

ManMythLegend
Aug 18, 2003

I don't believe in anything, I'm just here for the violence.


Is this thread only for military history? Because if not, I just wanted to say that I've been completely nerding out over "The History of English" podcast.

Basically it's exactly what it sounds like: a history of the English language starting in prehistory and going through the proto Indo-European language it's a daughter of to ostensibly the modern age (though he's only up to the Norman invasion of England right now so around the advent of Middle English).

It's a great summary of European history with a good amount of anthropology mixed in flavored with a dash of linguistics. It really does a good job of explaining why the English language is so wacky in its spelling and pronunciation.

I've been burning through it since I found out about it because it's extremely my poo poo. :kimchi:

Zeris
Apr 15, 2003

Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

This hasn't happened yet, but in about 40,000 years from now...

Booblord Zagats
Oct 30, 2011




Pork Pro

ManMythLegend posted:

Is this thread only for military history? Because if not, I just wanted to say that I've been completely nerding out over "The History of English" podcast.


All history is welcome here


Zeris posted:

This hasn't happened yet, but in about 40,000 years from now...

Even this

Zeris
Apr 15, 2003

Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

Booblord Zagats posted:

All history is welcome here


Even this

How about Star Wars Legends material, or only new Disney Canon?

Booblord Zagats
Oct 30, 2011




Pork Pro

Zeris posted:

How about Star Wars Legends material, or only new Disney Canon?

I mean, are Star Wars human related to us? I know 40K humans and Dune humans are, but Star Wars isn't defined well enough for us to claim them, imo

Seizure Meat
Jul 23, 2008

by Smythe


Booblord Zagats posted:

I mean, are Star Wars human related to us? I know 40K humans and Dune humans are, but Star Wars isn't defined well enough for us to claim them, imo

E.T. is canon to both the Star Wars universe and the modern day human one so yes, also isn't there some poo poo in 40k that links that universe to Dune? I feel like there is/was

someone make a post about medieval siege mortars because those things are metal as gently caress

Godholio
Aug 28, 2002

Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?


I hope Frank Herbert haunts his son and everyone involved in a 40k tie-in.

Booblord Zagats
Oct 30, 2011




Pork Pro

Godholio posted:

I hope Frank Herbert haunts his son and everyone involved in a 40k tie-in.

Where can I find this?

Godholio
Aug 28, 2002

Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?


I have no idea, it was mentioned a couple of posts up. I'm not a warhammer person. Or Star Wars EU. Or anything Herbert's son wrote with that Star Wars hack Anderson.

Seizure Meat
Jul 23, 2008

by Smythe


Warhammer 40k was basically created by a bunch of goon neckbeards who watched Dune and read 2000AD, basically everything Rogue Trader and 2nd Edition is a mashup of that + their fantasy line. Then 3rd Edition it was that, but now unironically.

The models are fun as gently caress to paint and the fluff is still fun, but holy gently caress if you're at the game store every weekend playing competitive games. My best friend and I just build what we want and play like twice a year when he visits his parents.

Cythereal
Nov 8, 2009



VikingSkull posted:

Warhammer 40k was basically created by a bunch of goon neckbeards who watched Dune and read 2000AD, basically everything Rogue Trader and 2nd Edition is a mashup of that + their fantasy line. Then 3rd Edition it was that, but now unironically.

The models are fun as gently caress to paint and the fluff is still fun, but holy gently caress if you're at the game store every weekend playing competitive games. My best friend and I just build what we want and play like twice a year when he visits his parents.

40k was created in the 80s by Brits making a hyperviolent satire of Thatcherite Britain (does the name 'Mag'uruk Thraka' sound familiar?) that proceeded to get completely out of hand and adored by the very people it was intended to mock, similar to Judge Dredd.

CRUSTY MINGE
Mar 30, 2011

Peggy Hill
Foot Connoisseur


If you like World War one history and haven't listened to Dan Carlin's Hardcore History series called Blueprint for Armageddon, you deserve a swift, light kick in the balls.


http://www.dancarlin.com/product/hardcore-history-50-blueprint-for-armageddon-i/

Nostalgia4Dogges
Jun 18, 2004

Only emojis can express my pure, simple stupidity.



The gently caress? History thread and y'all talking about war hammer and Star Wars?



:yikes:

Seizure Meat
Jul 23, 2008

by Smythe


LITERALLY SHAKING posted:

If you like World War one history and haven't listened to Dan Carlin's Hardcore History series called Blueprint for Armageddon, you deserve a swift, light kick in the balls.


http://www.dancarlin.com/product/hardcore-history-50-blueprint-for-armageddon-i/

This is the one that got me into him.

Actually, now I know what I'm gonna put on in the background when I paint my lil army mens

CRUSTY MINGE
Mar 30, 2011

Peggy Hill
Foot Connoisseur


His specials on Genghis Khan were pretty good too. It's like listening to fresh canned autism.

ManMythLegend
Aug 18, 2003

I don't believe in anything, I'm just here for the violence.


LITERALLY SHAKING posted:

His specials on Genghis Khan were pretty good too. It's like listening to fresh canned autism.

Yeah, his Mongol series is the only one I've listened to, but it's pretty good.

Now, for content:
The best video on Japanese history you will ever see.

Seizure Meat
Jul 23, 2008

by Smythe


every child should be forced to learn history from either Dan Carlin or that guy

holy poo poo that's funny

Nostalgia4Dogges
Jun 18, 2004

Only emojis can express my pure, simple stupidity.



This thread loving sucks


canyoneer posted:


The battle of HMS Speedy vs. Spanish xebec El Gamo is a pretty great story. A 14 gun sloop crewed by 50 men takes on a 32 gun frigate crewed by 300 men. Through a flag ruse, Speedy rolls up alongside the Gamo and fires cannons at point blank. The frigate was so much bigger than the sloop, that she couldn't depress her guns far enough downward to return fire into the smaller ship. Whenever the Spanish marines would put together a boarding party to hop onto Speedy, Speedy separated at enough distance that the marines couldn't leap across, but also that Gamo couldn't fire on Speedy. Eventually, Speedy puts together a boarding party which consisted of literally everybody on the ship except the surgeon (tasked with holding the ship's wheel to keep them close). Those 50 hop onto the ship carrying 300 men and begin hand to hand combat, with Speedy's captain shouting back (in Spanish, of course) to the surgeon helming the empty ship to send the rest of the boarders across. The Spanish captain surrendered, and that's the story of how Lord Thomas Cochrane captured a better equipped ship while outnumbered 6-1.



The PYF historical fun fact thread is dope

CHICKEN SHOES
Oct 4, 2002


Slippery Tilde

I'm going to get messed up in a minute so I'll find a random article and transcribe it.

now thats drunk history

CHICKEN SHOES
Oct 4, 2002


Slippery Tilde

Oh never mind, not actually knowledgeable but I just wanted an excuse to talk about the best beard in military history


Kung Fu Fist Fuck
Aug 9, 2009


thats not a beard, thats an out of control moustache

drgitlin
Jul 25, 2003
luv 2 get custom titles from a forum that goes into revolt when its told to stop using a bad word.

Cythereal posted:

40k was created in the 80s by Brits making a hyperviolent satire of Thatcherite Britain (does the name 'Mag'uruk Thraka' sound familiar?) that proceeded to get completely out of hand and adored by the very people it was intended to mock, similar to Judge Dredd.

Your Thatcherite ork was added years after Rogue Trader.

Oh, and 2000AD and Judge Dredd predate Thatcher.

CRUSTY MINGE
Mar 30, 2011

Peggy Hill
Foot Connoisseur


John Schofield

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Schofield

That motherfucker knew how to rock a beard.

Godholio
Aug 28, 2002

Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?


Any general history thread deserves a mention of Norton I, Emperor of the United States.

Zeris
Apr 15, 2003

Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

LITERALLY SHAKING posted:

John Schofield

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Schofield

That motherfucker knew how to rock a beard.

dats a fuckin mustache eh

CRUSTY MINGE
Mar 30, 2011

Peggy Hill
Foot Connoisseur


Zeris posted:

dats a fuckin mustache eh

Read/scroll further.

CHICKEN SHOES
Oct 4, 2002


Slippery Tilde



sent back to the 1800s by skynet to burn atlanta down for unknown reasons, presumably to assure that judgement day occurs

Zeris
Apr 15, 2003

Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

LITERALLY SHAKING posted:

Read/scroll further.

OY

Zeris
Apr 15, 2003

Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

Hillary Clintons Thong posted:



sent back to the 1800s by skynet to burn atlanta down for unknown reasons, presumably to assure that judgement day occurs

Patron Saint of GiP

Zeris
Apr 15, 2003

Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

Can anyone, preferably Shim, explain what this means

http://money.cnn.com/2016/02/27/media/melissa-harris-perry-msnbc/index.html

quote:

Harris-Perry herself telegraphed this moment during a discussion at The New School in 2013.
"I show up on TV and say words because, at the moment, I have the cover of a powerful white man," her boss at MSNBC, she said. "The moment that that powerful white man no longer wants me to sit on TV and say words, I will not be allowed to sit on TV and say words anymore."

Eugene V. Dubstep
Oct 4, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!


I think that goes in the current events thread but w/e. She's a wacko who's responsible for this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKdtAxXGh-Y

and is just another example of news networks going off the deep end to corner a younger and stupider demographic, in this case the sort of twenty-something dipshit who thinks The Young Turks is really incisive

Eugene V. Dubstep
Oct 4, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!


boohoo, news network suits are awful, but she wasn't doing anything worthwhile with her autonomy and wasn't attracting viewers, and any company but MSNBC would have canned her by now

Zeris
Apr 15, 2003

Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

In space history:

quote:

Sigourney Weaver : Originally, in the movie, everyone was naked, and one of the things I thought was very interesting about the film, because, again, I was coming from theater, I wasn't thinking about markets and Catholics and ratings and censorship, was it was so striking to think of these pink creatures, very vulnerable creatures, moving through this very harsh, metallic environment. That was in the script at the beginning. We didn't shoot it that way because Fox said "We'll lose Spain and we'll lose Italy, so you have to wear [clothes]." There was still this idea of filling as much flesh as possible within the environment to show what a human being was, in space. I think it was erotic but that was something I thought was terribly important. Not the girl strips down, but the girl relaxes, thinks it's over, goes about her business and suddenly the worst possible thing happens and she's not prepared, she's as vulnerable as she can be. And happily she finds this space suit and puts it on, so she can get on with it. But it was not about sex to me, and I think, to Ripley. Although, again, we always wanted an erotic undercurrent in the film, because [you'd think] 'what would he do to her?' So that was the genesis of the idea. I was all for it. I didn't even think 'this is a scene where I show my underwear.' I was trying to show the most utilitarian underwear I could find."

Kung Fu Fist Fuck
Aug 9, 2009


hmm yes the prudish italian market, where they show tits on daytime tv

Godholio
Aug 28, 2002

Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?


Was it like that in 1979?

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Kung Fu Fist Fuck
Aug 9, 2009


i cant say for sure because i wasnt even an itch in dads nuts in 79, but it wouldnt surprise me

keep in mind were talking about the country that spawned mondo films and during the 70s and 80s were pumping out some of the best trash cinema ever known

  • Locked thread