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ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010






Hello and welcome to the new and 'improved' [citation needed] anti-food porn thread, the place for posting all the weird and delightful/disgusting food photos you see all over the internet. Since apparently we as a species are obsessed with showing people what we're eating right now. Even if that 'right now' used to take a lot longer to capture.


Pictured: de Heem's proto-instagram

So, what belongs here? Well, if it's a foodstuff, that's a good start. Generally, if it sounds weird, has wacko ingredients, or just looks like someone took a messy poo poo on a plate, it's all good. Healthy and looks like the green giant ate a forest and puked it up into a food processor? Post it. A delicious, greasy casserole that has more calories in one scoop than the average weekly caloric intake of a third world child? Post it. Even if it's just good, well-made food photographed badly. Just please, God, try to avoid arguing about kraft.


Anti-food porn bingo - for when something is just so wrong it needs a game made out of it.

But enough rambling, have some examples!


Wife material posts - an amazing repository, so long as you're okay with stumbling onto porn every now and again.






Of course that's not to say that we don't sometimes post good food. It's just that sometimes something looks too perfect, so you end up getting things like the Uncanny Valley Pancakes:
https://twitter.com/mr_kuronekocafe...206320560672768

And no food thread is complete without people going on about their health foods, and somehow coming off even sadder than the guy who just shovels cheetos and mountain dew in his face:
https://twitter.com/bobby/status/695630146166984704


And then there's just the WEIRD poo poo. Like these delicious red velvet cooki-

quote:

I made menstrual blood cookies! I am not entirely happy with how they turned out, so I am going to experiment with some recipes throughout the rest of this month so I can try for something great next cycle. This recipe was far too floury.
Or... This.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K0sFKg7M4s

We have consumed the still-beating heart of the Dumb Food Fad thread after they gave us the glory of the Small Pastry Saga. This means that the posting of stupid poo poo like food served in a shoe or saucy foods served on planks of wood are now fair game, go forth and post all the abominations you can find.





And finally, if you're willing to debase and dehumanize yourself for the sake of other people on the internet, I keep track of various 'trip reports' of people either picking up some AFP offered by a restaurant/store, or making some themselves. Find something you want to do a writeup on? Go nuts, and I'll add it here, so all may see and admire your bravery.

Trip reports:
bunnyofdoom tries the Big Boss, which has less snake than one might imagine. And provides his taste test of the reeses cups burger, wherein he both wins and loses.
GOTTA STAY FAI tries out some weird Illinois regional food. And then explains the history of the breakfast abomination only known as The Harold And finishes up with a beautiful hand made reeses cups stuffed burger, beating out Bunnyofdoom. PROCLICK Then makes a delicious Ramen Sandwich
cash crab a local raccoon tries out Subway's in-name-only Lobster Sub And then goes balls ovaries deep into a Double Down
johnnyratbastard demonstrates false advertising with the help of Pizza Hut's mince pie bite stuffed crust pizza
PandaK makes his own pizzabomination
Horrible Smutbeast channels M Night in his tasting of Cadbury's with Vegemite.
And going above and beyond the line of duty, forums hero chitoryu12 goes all out and makes a sister thread just for MREs and military food.
Tasteful Dickpic makes a weird hot dog abomination, but worst of all, he eats it with a fork.
Gotta Stay Fai graces us with his glorious radio voice once again. And maybe eats some poo poo from Wendys idk.
atholbrose goes to Burger King to try out their commemorative Ronald McDonald Clown Blood Burger Angriest Whopper.

ACES CURE PLANES has a new favorite as of 21:33 on Dec 21, 2016

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ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Land Fish posted:

Fixed that for you. One is from Canada, the one with the whole pizza and smaller bloody in the garnish is actually someone's art project, the rest can all be ordered in WI, Milwaukee area usually. They cost $20-$30.

If you ever see anything worthy of this thread involving alcohol, assume it's from Wisconsin. We have... a problem.

Goddamn, you beat me to it.

But yeah, food and booze is all we have, so we like to slap them together a lot to create delicious monstrosities. They're still pretty cheap, considering how much food and bloody mary you tend to get out of it.

Postal Parcel posted:

Just to piggyback on PCOS Bill's post, can we not have "Oh this looks ugly but it's actually super tasty" and "Ugh, this person made it wrong. My recipe is blah,blah,blah, no one cares" posts or, at the very least, none of those derails related to it.

Eh, it's fine within reason. Discussing the anti-food porn is just as part of the thread as posting the anti-food porn. So long as it doesn't turn into a shouting match it's fine.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Tiberius Thyben posted:

Sure, I'll have the broiled spawn of Kos.

Oh come on, Kos' spawn looks nothing like that, boiled or otherwise.

...And in thinking about it, I'm not going to be GISing or posting what AFP would look like it, because I think that's going too far.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




That's it guys, I'm closing the thread and killing myself, the worst thing has been found, and we're only a couple days into the thread.

I'll see you all in the next world.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




https://twitter.com/jiyunaJP/status/706702953155932161

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




AnonSpore posted:

After sleeping on it I think the worst part of the vegan cereal is the way the person who wrote the recipe is so loving excited about it. DROOOOL. SCORE!! Jesus Christ dude(ette).

Vegan cooking has a long history of pretend excitement behind it, because contemplating the reality of what you're eating is often too sad or uncomfortable to consider otherwise. And a lot of other 'health' food stuff, like those day-on-a-plate articles.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




AnonSpore posted:

I looked up the source of the vegan cinnamon crunch and the entire blog is full of things like that

Gluten and oil free baked donuts





Insane bio writing aside, that is not what a human being of nineteen years is meant to look like Jesus H loving Christ.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Dodecalypse posted:

you really suck, like, as a person tbh

Yes, pointing out that the tragedy of an insane diet has done terrible things to a normal person is terrible. Especially since it's on the same linked page.

sirbeefalot posted:

If you ever feel like it can't get any worse, just take a bite of a vegan/gluten free donut. That is the bottom of the barrel. I've never tasted anything else that made me feel as defeated.

What does it taste like? I can't even begin to imagine the taste and consistency from those photos.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




steinrokkan posted:

So you don't have to go on the paleo diet to have the health and constitution of a cave man!

And now I need to find those images of the guy talking about his raw paleo diet or whatever it was, with the rotten meat and black mold.

Wasn't that an SA thread, actually?

Anyways, too much talk, not enough AFP.



...Are those beets?

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




steinrokkan posted:

If you mean the saga of the guy whose wife was chronically sick and weak despite his attempts to heal her with a regimen of rotting meat and living in a tent in the woods, yes, that was a goon.

Alright obviously I was thinking of the wrong thing, and don't think I want to know more.

I did find what I was thinking about though, which has nothing to do with paleo. Yes on the rotting and mold though.

icehewk posted:

Been aging this according to Ruhlman. It had some maggots on it near the bone but I cut all of that out as you can see. Is it all right?


ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010





It always comes back to LA Beast, doesn't it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkbOYPairKY

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Hey it could be worse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJ_K960dG4c

So much worse.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




mng posted:

I just saw that video in my feed, and I am not going to click that. Jesus gently caress.

Then I'll summarize it for you with the two standout lines.

"Oh hey, this is just like cottage cheese, this'll be an easy one"

"Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrghgghghghghhgh."

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010





Oh hey, how appropriate, Cut Dat just took a razz shot at them in their video today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdyxXiQOftY

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Did someone say pickle juice?

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Looks like eggs and pig's feet.

Could be worse.

Could be a lot better too but

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Picnic Princess posted:

this thread is on its cycle



...You know what, take away the sauerkraut*, add in some good cheddar, and yeah, I'd be all over that.

*And I mean, like, from the world in general

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Oh hey, I completely forgot about these:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngMX-Imwitw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOnjm9MU7pY

It's a delightful cooking show for 95% of it. Then the last little bit happens and it all goes to hell. Plus now it's kind of up its own rear end with plotlines and stuff.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




It looks like a rather strange saganaki variant. And saganaki is delicious, so I'd go for the weird cheese square.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010






Aww, aren't you an adorable little bunch of dough bal-



"Kill... Us..."

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




https://twitter.com/tokimeki_cafe/s...634634518745088

Oh dear.

This is actually kind of cool, I can't hate this

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




pienipple posted:

It's udon noodles twirled together to resemble ice cream, as far as I can tell.

Yep, that's exactly what it is.

I'd probably try it.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Scathach posted:

What the gently caress are those

E:

10/10 squid ink pasta, would fling at an upright, womanizing Italian wearing a bandana.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




I'd probably try those.

But I legitimately like Cement Mixers so I'm just certifiably insane.



(Don't let them get like this you idiot, you have the Bailey's in your mouth then you take the shot of the juice.)

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




https://twitter.com/NerdJosh/status/711863260841168896

DAMMIT.

https://twitter.com/Reizi_am00/stat...824316535472128

Uh...

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Stretching the boundaries again with this one but gently caress it, it's funny.

https://twitter.com/arinosukorori/s...750967981506562

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




drrockso20 posted:

Anyone got that "Oh balls the chili escaped" pic?

poo poo, you got me thinking of something else from the other thread with that one.

quote:

quote:


"Hey ma, you know that thing we had on the stove?"

"The pressure cooker?"

"Yeah, it escaped. Into the mountains. I hope it finds a good home."

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Man, at this point, goatse is less shocking to me than the poo poo I see in this thread half the time. Certainly less upsetting than those skittles wings.

I mean, that's more an indication of personal brokenness but still.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Efexeye posted:

the gently caress is wrong with that?

It isn't inside me right now.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




https://twitter.com/adamkovic/status/713746661747462144
https://twitter.com/jamieabrew/stat...060640931549184


ACES CURE PLANES has a new favorite as of 18:13 on Mar 26, 2016

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Miracle noodle brownies.

Why.

jesus loving christ

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Gridlocked posted:

Gaki No Tsukai delivers!

Gaki no Tsukai talk isn't complete without Frisk.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi1_gg-AJLY#t=810s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDRBlMmF8WQ#t=433s

ACES CURE PLANES has a new favorite as of 03:47 on Mar 28, 2016

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010






gently caress.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




I don't have a problem with raw meat on principle, but man that just looks terrible. Medium rare is where it's at for steak.

For good raw meat, Gored Gored is the best poo poo.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Fishstick posted:

No raw ground beef rules




That second one reminds me of Kitfo, which is great.

...It always comes back to Ethiopian food with me, doesn't it?

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




https://twitter.com/KDJ_Media/status/714879706680569857

...I am super tempted to trip report this poo poo.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




This Age of Apocalypse tie in drink has a lot to do with Quicksilver in more than one way

Still looks cool, I'd probably buy it just for that.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Picnic Princess posted:

The sounds this dish is making in my head right now are indescribable.

I imagine it as some sort of culinary lovecrafian nightmare. Like what if we deep fried the black goat with a thousand young, whose seven tongues of pitch scream the whole way through.

I'm still trying to make out what the hell it is though. The closer you look the more insane it gets.

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




That meal looks delicious, and doesn't even look bad. Mashed sweet potatoes with butter, corn, caramelized onions, and steak.

Literally the only complaint I can make is the steak is a little on the medium-well side, put that down to medium-rare and we've got zero complaints.

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ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




That thing isn't from any restaurant, though, that's some random plate some guy decided to microwave because ???. It came up in the last thread.

I don't know where he's getting the idea that that's a thing served at a restaurant from.

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