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Tsaedje
May 11, 2007

*AUTISM INSTENSIFIES*



It's the 2016 F1 Season!
I have put in as much effort into this OP as I deemed necessary - consequently it is a bit shorter than in previous years.
I decided not to pick the "Racing" tag in case it caused false hope

Last year was the second year in a row of Mercedes domination. This year will hopefully be a bit closer as Mercedes run into diminishing returns on car development and most teams will have one eye on the new rules coming next year.

Rule Changes
The only rule changes are some overcomplicated fiddles to the tyre rules which will be explained ad nauseum by your local F1 broadcaster, increased restrictions on in-race advice from the pit, and some overcomplicated fiddles to the qualifying rules which will be explained ad nauseum by your local F1 broadcaster.

Calendar
Just use this link
(you can also use it to see other motorsport calendars)

The slightly more effort bit


2015: 1st 703pts
Stated Aim: Win both World Championships... again
Actual Aim: Try to get Rosberg a World Championship


2015: 1st 381pts
Like if: You are a glory hunter
Hate if: You are racist/anti-British


2015: 2nd 322pts
Like if: You find him sexually attractive
Hate if: You find him sexually attractive




2015: 2nd 428pts
Stated Aim: Win a World Championship
Actual Aim: Finish a slightly closer second behind Mercedes


2015: 3rd 278pts
Like if: You are literally Hitler
Hate if: You are halfway sane


2015: 4th 150pts
Like if: You like tedious old catchphrases
Hate if: You find out how much he gets paid to be poo poo




2015: 3rd 257pts
Stated Aim: Hold onto third place
Actual Aim: Work out how to do corners


2015: 6th 121pts
Like if: You are a paralympics enthusiast
Hate if: You have something against Brazil


2015: 5th 136pts
Like if: You like Finns who aren't pricks
Hate if: You are Kimi fan #1




2015: 4th 187pts
Stated Aim: Challenge for race wins
Actual Aim: Find someone to blame for everything


2015: 8th 92pts
Like if: You are a toothpaste manufacturer
Hate if: You are Brainwrong


2015: 7th 95pts
Like if: Putin tells you to
Hate if: Putin tells you to




2015: 5th 136pts
Stated Aim: Compete with Williams and Red Bull
Actual Aim: Have a halfway solvent owner


2015: 10th 58pts
Like if: You are a fan of endurance racing
Hate if: You think he should've done something by now


2015: 9th 78pts
Like if: You work for Pirelli's PR department
Hate if: You expect anything from him in the first half of the season




2015: 6th 78pts (as Lotus)
Stated Aim: Rebuild after Lotus ran out of money
Actual Aim: Hope people forget how bad their engine is


2015: Twiddled thumbs at McLaren
Like if: Danes are your favourite Norsemen
Hate if: You are Ron Dennis


2015: Smashed GP2 at the 4th attempt
Like if: You like Brits with only one kidney
Hate if: You can't get past how silly his name is




2015: 7th 67pts
Stated Aim: Solid points finishes
Actual Aim: Train Verstappen to replace Kvyat


2015: 12th 49pts
Like if: You are a frog and toad enthusiast
Hate if: You can't be dealing with these whippersnappers


2015: 15th 18pts
Like if: You liked his dad
Hate if: You think F1 has enough Red Bull drivers




2015: 8th 36pts
Stated Aim: Be better than last year
Actual Aim: Find enough money to pay staff


2015: 18th 9pts
Like if: Swedes are your favourite Norsemen
Hate if: You are a poor and want to get into F1


2015: 13th 27pts
Like if: You mistook him for Massa
Hate if: You have to write about him for the OP




2015: 9th 27pts
Stated Aim: Podium finishes by end of year... somehow
Actual Aim: Be less embarassing than "drivers openly mock car"


2015: 17th 11pts
Like if: You are into down on their luck Spaniards
Hate if: You are afraid of zombies


2015: 16th 16pts
Like if: You are into down on their luck Brits
Hate if: You inexplicably still think he's poo poo




2015: 10th 0pts (as Marussia)
Stated Aim: Be closer to the field than last year
Actual Aim: Get Wehrlein F1 experience


2015: Won DTM
Like if: You are employed by Mercedes
Hate if: You are Nico Rosberg and you don't beat Lewis


2015: 4th in GP2
Like if: You like his money
Hate if: You loathe Indonesians for some reason




2015: Did not exist
Stated Aim: Points and turn a profit
Actual Aim: Advertise Haas products


2015: 11th 51pts (at Lotus)
Like if: USA USA USA USA
Hate if: You realise he is Swiss French Swiss


2015: Did absolutely nothing
Like if: USA USA USA USA
Hate if: You realise he is Mexican (and poo poo)



Team Changes:
The Enstone Team Lotus are now back to being Renault with Renault engines instead of Mercedes

Manor Marussia have been allowed to drop the Marussia bit and are now just Manor. They have Mercedes power now instead of Ferrari

Red Bull managed to royally piss Renault off, but couldn't find another engine supplier and had to come crawling back. They will call their engine Tag Heuer for reasons

Toro Rosso have ended up with last year's Ferrari engine because Renault weren't going to help out Red Bull too much

Lastly, we welcome Haas! Hi Haas. Team Haas is being run from 4 different locations with nearly everything subcontracted out, which is a thing. They have Ferrari power

Driver Changes
Pastor Maldonado was dumped by Renault because his sponsors still haven't paid for last year. He's replaced by Kevin Magnussen, who was sacked as McLaren reserve driver by text on his birthday

Romain Grosjean has moved from Renault to the new Haas team. He is replaced at Renault by 2015 GP2 champion Jolyon Palmer

The other Haas driver is Esteban Gutierrez, he was so poo poo in 2014 he ended up in the Luca Badoer role at Ferrari

Finally, Manor dumped all their drivers and signed Pascal Wehrlein, a Mercedes backed hopeful, and Rio Haryanto who has mad Indonesian bank

Other stuff people will ask me to add

IRC: irc.synirc.net/F1


2015-16 Off-season | 2015 Part 1|2015 Part 2 | 2014-15 Off-season | 2014 season | 2013-14 Off-season | 2013 season | 2012-13 Off season | 2012 season
2011-12 Off-season | 2011 Part 1|2011 Breakaway (stop talking about phones!)|2011 Part 2 | 2010-2011 Off Season | 2010 Part 1|2010 Part 2 | 2009-2010 Off season
2009 News and Views|2009 Part 1|2009 Breakaway Thread|2009 Part 2 | 2008-2009 Off season | 2008 Part 1|2008 Part 2|2008 Part 3 | 2007-2008 Off season
2007 Part 1|2007 Part 2|2007 Part 3 | 2006 Part 1|2006 Part 2|2006 Part 3|2006 Part 4|2006 Part 5 | 2005 Whole Season | 2005 Part WTF | 2004 Whole Season


Tsaedje fucked around with this message at Jun 15, 2016 around 19:38

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Human Grand Prix
Jan 24, 2013

by FactsAreUseless


Rosberg is moonlighting at Toro Rosso now?

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Alonso will podium this season

Human Grand Prix
Jan 24, 2013

by FactsAreUseless


El Hefe posted:

Alonso will podium this season

It will be at Suzuka (maybe) (probably not).

Tsaedje
May 11, 2007

*AUTISM INSTENSIFIES*



Human Grand Prix posted:

Rosberg is moonlighting at Toro Rosso now?

2 spergs spotted this in under a minute. Good work, already fixed.

djssniper
Jan 10, 2003




Human Grand Prix posted:

Rosberg is moonlighting at Toro Rosso now?

It's a big OP give a bit of leaveway

Human Grand Prix
Jan 24, 2013

by FactsAreUseless


Tsaedje posted:

2 spergs spotted this in under a minute. Good work, already fixed.

You should have left it in. The description also worked sorta.

keevo
Jun 16, 2011

WAKE UP


Tsaedje posted:



2015: Did absolutely nothing
Like if: USA USA USA USA
Hate if: You're Donald Trump



Fixed that one. Good OP overall

1500quidporsche
Jan 19, 2014



El Hefe posted:

Alonso will podium this season

Hell he'll win races this year.

1500quidporsche
Jan 19, 2014



Also this is a quality OP. Good job.

keevo
Jun 16, 2011

WAKE UP


Oh yeah we need to do bold predictions before qualifying.

Haas will be competitive
Lewis Hamilton will have a break down in the middle of the year and become poo poo

Tsaedje
May 11, 2007

*AUTISM INSTENSIFIES*



I feel like "competitive" needs to be defined for that prediction to be anywhere near bold

keevo
Jun 16, 2011

WAKE UP


Fighting Sauber or whoever is slightly faster than Manor.

Tsaedje
May 11, 2007

*AUTISM INSTENSIFIES*



keevo posted:

Fighting Sauber or whoever is slightly faster than Manor.

Sauber is a good benchmark, for sure

1500quidporsche
Jan 19, 2014



Tsaedje posted:

Sauber is a good benchmark, for sure

If Haas beats Sauber this year you've really got to wonder what they're doing on the grid.

The Kimoa Kid
Jun 28, 2007


the haas is now white

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Exciting stuff

1500quidporsche
Jan 19, 2014



be nice wicka posted:

the haas is now white



I actually like the look of that quite a bit more.

Also sky finally ditched the "Nico hit me" bit in their opening video.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Wet Mel

dreesemonkey
May 14, 2008


Haas will have more points than Renault this year. Fairly bold.

dreesemonkey fucked around with this message at Mar 18, 2016 around 01:11

The Kimoa Kid
Jun 28, 2007


Jolyon Palmer will outscore Kevin Magnussen

Kilonum
Sep 30, 2002



keevo posted:

Oh yeah we need to do bold predictions before qualifying.

Haas will score points in their first race

Rosberg will commit suicide by cop after suffering a nervous breakdown in Monaco

Vettel will make a questionable comment about Muslims and/or Jews
Only 3 cars will finish the Monaco Grand Prix, none of them championship contenders, none of them McLarens

A Williams will win a race
A Finn will win a race
An American will be brought in to replace another driver at the USGP
A track marshal will die

Kilonum fucked around with this message at Jul 28, 2016 around 03:00

1500quidporsche
Jan 19, 2014



Williams will win a wet race.

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Kanye West - Touch the Sky


McLaren are poo poo.

The Kimoa Kid
Jun 28, 2007


Alain Post posted:

McLaren are poo poo.

supposed to be bold

1500quidporsche
Jan 19, 2014



Oh man Palmer has quite a chin on him. First time I've noticed that.

Norns
Nov 21, 2011

Senior Shitposting Strategist



Way more effort in the OP than we deserve.

gently caress YES FINALLY

1500quidporsche
Jan 19, 2014



"Its great to have Aston Martin back in Formula One"

I'm no expert on the 50s/60s era but didn't Aston do miserably?

Diet Crack
Jan 15, 2001



I like how you omitted Vettel's stars

Tsaedje
May 11, 2007

*AUTISM INSTENSIFIES*



Diet Crack posted:

I like how you omitted Vettel's stars

I'm going to pretend it was intentional

Diet Crack
Jan 15, 2001



The McLaren going into T1 looks like the most unstable, bouncy turd ever.

Diet Crack
Jan 15, 2001



Verstappen with the first spin of 2016

George Zimmer
Jun 28, 2008


He Verstopped

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Kanye West - Touch the Sky


Vercrappen.

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester
Oct 3, 2000


Minimum Verstappen

Human Grand Prix
Jan 24, 2013

by FactsAreUseless


Jesus Christ Hamilton. Then again, FP1.

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

"I saw Dallas Keuchel....THERE'S A BEARD!!!!!"


Broken Cake

The most exciting race will be at Hockenheim. The least exciting race will be at Baku.

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Kanye West - Touch the Sky


This was an ominous performance from Mercedes, IMO.

GramCracker
Oct 8, 2005

new series, who dis?



Maximum Verstopen

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Human Grand Prix
Jan 24, 2013

by FactsAreUseless


El Hefe posted:

Exciting stuff

White is good.

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