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DA PANET EARF
Jun 14, 2011



This is the worst loving game series.


The Stalin Subway is a bad videogame by Buka Games and Orion games released on 2005.. It follows the adventures of Gleb (that is his name, no joke) and his quest to stop... some sort of ill defined conspiracy started by a guy I had to look up on wikipedia to know who he is. Unlike Daikatana, this game has no real awful game pedigree, but I can assure you, The Stalin Subway and its sequel The Stalin Subway: The Red Veil have some of the worst level design of any awful shooter ever made. And I played the whole thing. And the sequel.

THE LP: Will be videos of ~25 minutes in 720/60. Updates will be once a week. I will be joined by those other fuckheads, DoctorStrangelove and Handuar. Spoiler rules are as follows: Don't spoil the end of the first game, don't spoil the main character of Red Veil. Everything else is fair game.

THE EPISODES
EPISODE 1
EPISODE 2
EPISODE 3
EPISODE 4
EPISODE 4
EPISODE 5
EPISODE 6

THE EMAIL: Feel free to email me anything about the LP at dad@buttchugs.vodka
Also, I still have a copy of daikatana to give out. Thus, you should :justpost:

DA PANET EARF fucked around with this message at 23:47 on May 22, 2016

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DA PANET EARF
Jun 14, 2011



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHJFhBEYFjI

POST RESERVED FOR BIOS AND WEAPONS poo poo

DoctorStrangelove
Jun 6, 2012

IT WOULD NOT BE DIFFICULT MEIN FUHRER!



Anime is poo poo and so is this game.

Handuar
Jun 30, 2007


This game is worse than my commentary.

DoctorStrangelove
Jun 6, 2012

IT WOULD NOT BE DIFFICULT MEIN FUHRER!



Also the main character of the second game is Stalin himself. Suck it Down™

CraigK
Nov 4, 2008

by exmarx


russia is surprisingly foggy, flat, and desolate

Spudd
Nov 27, 2007

Protect children from "Safe Schools" social engineering. Shame!

What the gently caress even is this game

DA PANET EARF
Jun 14, 2011



By the way, that first episode we tricked handuar into thinking that we were recording a Daikatana LP episode.

CommissarMega
Nov 18, 2008


DA PANET EARF posted:

By the way, that first episode we tricked handuar into thinking that we were recording a Daikatana LP episode.

Perfect.

anilEhilated
Feb 17, 2014

But I say fuck the rain.



Grimey Drawer

DoctorStrangelove posted:

Also the main character of the second game is Stalin himself. Suck it Down™
They were just probing the grounds for the game of their dreams: Hitler Simulator.

Hot Diggity!
Apr 3, 2010

SKELITON_BRINGING_U_ON.GIF


Stain Subway: eat fresh comrade

nutri_void
Apr 18, 2015

I shall devour your soul.


Grimey Drawer

You may think you're offended by this game's shittiness, but I know Russian history and speak Russian, so I'm offended by this piece of poo poo on at least two more levels

"What a crap" is most likely a garbage attempt at a literal translation of the Russian for "What the gently caress"

Cathode Raymond
Dec 30, 2015

My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.


Soiled Meat

Soundtrack:

:siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren::siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :siren: :sirensforeverthere'salwaysanalarmgoingoff:

anilEhilated
Feb 17, 2014

But I say fuck the rain.



Grimey Drawer

I'm honestly offended by anything that's trying to portray Stalin in a positive light, given Russia's tendencies to whitewash the bastard.

bumblingbee
Dec 30, 2012

Gregbus? Gregbus, what's wrong? Answer me! GREGBUS!

anilEhilated posted:

I'm honestly offended by anything that's trying to portray Stalin in a positive light, given Russia's tendencies to whitewash the bastard.

Agreed. https://meduza.io/en/feature/2016/03/04/stalin-or-bust

DoctorStrangelove
Jun 6, 2012

IT WOULD NOT BE DIFFICULT MEIN FUHRER!



I think Stalin is supposed to be the bad-guy but the plot is so difficult to follow I honestly have no idea. All I know is that Gleb is trying to save his dad from someone because dad got arrested for doing something.

nutri_void
Apr 18, 2015

I shall devour your soul.


Grimey Drawer

By the way, Gleb is an actual name

DA PANET EARF
Jun 14, 2011



DoctorStrangelove posted:

I think Stalin is supposed to be the bad-guy but the plot is so difficult to follow I honestly have no idea. All I know is that Gleb is trying to save his dad from someone because dad got arrested for doing something.

I am pretty sure that Stalin is supposed to be a good guy, becuase everything you end up doing after you save your dad is to save Stalin. Also, if you hate russians trying to whitewash Stalin into a good guy OH BOY are you going to hate this game, because in all the cutscenes Stalin is portrayed like he's your lovable dad.

Cathode Raymond
Dec 30, 2015

My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.


Soiled Meat

DA PANET EARF posted:

I am pretty sure that Stalin is supposed to be a good guy, becuase everything you end up doing after you save your dad is to save Stalin. Also, if you hate russians trying to whitewash Stalin into a good guy OH BOY are you going to hate this game, because in all the cutscenes Stalin is portrayed like he's your lovable dad.

Question: Would it be accurate to say that "Stalin's Subway" isn't a literal subway in the same way that "the Underground Railroad" was not a literal railroad?

Sub question: What the gently caress did I just say and what are we talking about? What do you mean you save Stalin? Are you saying that Stalin is the Princess Peach of this lovely fps?

DoctorStrangelove
Jun 6, 2012

IT WOULD NOT BE DIFFICULT MEIN FUHRER!



THANK YOU GLEB!

BUT OUR SECRETARY GENERAL IS IN ANOTHER SEWER LEVEL!

bumblingbee
Dec 30, 2012

Gregbus? Gregbus, what's wrong? Answer me! GREGBUS!

DoctorStrangelove posted:

THANK YOU GLEB!

BUT OUR SECRETARY GENERAL IS IN ANOTHER SEWER LEVEL!

Это я, блядь, Глеб!

HOTLANTA MAN
Jul 4, 2010

by Hand Knit


Lipstick Apathy

This game looks awesome.

For me to poop on.

Quicksilver6
Mar 21, 2008




e: Ah, crap, saw that the OP asked us not to spoil the MC of the second game. Never mind.

Quicksilver6 fucked around with this message at 20:17 on Mar 20, 2016

Lazyfire
Feb 4, 2006

God saves. Satan Invests


Jesus Christ, you finally started this LP, you've only been talking about it for something like a year now.

Edit:

Time to spelling errors is two minutes

Lazyfire fucked around with this message at 01:00 on Mar 21, 2016

DoctorStrangelove
Jun 6, 2012

IT WOULD NOT BE DIFFICULT MEIN FUHRER!



So I actually decided to watch the video (which was originally recorded in mid November) and Gleb and Gleb's dad keep jokingly referring to the KGB as "Chekists."

Here is the wikipedia article on chekism since if I don't understand an obscure piece of trivia from Russian history then I don't expect really anyone else to understand it either - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chekism


Also this is the PPSH chair that Handjob was referring to:

DoctorStrangelove fucked around with this message at 01:16 on Mar 21, 2016

nutri_void
Apr 18, 2015

I shall devour your soul.


Grimey Drawer

Speaking of chekism, there's actually another different layer of hilarity to it. Thing is, this would (had this game sold, I never heard of it until this thread so I assume that it didn't sell) have gone completely over everyone's head in Russia, because whatever their target demographic was, it definitely did not include adults who lived a substantial part of their lives in the USSR. Consequently, no one would understand it. When I saw it, my first thought was "Wait, what? ЧК was not a thing in Stalin's time", and no one ever uses it in any other context in the post-Soviet Russia

They can't even get the Russian history references for Russians right

DA PANET EARF
Jun 14, 2011



I would like to give a special shoutout to Fedule and DoctorStrangelove for improving the LP with this amazing thread tag. I do miss kenshiro, but this is better.

Hornet
Nov 13, 2007
Gamer

I'm going to give a special shoutout to myself, Hornet, for teaching CQC how to make his blacks black.

Burreeto Burreyeto
Aug 28, 2009

I'm a gay zebra.


Not enough Handuar.

DoctorStrangelove
Jun 6, 2012

IT WOULD NOT BE DIFFICULT MEIN FUHRER!



DA PANET EARF posted:

I would like to give a special shoutout to Fedule and DoctorStrangelove for improving the LP with this amazing thread tag. I do miss kenshiro, but this is better.

ты уже мертв

Handuar
Jun 30, 2007


Zebrabutt posted:

Not enough Handuar.

Эй, милашка.

HOTLANTA MAN
Jul 4, 2010

by Hand Knit


Lipstick Apathy

can we get a MP server up? Because I need to get in on that poo poo if so

DoctorStrangelove
Jun 6, 2012

IT WOULD NOT BE DIFFICULT MEIN FUHRER!



HOTLANTA MAN posted:

can we get a MP server up? Because I need to get in on that poo poo if so

Nope.

Phrosphor
Feb 25, 2007

Urbanisation


I haven't watched your videos but I have some hot tips for you that might make your play through more bearable.

You can triple your glacial movement speed by timing strafe jumps.

All the guns have secondary fire modes.

The rifle zooms are based on how long you hold down the zoom button.

Don't ask how I know so much about this abortion where you play someone trying to stop Stalin get murderer

DoctorStrangelove
Jun 6, 2012

IT WOULD NOT BE DIFFICULT MEIN FUHRER!



Phrosphor posted:

I haven't watched your videos but I have some hot tips for you that might make your play through more bearable.

You can triple your glacial movement speed by timing strafe jumps.

All the guns have secondary fire modes.

The rifle zooms are based on how long you hold down the zoom button.

Don't ask how I know so much about this abortion where you play someone trying to stop Stalin get murderer

CQC will figure this out eventually. By like video five or something.

DA PANET EARF
Jun 14, 2011



DoctorStrangelove posted:

CQC will figure this out eventually. By like video five or something.

Except for rifle zooms, which I will never figure out. I knew you could zoom them, but not that you could control the zoom level.

Also for the record this lovely rear end game has a gun that I know exists but I literally never find.

DA PANET EARF fucked around with this message at 01:35 on Mar 22, 2016

Cathode Raymond
Dec 30, 2015

My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.


Soiled Meat

DA PANET EARF posted:


Also for the record this lovely rear end game has a gun that I know exists but I literally never find.

That's realism. Realistically, you could never hope to find one of each type of gun in use in the 1950's, let alone carry them all.

The tiny subtitles are also realistic as size 8 font was the maximum font size until 1963.

The reverse bullet drop may seem outlandish at first but if you look up while shooting you'll see a crane dangling a giant magnet over your head and just offscreen. The crane operator's motivations are a major plot point in the 3rd game, "The Brezhnev Bus Stop".

ModeWondershot
Dec 30, 2014

Portu-geezer


It's here, and it is both better and worse than I could have ever hoped for.

Wikipedia also claims that Gleb is derived from a Norse name meaning "heir of God" and there is a Saint Gleb venerated in Eastern Orthodoxy.

No word on whether or not he is the patron saint of dual wielding Makarovs.

JFairfax
Oct 23, 2008

by FactsAreUseless


Wouldn't Gleb be pronounced more like Hleb the former Arsenal player?

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Koishi Komeiji
Mar 30, 2003





What is the plot of this game? There's some guy meeting a gymnast in the world's fanciest subway then he's on the phone in prison. Then some soldier's execute three janitors in a slaughterhouse then you kill some dudes at a construction yard. It's like fever dream logic.

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