Munchables posted:

Manifisto posted:

it started with flax seed and I wish to god it had stopped there. but no, there is always that insidious pull to go further, to replicate that first staggering hit of fiber and omega-3 fatty acids. grinding them up and snorting them was a no go. the suppository route was tedious and unsatisfying. what worked: sprouting those fuckers. a bowl of flax sprouts is like flax seed on crack (admittedly I did mix them up with a bit of real crack just for flavor). a bowl, two bowls, three bowls: my life counted out with spoons. the craving to up the ante returned, would not go away. so I let the seeds sprout longer, turn into small plants, and then bigger ones. I now eat bales of flax every day and it's goddamn amazing. my blood is now nearly pure linseed oil. I poo poo tablecloths. I am basically a horse.

FutonForensic posted:

supervillian: you'll never escape from my prison, FutonForensic! The gaps of these bars are much too thin to let someone as solid and dry like you escape!

*I take a stash of travel-sized lotion bottles out of my butthole and start applying them until my body is nothing but moisture*

supervillian: what are you doing--no!!

*My skin is like water. I effortlessly glide between the bars and out under the door*

Music Theory posted:

Consumed 8 servings of fruit; double the recommended daily value. I've been on the run for a few days now. The FDA doesn't recommend; it commands. I bit off more than I could chew and now I know things I'm not supposed to. They can't catch me, though. I have so much potassium flowing through my veins that my muscles are infinitely efficient. So much vitamin C I can camouflage myself like a chameleon. The FDA made a mistake, and, one way or another, it will be their last.

FactsAreUseless posted:

Fat Man, the atomic bomb dropped on Nagasaki, worked by using a conventional explosion to compress a small sphere of plutonium on all sides, which caused a chain reaction resulting in a massive nuclear detonation. The architect of the atomic bomb, John Robert Oppenheimer, inadvertently discovered it while using the same technique to put the whammy on a lady's rompers.

Ahundredbux posted:

*samples boiling pepsi*

"RAAW"

Splatmaster posted:

alnilam posted:

Closing out an episode of Tales from the Crypt by cutting to a second, more powerful Cryptkeeper who makes puns about the closing monologue of the regular Cryptkeeper

google THIS posted: