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Shinjobi
Jul 10, 2008


Gravy Boat 2k
Might as well call it "Batman Wins. Kinda. It's A Bit of a Mess."



Highlights of the film include Superman diving after a kryptonite spear at the bottom of a well, only for his half-dead body to float to the top minutes later, spear in hand. Batman is really angry 100% of the time, but hesitates finishing off Supes because he mentions the name "Martha." Martha Wayne being his mother, Batman is SHOCKED that someone else could go by that name, and falls back in amazement. Clark Kent's boss spends nearly an hour and a half of the film going "WHERE THE HELL IS KENT" as Superman mopes around the globe.


Movie was super clunky trying to work all the Justice League poo poo in, and it was waaaaaaaaaaay too long to boot. But hey, Wonder Woman solos most of Doomsday while Superman nearly drowns as mentioned earlier and Batman looks on in wonderment realizing he can't loving hang with Doomsday.


Also there's like a ten minute long hallucination/premonition about Darkseid, and it's pointless and possibly time travel related.






gently caress this movie though.

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basement jihadist
Oct 3, 2002

very cool

Johnny Aztec
Jan 30, 2005

by Hand Knit
Why is doomsday in a Batman vs Supes movie?


Doomsday should be his own movie.

Judakel
Jul 29, 2004
Probation
Can't post for 9 years!
We know

spud
Aug 27, 2003

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN
I am not a big comic book fan, but I never understood this one:

Batman: Normal dude who is just super rich, pretty smart, and works out a lot.

Superman: Is an alien that can fly, lift up a truck, immune to bullets, can fire lasers from his eyes

How can batman ever win?

Judakel
Jul 29, 2004
Probation
Can't post for 9 years!
Kryptonite

Shaquin
May 12, 2007

spud posted:

I am not a big comic book fan, but I never understood this one:

Batman: Normal dude who is just super rich, pretty smart, and works out a lot.

Superman: Is an alien that can fly, lift up a truck, immune to bullets, can fire lasers from his eyes

How can batman ever win?

kryptonite power armor from the one comic where this happened iirc

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless

spud posted:

I am not a big comic book fan, but I never understood this one:

Batman: Normal dude who is just super rich, pretty smart, and works out a lot.

Superman: Is an alien that can fly, lift up a truck, immune to bullets, can fire lasers from his eyes

How can batman ever win?

Superman isn't immune to lasers. Especially kryptonite lasers some rich guy made.

Doctor Dogballs
Apr 1, 2007

driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station


batman has a cock of steel, while superman has an rear end in a top hat of mere tin, so thin and penetrable

spud
Aug 27, 2003

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN
Why doesnt superman just smash the kryponite? Seems a lovely get out clause.

Doctor Dogballs
Apr 1, 2007

driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station


because kryptonite is really hard to break because it's made of steel

spud
Aug 27, 2003

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Doctor Dogballs posted:

because kryptonite is really hard to break because it's made of steel

See poo poo like this is why I don't like comic books.

Happy Bear Suit
Jul 21, 2004

yah we all saw this coming like 5 years ago

Astrolite
Jun 29, 2005

Ero Ninja Gundam!
Pillbug
how can anyone watch a superhero movie and not instantly kill themselves out of shame

spud
Aug 27, 2003

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Astrolite posted:

how can anyone watch a superhero movie and not instantly kill themselves out of shame

I like to look at men in spandex and doing it with 100ish strangers makes it less shameful.

Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007
he can also see the kryptonite from very far away so he can just hang out a mile up and use laser eyes on that whole mess.

CJacobs
Apr 17, 2011

Reach for the moon!

spud posted:

I am not a big comic book fan, but I never understood this one:

Batman: Normal dude who is just super rich, pretty smart, and works out a lot.

Superman: Is an alien that can fly, lift up a truck, immune to bullets, can fire lasers from his eyes

How can batman ever win?

Congrats you've found the problem with Superman interacting with any other superhero that comic book writers have desperately tip-toed on eggshells around for the past 60 years

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



when do they gently caress

Microwaves Mom
Nov 8, 2015

by zen death robot
haha you paid to see this after seeing who they had for lex luthor.

Let me guess you're excited for suicide squad too.

Shinjobi
Jul 10, 2008


Gravy Boat 2k
I didn't pay poo poo. I got paid to watch it, I work at a movie theater.


I think I'd have rather gone to bed though

Microwaves Mom
Nov 8, 2015

by zen death robot

Shinjobi posted:

I didn't pay poo poo. I got paid to watch it, I work at a movie theater.


I think I'd have rather gone to bed though

lol you had to watch it still.

How full were the theatres? Did everyone come out looking disappointed and solemn?

spud
Aug 27, 2003

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

CJacobs posted:

Congrats you've found the problem with Superman interacting with any other superhero that comic book writers have desperately tip-toed on eggshells around for the past 60 years

Does this mean I'm some sort of genius? My parents always said I was a "bit special" as a kid, but I've lead a really ordinary life.....until now.

spud fucked around with this message at 10:39 on Mar 24, 2016

Shinjobi
Jul 10, 2008


Gravy Boat 2k
I previewed it, the midnight release is tomorrow. I won't be working at the time, thankfully. Then again, because my company is so sure this movie is going to destroy records despite garbage review scores, I've gotta open the building on Friday around 8:30am. Which sucks nearly as bad as the movie did.

Radio Paranoia
Jun 27, 2010

It is now safe to turn off your computer.

social vegan posted:

when do they gently caress

Wait for Batman Fucks Superman: A XXX Parody

spud
Aug 27, 2003

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN
Does lex luthor have aids? He is like 30 and has no hair anywhere on his body.

Stick Figure Mafia
Dec 11, 2004

Shaquin
May 12, 2007
indeed in the high brow field of "big name comic book movie" it is a true upset when they turn out to be horrible garbage and is certainly not just what all of them are intrinsically

the great deceiver
Sep 23, 2003

why the feds worried bout me clockin on this corner/
when there's politicians out here gettin popped in arizona
they shoukd have just wrapped up the superhero genre after the dark knight rises

Shaquin
May 12, 2007
they have carefully plotted the course for the next twenty years of these films, they will never stop.

the great deceiver
Sep 23, 2003

why the feds worried bout me clockin on this corner/
when there's politicians out here gettin popped in arizona
well then i think its fair to do what i always do and blame the chinese

Shaquin
May 12, 2007
thats 100% accurate in this scenario

spud
Aug 27, 2003

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

the great deceiver posted:

well then i think its fair to do what i always do and blame the chinese

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012
shocked to find this comic book movie with no talented people involved at any level is ... bad ??

Ehud
Sep 19, 2003

football.

they just don't make enough superhero movies IMO

Shaquin
May 12, 2007
Blade was the last of the good comic book movies

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls


:lol: if you thought this was going to be half way decent after they picked Ben Affleck to play Batman. No way was this going to be good.

Although I do applaud them making sure they got this lovely Batman Vs. Superman released before Civil War part 1 comes out in May. If it were reversed nobody would watch this lovely movie.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

literally a hog
Jan 5, 2006

Mandarrrrrk! Bring me the head of Dexter and Dee Dee shall forever be yours!
Ben Fatfleck

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012

Shaquin posted:

Blade was the last of the good comic book movies

If youre talking about the first Blade movie and none of the sequels then i agree

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Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless

Shaquin posted:

Blade was the last of the good comic book movies

you know what they say: when they move in production values go down

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