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Fergus Mac Roich
Nov 5, 2008



Soiled Meat

SHISHKABOB posted:

Golem pictured in OP is made of iron and not bones. Thank you.

please read the op more carefully. the iron golem is part of our second sub-thread, golemchat.

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Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003



so is this a golemancer or a necromancer

Zorodius
Feb 11, 2007

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SUCK THE SHIT STRAIGHT OUT OF MY OWN ASSHOLE.

BUY IT.


I found this incantation in my grandma's spellbook to animate a Bone Golem, little bit faded but i figured NBD right?

so I perform the ritual, consecrate the circle with dove's blood, light candles made of human fat, etc etc, and long story short, SERIOUS misunderstanding. Turns out it was a "Boner Golem"; grandma was into some poo poo.

And, worst part is, the spell just takes the closest available boner, so naturally mine, which means my own dick hopped off my body and crawled like an inchworm to cast itself into the sacred fire, whereupon it grew into a monstrous simulacrum made of writhing cocks.

So now I'm being hunted by an engorged automaton that keeps leaving glistening trails everywhere, I have no reagent money left for Narlant weed, and I have no dick.

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

hi how are you





DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

so is this a golemancer or a necromancer



obviously a necrodancer with a bubble like that

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

hi how are you





anyway the actual difference is that a skeleton is from all one dude and a bone golem is just from whatever poo poo you find lying around - different dudes, dogs, fish, who gives a poo poo.

Example:

Good, awesome skellies:



This bad horrible thing is a bone golem:

Fergus Mac Roich
Nov 5, 2008



Soiled Meat

Saint Isaias Boner posted:

anyway the actual difference is that a skeleton is from all one dude and a bone golem is just from whatever poo poo you find lying around - different dudes, dogs, fish, who gives a poo poo.

Example:

Good, awesome skellies:



This bad horrible thing is a bone golem:



so if I went through the golem making procedures using a single person's skeleton as my materials I wouldn't get a golem but a skeletal warrior?

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

hi how are you





Fergus Mac Roich posted:

so if I went through the golem making procedures using a single person's skeleton as my materials I wouldn't get a golem but a skeletal warrior?

probably. it's just a cheap workaround so clerics can raise the dead while pretending to be better than necromancers anyway

Dr Cheeto
Mar 2, 2013


Wretched Harp

Fergus Mac Roich posted:

so if I went through the golem making procedures using a single person's skeleton as my materials I wouldn't get a golem but a skeletal warrior?

The golem would not be arranged to stand upright with that few bones, it would probably try to skitter around on rib bones. A proper bone golem takes many more bones than that.

GenericOverusedName
Nov 24, 2009

KUVA TEAM EPIC


Hmm. What about a golem made from one dead guy vs a zombie?

Dr Cheeto
Mar 2, 2013


Wretched Harp

Golem spells aren't really designed for this kind of poo poo, man. You need more material than that. Proper flesh golems can require body parts from five or more individuals.

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

hi how are you





Dr Cheeto posted:

Golem spells aren't really designed for this kind of poo poo, man. You need more material than that. Proper flesh golems can require body parts from five or more individuals.

yeah it's kind of a hipster thing to do, hand-crafted artisanal mono-skelly bone golems. Yes, yes it's very clever but the only reason you do it is so you can boast about how much you spend on your army of the undead.

Dr Cheeto
Mar 2, 2013


Wretched Harp

Oh my god artificer hipsters are the worst. You can't even hawk a wand of fireballs these days without some yahoo in flannel robes asking you if the amber dust was locally sourced.

Decebal
Jan 6, 2010


How do you gather the high amounts of mana needed for such a powerful spell ? Sleep in a cemetery ? Drink something ?

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FAR FUTURE THERE IS ONLY- WAIT SHIT IS THAT A SKELETON?



Decebal posted:

How do you gather the high amounts of mana needed for such a powerful spell ? Sleep in a cemetery ? Drink something ?

I made a dark pact with a daemon, gaining access to the limitless fell-mana of the infernal realms in exchange for my immortal soul, so I wouldn't know anything about this problem.

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

hi how are you





it's holy magic so pretty much it's about fussing all the parts into exactly the right place and spending like a week praying over it. Necromancers are just buff so they raise skellies like it's no big deal.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!



How the hell do you write אמת on bone?

I mean you could just carve it in but unless you're working with a prime specimen there is probably going to be some chipping. However it does have the plus side of it being near impossible to change it to מת making the golem nigh immortal.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



FreudianSlippers posted:

How the hell do you write אמת on bone?

I mean you could just carve it in but unless you're working with a prime specimen there is probably going to be some chipping. However it does have the plus side of it being near impossible to change it to מת making the golem nigh immortal.
magical Dremel

ROFLburger
Jan 12, 2006



Boner golems are my personal favs

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009


Zorodius posted:

I found this incantation in my grandma's spellbook to animate a Bone Golem, little bit faded but i figured NBD right?

so I perform the ritual, consecrate the circle with dove's blood, light candles made of human fat, etc etc, and long story short, SERIOUS misunderstanding. Turns out it was a "Boner Golem"; grandma was into some poo poo.

And, worst part is, the spell just takes the closest available boner, so naturally mine, which means my own dick hopped off my body and crawled like an inchworm to cast itself into the sacred fire, whereupon it grew into a monstrous simulacrum made of writhing cocks.

So now I'm being hunted by an engorged automaton that keeps leaving glistening trails everywhere, I have no reagent money left for Narlant weed, and I have no dick.

Please don't speak ill of your grandmother. She wasn't into "some poo poo". Stealing penises to power your magic is a perfectly common spell. All witches do it. Wizards usually don't, because, well. Yeah. Defaults to 'closest available' unless you're really exact with your targeting.

Calm the penis best you can (you know your own penis best, you should know how) and then set it to standby. After that, well, I'd recommend getting your own spellbook, but I know those can be pricey. If you're going to keep using her old spells, I'd just leave the penis where it is. It won't be the only spell like that in the book, so it'll just be a liability.

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Xenothral
Aug 1, 2013

No one's left... Everything's gone...! Zebes is burning!



Lil Peeler posted:

But what would keep you from eating them? They would smell bad when they spoil.

Well see if other people start eating them you can just kill them while they're busy. If they spoil they just do poison damage so I mean, you can't lose really.

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