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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > difference between a bone golem and an animated skeleton? && golemchat
 
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Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009

Dr Cheeto posted:

If you are capable of being annoyed you are a bone creature and not an animated skeleton! Stop fakeposting.

He's probably an angry (annoyed?) spirit possessing his own skeleton. There's a lot of bad information out there, so many of them self-diagnose as Animated Skeletons as they try to come to grips with their undeath.

It's surprisingly common and very unfortunate.

* # ¿ Apr 6, 2016 01:45
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# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 09:22
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Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009

Lil Peeler posted:

But what would keep you from eating them? They would smell bad when they spoil.

Food golems are for short-term use ONLY. They're great party-favors (good way to sneak a golem into a wedding or a royal feast), but do not, under any circumstances, use a pudding Golem to guard a dungeon or tomb.

You'll attract ants.

* # ¿ Apr 6, 2016 20:37
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Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009

Paramemetic posted:

Attracting ants isn't really the problem, formorians are some nasty motherfuckers and can gently caress an intruding adventurer up. The problem is that they'll eat your golem, then you have to make a new one.

No. Those things burrow everywhere. Suddenly there's a side tunnel around your big trap gallery.

If I wanted some assholes to have a choice between fighting an ant-queen or dealing with traps and waves of golems, I'd have added that from the start. The trap gallery isn't optional, it's the centerpiece of the whole thing.

* # ¿ Apr 6, 2016 21:11
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Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009

Zorodius posted:

I found this incantation in my grandma's spellbook to animate a Bone Golem, little bit faded but i figured NBD right?

so I perform the ritual, consecrate the circle with dove's blood, light candles made of human fat, etc etc, and long story short, SERIOUS misunderstanding. Turns out it was a "Boner Golem"; grandma was into some poo poo.

And, worst part is, the spell just takes the closest available boner, so naturally mine, which means my own dick hopped off my body and crawled like an inchworm to cast itself into the sacred fire, whereupon it grew into a monstrous simulacrum made of writhing cocks.

So now I'm being hunted by an engorged automaton that keeps leaving glistening trails everywhere, I have no reagent money left for Narlant weed, and I have no dick.

Please don't speak ill of your grandmother. She wasn't into "some poo poo". Stealing penises to power your magic is a perfectly common spell. All witches do it. Wizards usually don't, because, well. Yeah. Defaults to 'closest available' unless you're really exact with your targeting.

Calm the penis best you can (you know your own penis best, you should know how) and then set it to standby. After that, well, I'd recommend getting your own spellbook, but I know those can be pricey. If you're going to keep using her old spells, I'd just leave the penis where it is. It won't be the only spell like that in the book, so it'll just be a liability.

* # ¿ Apr 6, 2016 23:51
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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > difference between a bone golem and an animated skeleton? && golemchat