Fat girls complaining on Yelp about getting waxed

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Fat girls complaining on Yelp about getting waxed

EugeneJ: Feb 5, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

PYF

quote:

I did not like my experience getting a brazilian wax at Get Waxed. When I walked in, the owner was sitting at the front desk (the whole front desk/lobby area is tiny) and she did not greet me or acknowledge my existence in any way. There I sat, three feet from her, in silence, the two of us the only people in the entire place, and she completely ignored my presence. And no, she was not talking on the phone....I guess she just didn't feel like acknowledging a customer.

The wax itself was painfully awkward. I have been getting Brazilian and Sphinx waxes for 12 years - from NYC to California - and I have never had an experience like the one I did with Lisa. I hate to say it, but she was CLEARLY uncomfortable with me being a plus-sized woman (and it's not like I'm massive, just a curvy size 16)...she acted as if she had never done a Brazilian before! She asked me whether I wanted a landing strip and when I said yes, she asked me which direction I wanted it to go in. Huh? Then she asked me "how far down" I wanted her to wax. Um....all the way, I said, baffled. She asked me to be specific....at this point the devil in me wanted to bark "just man up and wax my drat taint and anus, Lisa!" but her obvious discomfort made me uneasy and I just talked her through how to do a Brazilian. Bizarre. Toward the end of the wax she told me that she was just going to give me a modified bikini wax and charge me less. WHY? A clue, perhaps, lay in how she spent the entire session complaining about her business and her clients, etc (when she wasn't acting confused about how to wax my pretty standard lady bits).

So yeah, the whole thing was unpleasant and awkward from start to finish. And really made me miss my brusque Russian lady in NYC who would bark out orders and efficiently remove the whole shebang in record time.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 03:53

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 16:49

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

Taint Waxer

# ? Apr 6, 2016 03:57

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

Wax my drat taint, OP.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 03:57

Tricky D: Apr 1, 2005; I love um!

http://www.pamperandcurves.com/2013/09/are-you-size-wise.html

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:00

wane tendo: Mar 19, 2005; Buglord

barb!! get the gunt jack, we got a plump one

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:02

satanic splash-back: Jan 28, 2009

taint status: silky smooth

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:03

Full Metal Jackass: Jan 22, 2001; Rabid bats are welcome in my home

I find myself yelling "just man up and wax my drat taint and anus" quite often.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:04

Simstim: Mar 16, 2005; You just gave me a great idea buddy.

gonna need scaffolding to hold up the fat folds, waxing is a two hand job

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:06

a shiny rock: Nov 13, 2009

im a fat girl

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:06

Wicker Man: Sep 5, 2007; Just like Columbus...; Clapping Larry

Taint waxed again!

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:10

somethingawful bf: Jun 17, 2005

i freaking hate fat people

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:13

yo mamma a Horus: Apr 7, 2008; Nap Ghost

just man up and get a crucifix wax

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:13

a shiny rock: Nov 13, 2009

Poetic Justice posted:

i freaking hate fat people

fat n hairy is even worse so im glad the lady in the op is doing something about her condition

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:15

Wicker Man: Sep 5, 2007; Just like Columbus...; Clapping Larry

My pretty lady bits.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:19

Away all Goats: Jul 5, 2005; Goose's rebellion

Poetic Justice posted:

i freaking hate fat people

i dont, theyre pretty funny. look at them walk funny and struggle to breathe

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:33

vandalism: Aug 4, 2003

Wax my drat balls.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:33

Pissed Ape Sexist: Apr 19, 2008

For some reason having a stranger flip through the folds of my snatch-metro area like a CD binder to hunt down and slather adhesive on my kebab-poo poo encrusted perineum was 'unpleasant and awkward from start to finish'. 2/10 gently caress these people for being all weird

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:34

Zamboni Rodeo: Jul 19, 2007; NEVER play "Lady of Spain" AGAIN!

This is an oddly specific fetish.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:36

Nightrain: Dec 17, 2004; I may be new to SA, but I've been playing guitar in the desert and on top of pianos for years

An Asian immigrant barely making minimum wage does want to go near some fat chicks rear end in a top hat....shocking

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:39

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-D99n9f3vU4

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:39

Michael Bayleaf: Jun 4, 2006; Tortured By Flan

at first I thought this story about a person having a bad time getting waxed was really lovely, loving retarded, boring, lord binky, etc., but then I noticed the lady was overweight and I made this face

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:43

Pissed Ape Sexist: Apr 19, 2008

I loving HATE Lisa

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:43

Edgar: Sep 9, 2005; Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!; Wedge Regret

wasn't there some story from hustler where a guy nair'd his rear end crack hair and it turned out rear end hair has a purpose.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:44

Business Gorillas: Mar 11, 2009

vandalism posted:

Wax my drat balls.

Is this something you actually want

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:46

Split Pea Superman: Dec 16, 2010; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

Now I want to see a horizontal landing strip

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:49

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

Do fat women even deserve the D?

This thread can opine.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:49

Split Pea Superman: Dec 16, 2010; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

Like was the lady confused on how to do a landing strip because she thought the only thing guys were putting their dicks in was her fat folds?

# ? Apr 6, 2016 04:52

Michael Bayleaf: Jun 4, 2006; Tortured By Flan

me reading a thread about a woman getting bad service at a restaurant: :chloe:

me reading a thread about a woman getting bad service at a restaurant, and she's slightly overweight:

# ? Apr 6, 2016 05:04

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

solaranus posted:

Like was the lady confused on how to do a landing strip because she thought the only thing guys were putting their dicks in was her fat folds?

she couldnt figure out which hairy crevice was which

# ? Apr 6, 2016 05:05

Lawrence Gilchrist: Mar 31, 2010

Size 16 means she was at least 30 stone, right?

# ? Apr 6, 2016 05:20

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

30 stones? That's almost like a small wall!

# ? Apr 6, 2016 05:25

Buckets: Apr 10, 2009; ...THE CHILD...

Who just walks into a place and sits down without saying anything? If she had a reservation she should have been like "hi, I'm fat girl for the three o'clock." Would have saved some of her time.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 05:47

Code Jockey: Jan 24, 2006; 69420 basic bytes free

carrion kit posted:

gunt jack

dying

# ? Apr 6, 2016 05:53

Prettz: Sep 3, 2002

Edgar posted:

wasn't there some story from hustler where a guy nair'd his rear end crack hair and it turned out rear end hair has a purpose.

lol no it doesn't

# ? Apr 6, 2016 05:59

iustorum_anime: Apr 4, 2016

Edgar posted:

wasn't there some story from hustler where a guy nair'd his rear end crack hair and it turned out rear end hair has a purpose.

quote:

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble making GBS threads.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my rear end-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my rear end of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My rear end was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poo poo- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky poo poo/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-drat, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my rear end off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering poo poo/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my rear end cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own poo poo blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my rear end at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for rear end-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your rear end having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR rear end-HAIR!

# ? Apr 6, 2016 06:00

HoAssHo: Mar 10, 2005

Lawrence Gilchrist posted:

Size 16 means she was at least 30 stone, right?

I had to look up the conversion from stone to pounds and it's apparently 420 lbs. This chick isn't 420 lbs. I don't know what a 16 exactly looks like but I'm an 8 and I weigh 135, so I'm guessing she's maybe around like 180?

# ? Apr 6, 2016 06:03