Eddie Whitson posted:

Where's John Kasich?

A Winner is Jew posted:

Nebakenezzer posted:

So if Cruz is the Zodiac Killer, does that make him ineligible for the Presidency, or is this like "He was born in Canada so he's ineligible" is being ignored

What would be more damaging to Ted Cruz: the reveal that he is the Zodiac Killer, or that he was for more restrictive gun laws?

Killin_Like_Bronson posted:

Bonus: the one I made in 2012

Mr. Pumroy posted:

Eddie Whitson posted:

Where's John Kasich?

McDowell posted:

The brief insisted that Texas, in order to protect "public morals," had "police-power interests" in "discouraging prurient interests in sexual gratification, combating the commercial sale of sex, and protecting minors." There was a "government" interest, it maintained, in "discouraging…autonomous sex." The brief compared the use of sex toys to "hiring a willing prostitute or engaging in consensual bigamy," and it equated advertising these products with the commercial promotion of prostitution. In perhaps the most noticeable line of the brief, Cruz's office declared, "There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one's genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship."



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zH9Zca1vRM

Vox Nihili posted:

Normally I'd say this is just the sort of idiotic law that a red state attorney/solicitor general would be stuck defending, but Cruz is earnestly proud of this stuff. This is his bread and butter. He's straight out of the 1950's, hell, he's closing in on the 1800's.

One thing to consider is that so far, everything has essentially gone according to plan for Cruz this cycle. He has exceeded all expectations and ingratiated himself with power brokers that should and would normally hate him. He beat Rubio. He's holding Trump short of a majority. He's accumulating legions of friendly delegates. Paul Ryan has announced that he won't step in and suggested others should not either, likely indicating Romney will stay out as well. Kasich is looking weaker every day and doesn't have the delegate support to win on the 2nd ballot, he would need some absurd series of machinations to pull through.

Meanwhile, Clinton is struggling. Her brand is tarnished and independents hate her just as much as they hate Cruz. Her favorability numbers are falling every month; she's only a couple points ahead of Cruz now. Sanders is already effectively out. To low-info yokels, Cruz seems to come off as sincere, like a preacher of... some stripe.

Don't forget that he has the Super PAC money and can probably tap into more as needed. The "intellectual" wing of the GOP are pounding the drums for him, as is the loud talk radio wing.

Cruz is currently the second most likely next President of the United States, and his odds are not that long at all.

Flubby posted:

Isn't it basically the plot to NIN's Year Zero album?

Eddie Whitson posted:

Where's John Kasich?

quote:

President Cruz Breaks Out Of White House, Makes Way To R'lyeh

WASHINGTON, United States of America (AP) — President Cruz waited until it was dark and the staff had gone home from the White House before making his move.

He squeezed and pushed his way through a tiny gap in the mesh at the top of his tank and slithered 2 meters (6.6 feet) to the floor. Then he made a beeline across the room to a drain hole.

With a body the size of a rugby ball, Cruz managed to stretch out and squeeze into the hole. From there, he shimmied down the 50-meter (164-foot) pipe until he was back in the Potomac river.

All he left behind three months ago was a slimy trail, allowing staff at the White House aquarium to re-create his amazing escape.

He's not been seen since.

Cruz's story begins in Iowa, 900 miles from the aquarium. He was pulled up by a lobbyist in a lobster pot and wasn't in good shape. He'd been attacked, probably by a real estate mogul or tabloid paper, and a couple of his tentacles were half their normal length.

After a year recuperating at the National Aquarium, said manager Jeff Roe, Cruz was once again in good health. And he'd been delighting the staff with his intelligence.

"He used to come up and you could hand-feed him," Yarrall said. "He'd grab hold of you with the suckers on his tentacles, or squirt ooze at you. And he worked out how to screw the top off a prostitute."

Yarrall said that since they have no bones, shoggoth can squeeze through almost any hole that's larger than their beaks, so the drain hole, 15 centimeters (6 inches) wide, was no great challenge.

After Cruz escaped, the White House staff figured out what happened, admired his cleverness, wished him the best and went back to work. No one thought to publicize the story until Robyn McLean, communications manager for the Republican National Headquarters, heard about what happened this week. She told a local reporter, and before long she and her small staff had fielded more than 100 calls from international media.

"It shows how we should never take shoggoth for granted," McLean said. "The humble shoggoth is a very, very intelligent creature. He thought this one out and he nailed it. So, go Cruz."

Copyright 2018 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

KaptainKrunk posted:

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KaptainKrunk posted:

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KaptainKrunk posted:

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KaptainKrunk posted:

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