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capitaldelendaest
Jan 2, 2020


Well it's good to know why, at least.

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oldpainless
Oct 30, 2009

This post brought to you by RAID: SHADOW LEGENDS.
RAID: SHADOW LEGENDS - It's for your phoneTM #ad



Just show up on time youíre welcome

Biplane
Jul 18, 2005



Sisal Two-Step posted:

oh you mean my wife

congrats on your swole as gently caress child bride.

Pastry of the Year
Apr 12, 2013



Biplane posted:

congrats on your swole as gently caress child bride.

SA Forums leading the way in brand new and regrettable utterances

Bogmonster
Oct 17, 2007

The Bogey is a philosopher who knows

R/entitledparents is good for STDH

an absolute liar on Reddit posted:


This happened last year in that REALLY hot summer we had in the UK. It was like 30c all the time and there was no way of escaping it. And, this will be a bit of a long one im afraid so, maybe get a cuppa and a cake or something!!

I like being naked, its a good way to cool down and also a great way to feel good about yourself. I also practice nudsim where its appropriate and where its possible. This is important to this little story.

Its a really hot summer day and im in the shower cooling off, i get out and open the curtains and window of my bathroom so it can vent out (as i have no extractor fan in there cos old victorian building). I do the same to my bedroom window and begin to towel dry myself with some Taylor Swift playing.

Afterwards im all dry and i stay naked for a while, i always do after showering as it help cool me down and calm my anxieties. I then hear a knock at my door, which flustered me and i jumped up to get it.

As i was still naked, i poked my head round the door frame doing my best to hide. And im greeted by two police officers, Officer Man and Officer Lady. THE most chill officers i ever met in my life.

Officer Lady: Are you OP?

Me: Yes, is everything alright?

Officer Man: Could we come in and ask you a few questions?

Me: Oh yes, if you just give a minute I will get dressed for you, not long got out of the shower so. haha.

Officer Lady: Sir this is your space, you can be in whatever state of dress you wish.

Me: Oh. If your sure, come in.

They both come in and Officer Man is looking at my windows, taking photos and sticking his head out and looking down at the street. He takes a few notes, says something to Officer Lady and disapears out my door.

Me: Uh. Whats....whats happening?

Officer Lady: Its ok dont worry. We just got a complaint of someone at this address matching your discription exposing yourself in the windows to people on the street.

Me: *looks dumfounded, confused, and then suddenly remebers that I am actually naked. Covers self with hands* No. I've just been in the shower Officer, I didnt do anything but open the windows to vent the bathroom.

Officer Lady: *taking notes* Ok. Its alright Sir, you have done nothing wrong, you arnt in trouble. We are just asking questions to build a better picture of what happened.

Officer Ladys radio: *unintellible shouting and screaming*

We both look at eachother then at Officer Ladys radio.

Officer LAdy: Everything ok there Officer Man?

Officer Man: Yeah. She dosnt like being told what to do though, tell you that for free. We good though dont worry.

We then hear more shouting from outside and go over to have a look. Poke our heads out of my bedroom window and see Officer Man trying to clam a woman with two kids down. Shes shouting waving her arms about and pointing at my windows.

EP: HE WAS SHOWING HIS NAKED BODY TO ME AND MY CHILDREN. MY CHILDREN SAW HIS PENIS AND NOW THEY ARE UPSET. YOU SHOULD ARREST HIM RIGHT NOW.

EPs Kids: *playing smash bros judging by the noises coming from the Nintendo Switch infront of them*

Me: Ah, the complainee I trust?

Officer Lady: Yes. So, I think thats all the questions that I needed to ask you OP. Is there anything you wish to add or ask me?

Me: So im not in any trouble?

Officer Lady: Course not! Opening your windows while naked isnt a crime! But, spying on naked people that live on the fourth floor of a flat complex might be. *she smiles at me*

Me: Ok *sigh of relief, with a hint of a giggle*

We both watch as Officer Man tries to calm down EP to no avail. So he begins to arrest her for failing to comply, or behave or something I dont know. I didnt hear Officer Lady and I were too busy giggling like school children. EPs hunsband who had been in a nearby shop comes running out to see what the shoutings about, sees his wife getting arrested and brings the kids into the shop.

EPs Husband: Why do you insist on being nosey? I TOLD you one day it would bite you back! And look whats happened eh? You get arrested for being a nosey jumped up bitch, and I will take the kids swimming hows that? *nods to Officer Man and brings the kids out from the shop and they wander off down the road with EPs screams and shouts echoing*

Officer Lady bids me farewell and tells me next time i open the curtains and windows while naked, to make sure i do so a little more careful. Failing that start dancing instead.

TLDR: Crazy entitled parent tries to get me arrested for being naked in my own fourth floor flat. Ends up getting arrested herself for failure of compliance, wasting police time and being a peeping tom.


hyperhazard
Dec 4, 2011

I am the one lascivious
With magic potion niveous

Surprised that didn't turn into a Dear Penthouse after the female cop told him it was ok to be naked.


: Hang on, just got out of the shower, I need to grab some clothes.

: Oh, you can be in whatever state of dress you wish.

Breitbart Is Rightbart
Sep 12, 2013


sigh of relief, with a hint of a giggle

torgeaux
Dec 31, 2004
I serve...


Bogmonster posted:

R/entitledparents is good for STDH

Guys, I'm beginning to believe some of these stories may be enhanced from what really happened.

Kevin DuBrow
Apr 21, 2012



Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Feb 17, 2011

meat



Cool...

3D Megadoodoo
Nov 25, 2010

BENIS


The fallout from a butt orgasim can be very suspension-worthy

jjack229
Feb 14, 2008
Articulate your needs. I'm here to listen.

Oven Wrangler

Bogmonster posted:

R/entitledparents is good for STDH

an absolute liar on Reddit posted:

Me: Oh yes, if you just give a minute I will get dressed for you, not long got out of the shower so. haha.

...

Me: *looks dumfounded, confused, and then suddenly remebers that I am actually naked. Covers self with hands* No. I've just been in the shower Officer, I didnt do anything but open the windows to vent the bathroom.

CJacobs
Apr 17, 2011

Keep on keeping on.


That poo poo that didn't happen is a poor attempt to twist a narrative into some poo poo that actually did happen: Pilot arrested for being naked at his hotel room window paid $300,000 by city of Denver

ghost emoji
Mar 11, 2016

oooOooOOOooh


https://twitter.com/cobrakeiser/sta...1521433601?s=21

Hereís the original tweet thread for posterity:

https://twitter.com/kurteichenwald/...6968020992?s=21

If his name sounds familiar, itís probably because he got caught looking at tentacle porn a few years ago and tried to play it off as ďI was looking up something for my familyĒ.

ghost emoji has a new favorite as of 21:56 on May 11, 2020

bike tory
May 6, 2007



I look up tentacle porn for my family too.

AlbieQuirky
Oct 9, 2012



College Slice

bike tory posted:

I look up tentacle porn for my family too.

To be fair, everyone in his family was over 18 at the time.

Because if thereís one sector of society that canít find porn of any description, itís dudes 18-25, which his sons were then.

Tunicate
May 15, 2012





I think he said he wanted to prove to his wife it existed

Garrand
Dec 28, 2012



Tunicate posted:

I think he said he wanted to prove to his wife it existed

It was this. He said his wife didn't believe it was a real thing so he looked it up and happened to leave the tab there when he took whatever those screenshots were

I honestly dont even remember what he was trying to show, I only remember the tentacle porn now.

Kevin DuBrow
Apr 21, 2012



The original photo was of an anti-Semitic flyer he was handed at an anti-James Comey rally. He didnít even have to include his monitor.

Original damage control (read bottom to top):


Funnily enough ďB-ChikuĒ, the porn comic he had open, is vanilla hentai with absolutely no tentacles in it. Take that as you will.

Kevin DuBrow has a new favorite as of 00:55 on May 12, 2020

AlbieQuirky
Oct 9, 2012



College Slice

Tunicate posted:

I think he said he wanted to prove to his wife it existed

His sons were there! They probably had phones in their hands!

Of course there are other reasons not to believe him.

Magna Kaser
Nov 4, 2004



Kevin DuBrow posted:

Funnily enough ďB-ChikuĒ, the porn comic he had open, is vanilla hentai with absolutely no tentacles in it. Take that as you will.

thanks for the hentai facts!

Jurgan
May 8, 2007

Just pour it directly into your gaping mouth-hole you decadent slut


https://twitter.com/jakemhs/status/...8759326720?s=21

Tunicate
May 15, 2012





more pure version of coronaposting

Tunicate has a new favorite as of 17:46 on May 12, 2020

jjack229
Feb 14, 2008
Articulate your needs. I'm here to listen.

Oven Wrangler


I know it's STDH, but how did the cook know who ordered the eggs the first few times to know to make them wrong? Or does the cook make every single order wrong and this is the only customer who cares?

GreenMetalSun
Oct 11, 2012


jjack229 posted:

I know it's STDH, but how did the cook know who ordered the eggs the first few times to know to make them wrong? Or does the cook make every single order wrong and this is the only customer who cares?

I've, uh, never been inside a Waffle House, but a lot of those all-day breakfast places have open kitchens so you can pretty much see who's ordering what, especially if there's only one or two customers at the time. Source: I worked in a bunch of them on and off, as a line cook in high school.

I still think this is STDH.

Kevin DuBrow
Apr 21, 2012



quote:

Today I hosed up by going to the grocery store with a certain German leaderís facial hair

So this didn't happen today, but rather about 6 months ago.

Im 19 and have some pretty good facial hair and as most men do when shaving, i tried different beard styles. First one was the goatee, then the cowboy, then just a mustache and finally ending up with the famous square. Unfortunately the trimmers battery died before I could shave it off so I put the battery on charge and left for a few minutes. I laid down in my bed and started scrolling through reddit when I realized I need some groceries. Completely forgotten about my face situation I went to the grocery store. I got some weird looks but didn't think much of it. Maybe I just looked weird without a beard, I thought. Then right as I got to the cashier she said

"umm, I assume that's a Charlie Chaplin cosplay?"

Then it clicked.

"Yeah yeah, umm he's my biggest uuuh, insperation..."

I grabbed my stuff and left as quickly as I could and shaved it off. So maybe don't do what I did.

tldr: went to shave, battery died, went to the grocery store, accidentally became a nazi charlie chaplin.

jjack229
Feb 14, 2008
Articulate your needs. I'm here to listen.

Oven Wrangler

GreenMetalSun posted:

I've, uh, never been inside a Waffle House, but a lot of those all-day breakfast places have open kitchens so you can pretty much see who's ordering what, especially if there's only one or two customers at the time. Source: I worked in a bunch of them on and off, as a line cook in high school.

I still think this is STDH.

I don't know that I've ever been in one either. The restaurants with open kitchens that I can think of don't allow you see every seat in the house from one spot. Unless a Waffle House is small with a simple layout.

mrpwase
Apr 21, 2010

I HAVE GREAT AVATAR IDEAS
For the Many, Not the Few


The name is a misnomer, it's more like a Waffle Panopticon

Bobby Digital
Sep 4, 2009


Every Waffle House Iíve been to has had an open kitchen

jjack229
Feb 14, 2008
Articulate your needs. I'm here to listen.

Oven Wrangler

Bobby Digital posted:

Every Waffle House I’ve been to has had an open kitchen



Thanks. I think whenever I hear IHOP or Waffle House, I picture a Denny's that I was at years ago.

MrUnderbridge
Jun 25, 2011




Yeah, that was a commercial some years back.

InediblePenguin
Sep 27, 2004


jjack229 posted:

Unless a Waffle House is small with a simple layout.
ding ding ding! a waffle house is essentially one of those old school train car style diners only less aesthetic. the fact that you can see the entire place from the cook's station is essential for the cook to monitor their own safety tbh. lots of fights in waffle houses, from what my friend who was a night cook told me

bulletsponge13
Apr 28, 2010


I had a rule when I was in the Army- never go to a Waffle House. It was a surefire way to get into trouble, because no matter the time of day, there was always some drunk rear end in a top hat who wanted to fight, and I wasn't going to gently caress up because of someone else's stupidity.

Also, nearly every pro-wrestler has a WH fight story. Macho Man Randy Savage got into a very lopsided knife fight at one

Breitbart Is Rightbart
Sep 12, 2013


What's a cowboy beard?

CordlessPen
Jan 8, 2004

I told you so...

Breitbart Is Rightbart posted:

What's a cowboy beard?

I'm guessing a handlebar ŗ la Sam Eliott

MrUnderbridge
Jun 25, 2011



Breitbart Is Rightbart posted:

What's a cowboy beard?

The school marm he claims to be courtin'. You wouldn't know her, she's back east.

Skwirl
May 13, 2007

The 'blood babe with the silicone chest, 200-dollar haircut, and a closet full of the latest fashions.

Breitbart Is Rightbart posted:

What's a cowboy beard?

Anne Hathaway

InediblePenguin
Sep 27, 2004


MrUnderbridge posted:

The school marm he claims to be courtin'. You wouldn't know her, she's back east.

lol

freeedr
Feb 21, 2005



CordlessPen posted:

I'm guessing a handlebar ŗ la Sam Eliott

The handlebar is the one that curls up on the sides like every hipster that uses facial hair in place of a personality has. Itís one of the few mustaches I havenít seen Sam Elliot wear

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BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

Don't get my name wrong,
If you want to touch me there.

freeedr posted:

The handlebar is the one that curls up on the sides like every hipster that uses facial hair in place of a personality has. Itís one of the few mustaches I havenít seen Sam Elliot wear

I always thought a "handlebar" moustache was a Hulk Hogan-esque one that frames the top lip and goes straight down. What is the official name for the moustache I am thinking of?

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