shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

Tea Bone: Feb 18, 2011; I'm going for gasps.

hyperhazard posted:

To christen the new thread, have my very favorite stdh from NAR

quote:
Paging Leonidas To The Front Desk
HARDWARE STORE | NEW YORK, NY, USA | HALL OF FAME, TOP, WILD & UNRULY

Customer: �Look! My friend told me I could get this type of hammer at your store! Now go get it for me!�

Cashier: �Sir, I already told you� we don�t have ANY hammers back here that aren�t already stocked on the shelves.�

Customer: �LOOK HERE. F**K YOU! I KNOW YOU�RE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY BY SWITCHING OUT YOUR STOCKS! GET ME THIS HAMMER!�

(At this point, I come to the front of the store, overhearing what�s going on; note that I�m the manager.)

Me: �Is there a problem?�

Customer: �Yes sir! Your employee here is not doing what I tell her to!�

Me: �Well, you need to calm down and understand that we don�t have what you�re looking for. So maybe you should go back to shelves and check��

Customer: �F**K THAT!!! IT�S NOT THERE, OKAY?! YOU NEED TO F**KING GET ME WHAT I ASK FOR!�

Me: �That�s it. Get out of my store.�

Customer: �What? NO!�

Me: �Sir, get out, or I have to take you out.�

Customer: �Then do it!�

(I go around the counter and approach the customer. I yank him by his collar & drag him to the door.)

Me: �Now, then� you wanna apologize and maybe come back in?�

Customer: �No! I just want my hammer! God, what is this madness?!�

Me: *puts the customer down*

Customer: *confused* �� What is it?�

(I turn back to the cashier, who nods in approval. I then turn back to face the customer.)

Me: �Madness? THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAAA!� *kicks customer out of store and slams door*

The thing that drives me crazy about these kind of stories is if it really happened, the customer going nuts over nothing is clearly mentally handicapped. Well done, you just man handled and kicked someone who probably has the mental age of a child.

# ¿ Apr 15, 2016 13:02

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# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 21:13

Tea Bone: Feb 18, 2011; I'm going for gasps.

Khazar-khum posted:

Classmate

So what? Like 3 pens, a snack, a print out relevant to the class he's in and a macbook charger? Aren't these all completely normal things to carry in a book bag?

# ¿ May 10, 2016 10:35

Tea Bone: Feb 18, 2011; I'm going for gasps.

Trebek posted:

I've never played Smash Bros but I'm assuming the "One Million Matches" is just that? Is that even possible?

Also the saddest thing about this is the writer has clearly thought about what the most meaningful thing to him is, the loss of which would warrant the level of revenge in his story. And he's come to the conclusion that it's some video game saves.

Tea Bone has a new favorite as of 16:06 on Jul 27, 2017

# ¿ Jul 27, 2017 14:41

Tea Bone: Feb 18, 2011; I'm going for gasps.

Fathis Munk posted:

Do you really get told about the Kristallnacht and atrocities of the Holocaust at 11 yo? I figured you wouldn't go into details on that subject until a bit later?

I was

. Not that it makes this story anymore true though.

quote:

Hitler would have killed me because I've got cerebral Palsy right?

Also, that seems pretty sociopathic making kids put the the Nazi's crimes agains't humanity on a scale. Suggesting that some of them weren't as bad as the others.

# ¿ Jul 28, 2017 13:28

Tea Bone: Feb 18, 2011; I'm going for gasps.

# ¿ Aug 2, 2017 14:49

Tea Bone: Feb 18, 2011; I'm going for gasps.

Trebek posted:

So if someone just randomly walks up and punches your dick you get suspended? Man I'm glad I went to school during a time when you could punch dicks with almost no consequences.

As far as I'm aware the zero tolerance thing schools do now means if you fight back and get suspended right? But let's put that aside and assume some schools punish even an entirely passive victim, that's a gross overlook by the school if the same kid is getting punched in the face/dick every week and they do nothing about it.

# ¿ Aug 2, 2017 15:05

Tea Bone: Feb 18, 2011; I'm going for gasps.

hyperhazard posted:

On my phone, but this link should work. It takes time to get going, from what I remember.

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3496293

I stopped reading after her list of "Gifts I don't want" and "Gifts I do want". It always amazes me how often in these things despite being complete bullshit and the author having free reign over who did what they manage to make themselves look like the arsehole:

Things I don't want posted:

Things you would buy for your mother

Things I do want posted:

Thoughtful gifts

Also I hate that style of STDH "letter" you see so much where the person writing the letter has to spell out things the addressee would clearly already know. It's almost like they're writing the letter for an audience.

# ¿ Feb 9, 2018 17:59

Tea Bone: Feb 18, 2011; I'm going for gasps.

Walton Simons posted:

Is r/atheism cheating?

For someone who is proudly childfree and tells people to "gently caress off when they try to offload their kids":

quote:

Be a �roaring lion� & chase a 4 yer old around a park for 5 minutes

They seem to quite like children.

Also if this really happened in England as they claim, police firearm incidents are such a rare thing that you wouldn't just be casually watching from the window and use it as an opportunity to own someone for believing in god.

# ¿ Feb 25, 2021 10:26

Tea Bone: Feb 18, 2011; I'm going for gasps.

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

The aunt bit isn't that weird. People definitely call their cousins' kids their nieces and nephews even if it's not the exact term for it, especially if they're close.

Telemaze posted:

Oh, interesting. I've never heard of that before.

Even still, I'd feel pretty weird about pulling the "But I'm his aunt!!!" thing on a cousin whose kid I've never met before though.

This is exactly it. I call my cousins daughter my niece but my cousin was more like a sister to me growing up. But right in the first line of their story, they clarify that they're not close at all to their cousin.

Not that it matters. Mis-labeling a "First cousin once removed" is hardly the smoking gun here.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2021 10:06

Tea Bone: Feb 18, 2011; I'm going for gasps.

Jurgan posted:

Slytherin mask?

# ¿ Apr 16, 2021 12:08

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# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 21:13

Tea Bone: Feb 18, 2011; I'm going for gasps.

BrigadierSensible posted:

You can buy your normal cloth face masks in all sorts of bullshit gimmicky merch styles. No doubt they sell them in Harry Potter styles to bleed further cash from the nerds.

Paladinus posted:

Of course, thanks guys. Shows how little I leave the house these days that this completely slipped my mind!

I was imagining the idiot prison guard showing up to work wearing a death eater mask.

# ¿ Apr 17, 2021 01:51

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.