Tell Me about Getting a Divorce

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Tell Me about Getting a Divorce

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Skoll: Jul 26, 2013; Oh You'll Love My Toxic Love; Grimey Drawer

BurtLington posted:

https://brorlandi.github.io/StarWarsIntroCreator/#!/KH5ctVMOEDNy_RdXxm0

# ? May 6, 2016 16:24

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 00:27

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

BurtLington posted:

https://brorlandi.github.io/StarWarsIntroCreator/#!/KH5ctVMOEDNy_RdXxm0

I love how it's too fast to read and even then the ~~best~~worst part got ironically cut off.

# ? May 6, 2016 16:32

Ms Boods: Mar 19, 2009; Did you ever wonder where the Romans got bread from? It wasn't from Waitrose!

BurtLington posted:

https://brorlandi.github.io/StarWarsIntroCreator/#!/KH5ctVMOEDNy_RdXxm0

This is is making me giggle like an idiot.

# ? May 6, 2016 16:35

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Also, sorry OP for hijacking the thread as well, good luck and stay safe.

# ? May 6, 2016 16:58

many johnnys: May 17, 2015

BurtLington posted:

https://brorlandi.github.io/StarWarsIntroCreator/#!/KH5ctVMOEDNy_RdXxm0

lol

# ? May 6, 2016 17:02

Nostalgia4Infinity: Feb 27, 2007; 10,000 YEARS WASN'T ENOUGH LURKING

HardDisk posted:

Also, sorry OP for hijacking the thread as well, good luck and stay safe.

OP is going to dump that zero and get herself a hero.

She's going to be okay :cabot:

# ? May 6, 2016 17:19

HappyKitty: Jul 11, 2005

BurtLington posted:

https://brorlandi.github.io/StarWarsIntroCreator/#!/KH5ctVMOEDNy_RdXxm0

Oh poo poo, don't make me do another thing

# ? May 6, 2016 17:57

HappyKitty: Jul 11, 2005

BurtLington posted:

https://brorlandi.github.io/StarWarsIntroCreator/#!/KH5ctVMOEDNy_RdXxm0

baby why you gotta make me hurt you

# ? May 6, 2016 18:23

many johnnys: May 17, 2015

HappyKitty posted:

baby why you gotta make me hurt you

lmao

# ? May 6, 2016 18:24

Turkina_Prime: Oct 26, 2013

HappyKitty posted:

baby why you gotta make me hurt you

# ? May 6, 2016 18:24

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

Ms Boods posted:

My own tuppence: please don't let these people wear you down. I got similar poo poo when my (prescription)-drug addicted, increasingly delusional ex was trying to gaslight me and was physically and mentally abusing me. Even when he made no secret about sleeping around on me by that point, I still had people going, 'Hmmm, maybe it's somehow YOUR fault.'

He was also another winner who insisted that we didn't need any lawyers; he drew up a list of conditions for me to leave which included him graciously giving me $100 a month for a year to 'get back on my feet' (keeping in mine this was a dude who wouldn't let me work while we were married and who had the house and all finances in his own name). I couldn't even get a min wage job in the small town where we lived because everyone knew everyone else, and he was a Respected Citizen who managed to poison the well for me.

Even after I filed for divorce and was going through the hell of him dragging it out (a no-fault divorce that should have been done and dusted in six months dragged on for four years while he tried to bankrupt me by not turning up to court appearances, kept taking out credit cards in my name and letting his girlfriend run them up into $1000s, &c), I had people telling me that I should just ask his forgiveness and get back together with him. Among that group of people was my own mum.

And no, I didn't get all of the property or 'alimony' (I think it's called something else these days) -- I got a modest 'spousal support' each month for 18 months, on which he got a tax break, and I had to pay a fuckton of extra taxes on. I also got a $14,000 Visa card bill because that card was in my name, even though he and his girlfriend rackd up the charges on it. He kept the house and property, and after living in my car briefly, I ended up in a magical ghetto apartment complex for a few years while I hustled to get things on track professionally and financially.

I lost almost a decade dealing with this guy's poo poo from the breakdown of the marriage through to finally getting the divorce papers. BUT in the end, I kept my head down, and I got away. He's still circling the drain back in the US and has his girlfriend of the month stalk me online. I live on another continent now, have a sometimes aggravating but sometimes quite rewarding job, and am married to someone else who is a bit bonkers, but in a way.

You have some rough weather ahead, but get lawyered up, and that will be the start of getting the hell out of a bad situation and into a much better place.

Also, someone needs to do the right thing, and make a complementary dramatic reading of that amazing screed in Quint's manner

I'm sorry that this all happened to you, and I don't mean to make light of it, but I just realized that this is basically the post JanIrvam thinks he made. I can only imagine the specific hell he put his ex through.

# ? May 6, 2016 18:34

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

HappyKitty posted:

baby why you gotta make me hurt you

Nostalgia4Infinity posted:

OP is going to dump that zero and get herself a hero.

She's going to be okay

Yeah!

Here's hoping for the OP.

# ? May 6, 2016 19:05

Railtus: Apr 8, 2011; daz nu bi unseren tagen
selch vreude niemer werden mac
der man ze den ziten pflac

DLAO posted:

Thanks. I reached out to a lawyer so far. We've emailed a few times. I feel so sad about this, but I do enjoy the craziness going on in this thread. It makes me laugh every time someone quotes the first responder.

I was wavering a bit; a few people have told me to maybe slow down my thinking-- this is an illness, a problem. Do I really want to let go of someone who I love and not be there in his time of need... it made me feel really selfish for a hot second... Until he started referring to me as "Bitch" and telling me I deserve to be treated like poo poo because I am a worthless Bitch who treats him like poo poo because I wouldn't roll over and give him sex. Yeah. Felt less bad about that then. Life's too short to be miserable.

First, the guy sounds like an epic jerk, separating him seems like the right thing to do. From what you describe he seems outright abusive, and nobody should feel obligated to absorb abuse.

Second, a drug addiction, while an illness and a problem, is his responsibility to at least take action about. If he was actively seeking treatment, then there would be a case for it. However, if he clearly has no intention of fixing anything, then staying with him would be enabling his destructive behaviour and addictions. Sometimes stepping away is the kindest and most helpful thing you can do.

This is your time of need as much as his.

# ? May 6, 2016 19:49

Imaduck: Apr 16, 2007; the magnetorotational instability turns me on

If he's not seeking help, then you sticking around isn't going to do him any favors. If anything, it'll just make it'll just let him keep thinking that his behavior is okay and he can keep doing what he's doing.

Sever and lawyer up. The most amazing thing after my divorce was realizing just how unhappy I had been and how much of a huge relief it was to be done with it.

# ? May 6, 2016 20:04

green chicken feet: Nov 5, 2015; spray-paint the vegetables
dog food stalls
with the beefcake pantyhose; Grimey Drawer

Bingo. Just because someone has an addiction doesn't mean they become a zombie like those ants whose brains get taken over by a fungus. Some people may be predisposed to addiction, and it may be harder for them to break out of it. But they still have free will. No one should be guilted into devoting her life to someone who makes selfish, destructive decisions.

I'm happy for you, OP, that you've realized that you deserve better.

# ? May 6, 2016 20:11

seacat: Dec 9, 2006

Railtus posted:

First, the guy sounds like an epic jerk, separating him seems like the right thing to do. From what you describe he seems outright abusive, and nobody should feel obligated to absorb abuse.

Second, a drug addiction, while an illness and a problem, is his responsibility to at least take action about. If he was actively seeking treatment, then there would be a case for it. However, if he clearly has no intention of fixing anything, then staying with him would be enabling his destructive behaviour and addictions. Sometimes stepping away is the kindest and most helpful thing you can do.

This is your time of need as much as his.

Yeah, I agree with this here. I think your thread has been epically derailed by some crazy person but from what you describe of his behavior he doesn't want to work with you or address your concerns in any way. I mean even in my periods of black-out alcoholism I never vanished for days at a time, just passed out on the couch, and that wasn't even the cause of my divorce as my ex used to like to party too.

Have you brought any of this up with him (I'm sure you have, just seeing)? What was the reaction ?

# ? May 6, 2016 20:47

Bobbie Wickham: Apr 13, 2008; by Smythe

BurtLington posted:

https://brorlandi.github.io/StarWarsIntroCreator/#!/KH5ctVMOEDNy_RdXxm0

You even kept "fianc�e" as "finance!

Bobbie Wickham fucked around with this message at 00:49 on May 7, 2016

# ? May 7, 2016 00:31

Ytlaya: Nov 13, 2005

Railtus posted:

Second, a drug addiction, while an illness and a problem, is his responsibility to at least take action about. If he was actively seeking treatment, then there would be a case for it. However, if he clearly has no intention of fixing anything, then staying with him would be enabling his destructive behaviour and addictions. Sometimes stepping away is the kindest and most helpful thing you can do.

This is sort of half-true. Even if someone seeks treatment, it isn't necessarily going to work unless the person in question feels like they can succeed with it and has the motivation (which is something they only have limited control over), so I don't think that an addict that isn't currently trying to quit is necessarily a bad person. That being said, as an addict myself I can't even imagine trying to be involved with someone else and, largely due to my experience actually being one, I would never date an addict. I don't think it's really possible for someone to advance other aspects of their life while addicted; it just exacts too much of a heavy toll on you in terms of both physical and mental stress and trauma (note: this doesn't necessarily apply to maintenance therapy, like people on suboxone/methadone).

# ? May 7, 2016 02:30

PigsEye: Jul 30, 2014; Go see the fucking parrots, Kiki.

Ytlaya posted:

This is sort of half-true. Even if someone seeks treatment, it isn't necessarily going to work unless the person in question feels like they can succeed with it and has the motivation (which is something they only have limited control over), so I don't think that an addict that isn't currently trying to quit is necessarily a bad person. That being said, as an addict myself I can't even imagine trying to be involved with someone else and, largely due to my experience actually being one, I would never date an addict. I don't think it's really possible for someone to advance other aspects of their life while addicted; it just exacts too much of a heavy toll on you in terms of both physical and mental stress and trauma (note: this doesn't necessarily apply to maintenance therapy, like people on suboxone/methadone).

This.

It's also incredibly difficult to move on from addiction when the person who's essentially "enabling" you is still around. You don't put the drugs in the dude's hands, you don't pour alcohol down his throat, but your continued presence is sending a kind of tacit acceptance of both modes of behavior. This is not what you're actually doing, mind you. Rather, it is how his booze-soaked brain/meth is likely to interpret it.

I'm just spitballing on that part, but I have reliable sources that tell me this is so (namely, me, currently going through the process of bidding my own alcoholic consumption goodbye), and I've had a while to reflect on it.

For a long time, I was the bullshit, do-nothing spouse. My husband enabled a lot of this in me, and generally suffered the consequences of my use. He wasn't a model husband by any stretch of the imagination, mind, but after a great deal of consideration, it's hard to be mad at him for any of his quirks when my methods of engaging him (whilst on a bender) were considerably worse. But that's just the thing: initially, I was mad at him-- for leaving, for a lot of things-- until I started to get my head on straight.

I'm not sure I would have if he hadn't left, and two years out from that, I'm still struggling to go sober. He made it easy for me to stay where I was, because I could rely on him being there, reminding me that I'm not always a horrible person, and we could keep on keeping on. There's a lot more to that, but this isn't my thread. This is more of an effort to add a counterbalance to what your friends say from someone who's lived it/is in the process of living it.

I should note, also, that it wasn't his fault that him staying kept me running in place, and he's not a bad, or stupid person for having done it. I honestly feel pretty terrible for using his presence as tacit permission to be a horrible human being, because that's really not what he signed up for. He didn't ask to be yelled at, or insulted, or to deal with my poo poo when it came up. In the end, I think he was asking himself when, exactly, all that poo poo and bile would start to turn physical.

I don't think it would have, but it's hard to say. There's a lot of things I've done over the years that past-me would've never dreamed herself capable, but, thanks to him having the strength to get up and go, I don't have to wonder just how far that could've gone.

As for your husband, he'll be mad, he'll be sad, he may cry or yell a lot to your mutual friends, and he will probably try to come up with ways to say that you're failing him as a person by walking away when he needs you. Your strongest defense in this regard is to remind yourself that you did your best, got him back up on his feet when he needed you to, and that you are not - at this point - capable of carrying him any further. The rest, he needs to do on his own, and - unfortunately - you have no way to get him there.

If anything - or, at least, if my experience is any indication - you may be doing him a bigger favor by leaving than by staying. It's a huge wake-up call.

On the flip side, if he sinks even deeper into his random benders, you need to remind yourself that it's not your fault.

One thing I would say, also, is that maybe it wouldn't hurt to talk to AA groups that revolve around the spouses/loved ones of addicts? Maybe not to attend meetings - I don't know if those exist, but I'd imagine they do? - but at least to get a list of resources for yourself, and, if you really want to go above and beyond when it comes to leaving with a clear conscience, resources for him, as well.

I don't know if any of this helps to hear, but it seems like it's part of what you're wrestling with, at those occasional times you forget that he calls you a bitch when you refuse him sex.

# ? May 7, 2016 03:44

ExtraFox: May 22, 2003; ~all of these candy~

BurtLington posted:

https://brorlandi.github.io/StarWarsIntroCreator/#!/KH5ctVMOEDNy_RdXxm0

where the hell was this during the BlueStory saga

# ? May 7, 2016 04:22

DLAO: Dec 20, 2004

seacat posted:

Have you brought any of this up with him (I'm sure you have, just seeing)? What was the reaction ?

Sadly, yes. He avoids it. I told him I was still upset from the last time and he said 'Good' and rolled over and took a nap. When I'very tried to bring it up he usually just says 'shut up' or 'just stop'. I waited and asked if he wanted to talk and he said 'no'. Right now he's mostly trying to pretend everything is fine.

I don't think we'd be at this point if he'd at least communicate with me. Pretending something isn't broken and not bothering to fix it doesn't work for me though. It just means we're sitting in a hot broken down car on the side of the road going no where.

# ? May 7, 2016 14:03

DLAO: Dec 20, 2004

Ms Boods posted:

My own tuppence: please don't let these people wear you down. I got similar poo poo when my (prescription)-drug addicted, increasingly delusional ex was trying to gaslight me and was physically and mentally abusing me. Even when he made no secret about sleeping around on me by that point, I still had people going, 'Hmmm, maybe it's somehow YOUR fault.'

He was also another winner who insisted that we didn't need any lawyers; he drew up a list of conditions for me to leave which included him graciously giving me $100 a month for a year to 'get back on my feet' (keeping in mine this was a dude who wouldn't let me work while we were married and who had the house and all finances in his own name). I couldn't even get a min wage job in the small town where we lived because everyone knew everyone else, and he was a Respected Citizen who managed to poison the well for me.

Even after I filed for divorce and was going through the hell of him dragging it out (a no-fault divorce that should have been done and dusted in six months dragged on for four years while he tried to bankrupt me by not turning up to court appearances, kept taking out credit cards in my name and letting his girlfriend run them up into $1000s, &c), I had people telling me that I should just ask his forgiveness and get back together with him. Among that group of people was my own mum.

And no, I didn't get all of the property or 'alimony' (I think it's called something else these days) -- I got a modest 'spousal support' each month for 18 months, on which he got a tax break, and I had to pay a fuckton of extra taxes on. I also got a $14,000 Visa card bill because that card was in my name, even though he and his girlfriend rackd up the charges on it. He kept the house and property, and after living in my car briefly, I ended up in a magical ghetto apartment complex for a few years while I hustled to get things on track professionally and financially.

I lost almost a decade dealing with this guy's poo poo from the breakdown of the marriage through to finally getting the divorce papers. BUT in the end, I kept my head down, and I got away. He's still circling the drain back in the US and has his girlfriend of the month stalk me online. I live on another continent now, have a sometimes aggravating but sometimes quite rewarding job, and am married to someone else who is a bit bonkers, but in a way.

You have some rough weather ahead, but get lawyered up, and that will be the start of getting the hell out of a bad situation and into a much better place.

Also, someone needs to do the right thing, and make a complementary dramatic reading of that amazing screed in Quint's manner

Ms Bonds First off, thank you for sharing your own personal story. That meant a lot to me. Secondly, I am sorry that your ex was an epic douchebag and let's his flavor of the month do that and that they garnered that much debt in identity fraud. There's no way to press charges against him?

I am glad you are happy now and in a better place. But I feel as fellow goods we should bond together and go throw eggs at his house or something.

It's going to be a long road for sure...

# ? May 7, 2016 14:14

Ms Boods: Mar 19, 2009; Did you ever wonder where the Romans got bread from? It wasn't from Waitrose!

DLAO posted:

Ms Bonds First off, thank you for sharing your own personal story. That meant a lot to me. Secondly, I am sorry that your ex was an epic douchebag and let's his flavor of the month do that and that they garnered that much debt in identity fraud. There's no way to press charges against him?

I am glad you are happy now and in a better place. But I feel as fellow goods we should bond together and go throw eggs at his house or something.

It's going to be a long road for sure...

Cheers! No worries about me at present -- this was (happily) quite a long time ago now; I had an excellent lawyer who helped for me to get back on my feet. Not in the way that nut on the first page described, but my lawyer made sure that none of the CC debt after that $14K one affected me, and I curb stomped the $14K debt long ago.

And living well really is the best revenge. :black101:

A colleague looked up my ex's Rate My Professor back when that was still a thing, and you can see where he was coming unglued and all of his shite was getting him into trouble. His good-guy facade also finally crumbled at his workplace, as well.

Dude was also into the whole stolen valour thing & tried to get people to admire how bravely he was coping with his Marine Past (of course he made up some phoney baloney 'special services' branch). My lawyer, who was a real-life ex Navy guy (some flavour of officer) pounced on this in court and demanded that I receive half of my ex's military pension :v:

My point is, you've got some good supporters on your side in this thread, and here's wishing you good luck that you have some good support in real life, too -- it's very difficult, I know, we know, to see some of the stuff clearly going on around you cos you're in the middle of it at the moment. There's some sound advice above about the difficulties of living with an addict, &c., and the kinds of stuff that might get said to you.

Stay frosty, and take the good advice in this thread. Eventually, you'll be out of it, and on you way to rebuilding a good life for yourself. I know all of that sounds cliched, but if you're determined, you'll get there. :sun:

# ? May 7, 2016 14:32

DLAO: Dec 20, 2004

PigsEye posted:

One thing I would say, also, is that maybe it wouldn't hurt to talk to AA groups that revolve around the spouses/loved ones of addicts? Maybe not to attend meetings - I don't know if those exist, but I'd imagine they do? - but at least to get a list of resources for yourself, and, if you really want to go above and beyond when it comes to leaving with a clear conscience, resources for him, as well.

I don't know if any of this helps to hear, but it seems like it's part of what you're wrestling with, at those occasional times you forget that he calls you a bitch when you refuse him sex.

You post does help. A few people have suggested I go to some of those meetings and I am considering it. I know what I need to do, I'm just taking everything slowly. Why? Because this sounds like the process is not going to get any faster and there are so many things to think about.

He wasn't like all this in the beginning. He was very sweet. Throughout the years he is still sweet sometimes. But that is far and few in between. There is somewhat of a pattern to the behaviour. At least I know the first two days when he comes back he usually can't sleep and gets up constantly (if he's pretending to sleep) or can stay doing the same thing for hours (Playing the same video game for 12 hours) and he barely eats. The third and fourth days he's angry and can get violent. Usually things end up broken because they 'weren't working right anyways'.

It's a beautiful, beautiful world.

# ? May 7, 2016 14:32

TotalLossBrain: Oct 20, 2010; Hier graben!

DLAO posted:

You post does help. A few people have suggested I go to some of those meetings and I am considering it. I know what I need to do, I'm just taking everything slowly. Why? Because this sounds like the process is not going to get any faster and there are so many things to think about.

He wasn't like all this in the beginning. He was very sweet. Throughout the years he is still sweet sometimes. But that is far and few in between. There is somewhat of a pattern to the behaviour. At least I know the first two days when he comes back he usually can't sleep and gets up constantly (if he's pretending to sleep) or can stay doing the same thing for hours (Playing the same video game for 12 hours) and he barely eats. The third and fourth days he's angry and can get violent. Usually things end up broken because they 'weren't working right anyways'.

It's a beautiful, beautiful world.

That sounds like meth/speed in pretty big doses.

# ? May 7, 2016 21:30

Namarrgon: Dec 23, 2008; Congratulations on not getting fit in 2011!

All (most) lovely partners start sweet. That's why they became partners in the first place.

# ? May 8, 2016 11:29

Take the plunge! Okay!: Feb 24, 2007

Hey, I thought I was the last Don Vito standing

# ? May 8, 2016 14:57

Thin Privilege: Jul 8, 2009; IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT; Gravy Boat 2k

ExtraFox posted:

where the hell was this during the BlueStory saga

Holy poo poo yes.

OP I'm sorry about your situation, I think talking to a lawyer is the best idea.

Not related: Thanks to the dramatic readings/videos, I've been laughing like an idiot.

# ? May 8, 2016 16:55

seacat: Dec 9, 2006

DLAO posted:

Sadly, yes. He avoids it. I told him I was still upset from the last time and he said 'Good' and rolled over and took a nap. When I'very tried to bring it up he usually just says 'shut up' or 'just stop'. I waited and asked if he wanted to talk and he said 'no'. Right now he's mostly trying to pretend everything is fine.

I don't think we'd be at this point if he'd at least communicate with me. Pretending something isn't broken and not bothering to fix it doesn't work for me though. It just means we're sitting in a hot broken down car on the side of the road going no where.

Hey, sorry to say but this is classic addict avoidance behavior. I know it's painful to hear but you'd probably be doing you both a favor by at least splitting up. It doesn't have to be a full on divorce yet but you have to let him know you are serious. Definitely first step is to get an attorney as you are the responsible one in the household and you want your assets to be protected; unfortunately nobody on SA, even the lawyers, can you advice on that. . What you've described as others have pointed out is most likely speed (meth, adderall, whatever) related and that is serious, serious (felony level) stuff -- I'm lucky I caught a few misdemeanors because alcohol is legal. Are you willing to go visit him in prison when he eventually gets busted? That sort of stuff doesnt' tend to come up until it's too late

.

My divorce as a then-full blown alcoholic, now recovering, wasn't actually about my addiction but financial and lack of planning for children issues. My ex-wife is a wonderful person, she just really liked to party and was sort of an enabler. You mentioned you don't drink, use drugs, and otherwise are responsible person. It's clear that you still have feelings for the dude otherwise you wouldn't be asking for advice. My advice given the information you've posted would be a trial separation guided completely by a family law attorney. Divorces happen. It sucks rear end, and it's probably the most painful thing you'll go through, but it goes away and you go on with your life.

# ? May 8, 2016 20:52

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

DLAO posted:

You post does help. A few people have suggested I go to some of those meetings and I am considering it. I know what I need to do, I'm just taking everything slowly. Why? Because this sounds like the process is not going to get any faster and there are so many things to think about.

He wasn't like all this in the beginning. He was very sweet. Throughout the years he is still sweet sometimes. But that is far and few in between. There is somewhat of a pattern to the behaviour. At least I know the first two days when he comes back he usually can't sleep and gets up constantly (if he's pretending to sleep) or can stay doing the same thing for hours (Playing the same video game for 12 hours) and he barely eats. The third and fourth days he's angry and can get violent. Usually things end up broken because they 'weren't working right anyways'.

It's a beautiful, beautiful world.

Sounds to me that he's taking meth or some other stimulant. I have a brother who had this kind of behavior when he would go on binges. Is he actively trying to break the habit of his addiction or is he not admitting to it?

As bad as it sounds, sometimes you have to separate from an addict even though you love them. They're not the same person when they're on drug and nothing you do can make them change unless they want to. At a certain point, all you're doing is enabling them.

If/when you leave or divorce him, he's probably going to try blaming you for his condition and for not sticking by him. That's just his selfishness talking and his refusal to admit that his problem is caused by himself. It's not your fault and you shouldn't feel guilty for trying to better your own life by leaving him.

# ? May 9, 2016 14:22

Twerkteam Pizza: Sep 26, 2015; Grimey Drawer

OP get a lawyer and take solace in the fact that you had one of your threads is potentially goldmined

# ? May 9, 2016 23:21

om nom nom: Jul 23, 2011; om nom nom nom nom nom nom; Grimey Drawer

JanIrvam posted:

Do you have kids? If you have kids, divorce should be the most painful thing imaginable. At least it was for me. Though most people I have met that have divorced with children really don't know or give a gently caress what it does to kids because, well, most people are psychopathic, and chances are, you are too. However, if you do have kids, it's a different matter than if you don't.

You will destroy him in every way because you are female and family courts hate males. Chances are, your favorite position is in the missionary position and you've never once thought of someone else during sex. Chances are, he has. Therefore, you will win. The thing about having an ex is that there is someone out there who you loved with all your heart. Who you told every secret to. Who knows every weakness you have. Who hates you. As insinuated by my previous sexual statement, though, and along with the things you have said, it's quite likely that you have never had a dirty thought. You've never stole a bubble gum in your life. You don't swear. You don't like it up the butt. Yet he, more than likely, has many failings, drugs, affairs, kinks, embarrassing moments, enemies, etc. Therefore, when you divorce, you will destroy him. You'll be telling his mom about that time he asked you to go to a swinger club. You'll tell his boss he is a porn addict. You'll tell his future finance he's secretly gay. I'd say you'd have sex with all his friends, who'd bang you in a heartbeat, while none of your friends would touch him with a ten foot pole, however, you'd never do anything like that because you are goody two shoes.

If you do have kids, Uncle Sam will make him pay you to take them away from him. It won't matter if you cheat on him and told his kids to call another man daddy or anything. Uncle Sam is absolutely convinced that every father should pay their ex to take his kids away and give them to some other rear end in a top hat, even if you do that before the divorce.

For a modern woman, divorce is the best damned government program there ever was. If you have sisters or daughters, you should recommend they start planning for divorce early. The best path is to marry someone mildly successful, have a bunch of kids with him, gently caress his boss, then divorce in order to have the (ex) husband pay them to give his kids to his boss, who will fire him. Any proper divorce plan should involve the wife not getting a job or contributing anything meaningful to the marriage. The more the husband takes care of her during the marriage, the more alimony he will owe her while she is living with his boss who fired him who she started loving while they are married. Now in your case, though, even though you took care of him more than he took care of you, you won't have to give him any alimony. Family courts hate men. If you're a woman, you get more the more you were taken care of. but if you're a man you will only get share in accordance with what you should be able to produce. So if you did nothing for him during the marriage you'd be a poor housewife who he needs to take care of forever. But if he did nothing for you and you took care of him, the court will just say he is capable of earning millions and if he hasn't it's because he is a loser. Basically, you won't have to give him poo poo.

Now if you have sons and brothers, just slice off their genitilia and give them a brochure to a monastery. It's the only way to survive. Marriage is death. Your husband is about to find that out. He'll be owing you money for the rest of his life and give you everything he ever had even though you make more money than he does and are more successful than he is.

Anyway, you've decided you don't like him anymore. You are going to divorce. You are about to go through a wonderful journey in which you are about to find out that you are an omnipotent goddess. Your husband's soul is going to be ripped out of his body and poo poo on. He'll probably commit suicide, frankly. Don't believe his threats. They are a product of him actually believing that he is a human being and actually has some sort of hope for his future. However, he is only a male. Not a human. North American Grey Wolves have a higher status in the eyes of the law than he does. Deep down inside he may suspect the fact that his life is about to be over in any meaningful sense, and his threats are a deluded result of his belief that he has options and hope. The universe itself is designed to protect you from him. You, however, are free to abuse him in every way imaginable and nobody will give a poo poo.

Isn't SA for games and stuff? I am trying to figure these forums out.

I read this quote in the funny forum quotes thread in pyf and I'm so glad that I found the thread.

I have no further advice, I feel like everything has been covered, and also can in no way relate to the situation. Good luck OP, I hope your life sees significant improvement.

# ? May 10, 2016 04:03

Cerebral Mayhem: Jul 18, 2000; Very useful on the planet Delphon, where they communicate with their eyebrows

Don't be intimidated by his threats to take everything you've got. He's full of poo poo. How much he can get depends greatly on what state you live in, whether it's a Community Property state or an Equitable Distribution state. In Community Property states, the marital assets are split 50/50. In Equitable Distribution the assets are split fairly, but not necessarily equally. If what you've told us is true, he has the most to lose, not you. Generally, your separate property which you owned before the marriage, you get to keep. Everything you or he bought during the marriage is marital property, which has to be divided. Expect to itemize every little thing.

The fact that your marriage of short duration plus the fact that you have no kids, is a great thing. He might well make an argument for spousal support (alimony) based on the fact that you make more than him. Still, short duration + no kids means a good chance a judge will just laugh at him. You still might need to pay support for a SHORT time.

Since you bought a house together, that will be the biggest marital asset that will need to be divided. If you keep the house, expect to pay him for half. Again, this depends on the state you live in.

YOU WILL NEED TO LAWYER UP. NOW. Sounds like he's going to do everything to drag his feet and slug up the process. Be patient, stay the course. IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT IN THE END. You will be so happy in a year or so from now.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Community_property

# ? May 10, 2016 20:46

BiggerBoat: Sep 26, 2007; Don't you tell me my business again.

Forgive me if this has been answered already but I just had my mediation today and they're making me take a "parenting course". I can do it online. My lawyer said it takes like 4 hours. What does it entail? Is there a test? How do I prove I did it? I assume they email you something. There's very little info about on Google.

# ? May 10, 2016 22:03

Veskit: Mar 2, 2005; I love capitalism!! DM me for the best investing advice!

I love the two threads happening in this one thread

# ? May 12, 2016 23:35

Thin Privilege: Jul 8, 2009; IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT; Gravy Boat 2k

I don't have any content but I have been having a really bad day, then I clicked on AT and remembered the weirdo's posts/goon's reading/Star Wars and I feel better now. So OP you have indirectly made one person's life better today. :glomp:

# ? May 13, 2016 00:13

Up Circle: Apr 3, 2008

JanIrvam posted:

Wow.

A question is asked. There are nine replies. There was mine, which was what it was. Call it angry, strange, stupid, whatever you want. What shocks me is that the other 8 replies were.............absolutely loving nothing. A four word reply. A one sentence reply mentioning autism, obviously not directed at the OP, but at me. A one word reply, "wow." A picture with the word, "OK" on it. Two emotes. A picture of Donald Trump.

Jesus what has happened to humanity? Is English no longer welcome on a written forum? Are thoughts unwelcome? A monkey could have generated better replies. SA is worse than the Reddit. Far worse. Seriously, the OP asks a question. Might as well had a bark, a howl, a whimper, a yip, and a growl for responses.

I wasted $10.

something awful is amazing

# ? May 16, 2016 09:35

Degs: Mar 2, 2014

Up Circle posted:

something awful is amazing

Came to read the foreign service thread, find this, complete with spergy eve posts, dramatic reading and star wars scroll text.

This is a good morning, thanks goons.

# ? May 16, 2016 13:09

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

JanIrvam posted:

Do you have kids? If you have kids, divorce should be the most painful thing imaginable. At least it was for me. Though most people I have met that have divorced with children really don't know or give a gently caress what it does to kids because, well, most people are psychopathic, and chances are, you are too. However, if you do have kids, it's a different matter than if you don't.

You will destroy him in every way because you are female and family courts hate males. Chances are, your favorite position is in the missionary position and you've never once thought of someone else during sex. Chances are, he has. Therefore, you will win. The thing about having an ex is that there is someone out there who you loved with all your heart. Who you told every secret to. Who knows every weakness you have. Who hates you. As insinuated by my previous sexual statement, though, and along with the things you have said, it's quite likely that you have never had a dirty thought. You've never stole a bubble gum in your life. You don't swear. You don't like it up the butt. Yet he, more than likely, has many failings, drugs, affairs, kinks, embarrassing moments, enemies, etc. Therefore, when you divorce, you will destroy him. You'll be telling his mom about that time he asked you to go to a swinger club. You'll tell his boss he is a porn addict. You'll tell his future finance he's secretly gay. I'd say you'd have sex with all his friends, who'd bang you in a heartbeat, while none of your friends would touch him with a ten foot pole, however, you'd never do anything like that because you are goody two shoes.

If you do have kids, Uncle Sam will make him pay you to take them away from him. It won't matter if you cheat on him and told his kids to call another man daddy or anything. Uncle Sam is absolutely convinced that every father should pay their ex to take his kids away and give them to some other rear end in a top hat, even if you do that before the divorce.

For a modern woman, divorce is the best damned government program there ever was. If you have sisters or daughters, you should recommend they start planning for divorce early. The best path is to marry someone mildly successful, have a bunch of kids with him, gently caress his boss, then divorce in order to have the (ex) husband pay them to give his kids to his boss, who will fire him. Any proper divorce plan should involve the wife not getting a job or contributing anything meaningful to the marriage. The more the husband takes care of her during the marriage, the more alimony he will owe her while she is living with his boss who fired him who she started loving while they are married. Now in your case, though, even though you took care of him more than he took care of you, you won't have to give him any alimony. Family courts hate men. If you're a woman, you get more the more you were taken care of. but if you're a man you will only get share in accordance with what you should be able to produce. So if you did nothing for him during the marriage you'd be a poor housewife who he needs to take care of forever. But if he did nothing for you and you took care of him, the court will just say he is capable of earning millions and if he hasn't it's because he is a loser. Basically, you won't have to give him poo poo.

Now if you have sons and brothers, just slice off their genitilia and give them a brochure to a monastery. It's the only way to survive. Marriage is death. Your husband is about to find that out. He'll be owing you money for the rest of his life and give you everything he ever had even though you make more money than he does and are more successful than he is.

Anyway, you've decided you don't like him anymore. You are going to divorce. You are about to go through a wonderful journey in which you are about to find out that you are an omnipotent goddess. Your husband's soul is going to be ripped out of his body and poo poo on. He'll probably commit suicide, frankly. Don't believe his threats. They are a product of him actually believing that he is a human being and actually has some sort of hope for his future. However, he is only a male. Not a human. North American Grey Wolves have a higher status in the eyes of the law than he does. Deep down inside he may suspect the fact that his life is about to be over in any meaningful sense, and his threats are a deluded result of his belief that he has options and hope. The universe itself is designed to protect you from him. You, however, are free to abuse him in every way imaginable and nobody will give a poo poo.

Isn't SA for games and stuff? I am trying to figure these forums out.

I think you're projecting just a wee bit

e: wait you're the guy that melted down in QCS about deleting your account, guess this was why, lmbo

bradzilla fucked around with this message at 20:36 on May 18, 2016

# ? May 18, 2016 20:34

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 00:27

Mortabis: Jul 8, 2010; I am stupid

What a work of art. I want to get that printed on one of those japanese body pillow things. 5

# ? May 19, 2016 03:48

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Tell Me about Getting a Divorce

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