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R.D. Mangles
Jan 10, 2004





http://m.mlb.com/news/article/176830856/bartolo-colon-hits-first-home-run-of-career

Bartolo Colon continued his career of being a 900-pound octogenerian who does incredible baseball poo poo all of the time by smacking his first goddamn dinger at the age of 42. He hit it against "Big Game" James Shields, whose most recent Big Game was the one when he served up a loving meatball to Bartolo Colon and then watched him gradually circle the bases while the population of the Earth celebrated.
https://twitter.com/InMetsWeTrust/status/729139293696954371

Colon went 6 2/3 innings, gave up three runs, picked up the win, and caused a minor earthquake.

Please post about Colon hitting a dinger in this thread, for talking about Colon's ding dong johnson and other Feats of Colon.

R.D. Mangles fucked around with this message at 07:20 on May 8, 2016

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Petanque
Apr 14, 2008

Ca va bien aller

Despite his power at plate, Colon has never gotten to first on a base on balls. This remains the only accomplishment left for Bartolo to achieve. Considering his approach at the plate, however, we may have to wait a long time to see him finally take a walk to first.

Crazy Ted
Jul 29, 2003



Bat, ball, and Colon's pre-game meal should be enshrined in the Hall of Fame imo

seiferguy
Jun 9, 2005

FLAWED
INTUITION





Toilet Rascal

https://twitter.com/Stan_Kankels/status/729116430021607425?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Ammat The Ankh
Sep 7, 2010

Who'd have thought Hell would be this boring?



This is the first time I've heard a Spanish broadcast less excited than its English counterpart.

Julio Cruz
May 19, 2006


Yeah, Gary Cohen's usually really good with calls anyway, but this time he's literally screaming by the time the ball lands.

e: Plawecki talking to reporters after the game: "I was so excited I nearly missed third base."

Stiev Awt
Mar 20, 2007


I AM TURGID

Infidel Castro
Jun 8, 2010

Again and again
Your face reminds me of a bleak future
Despite the absence of hope
I give you this sacrifice






Colón continues to inspire a generation of middle aged men who spend thousands of dollars on MLB fantasy camps to keep chasing the dream.

Human Grand Prix
Jan 24, 2013

by FactsAreUseless


Congratulations Bartolo Colon.

Xenophon
Jun 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless


Grimey Drawer

Some favorites:







bless this man

beejay
Apr 7, 2002



Xenophon posted:



bless this man

I don't think if I've ever seen a pitcher do this, let alone be successful, that's amazing.

edit: and let alone being an old fat man

Seizure Meat
Jul 23, 2008

by Smythe


I don't know what it is about fat guys and NY baseball, but they always rule

e- except CC gently caress CC that loving slug

Tony Phillips
Feb 9, 2006


Lets just update a classic.

porkface
Dec 28, 2000



As the last living argument against the DH (on purely entertainment grounds), I look forward to Bartolo "Gordie Howe" Colon serving as a DH well into his 50s.

* please do not take this ridiculous post add an opportunity to discuss the DH. This is Bartolo's thread.

Sydin
Oct 29, 2011

Another rainy day commute




beejay posted:

I don't think if I've ever seen a pitcher do this, let alone be successful, that's amazing.

edit: and let alone being an old fat man

It worked because he's an old fat man. Guy on the basepath was so loving stunned Batolo charged him with the tag he froze like a deer in the headlights.

Ostentatious
Sep 29, 2010



I love Bartolo Colon

shadok
Dec 12, 2004

You tried to destroy it once before, Commodore.
The result was a wrecked ship and a dead crew.

Fun Shoe

Ostentatious posted:

I love Bartolo Colon

:agreed:

General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend

This is up there with Benji Molina hitting for the cycle

Eric the Mauve
May 8, 2012

Making you happy for a buck since 199X


Thanks to Bartolo's home run trot the Kentucky Derby wasn't even the most exciting two minutes in sports yesterday

Kevlar v2.0
Dec 25, 2003

ホームラン!


I'm here to post more Bartolo gifs





Infidel Castro
Jun 8, 2010

Again and again
Your face reminds me of a bleak future
Despite the absence of hope
I give you this sacrifice






Eric the Mauve posted:

Thanks to Bartolo's home run trot the Kentucky Derby wasn't even the most exciting two minutes in sports yesterday

Yesterday a majestic being lapped its way into history and our hearts. Also, Nyquist won the Derby.

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007




Bartolo is a goddamn treasure :allears:

Beautiful Ninja
Mar 25, 2009

Five time FCW Champion...of my heart.


There are times in your life when you're reminded about the beauty in the world. Seeing a cherry blossom tree bloom. A beautiful sunset to cap off a perfect day. And of course, there's Bartolo Colon with the most majestic home run you'll ever see a man hit.

porkface
Dec 28, 2000



https://twitter.com/Cut4/status/729489021626286080

Julio Cruz
May 19, 2006


I can't find anywhere a Statcast version of the double he hit against the Marlins, which is a shame because I want to know how much longer it took him to reach second than it would have taken Harper to reach home.

BasicFunk
Feb 26, 2011

How's your Funkentelechy?


Sydin posted:

It worked because he's an old fat man. Guy on the basepath was so loving stunned Batolo charged him with the tag he froze like a deer in the headlights.

Also, the guy he was chasing is a 39 year-old catcher.

Crazy Ted
Jul 29, 2003



BasicFunk posted:

Also, the guy he was chasing is a 39 year-old catcher.
Even so, he was probably legit stunned that Bartolo Colon could...you know...run.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Crazy Ted posted:

Even so, he was probably legit stunned that Bartolo Colon could...you know...run.
Colon was running downhill off the mound, and that train have no brakes.

howe_sam
Mar 7, 2013

Creepy little garbage eaters



BasicFunk posted:

Also, the guy he was chasing is a 39 year-old catcher.

I've always figured Pierzynski knew he was picked off and just stood there for maximum comedy.

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007




howe_sam posted:

I've always figured Pierzynski knew he was picked off and just stood there for maximum comedy.

Isn't he also the one who's been trying to frame pitches that go into the dirt?

E: He is! :toot:

chilihead
Nov 5, 2010

Is this real life, or is this fantasy?

Pitchers gonna wing, wing, wing, wing wing.
Batters gonna swing, swing, swing, swing swing.
Bartolo's gonna ding,ding,ding,ding,ding.

Harpers's gonna take a walk, TAKE A WALK!

Tony Phillips
Feb 9, 2006


DJExile posted:

Isn't he also the one who's been trying to frame pitches that go into the dirt?

E: He is! :toot:

Whoa. Had no idea Aardsma was playing as recently as last year.

tinstaach
Aug 3, 2010

MAGNetic AttITUDE




https://twitter.com/StratOMatic/status/729745806325100544

porkface
Dec 28, 2000



Here's that play from the runner's perspective

porkface fucked around with this message at 20:59 on May 9, 2016

porkface
Dec 28, 2000



Barolo inspires other pitchers to attack the baseball
http://espn.go.com/mlb/story/_/id/15519525/new-york-mets-pitcher-noah-syndergaard-two-homer-night-result-bartolo-inspiring-a-better-man

shadok
Dec 12, 2004

You tried to destroy it once before, Commodore.
The result was a wrecked ship and a dead crew.

Fun Shoe

This happened today against the Marlins.

6-year plan man
Sep 1, 2007
working hardly, or hardly working?

shadok posted:

This happened today against the Marlins.



I don't think this actually happened, 108 mph is ridiculous in itself no way colon connected with that.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


6-year plan man posted:

I don't think this actually happened, 108 mph is ridiculous in itself no way colon connected with that.

I think it means that Bartolo hit a ball that hard.

Chokes McGee
Aug 7, 2008

This is Urotsuki.


A fat guy in his 40s is more athletic than I have been or ever will be at any point in my life jfc

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Kevlar v2.0
Dec 25, 2003

ホームラン!


Chokes McGee posted:

A fat guy in his 40s is more athletic than I have been or ever will be at any point in my life jfc

Even the 350+ pound linemen in the NFL combine run a faster 40 than Rich Eisen. Pro athletes are crazy.

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