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Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Look at this big gay space-pimp:






Goddamn.
TNG really dropped the ball when they cut down on the camp.

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Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

oh but seriously I posted:

Did you even see Q?

I'll give you that, but he was only in like 10-12 episodes of new Trek

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

somehow i never quite realized just how gigantically large his belt buckle is :wth:

That's how the handkerchief code works in the future.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Who's the Trek version of an IPA then?

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Just watched Enterprise "Cogenitor" and what a dogshit episode that was.

"This person has just had their first taste of freedom, but we have to send them back into slavery. Oh, they killed themself? That's your fault for teaching them to read."

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Tighclops posted:

post 9/11 trauma.

Oh, poo poo. I hadn't even noticed. The whole xindi-arc tracks pretty 1:1. Except the scary outsiders attacked Florida for some reason :laugh:

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

TOS: Wolf in the fold.

Jack the Ripper was a space-ghost, lmao.

e: come to think of it, TOS loved a good ethereal fog-monster. What was that about?

Pondex fucked around with this message at 13:32 on Mar 5, 2021

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Voyager or Enterprise? If you had to pick one.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Zedd posted:

Do you want TNG-lite that is often frustrating close to being good, or SPACE MURCA for all the problems that implies?

I haven't watched any Voyager yet and not sure I will. Otoh I'm kind of in the weeds with Enterprise s3. That post-9/11 grimness doesn't fit trek Imo

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Neddy Seagoon posted:

Let's talk about Enterprise and Acquisition


The episode opens with four Ferengi strange round-eared aliens not unlike the Ferengi Enterprise-D canonically makes first-contact with excitedly talk in their own language while their ship approaches a seemingly-disabled and drifting Enterprise. Don't worry though, these aren't TNG's serious and supposedly-dangerous Ferengi though; They're well and truly DS9 Ferengi. Played by Clint Howard, Ethan Phillips and Jeffrey Coombs. This episode is dumb as gently caress and it knows it :allears:.

Everyone on Enterprise is out cold and slumped over, while a couple of the Ferengi mysterious aliens go shopping through the ship in gas masks to poke around and see what's to be found in their prize. And be very tantalized by pointy Vulcan ears when they find T'Pol. They disable a device in Engineering that seems to have knocked everyone out before taking off their masks, and raise some eyebrows about Enterprise's air supply if a single device can get through air filters and what should be independently-pressurized sections on a spaceship. Not everyone's out cold though; Trip's sitting in Decon in his underwear and getting real annoyed at how long he's been made to wait. Nobody answers when he gets ornery at the intercom because he's been in there an hour now instead of 20 minutes, so he shorts the doors and slips on out to find everyone's taking very sudden naps.

Medbay's much the same when Trip goes in search of Dr. Phlox, just in time to hide and watch the Ferengi invaders turn up to take everything that's not nailed down. Including two of them carrying about a loving torpedo on a cart in the corridor :stare:. While Trip's hiding, the Ferengi aliens proceed to take anything they perceive might be of value. Clothing, food, Enterprise's brass dedication plate, and of course Porthos. The female crew are also unceremoniously dragged to the cargo bay for a future as slaves, while Archer gets woken up so the Ferengi interlopers can learn where the real prize is; The Ship's Vault! Riches! Jewels! Gold-pressed Latinum! Archer tries to explain they're a ship of exploration and there's no such thing, but the Ferengi attackers aren't having any of it. They've gotta keep their valuables somewhere after all, so hand'em over! And who they are is... unimportant. It's only when they bring up the female crew going to the slave markets that Archer wises up and offers to trade; He'll give them half the gold bars in their Vault if he can have the other half. Archer tries to argue down to 35% for himself, but they've decided they'll go find the vault themselves while Archer gets to load their booty onto their ship under the supervision of Krem. Krem is not a smart cookie.

Archer gets the lowdown on the Ferengi visitors, learning about their profit-driven society and the Rules of Acquisition while loading up their tiny little ship with their spoils, getting an opportunity to speak to Trip and tells him to go find the hypospray they woke Archer with. It's in the launch bay along with the female crewmembers, and Trip's able to wake T'Pol with the sole dose still in it. Just in time for Krem to come bumbling in and fawn over a T'Pol who now has to feign unconsciousness before Archer manages to get him out the door again. It's the three of them against four incompetent Ferengi aliens, and they've already cleaned out the weapon lockers, so the only option is separate them and take them down one-by-one in a series of tactical stealth strikes... hmm? What? *checks notes* Oh right, sorry, this is a comedy episode.

Trip sets up a security look on an innocuous room for later, while T'Pol sews a few seeds of doubt among the group by moving their belongings about to cause an argument. There's no way they'd steal from eachother, at least until T'Pol remotely triggers a scanner in one of their bags to cause a squabble. They never do find the third scanner they're arguing over that T'Pol kept for herself though :allears:. Trip's own efforts unfortunately lead him right into the Ferengi aliens and a dose of a good-old fashioned of an energy whip. Archer's meanwhile trying to convince Krem to turn on his fellow crew so they stop treating him like poo poo, when the others drag in Trip and are real worried others are going to start waking up soon. Trip manages to get across to Archer that there's a plan in play, offering to tell the Ferengi aliens where the Vault is so long as they spare his "wife" Hoshi. Archer and Trip have a fantastic little feigned argument over how many bars of gold Hoshi is supposedly worth to Trip, and I'm annoyed I can't find a clip of it just to show Scott Bacula clearly having a lot of fun the scene. ("Okay; fifteen!" *PUNCH*)

Trip leads them on a long meandering route through the ship that most certainly isn't going in circles to buy time, while T'Pol helps Archer take out Krem and get their hands on a few phase-pistols. Just in time for Trip to finally lead the Ferengi captors to the "vault" behind the sealed door and get them stunned by T'Pol. They revive the crew and supervise the Ferengi aliens unloading their stolen goods back onto Enterprise, along with a threat that if they ever come within a lightyear of Earth or Vulcan they'll regret it.

Wonder if we'll ever see this mysteriously-unnamed capitalistic species again... :thunk:

Loved that they lingered a second on Clint Howard's fancy socks as he's stealing a pair of boots. Apparently some ferengi are dandies.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014


Nah, I would say the typical ferengi is more bougie than dandy.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Greybeard in the back there makes me wonder what character Marc Maron would play on Trek.

e: Also, if you told me that was Paul/Leto Atreides from a canceled 90's miniseries I would believe you

Pondex fucked around with this message at 20:32 on Mar 21, 2021

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

alexandriao posted:

It's not actually star trek, its Paul and Leto from a cancelled Dune miniseries that was going to air in the 90s

Oh poo poo. Truth is really stranger than fiction.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Neddy Seagoon posted:

I've mentioned this myself but it gets pretty loving shameless about getting Jolene Blalock and Linda Park as close to naked as they can get away with on primetime television at any opportunity.

Well they've stripped off their spacesuits while they're on this Klingon ship because the air's breathable, let's have them ditch the undersuit as well and walk around in skintight bodysuits for some gratuitously-close shots of T'Pol and Hoshi together.... :wiggle:.

And of course Shibari Knots of P'jem.

Hoshi alone with the incel telepath and she runs around in her nightgown 90% of the episode

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Neddy Seagoon posted:

Which episode was that? :confused:

s3 Exile

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Just got to ENT: Proving Ground.

Shran is 100% the best character of the show. Short man-syndrome plus he's real tsundere for Archer.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Splicer posted:

Vulcan Isolationists are after the ultimate weapon! A slow, bulky hand phaser that only works on angry people

To be fair, Vulcans were real angry back in the day.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Man, ENT: Harbinger is horny even for Enterprise.

B-plot? How about three people rubbing each other?

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

TNG invented the "while you were partying I studied the blade" meme

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014


That's the stuff

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

The real question is, can you clear the logs after your personal holodeck-time? Or does everyone just know what everyone else's jollies are?

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Man, Hatchery and Cogenitor. It's like Enterprise has to poo poo the bed in the last 10 mins. every time they do a philosophically interesting episode.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Cthulu Carl posted:

Samuel Beckett

Just LMBO at the thought of Klingons sitting down to watch Beckett. Or Vulcans for that matter.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Sound like you could use the weed though. Pulaski is in like 4 episodes. Just skip them if it's that bad.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Applewhite posted:

In my more paranoid moments, I honestly suspect nu-trek is a deliberate attempt to sabotage the good that Trek does.

It's like our neolib/ post-9/11 world order makes everything grim and kind of lovely. Which is reflected in our entertainment. And the two are in an interdependent relationship.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Colonel Cancer posted:

How did startruck never have an uplifted animal as a crew member? Just stick Lassie on the command deck smdh

Well, wasn't there supposed to be dolphins on Enterprise on TNG? Cut for budget reasons iirc.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Neddy Seagoon posted:

Jesus I'd forgotten all about Cogenitor;

Trip, why are you upset at these nice new people we've met having a sex slave? It's not our place to judge their morals, even when we've confirmed "It" is just as capable and intelligent as the rest of their people. Why are you empowering someone treated as property to think and act for themselves? Just because WE eliminated bigotry and slavery on our planet doesn't give us the right to be rude to these people with advanced technology who're willing to share it! Now just overlook this inconvenient part of their culture like the rest of us and reap the benefits!

Oh look Trip; It killed itself because their systemic culture denied their ability to express their rights as anything other than a sex slave and they couldn't deal with being aware of their total oppression. It's your fault for empowering them with the means to try to aspire to be more than the ship's sex slave. Now let that be a lesson to you! :manning:.


Also holy poo poo, it had Andreas Katsulas! :stwoon:.

At least he was kept well away from the rest of the episode's plot.

And someone chose that ending for the episode. They could just as easily have gone: "Slavery, huh? Hadn't thought of it like that. I guess we still have a lot to learn. Anyway, bon voyage Enterprise!"

Their captain even read all of Shakespeare and thought it was cool. Was there really no MLK or Frederick Douglass in Enterprise's computer?

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Was Tom Paris supposed to be like Riker 2.0? Otherwise I don't get what they were trying to do with him. But I'm only 5-6 eps in.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Just watched that ds9 episode where Odo gets stuck with Lwaxana Troi in the elevator. Horniest version of LT so far.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

That virus that changed their apperance between TOS and TNG was probably intended to make their dongs bigger.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

So can you still smoke weed in trek-world or is everyone a square? No booze, but what about other stuff?

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Automatic Slim posted:

The first taste is free, then it will cost you. Try figuring out how to score in post currency society.

That the computer's voice is Lwxana Troi's voice is no accident.

Lol

"This sundae will decrease your chances of getting a man and giving me grandchildren by 0.746%. Proceed?

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Just watched voyager 2:3. Apparently Lt Barclay was in charge of designing the Doctor's interpersonal skills :laugh:

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

IMO he was good when he got to be the wellmeaning dorky jock looking at space-things. He didn't work as the Hard Man making Hard Decisions.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

I gotta say, from reading this thread, Picard sounds pretty f-ing stupid.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

It sounds a bit like it was lifted from a Bond-movie.

What's the pitch for the show, alternate timeline from the og pilot with cap. Pike?

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XL4iCAB6MFo

Did they bring in Joss Whedon to punch up the dialog or something? It's a bit quippy IMO.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

PostNouveau posted:

All the new series are. Discovery less so, but Picard's characters are barely characters so all they have are quips.

I feel like that style of dialog is going to seem real campy one day. The same way the original show is a bit dorky in its earnestness.

Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

Dabir posted:

Real campy would be an improvement because it's loving excruciating right now

Agreed. Blame Gen X for inventing ironic distance.

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Pondex
Jul 8, 2014

They played the federation like a fiddle. The writers could have delved deeper into that.

Also, there was something really unwholesome about the torturer bringing a thermos (cardassian space-thermos) with him to work.

e: not to mention bringing his kid. He was almost sucking up to Picard in a weird way in the end.

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