dam. i just came out to my sister [ik note: please tell lmbo how dang proud u are!!!]

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > dam. i just came out to my sister [ik note: please tell lmbo how dang proud u are!!!]

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Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything�I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.

Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man's man, too�big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.

Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock" entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock."

I've got nothing against homosexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking my cock, then I've got a real problem.

Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my cock!

What is it with these homos? Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay cocks out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?

Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?

It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a man passes me on the street, I'm afraid he's going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. I've even started to visualize these repulsive cock-sucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife�even some that haven't actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can't seem to stop thinking about.

Things could be worse, I suppose. It could be women trying to suck my cock, which would be adultery and would make me feel tremendously guilty. As it is, I'm just angry and sickened. But believe me, that's enough. I don't know what makes these homosexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his cock sucked, and, frankly, I don't want to know. I just wish there were some way to get them to stop.

I've tried all sorts of things to get them to stop, but it has all been to no avail. A few months back, I started wearing an intimidating-looking black leather thong with menacing metal studs in the hopes that it would frighten those faggots off, but it didn't work. In fact, it only seemed to encourage them. Then, I really started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were sucking my cock, but that failed, too. Even pulling out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their face, neck, chest and hair seemed to have no effect. What do I have to do to get the message across to these swishes?

I swear, if these homosexuals don't take a hint and quit sucking my cock all the time, I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures�like maybe pinning them down to the cement floor of the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working my cock all the way up their butt so they understand loud and clear just how much I disapprove of their unwelcome advances. I mean, you can't get much more direct than that.

# ? May 25, 2016 16:15

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 07:48

Smash it Smash hit: prettay, prettay

Bo-Pepper posted:

Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything�I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.

Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man's man, too�big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.

Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock" entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock."

I've got nothing against homosexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking my cock, then I've got a real problem.

Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my cock!

What is it with these homos? Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay cocks out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?

Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?

It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a man passes me on the street, I'm afraid he's going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. I've even started to visualize these repulsive cock-sucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife�even some that haven't actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can't seem to stop thinking about.

Things could be worse, I suppose. It could be women trying to suck my cock, which would be adultery and would make me feel tremendously guilty. As it is, I'm just angry and sickened. But believe me, that's enough. I don't know what makes these homosexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his cock sucked, and, frankly, I don't want to know. I just wish there were some way to get them to stop.

I've tried all sorts of things to get them to stop, but it has all been to no avail. A few months back, I started wearing an intimidating-looking black leather thong with menacing metal studs in the hopes that it would frighten those faggots off, but it didn't work. In fact, it only seemed to encourage them. Then, I really started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were sucking my cock, but that failed, too. Even pulling out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their face, neck, chest and hair seemed to have no effect. What do I have to do to get the message across to these swishes?

I swear, if these homosexuals don't take a hint and quit sucking my cock all the time, I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures�like maybe pinning them down to the cement floor of the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working my cock all the way up their butt so they understand loud and clear just how much I disapprove of their unwelcome advances. I mean, you can't get much more direct than that.

i read the onion too old man

qqqq

# ? May 25, 2016 16:16

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

just because it's a classic doesn't mean it should be ignored CALL YOUR PARENTS

# ? May 25, 2016 16:17

fuck. marry. t-rex

I'm gonna move to New York and intercept these dastardly gays for you Secret-Service bullet-dive style

# ? May 25, 2016 16:18

Smash it Smash hit: prettay, prettay

Bo-Pepper posted:

just because it's a classic doesn't mean it should be ignored CALL YOUR PARENTS

what do i tell them? what do they need to know?

qqqq

# ? May 25, 2016 16:18

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

they need to know that you love them and where you stand on the Kinsey scale

# ? May 25, 2016 16:20

HighwireAct: Pozzo's Hat

Bo-Pepper posted:

Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything�I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.

Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man's man, too�big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.

Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock" entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock."

I've got nothing against homosexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking my cock, then I've got a real problem.

Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my cock!

What is it with these homos? Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay cocks out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?

Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?

It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a man passes me on the street, I'm afraid he's going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. I've even started to visualize these repulsive cock-sucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife�even some that haven't actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can't seem to stop thinking about.

Things could be worse, I suppose. It could be women trying to suck my cock, which would be adultery and would make me feel tremendously guilty. As it is, I'm just angry and sickened. But believe me, that's enough. I don't know what makes these homosexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his cock sucked, and, frankly, I don't want to know. I just wish there were some way to get them to stop.

I've tried all sorts of things to get them to stop, but it has all been to no avail. A few months back, I started wearing an intimidating-looking black leather thong with menacing metal studs in the hopes that it would frighten those faggots off, but it didn't work. In fact, it only seemed to encourage them. Then, I really started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were sucking my cock, but that failed, too. Even pulling out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their face, neck, chest and hair seemed to have no effect. What do I have to do to get the message across to these swishes?

I swear, if these homosexuals don't take a hint and quit sucking my cock all the time, I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures�like maybe pinning them down to the cement floor of the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working my cock all the way up their butt so they understand loud and clear just how much I disapprove of their unwelcome advances. I mean, you can't get much more direct than that.

didn't you ever learn to cite your quotations geez

# ? May 25, 2016 16:20

fuck. marry. t-rex

This onion article is making me thirsty

# ? May 25, 2016 16:20

Robot Made of Meat

gently caress. marry. t-rex posted:

This onion article is making me thirsty

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

# ? May 25, 2016 16:21

Saint Isaias Boner: hi how are you ♥

Bo-Pepper posted:

Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything�I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.

Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man's man, too�big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.

Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock" entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock."

I've got nothing against homosexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking my cock, then I've got a real problem.

Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my cock!

What is it with these homos? Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay cocks out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?

Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?

It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a man passes me on the street, I'm afraid he's going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. I've even started to visualize these repulsive cock-sucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife�even some that haven't actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can't seem to stop thinking about.

Things could be worse, I suppose. It could be women trying to suck my cock, which would be adultery and would make me feel tremendously guilty. As it is, I'm just angry and sickened. But believe me, that's enough. I don't know what makes these homosexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his cock sucked, and, frankly, I don't want to know. I just wish there were some way to get them to stop.

I've tried all sorts of things to get them to stop, but it has all been to no avail. A few months back, I started wearing an intimidating-looking black leather thong with menacing metal studs in the hopes that it would frighten those faggots off, but it didn't work. In fact, it only seemed to encourage them. Then, I really started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were sucking my cock, but that failed, too. Even pulling out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their face, neck, chest and hair seemed to have no effect. What do I have to do to get the message across to these swishes?

I swear, if these homosexuals don't take a hint and quit sucking my cock all the time, I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures�like maybe pinning them down to the cement floor of the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working my cock all the way up their butt so they understand loud and clear just how much I disapprove of their unwelcome advances. I mean, you can't get much more direct than that.

quoting this for the trip down memory lane, thanks old timer

hi how are you ♥

# ? May 25, 2016 16:27

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

i like to check that i am not gay every once in a while. see, when i was growing up, i knew i didn't like broccoli because i tried it and i didn't like it. recently i gave it a shot and turns out, now i like broccoli!

well every few years i have gay sex to verify i am not gay.

paul_soccer12 posted:

everyone in the idf must die

(USER WAS PERMABANNED FOR THIS POST)

# ? May 25, 2016 16:31

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

i think the best frequency for checking is weekly, "am i gay now...? how about now?"

"i wasn't last week, let's see if i am this week"

"i hope this is the week"

paul_soccer12 posted:

everyone in the idf must die

(USER WAS PERMABANNED FOR THIS POST)

# ? May 25, 2016 16:33

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

similar to that every now and again i'll waggle my johnson at a picture of a taut male body to see if anything happens and generally it doesn't

# ? May 25, 2016 16:35

shinmai: CHK Instruction

Bo-Pepper posted:

they need to know that you love them and where you stand on the Kinsey scale

Our scale is called WiThings, not Kinsey, but I stand on either side of it on the little footprint-marks.

# ? May 25, 2016 16:37

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

Bo-Pepper posted:

Even pulling out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their face, neck, chest and hair seemed to have no effect.

unnngg

# ? May 25, 2016 16:43

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

Strawberry Jam posted:

Oh I just noticed the name in my profile is not my aim name

put your correct one sir or message mine

# ? May 25, 2016 16:52

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

after you come out to your mother relay to us what happened through the dying art form of diorama

# ? May 25, 2016 17:08

bare bottom pancakes: Production: Complete

i would prefer a claymation in the style of moral orel.

# ? May 25, 2016 17:28

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

hahahh the moral orel episode where he learned to cum was cool

# ? May 25, 2016 17:32

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

mister magpie posted:

i like to check that i am not gay every once in a while. see, when i was growing up, i knew i didn't like broccoli because i tried it and i didn't like it. recently i gave it a shot and turns out, now i like broccoli!

well every few years i have gay sex to verify i am not gay.

everybody should check if theyre gay!! often!

in fact that is my job btw. theres a database

# ? May 25, 2016 17:36

Scaly Haylie

i'm bi, but given my appreciation for a good cock i like to think i'm as gay as the day is long, particularly because that's a great phrase.

# ? May 25, 2016 18:15

bare bottom pancakes: Production: Complete

so you're gayer in the summer?

# ? May 25, 2016 18:23

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

Lizard Wizard posted:

i'm bi, but given my appreciation for a good cock i like to think i'm as gay as the day is long, particularly because that's a great phrase.

really?

id never have guess'd

DraconicImpulse posted:

so you're gayer in the summer?

everyone is during mating season

# ? May 25, 2016 18:35

fuck. marry. t-rex

DraconicImpulse posted:

so you're gayer in the summer?

Definitely. Everyone is.

# ? May 25, 2016 20:19

fuck. marry. t-rex

In the winter i look stylishly androgynous in my jackets and am relatively gay, in summer I'm wearing a crop top and short shorts, you tell me what's gayer

# ? May 25, 2016 20:21

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0I-790dGx-o

# ? May 25, 2016 20:22

Strawberry Jam

I am less gay in Sumer because I refuse to wear shorts and so I just look like a gross straight dude who can't stop sweating

----------------
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# ? May 25, 2016 20:26

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

Strawberry Jam posted:

I am less gay in Sumer

you'd better be because homosexuality was punishable by death in ancient sumeria

# ? May 25, 2016 20:29

Jolyne Cujoh: It's not like I've got no worries...
But I'll be fine.

I'm gay but also a lady, so I'm about the same level of gay all the time

lol I forgot about the filter

# ? May 25, 2016 20:31

shinmai: CHK Instruction

I think I've usually been the same amount of gay all year round, but I'm trying to gay it up this summer, just a bit

# ? May 25, 2016 20:35

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

Smash it Smash hit posted:

quyick lets hold this guy down and suck him off, what a gay!

# ? May 25, 2016 20:39

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

gently caress. marry. t-rex posted:

In the winter i look stylishly androgynous in my jackets and am relatively gay, in summer I'm wearing a crop top and short shorts, you tell me what's gayer

hahahhaaha

# ? May 25, 2016 20:45

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Strawberry Jam posted:

I am less gay in Sumer because I refuse to wear shorts and so I just look like a gross straight dude who can't stop sweating

same

# ? May 25, 2016 20:50

Strawberry Jam

Bo-Pepper posted:

you'd better be because homosexuality was punishable by death in ancient sumeria

Stone me to death Bob

----------------
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# ? May 25, 2016 21:01

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

Strawberry Jam posted:

I am less gay in Sumer because I refuse to wear shorts and so I just look like a gross straight dude who can't stop sweating

message me you gay boy

# ? May 25, 2016 21:27

Strawberry Jam

lmbo calrissian posted:

message me you gay boy

Shore I get home in like 30 my aim is butteredtoast6 it is an account made in like 98 lol

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? May 25, 2016 21:37

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

Strawberry Jam posted:

Shore I get home in like 30 my aim is butteredtoast6 it is an account made in like 98 lol

dude i used to msg you. i rmember everything it was like 8 years ago. sick you are now a gay monster

# ? May 25, 2016 21:50

Scaly Haylie

please do not joke about the gay monster.

# ? May 25, 2016 22:00

Strawberry Jam

the gay monster lurks witin all

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? May 25, 2016 22:28

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 07:48

bean mom

I don't really identify as gay but at an orgy, I do as is enjoyable.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? May 25, 2016 23:05

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > dam. i just came out to my sister [ik note: please tell lmbo how dang proud u are!!!]

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