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  • Locked thread
Neil Armbong
Jan 16, 2004

If anybody wants to see, there's a Donkey Kong kill screen coming up.
Pillbug

Thermos H Christ posted:

Back on the Strong topic, it occurs to me that this whole Baylor thing will definitely not hurt him when it comes time to decide his fate. Strong has established an image for himself as a guy who is serious about running a clean program, in particular when it comes to criminality. That's going to put that much more pressure on the school to stand by him, and there's already quite a bit. Plus if he has even a marginally better season he's going to be poised to take his recruiting to the next level. His success in recruiting so far has been in no small part because he sells parents on how he's going to mold junior into a fine young man. Parents can exert a lot of influence over these decisions. That's going to become an even bigger selling point in the aftermath of Baylorgeddon, and there's going to be one less competitor for in-state talent if Baylor is in shambles.

I don't think anything saves him if he turns in another losing season, but from where I'm standing it's kinda hard to see him getting fired if he wins 7+ during the regular season. I'm no longer standing by my thoughts about the importance of a bowl win, because the decision will likely be made one way or the other before any bowl game is played.

Hopefully you are right.

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dirty shrimp money
Jan 8, 2001

I think Strong and UT are going to be fine, and that's not just because of Tom Herman being where he is. It takes time to do a complete organization build even at somewhere like UT, even more so given all the booster and top admin chaos. They beat OU last year, they'll make a bowl for sure this year, hell they might take a big leap.

On the other hand, Tyrone Swoopes.

Thermos H Christ
Sep 6, 2007

WINNINGEST BEVO

Korranus posted:

I think Strong and UT are going to be fine, and that's not just because of Tom Herman being where he is. It takes time to do a complete organization build even at somewhere like UT, even more so given all the booster and top admin chaos. They beat OU last year, they'll make a bowl for sure this year, hell they might take a big leap.

On the other hand, Tyrone Swoopes.

If Swoopes is QB1, it will be ugly. I like the guy, and I love seeing him do his 18-wheeler thing, but he cannot be the main guy. It has to be Heard or Buechele. You never want to pin your hopes on a true freshman QB, but Buechele impressed in the spring game for sure. Of course, that's another thing you don't want to pin your hopes on.

R.D. Mangles
Jan 10, 2004


Thermos H Christ posted:

If Swoopes is QB1, it will be ugly. I like the guy, and I love seeing him do his 18-wheeler thing, but he cannot be the main guy. It has to be Heard or Buechele. You never want to pin your hopes on a true freshman QB, but Buechele impressed in the spring game for sure. Of course, that's another thing you don't want to pin your hopes on.

What happened to Heard? I thought he was going to be amazing after that Cal game, but then I guess he got hurt and now he's not the clear guy in spring practice? Dude could throw and is shifty as hell.

Neil Armbong
Jan 16, 2004

If anybody wants to see, there's a Donkey Kong kill screen coming up.
Pillbug

R.D. Mangles posted:

What happened to Heard? I thought he was going to be amazing after that Cal game, but then I guess he got hurt and now he's not the clear guy in spring practice? Dude could throw and is shifty as hell.

I think he got hurt again.

Thermos H Christ
Sep 6, 2007

WINNINGEST BEVO

R.D. Mangles posted:

What happened to Heard? I thought he was going to be amazing after that Cal game, but then I guess he got hurt and now he's not the clear guy in spring practice? Dude could throw and is shifty as hell.

He had some real rough games later on last year, after other teams started seeing tape on him and figuring out his go-to moves. And he could throw a pretty good deep ball but he never seemed to be able to make the quick intermediate throws, which is rough in the offense we're trying to run this year. Of course Swoopes sucks at those too, his signature move is hurling the ball ridiculously hard to someone who is like 8 yards away. Heard's kind of the opposite, he's decent at putting a floaty ball up where his guy can get underneath it downfield, but he has a hard time not throwing a floaty ball on passes that are 5-10 yards downfield, in that area where there tend to be a lot of defenders running around.

But I think by far the biggest piece of the Heard story right now is that he got hurt and was out for most of Spring ball. We'll see if he can contend when he's back in.

I. M. Gei
Jun 26, 2005

CHIEFS

BITCH



When is Heard expected to be back? Last I checked we still didn't know the severity of his injury.

Thermos H Christ
Sep 6, 2007

WINNINGEST BEVO

Dr. Gitmo Moneyson posted:

When is Heard expected to be back? Last I checked we still didn't know the severity of his injury.

I don't think we know exactly what happened, but it was a shoulder injury, not an ACL tear or anything. Unless something else happens I think we can assume he'll be good to go when fall practice starts.

Coco13
Jun 6, 2004

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Re: Paul Chryst at Wisconsin - I think his smart, but quiet personality meshes better with Alvarez's big talking. Bielema probably didn't like that he wouldn't be big man on campus as long as the godfather of Badger football was his boss. Gary Anderson didn't drink and wasn't comfortable around it. Not a Wisconsin attribute. Chryst wouldn't be back in Madison for the 3rd or 4th time if he didn't know the lay of the land. If he has a string of success, he might take an NFL HC/OC position, or possibly a blueblood like USC.

C. Everett Koop posted:

If we're going to give Clawson at Wake a pass for having empty cupboards, Charlie Weis was tearing the copper out of the walls at Kansas.

I have no idea why this made me laugh so damned much but it did so thanks!

Stunt Rock
Jul 28, 2002

DEATH WISH AT 120 DECIBELS

D.N. Nation posted:

UNDECIDED
Hugh Freeze- Ole Miss: Ole Miss cheats, Hugh Freeze is a cheater. But he also wins, so it'll take the NCAA for anything to happen to his seat.

Freeze is coming of a Sugar Bowl winning season, back to back wins over Bama (including beating them at home), has the support of his AD, and the most serious violations are traceable to Nutt's regime. Most of the stuff that went on with Freeze is both minor and common, so he's solid/bordering on unless the NCAA *really* slams them. One more year with wins over Bama and State and he'll be untouchable for sure.

Stunt Rock fucked around with this message at 16:33 on Jun 12, 2016

D.N. Nation
Feb 1, 2012

Stunt Rock posted:

Freeze is coming of a Sugar Bowl winning season, back to back wins over Bama (including beating them at home), has the support of his AD, and the most serious violations are traceable to Nutt's regime. Most of the stuff that went on with Freeze is both minor and common, so he's solid/bordering on unless the NCAA *really* slams them. One more year with wins over Bama and State and he'll be untouchable for sure.

Yeah, that "undecided" is more "who knows, maybe video will come out of him literally driving a Brink's truck to a recruit's house." In terms of on-field stuff, he'd be untouchable.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE HAS JOB SECURITY IN THE PAC-12!!!

UNTOUCHABLE

David Shaw - Stanford

Shaw had some big shoes to fill, coming in the wake of Harbaugh and Andrew Luck. All Shaw has done is win 54 games, the conference three times, claim two Rose Bowl titles, and produce yet another white running back heisman runner-up. As an alum Shaw's where he wants to be; occasionally you hear his name tossed around for NFL jobs but it's quickly denied. Shaw should be on the Farm for a long, long time.

SOLID

Rich Rodriguez - Arizona

Still flying high off of the Fiesta Bowl a couple of years ago. The Pac-12 South is wide open and Arizona might not be a favorite, but their offense means they can get into shootouts with anyone. Add in that huge balloon payment deal that I really don't fully understand and Rich Rod should be fine in Tuscon. Might the call of going back to West Fuckin' Virginia loom too large in the offseason? Perhaps, but I think Rich Rod stays in the desert for a while.

Todd Graham - Arizona State

For all the jokes about Todd Graham being the ultimate mercenary and con man and having family at all of these different jobs, he's been at ASU for four years now, which is good for third in Pac-12 tenure (it also says something about coaching stability in the conference but I digress). The Sun Devils have been good but not great under Graham; good enough to beat USC bad enough that they fired Kiffen at the airport tarmac but not able to get over the hump and consistently beat the elite teams in the North. Graham's wanderlust may get the better of him eventually or the tides might turn against him and force a change, but for now Graham doesn't have to scour Craigslist for Housing Wanted.

Sonny Dykes - Cal

An odd choice considering Dykes looked like he was on his way out of Berkeley not to long ago. A raise and an extension to 2019 has cooled down those rumors, due to Cal going 8-5 last year after winning just six games his first two seasons. It's a similar situation to Graham in that this might not be the long term answer for either party, but for now everyone's happy. Ask me again in six months what happy means, though.

Mark Helfrich - Oregon

You think he'd be untouchable, given the Heisman Trophy winner and the Playoff appearance two years ago. But last year wasn't great for the Ducks, 9-4 a noticeable slip from the success in the Chip Kelly seasons. It's not enough to cause widespread panic, but it does make your ears perk up a little bit and wonder if Helfrich can keep things going after Kelly's final classes are wrapping up. Long-term planning/health at QB can only help after Vernon Adams, Jr. didn't work out as well as they were hoping for. It's worth keeping an eye on this; will Helfrich continue to drop and find himself on the outs, can Duckies return to their recent glory, or will they peter along in the 8-10 win range, a step behind Stanford and maybe Washington, and will a place that's only used to recent football success be happy with that or willing to roll the dice for more?

Jim Mora, Jr. - UCLA

If I wrote this a week or two ago Mora would be squarely in the Heating Up category, as Mora hasn't been able to claim a very winnable division in his last three years after doing so in his first. But a contract extension and a raise means the seat has cooled down thanks to cold hard cash, and thus Mora joins the rest of his colleagues on the Solid pile. With USC in flux and neither Arizona school able to make the leap the South should be UCLA's to lose; the problem is that they've found a way to lose it. Josh Rosen should be a Heisman contender this season and it's not out of the realm of possibility that the Bruins might contend for a playoff spot. It's just that it's also been in the cards to drop a couple key games and stuck in a mid-tier bowl.

Kyle Whittingham - Utah

12 years at the helm of the Utes, Whittingham won a power struggle with his AD and is staying in the SLC. Utah finally showed some life in the Pac-12 South after struggling in the initial transition, only to not have enough horses in the end. He's not untouchable because of the struggle and the lack of recent success, but the fears that Utah was in over its head have been calmed for now.

Chris Petersen - Washington

This is supposed to be the year for Petersen and the Huskies. Washington being the ones to pry Petersen from the blue fields of Boise was seen as a major coup and while there weren't immediate dividends, the hype is on for this season. The North is a lot rougher than the south, with Stanford as top dog and Oregon still deserving of respect, so this could all fall apart quickly. But what separates Petersen from someone like Butch Jones is that if everything goes pear-shape, Petersen's reputation means he'll be given the chance to rebuild and try again.

Mike Leach - Washington State

Leach does well in remote, desolate areas and Pullman is as remote and desolate as it gets. After being railroaded out of Lubbock due to a hooker killer (five of them), Leach seemed to be in over his head trying to match firepower with someone like Oregon. But a nine-win season last year brought back faith in the Pirate, as well as the underlying fact that a coach of Leach's calibur doesn't voluntarily come to the area that often. Keep the expectations reasonable and the big boys on their toes, and Leach can stay in the Palooze for a long while.

UNDECIDED

Clay Helton - USC

After taking over for the last two USC coaches, Sark and DACOACHO, Helton's finally gone from leasing to buying as he's given the key to the USC Ferrari. It remains to see if Helton can keep the program on the elite level it hasn't been for a decade but still thinks it is, or what kind of institutional support he'll get after Lynn Swann was hired as AD despite having as much administrative experience as everyone in this thread, and possibly less depending on what lurkers we have here. Helton might have a decent leash, he might be gone soon as Swann wants to make a flashy hire to stoke the LA market, or no one could have a loving clue what they're doing and the bottom falls out. Good on Helton getting a shot, but those supercars can spin out real quick if you don't know how to handle them.

HEATING UP

Gary Andersen - Oregon State

Beavs certainly didn't expect to lose Mike Riley to Nebraska last season, and definitely didn't expect to replace Riley with Wisconsin's former coach. But they probably expected to do better than 2-10 last season, but that's what they were. With the Washington's and Cal trending up, Stanford holding steady at the top and the cross-state rivals still several levels above the Beavers, it's hard to see any traction being made in the near future. Winning a conference game would help, poo poo winning any games would help.

HE'S ON FIRE

Mike MacIntyre - Colorado

The only good thing about Colorado jumping from the Big 12 is that the Pac is stable and the Buffs aren't having to go through realignment drama. The bad news is that they've had the absolute poo poo kicked out of them since making the transition. They've won five conference games in five seasons, haven't had a winning season since 2005, and only finished not last once, in their first Pac-12 season where they were tied for fifth. Mac's had three years to try and turn things around, if year four doesn't involve some kind of progress, potentially bowl or bust, someone else will be the next sucker in front of the stampede.

C. Everett Koop fucked around with this message at 21:31 on Jun 13, 2016

dirty shrimp money
Jan 8, 2001

Since nobody else cares about the American Athletic Conference, here are the coaches in the American Athletic Conference. Spoiler alert - nobody's on the hot seat -


UNTOUCHABLE

Ken Niumatalolo, Navy

Ken Name-not-found has been, well, military-like in its consistent bombing of programs much less equipped for battle. Lookin at Army here. Yeah he flirted with BYU and got some officers' dress tighty whities all twisted up. What's Navy gonna do though? They'd be crazy to fire a guy that's absolutely dominating Army and they know it.


STOP ICARUS, YOU'RE FLYING TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN

Tom Herman, Houston

So all Tom Fuckin Herman did was start his head coaching career 13-1 and won Peach Bowl rings and nice things with his diamond grill blinding all the haters. Yeah, he may leave after this season. Maybe it's for money, maybe it's for conference, maybe it's because he needs another color for his third natty ring. Didn't think of that huh.

Matt Rhule, Temple

Ten years ago, Temple was 0-11, kicked out of the power conference club, and looking like it needed to just concentrate on basketball. Maybe the latter should still apply but Matt Rhule got ten wins out of Tem-loving-ple and spent the second half of the season in the top 25. Temple's going to ride this guy as long as it can but if Rhule can get another ten wins out of this bunch this dude's going to almost as hot as Tom Herman after this season.


SOLID

Chad Morris, SMU

2-10, looking like poo poo most of the time, and recruiting not going all that great wasn't the way SMU wanted to start the Chad Morris era, but everybody knows he had a long way to go to even get back to respectable. As long as he can win a third game his leash will stay long. But can he with the rest of the conference improving?

Bob Diaco, UConn

Despite making up stupid "rivalries" UConn's in better shape under Diaco than it was under Paul Pasqualoni. He's gotten a lot of mileage from beating Houston when Florida State couldn't. Diaco's got a couple of comfortable years ahead. Nothing much more to say here because, well, Connecticut football.


UNDECIDED

Scott Frost, UCF

George O'Leary straight up had to go. He should have retired after the Fiesta Bowl win to be honest. But his rear end wanted to be the athletic director, got to be it, and forgot to do his other job. You'd get canned for the kind of poo poo performance he turned in too. Lucky for UCF, they made a splashy hire in Scott Frost from Oregon and got a elite promo deal from Nike. UCF likes to think they have another Tom Herman-style unicorn on their hands. We'll see how it translates on the field, or maybe see if a power team poaches Frost just for the free Nike swag.

Mike Norvell, Memphis

Memphis had a great run with Paxton Lynch and Justin Fuente. I mean, you had to take Memphis football seriously there for a minute. Of course, Fuente's at Virginia Tech now and they've got a Todd Graham disciple to replace him. Norvell doesn't overwhelm me as a hire but he's also a guy who's been stuck in the desert with Todd Graham. Either way, time to see if Memphis is serious about investing in its football program.

Willie Fritz, Tulane

After 16 years of being too lame, Fritz fever's running hog wild and Tulane is at least looking like they're gonna try this football thing again. Just like Memphis, having more and better programs in the American only separates it further from the other Group of Leftovers. Tulane has a nice soft OOC schedule to get Fritz started so time to make some hay.

Scottie Montgomery, East Carolina

For my money, this man should not be the head coach at East Carolina and Ruffin McNeill should be. But here we are. ECU let McNeill go in what was spun as a contract dispute, but it felt like a major overreaction to ECU feeling like they're not keeping up with the top teams in the conference and gambling on a hot shot coordinator. Montgomery's done a fine job developing offenses at Duke of all places, but the hire feels like ECU settled for someone after realizing they made a dumb decision but didn't have the money to buy their way out of it. I guess we'll see what ECU gets.

Tommy Tuberville, Cincinnati

It's got to be frustrating to be a Cincy fan because beyond being a known douchebag, Tommy Tuberville's teams are always a big rear end question mark every year. The last couple of years, the answer to said big rear end question mark is a big rear end stink bomb. At some point Tubs's being inconsistent is going to get folks thinking they can do better. But can they?


HEATING UP (MAYBE COOLING OFF ACTUALLY NOW I HAD TO GO WRITE THESE WORDS EFFORT YALL)

Willie Taggart, USF - After pretty much sucking rear end for two and a half years, Taggart had USF wrecking poo poo in October and November on the way to 8-4...and then Western Kentucky mugged them in the third quarter of their bowl game. As a result, Taggart's not on the hot seat but it's year four and it's time to stop all aforementioned sucking of rear end lest he be put out for the next up-and-comer in the American.


HE'S ON FIRE!

For now, nobody. Congrats guys, you all haven't sucked for long enough.

dirty shrimp money fucked around with this message at 13:09 on Jun 15, 2016

kayakyakr
Feb 16, 2004

Kayak is true

Korranus posted:

UNDECIDED

Tommy Tuberville, Cincinnati

It's got to be frustrating to be a Cincy fan because beyond being a known douchebag, Tommy Tuberville's teams are always a big rear end question mark every year. The last couple of years, the answer to said big rear end question mark is a big rear end stink bomb. At some point Tubs's being inconsistent is going to get folks thinking they can do better. But can they?

Tubs still undecided after 3 years? Or is it literally that you don't know what to make of him?

General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend

Korranus posted:

HEATING UP

Willie Taggart, USF - After pretty much sucking rear end for two and a half years, Taggart had USF wrecking poo poo in October and November on the way to 8-4...and then Western Kentucky mugged them in the third quarter of their bowl game. As a result, Taggart's not on the hot seat but it's year four and it's time to stop all aforementioned sucking of rear end lest he be put out for the next up-and-comer in the American.


COOLING OFF

Wanvig
Sep 8, 2003

Korranus posted:

maybe it's because he needs another color for his third natty ring.

:getin:

Kim Jong Il
Aug 16, 2003
Temple isn't really a bad job at all, I'm less impressed with Rhule than most.

Alaois
Feb 7, 2012

Kim Jong Il posted:

Temple isn't really a bad job at all, I'm less impressed with Rhule than most.

that's because you're a loving crazy person

a god damn idiot
Sep 7, 2006


Korranus posted:

Since nobody else cares about the American Athletic Conference, here are the coaches in the American Athletic Conference. Spoiler alert - nobody's on the hot seat -


UNTOUCHABLE

Ken Niumatalolo, Navy

Ken Name-not-found has been, well, military-like in its consistent bombing of programs much less equipped for battle. Lookin at Army here. Yeah he flirted with BYU and got some officers' dress tighty whities all twisted up. What's Navy gonna do though? They'd be crazy to fire a guy that's absolutely dominating Army and they know it.


STOP ICARUS, YOU'RE FLYING TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN

Tom Herman, Houston

So all Tom Fuckin Herman did was start his head coaching career 13-1 and won Peach Bowl rings and nice things with his diamond grill blinding all the haters. Yeah, he may leave after this season. Maybe it's for money, maybe it's for conference, maybe it's because he needs another color for his third natty ring. Didn't think of that huh.

Matt Rhule, Temple

Ten years ago, Temple was 0-11, kicked out of the power conference club, and looking like it needed to just concentrate on basketball. Maybe the latter should still apply but Matt Rhule got ten wins out of Tem-loving-ple and spent the second half of the season in the top 25. Temple's going to ride this guy as long as it can but if Rhule can get another ten wins out of this bunch this dude's going to almost as hot as Tom Herman after this season.


SOLID

Chad Morris, SMU

2-10, looking like poo poo most of the time, and recruiting not going all that great wasn't the way SMU wanted to start the Chad Morris era, but everybody knows he had a long way to go to even get back to respectable. As long as he can win a third game his leash will stay long. But can he with the rest of the conference improving?

Bob Diaco, UConn

Despite making up stupid "rivalries" UConn's in better shape under Diaco than it was under Paul Pasqualoni. He's gotten a lot of mileage from beating Houston when Florida State couldn't. Diaco's got a couple of comfortable years ahead. Nothing much more to say here because, well, Connecticut football.


UNDECIDED

Scott Frost, UCF

George O'Leary straight up had to go. He should have retired after the Fiesta Bowl win to be honest. But his rear end wanted to be the athletic director, got to be it, and forgot to do his other job. You'd get canned for the kind of poo poo performance he turned in too. Lucky for UCF, they made a splashy hire in Scott Frost from Oregon and got a elite promo deal from Nike. UCF likes to think they have another Tom Herman-style unicorn on their hands. We'll see how it translates on the field, or maybe see if a power team poaches Frost just for the free Nike swag.

Mike Norvell, Memphis

Memphis had a great run with Paxton Lynch and Justin Fuente. I mean, you had to take Memphis football seriously there for a minute. Of course, Fuente's at Virginia Tech now and they've got a Todd Graham disciple to replace him. Norvell doesn't overwhelm me as a hire but he's also a guy who's been stuck in the desert with Todd Graham. Either way, time to see if Memphis is serious about investing in its football program.

Willie Fritz, Tulane

After 16 years of being too lame, Fritz fever's running hog wild and Tulane is at least looking like they're gonna try this football thing again. Just like Memphis, having more and better programs in the American only separates it further from the other Group of Leftovers. Tulane has a nice soft OOC schedule to get Fritz started so time to make some hay.

Tommy Tuberville, Cincinnati

It's got to be frustrating to be a Cincy fan because beyond being a known douchebag, Tommy Tuberville's teams are always a big rear end question mark every year. The last couple of years, the answer to said big rear end question mark is a big rear end stink bomb. At some point Tubs's being inconsistent is going to get folks thinking they can do better. But can they?


HEATING UP

Willie Taggart, USF - After pretty much sucking rear end for two and a half years, Taggart had USF wrecking poo poo in October and November on the way to 8-4...and then Western Kentucky mugged them in the third quarter of their bowl game. As a result, Taggart's not on the hot seat but it's year four and it's time to stop all aforementioned sucking of rear end lest he be put out for the next up-and-comer in the American.


HE'S ON FIRE!

For now, nobody. Congrats guys, you all haven't sucked for long enough.

Where's ECU :(

dirty shrimp money
Jan 8, 2001


Now you gone and made me angry about Ruffin McNeill again :(

kayakyakr posted:

Tubs still undecided after 3 years? Or is it literally that you don't know what to make of him?

I literally don't know what to make of him, nor of Cincinnati. On paper they look like a 7-8 win squad but they could also win 4 or 11.

dirty shrimp money fucked around with this message at 13:08 on Jun 15, 2016

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001

Passion’s Wrench

Korranus posted:



I literally don't know what to make of him, nor of Cincinnati. On paper they look like a 7-8 win squad but they could also win 4 or 11.
Tubs is Icy Hot. Icy to dull the pain, hot to relax it away.

MourningView
Sep 2, 2006


Is this Heaven?
I forgot Tulane made a better hire than like 2/3 of the power five teams with openings

Pakled
Aug 6, 2011

WE ARE SMART
I still can't believe Southern didn't bend over backwards to keep Fritz.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
EVERYONE DESERVES TO LOSE THEIR JOB AND DIE ALONE AND UNLOVED IN THE SEC

UNTOUCHABLE

Nick Saban - Alabama. The GodKing. You might think that Urbz is better and I can somewhat accept that. Maybe Harbaugh if you're really stretching it. But there's no one else that I'd accept and reasonable people should accept, and since we're talking about college football fans reasonable ain't welcome around here. The most impressive part about what Saban has done is that he's actually made it a non-insane question to ponder if he's the best coach in school history and not the Bear, since the Bear is part of the Holy Trinity in Alabama. You might hear his name thrown out with Texas again or an NFL team if Saban wants the Bama boosters to buy him an island or something, but Tuscaloosa is Saban's final destination. Thank God.

SOLID

bert - Arkansas. I'm torn here. The record, 18-20, isn't good. But he's improved every year he's been at Ar Kansas, topping out at 8-5 last year. But you really have to wonder if that's the ceiling, considering the competition they face at least six times a year in the SEC West. It means bert is fine for now, but an eight-win season isn't sustainable for that fanbase. So if bert can't crack the ten-win barrier as easily as he cracked the 300-lb one, he'll be "encouraged" to see if Iowa's got an opening.

Jim McElwain - Florida. Yes, he won the East last year and everyone's happy. But the wheels fell off the bus after they already clinched, leading to an offense-free November and three rough losses to end the season. He's not Untouchable because I need more than one season of good results to judge, and Will Muschamp had that one good season before he got tired of scoring points. But so far so good in Gainesville.

Dan Mullen - Mississippi State. By record and accomplishment he should be Untouchable; 55-35 and the school's first ever stay at #1 in the polls would be more than enough at a place that hasn't had a ton of success. But to me, Untouchable is a two-way commitment; both the institution and the individual have to be happy and wanting to keep it going. From accounts, Mullen's been looking to cash in these past few off-seasons, either for a different (and potentially easier) challenge or just wanting to see if he can sell high. We'll see what he can do with Dak Prescott gone, fun times in Starkvegas.

Hugh Freeze - Ole Miss. Greg Sankey recently stated that everyone in the conference was off probation and it's good that he said it then, because Freeze and Ole Miss will certainly be on it soon. He's done well, taking a school infected with Houston Nutt and turning them into a contender, beating Bama twice and winning the Sugar Bowl last year. Win the West and get off with a slap on the wrist and he'll move into Untouchable territory.

UNDECIDED

Les Miles - LSU. I don't have a loving clue what's going on in Baton Rouge and I don't think anyone else does either. Miles was good as gone after losing to Bama for a fifth consecutive time, followed by bert hitting a big splash and Ole Miss dropping the People's Elbow. But a literal last-second stay of execution kept Miles in place and another great recruiting class has them as contenders once more. Miles might be Untouchable considering he's won a power struggle with his AD, or he might be a dead man walking if he drops to Bama again and all that support vanishes. Talent is great and he's got the best back in the nation, but wasting elite talent is an LSU tradition as seen by :pulls out scroll that falls to the floor and keeps going:. LSU could run the table and win the title, they could start off hot and lose to Bama and poo poo the bed again, they could fall all over themselves and struggle just to make a bowl. Nothing's out of the realm of possibility with Les Miles and LSU, so they get the default category in lieu of a better answer.

Barry Odom - Missouri. Mizzou went through some poo poo last year, with the football team protesting racial issues to Gary Pinkel announcing a retirement due to a cancer diagnosis, and that was just one week. Football went from winning the East twice to hating the idea of scoring touchdowns, and campus culture basically devolved into Stormfront v. Tumblr. Odom's a grad and a hope for stability in a place that desperately needs it right now. I wouldn't have any great expectations for Mizzou this coming season, but we'll see what Odom can do down the line in a winnable SEC East.

HE'S HEATING UP

Gus Malzahn - Auburn. Yes, he just signed an extension, and that was enough to move Mora Jr. from Heating Up to Solid. But this is Auburn, and it's not like they hesitate to dump a coach who doesn't live up to expectations regardless of recent accomplishments. Being picked to win the SEC last year and then finishing last in the West doesn't help either. Getting said extension is enough to move Malzahn completely off the hot seat, but not very far, and a repeat from last year is likely to give great consideration for a change.

Kirby Smart - Georgia. Is it fair that I'm taking a first-year head coach and not even giving them the neutral rating? No, but when you're replacing a coach who consistently won at a school, if not the school, of outsized expectations, then fair ain't welcomed here. Smart is the guy who's going to take Georgia over the top and into national championship glory or he'll be dumped and the next sucker will come in, simple as that. You don't give in to the drooling masses to dump the 10-win coach and then be happy when the next guy only wins 8, re: Nebraska. Smart is either going to produce and do so very soon, or he'll be back to coordinating defenses only.

Will Muschamp - South Carolina. He's also a new coach at a new school that isn't getting a completely fair shake, but he's as responsible for that as anyone. His Florida tenure didn't end on great terms and his one year as DC at Auburn didn't set the world on fire. Add in that he was clearly a fallback option for South Carolina after they whiffed on Tom Herman and you've got a situation that's destined to fail. The key will be what happens to AD Ray Tanner, who coached the baseball team to a couple national titles before being promoted upstairs. Tanner's got enough goodwill to be allowed to retire instead of being tossed out; if retirement rumors start up Muschamp won't be around for long.

Butch Jones - Tennessee. The easy and obvious comparison here is to Chris Petersen and Washington, in that this is supposed to be "the year" for both teams. The difference comes not just in competition, with the Pac-12 North far more difficult to win than the SEC East, but in expectations for both programs and their head coaches. If Washington struggles or can't get past Stanford, Petersen's got the past resume and the backing of the community to reload and try again. If Jones fails, the pressure will be on the Tennessee administration to find someone else to do his job. That's why Petersen is in solid and Jones is in Heating Up. Both are expected to deliver, but the consequences are far more dire for one than the other.

Derek Mason - Vanderbilt. Vandy's back to being Vandy, and while that's normally not a good thing, it hurts when you follow the one guy who actually managed to win a game or two in Nashville. Things got a little bit better last year and unless the bottom completely falls out I don't think Mason will be canned after this season, but six wins in a bad division isn't an unreal expectation and one Mason needs to achieve soon if he wants to keep his job.

HE'S ON FIRE!

Mark Stoops - Kentucky. Year four for Stoops after a pair of 5-7 seasons that consisted of strong starts and flat finishes. Yes, there's quite a buyout that would need to be paid if Kentucky wants to ditch their coach, but missing a bowl in four straight seasons, plus however many Joker Phillips didn't make, is a long time to struggle in a division with winnable games. It's bowl or bust for Stoops.

Kevin Sumlin - Texas A&M. The coach on the hot seat. Things started great for Sumlin and Aggie with Johnny Football farting around and winning games and Heismans. But the wins haven't come as freely since then, and Manziel's reputation post-college have only added to talk about the sense of entitlement around College Station. Add in not one but two 5* QBs transferring out after last year and a third 5* bailing after a coach was Mad on Twitter and you get the sense that Sumlin is the new coach who has lost control of his team. Either Sumlin rights the ship and rights it now, or there'll be quite the bidder's market for coaches in Texas.

General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend

General Dog posted:

I guess hot seat's definition can vary, but if he wins 7 games this year (in the regular season) I don't think he gets fired. The buyout is pretty pricey, especially with oil prices what they are right now, and the Baylor stuff has has really helped get our struggles out of the spotlight.

Call me defeatist, but I think 7-9 wins a year in the SEC West is a pretty reasonable level of success for us; barring lucking into a generational, Briles-level innovator at HC I don't see us getting a lot higher than that at a consistent level. Not at this juncture anyway.

Also I'm going to go out on a limb and predict Tom Herman isn't the next head coach for either Texas or Texas A&M.

As an addendum to this, I don't think things are going in the right direction for Sumlin, but I don't think they're going in the wrong direction fast enough that he's in serious jeopardy this year barring a total meltdown. What Chavis has done with the defense has done a lot to cover a lot of the rest of what ails us.

All of that plus a couple of probably positive coaching changes this offseason, and I think things will get slightly better this year, even if it isn't reflected in W-L record.

General Dog fucked around with this message at 23:05 on Jun 16, 2016

fast cars loose anus
Mar 2, 2007

Pillbug
Maybe that's true but one of those 7 really, really needs to come from Auburn, LSU or Bama for him to stay I think

Maxwells Demon
Jan 15, 2007


Maybe I've been talking to too many insane Oregon fans, but I think that you have to change Mark Helfrich's status to Undecided or possibly Warming Up. This does sound insane after the whole 2014 campaign, but here's what happened last season/this offseason:
• Demoted Defensive Coordinator and hired a splashly DC in Brady Hoke
• First single-digit win season since the beginning of Chip Kelly's tenure
• Gave up 31 point lead in last game played

I feel that if Oregon loses to Washington, Oregon State, or just has 4 regular season losses there will at least be a lot of talk about replacement, and that doesn't sound like "Solid".

pillsburysoldier
Feb 11, 2008

Yo, peep that shit

Maxwells Demon posted:

Maybe I've been talking to too many insane Oregon fans, but I think that you have to change Mark Helfrich's status to Undecided or possibly Warming Up. This does sound insane after the whole 2014 campaign, but here's what happened last season/this offseason:
• Demoted Defensive Coordinator and hired a splashly DC in Brady Hoke
• First single-digit win season since the beginning of Chip Kelly's tenure
• Gave up 31 point lead in last game played

I feel that if Oregon loses to Washington, Oregon State, or just has 4 regular season losses there will at least be a lot of talk about replacement, and that doesn't sound like "Solid".


No it doesn't. He's overrated as hell.

DJExile
Jun 28, 2007


Oregon went 7-2 in a great conference, beat Stanford on the road, and lost a bananas (but meaningless) bowl game. Helfrich is fine for now.

E: Woof, their schedule is back-heavy as gently caress next year

DJExile fucked around with this message at 17:44 on Jun 20, 2016

General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend

pillsburysoldier posted:

No it doesn't. He's overrated as hell.

Who's rating him highly? Seems like it's pretty much the consensus that he's been okay but there are some worrisome trends and he's probably unlikely to sustain the level that Kelly established.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
Helfrich is also a year removed from making the national championship. Oregon had a down year by their recent standards but still a good year. I try to keep Undecided for coaches with clean slates or extenuating circumstances; Helfrich is neither. If the Duckies drop to 8-4 or 7-5, then you'd see him Warming Up or even On Fire, but that's to be decided later.

I've got plans to do the other conferences, but I need to do some research on them, and I've got vacation plans which don't include effort-posting on the internet. Feel free to make your own or babble about whatever and I'll post more inaccurate garbage later.

computer parts
Nov 18, 2010

PLEASE CLAP

rebel1608 posted:

Maybe that's true but one of those 7 really, really needs to come from Auburn, LSU or Bama for him to stay I think

Ole Miss has been an acceptable option too.

(But we really want it to be LSU)

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
OOOOOOOOOH poo poo KOOP'S BACK FROM VACATION AND STILL DOESN'T KNOW A drat THING ABOUT THE 'MURICAN!

UNTOUCHABLE

Ken Niamatalolo - Navy. If he was going to leave, it would have been this past offseason and to BYU. Passing that up means he's a Navy lifer and given the success they've had not just as an Independent but in their one year in the 'Murica, there's no effort to push him out. Add in that the triple option isn't an offense that major programs are going to be adapting anytime soon and Niamatalolo will be out at sea for a good, long while.

SOLID

Tom Herman - Houston. H-Town getting a second year out of Herman is an unexpected windfall. They're the odds on favorites to repeat not just as 'Murica champs but Group of 5 reps in the Cotton Bowl, and some chaos might even let the Cougs sniff the Top 10 and get everyone's knickers into a twist over a mid-major making the Playoff. It will remain to be seen what the reaction to a couple of losses will be, especially with Week 1 being against Oklahoma, but Herman's value is high enough and a potential Texas buyer's market means Houston will be the business of finding a new coach in a few months, albeit with about five million bucks or so in their wallets.

Chad Morris - SMU. Year one wasn't great but the Pony Express bottomed out in 2014 after June Jones got tired of life. Morris was seen as a good hire out of Clemson and will need some time just to find bodies. Bowling this season is probably out of the question, but 4-5 wins this season isn't an unrealistic expectation. Baylor's downfall will certainly help as some talent should fall through the cracks and into Morris' spread system.

Matt Rhule - Temple. The Owls, long a punchline, were a decent team last year, going toe to toe with Notre Dame in a game that had far more national importance than Temple-Notre Dame should have had. Coming off a 10-win season and signed through 2021, the biggest issue will be keeping Rhule in Killadelphia; being a Penn State alum you'd have to think he's very interested in how James Franklin plays out in Happy Valley.

Philip Montgomery - Tulsa. Went 6-7 last year, his first year. Not good. But not bad. Just kinda there, which is about as Tulsa as you can be. But it's enough of a result for Montgomery to not be in Undecided. I'd say let's see what he does this year, but I ain't watching Tulsa unless I'm getting paid to.

Bob Diaco - UConn. Showed some great improvement last season in going 6-7 and getting to a bowl game, especially since no one gives a poo poo about UConn football outside of their locker room. Asking the Huskies to be a contender in the 'Murica is a bridge too far, but another bowl appearance isn't out of the question. For a former Notre Dame coordinator, it'll be about getting UConn high enough to look attractive for the next move. His timing in picking a fight with a downed UCF was excellent as well.

Willie Taggart - USF. Taggart looked like he was on his way out the door, but a late-season surge turned the Bulls into 'Murica contenders and brought Taggart a contract extension. Things are good in Tampa for right now, but it's hard to call 8-5 a truly solid foundation to build off of.

UNDECIDED

Scottie Montgomery - East Carolina. The firing of Ruffin McNeill after a perfectly acceptable average season came as a real shock, especially considering that schools try to not do their alums dirty like that, if only not to upset the donations cart. It's also not like the world was beating down Montgomery's door, he was the OC at Duke and while Duke's no longer an embarrassment they're not exactly a national power. Montgomery's gonna have to win and win quick in order to justify the move and to please a school that thinks a little too highly of themselves.

Mike Norvell - Memphis. Filling the role vacated by Justin Fuente. Memphis showed out this past season, highlighted by beating Ole Miss, which means it's probably nowhere but down for Norvell. Good luck bud!

Willie Fritz - Tulane. His fifth stop as a head coach after climbing the ranks, starting at Cam Newton's alma mater Blinn Community College. He'll bring some kind of Pistol/Triple Option O with him, meaning we'll need to schedule a game between them and Georgia Tech and see if we can get it in under two hours. It's a dice roll for Tulane but one worth taking; the benefits of Fritz hitting it big far outweigh hiring random coordinator X and hoping for rain.

Scott Frost - UCF. UCF crashed like the stock market, going from major bowl game to winless season in the time it takes George O'Leary to edit a resume. Frost comes from Oregon which means the Knights are gonna chuck the ball all over the place and prob not play a lick of D to begin with. UCF likes to think of themselves as a future power just waiting to be unleashed, with their massive undergrad enrollment and all, but we'll see if Frost is the one to harness all this potential.

HE'S HEATING UP

None

HE'S ON FIRE!

Tommy Tubberville - Cincinnati. While the overall record is good at 25-14, it's been a downhill one, as Cincy won the Big East in it's last year but limped to 7-6 last season. More importantly, Tubbs is only signed through next season, and lord knows that Tommy Tubberville is one to plan and execute an exit strategy. Add in that Tubbs didn't sign up to coach lesser division football and unless there's a turnaround in both record and conference reputation, it makes sense that this relationship is headed to a divorce. Whether Tubbs can make it back to the Power 5 level (Baylor?) remains to be seen.

a neat cape
Feb 22, 2007

Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!
eagerly awaiting your MWC rankings

General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend

C. Everett Koop posted:


Chad Morris - SMU. Year one wasn't great but the Pony Express bottomed out in 2014 after June Jones got tired of life. Morris was seen as a good hire out of Clemson and will need some time just to find bodies. Bowling this season is probably out of the question, but 4-5 wins this season isn't an unrealistic expectation. Baylor's downfall will certainly help as some talent should fall through the cracks and into Morris' spread system.


Baylor's downfall may help Chad Morris get a new job, at Baylor.

Or maybe at his alma mater if SMU happens to have a breakout year.

MourningView
Sep 2, 2006


Is this Heaven?

General Dog posted:

Baylor's downfall may help Chad Morris get a new job, at Baylor.

Or maybe at his alma mater if SMU happens to have a breakout year.

There are a lot of reasons to think he's promising but maaaaaybe let him win more than 2 games in a season before bumping him up to a Power 5 job.

General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend

MourningView posted:

There are a lot of reasons to think he's promising but maaaaaybe let him win more than 2 games in a season before bumping him up to a Power 5 job.

Sure, but my thinking is that if Baylor or A&M are looking for a coach next year, they'll probably need to try to buy low. Baylor because it may be a tough few years coming up combined with raised expectations, and A&M because oil prices.

DJExile
Jun 28, 2007


I think Norvell could be a really good hire by Memphis. There was a lot of chatter about him while he was on Todd Graham's staff

kayakyakr
Feb 16, 2004

Kayak is true
Tuberville peacing out to Baylor would be a hilarious and very much encouraged outcome. Watch out if he starts taking Cincinnati recruits to steakhouses during recruiting season.

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C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
I GUESS C-USA IS STILL A THING?

UNTOUCHABLE

Doc Holliday - Marshall. Six years at Marshall, a 50-28 record, a C-USA title, and most importantly his name not in anyone's mouth when it comes to job openings. At 59 he's got one more move in him if he wants it, but you get the feeling that if Holliday wanted to move he would have done so already, which is really the key to getting the "Untouchable" label in the mid-majors. He's not the leader in tenure (or even in the top 3), but Holliday looks like he'll crack that list sooner than later.

SOLID

Skip Holtz - Louisiana Tech. Ol' Slobbin' Lou's son might be the guy who's a AAAA-type of coach: can win games at the lower levels but can't cut the mustard in the big leagues. Success at East Carolina got him to a less than stellar South Florida stint (which isn't the big leagues I know), but Skippy has rebounded at LaTech. While just 22-17, the Fightin' Mailmen went 9-4 last year and Holtz has shown no signs of trying to get back up to the FBS, at least for now. He's got a home in Ruston for a good minute here if he wants it.

Rick Stockstill - Middle Tennessee. Stockstill's spent a decade in Murfreesboro, making him the current clubhouse leader in tenure. No one sane spends that long in a Tennessee small town, so either Stockstill has a basement full of chopped up children or he really likes the place. Just 7-6 last year but the competition in C-USA isn't that much tougher than the Sun Belt (and by advanced metrics it's actually worse), so we'll see if Stockstill needs to produce or face a trip back to civilization.

Bobby Wilder - Old Dominion. Wilder's been the one driving the Monarchs up to the FBS level, and going 5-7 after a 6-6 transition year bodes well for his success. Betting on ODU to make a bowl soon seems like a smart bet, whether Wilder will be there to see it or he'll cash out remains to be seen.

David Bailiff - Rice. The poor man's David Cutcliffe. He's 53-60 after nine years on the job, but this is Rice and expectations are a wee bit lower than at most places. He's even helped the Krispies to some success, although whether that's because Rice was legitimately decent or because the level of competition has fallen off is the question. Even though the bottom fell out last season, Rice won't be looking to make a change anytime soon. A little more success and he's probably untouchable.

Jeff Brohm - Western Kentucky. He's someone that I'm surprised is still in the same place. WKU won C-USA last year and their QB graduated, which is usually the key to a coach trying to sell high and cash in on their success in a bigger program. It could be a case where Brohm didn't like his options, or maybe he's gambling on another good season and getting one of the Texas jobs that Tom Herman passes up. The school would like it if Brohm stays for a good long while, but I'd bet that Brohm's off to bigger and better relatively soon.

UNDECIDED

Seth Littrell - North Texas. Littrell comes from Oklahoma, so he knows the area and which recruits to nab between the cracks. Other than that, C-USA's fairly wide open so if the Mean Green can be decent, success won't be that far off.

Jay Hopson - Southern Miss. At least Todd Monken left Hattiesburg better than he found it. USM went from a bottomed out program to a C-USA contender in Monken's tenure, and so Hopson gets to benefit from the crops that were planted. Just don't follow Favre on Snapchat.

Frank Wilson - UTSA. I think Wilson's only the second coach in Roadrunner history after Larry Coker, or at least as a major program, but I don't feel like looking that up to confirm/deny it. Either way, it's another Texas program to compete for the scraps the big boys leave behind, except said scraps sometimes turn out to be pretty drat good. They still playing home games in the Alamodome when they probably couldn't sell out the Spurs arena?

HEATING UP

Brad Lambert - Charlotte. It's unfair to put Lambert here considering that Charlotte's starting their program from scratch, but 2-10 in their first eligible year isn't a promising start. Undecided may be a more fair category, but we need to see something from Lambert and the 49ers this season to eliminate any notion that he's in over his head. A bad season won't move Lambert from this area, but it will raise questions.

HE'S ON FIRE!

Charlie Partridge - FAU. Back to back 3-9 seasons mean year three is boom or bust. Either the Owls need to show improvement or FAU needs to look for a new coach.

Ron Turner - FIU. The AD forced out Mario Cristobol for Retread Ronnie, and he's been rewarded with a 10-26 record, albeit 5-7 last season. The move was scorned when it happened and it hasn't paid off, so unless the AD has some real solid support, it could be curtains for both real soon.

Sean Kugler - UTEP. 14-23 in three years, 5-7 last year. Probably bowl or bust in El Paso, although I could see a stay of execution if the Miners are close again.

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