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Weatherman posted:Weirdest loss edit ever. Care to explain for the rest of us?
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Feb 1, 2021 16:57
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werehouse sounds like warehouse Funny pictures thread already did all the "Ackchyually" objections to the logic and etymology, so don't try to think too hard about it
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Feb 1, 2021 17:05
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An incredibly dumb joke I told in a dream last night: What does Commissar Gordon use in an emergency? The blyat signal
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Feb 2, 2021 20:33
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Marcade posted:An incredibly dumb joke I told in a dream last night: Did you wake up just as the giant hook went to yank you offstage?
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Feb 2, 2021 22:13
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No, that's too logical. I drove through a corndog stand afterwards instead.
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Feb 2, 2021 22:24
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Marcade posted:No, that's too logical. I drove through a corndog stand afterwards instead.
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Feb 3, 2021 18:55
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"Name something transparent." "A ladder."
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Feb 9, 2021 15:15
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Feb 11, 2021 04:54
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Till Lindemann, hiring a car posted:Mein Herz rent! thought of it today, walking past a Herz office
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Feb 11, 2021 06:01
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you foolsShe posted:That
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Feb 11, 2021 10:52
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cowboy
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I "thought" of this today but there's an equal probablity I just remembered part of it and filled in the rest. A green flesh melon and an orange flesh melon are madly in love but their families are mortal enemies and are keeping them apart. The Green sends a secret note to the Orange begging her to meet him at midnight so they can run away to be wed. He waits at the appointed hour, and on until dawn, but she never shows. "I should have known...but I thought she was different" he tells himself. "But we must all be true to our natures and orange flesh melons can't elope."
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Feb 18, 2021 04:46
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JeremoudCorbynejad posted:3 logicians sit down in a logical restaurant.
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Feb 18, 2021 07:08
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Beachcomber posted:"I should have known...but I thought she was different" he tells himself. "But we must all be true to our natures and orange flesh melons can't elope."  
Cable Guy has a new favorite as of 05:35 on Feb 20, 2021 |
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Feb 20, 2021 05:32
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A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "wow, i’ve never served a weasel before. what can i get you?" "pop," goes the weasel.
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Mar 2, 2021 17:25
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Carbon dioxide posted:A weasel walks into a bar. 
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Mar 2, 2021 17:35
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Carbon dioxide posted:A weasel walks into a bar. "What, you mean soda?" Asks the bartender
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Mar 2, 2021 17:44
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Carbon dioxide posted:A weasel walks into a bar. "... you think I've got your dad on tap or something?"
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Mar 2, 2021 19:59
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i made up another joke and i've been telling it everywhere so here ya go: why did the elf need penicillin? gondorrhea
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Mar 2, 2021 20:13
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dee eight posted:i made up another joke and i've been telling it everywhere so here ya go: Should be "Why did the hobbit need penicillin?" gets people more in mind for lord of the rings specifically. Why did the hobbit need insulin? he was fat
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Mar 2, 2021 21:43
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Correct me if I’m wrong but neither hobbits nor elves live in Gondor
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Mar 3, 2021 05:25
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Eh, technically the Shire's a remnant of Arnor, much like Gondor was until Aragorn did his Karl Franz magic and combined all the balkanised bits back up.
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Mar 3, 2021 06:34
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Dross posted:Correct me if I’m wrong but neither hobbits nor elves live in Gondor correct, the only hobbits in Gondor are sex tourists
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Mar 3, 2021 06:45
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Which country’s capital has the fastest growing population? Ireland, every day it’s Dublin.
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Mar 3, 2021 08:12
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Carbon dioxide posted:Which country’s capital has the fastest growing population? Ireland, every day it’s Dublin. 
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Mar 3, 2021 08:59
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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
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Mar 6, 2021 06:47
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How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? A Brazilian.
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Mar 6, 2021 08:36
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This is a pretty obscure Jewish joke but I'm gonna post it anyway: A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover Seder: "Ma nishtana halaylah hazeh mikol haleylot." Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"
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Mar 13, 2021 03:51
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trapped mouse posted:This is a pretty obscure Jewish joke but I'm gonna post it anyway:
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Mar 13, 2021 04:07
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trapped mouse posted:This is a pretty obscure Jewish joke but I'm gonna post it anyway: This is one of my favorites   So, it's really more of a meme, but here's Megilat Cham-Ed: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=a6HCu9edk54
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Mar 13, 2021 05:34
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trapped mouse posted:This is a pretty obscure Jewish joke but I'm gonna post it anyway:
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Mar 13, 2021 11:34
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For someone who is woefully lacking knowledge of Judaism, can someone totally ruin the joke by explaining it to me?
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Mar 13, 2021 13:25
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Rupert Buttermilk posted:For someone who is woefully lacking knowledge of Judaism, can someone totally ruin the joke by explaining it to me?
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Mar 13, 2021 13:40
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Ah, thanks.
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Mar 13, 2021 13:42
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Ken M posted:On this blessed night, kuloh matzah.
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Mar 14, 2021 01:40
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Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. Mexicans were crazy about the stuff. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate("desperados") at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as ...sinko de Mayo.
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May 5, 2021 21:17
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Carbon dioxide posted:Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City.
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May 6, 2021 04:27
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Something I accidentally came up with at work today. If you bring edibles to a communal meal does that make it a potluck? Also, did you hear about the zoologist who got fired for inappropriate texts? He was caught sending a coworker a dikdikpic. Marcade has a new favorite as of 01:07 on May 23, 2021 |
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May 21, 2021 21:36
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I used to torment my wife with puns. One day we were at the zoo, and at the gift shop I bought this little plastic toy of a blue-tongued lizard. I took it home and glued a couple of magnets to the bottom, and stuck it to the fridge. I guess she saw what was coming, and she'd had enough, because when I came home from work the next day, she was gone and the house was almost entirely empty except for the appliances. And one lizard fridge magnet. That's right, she took everything but the kitchen skink.
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Jun 4, 2021 17:16
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Phy posted:I used to torment my wife with puns. I’m glad you got divorced
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Jun 5, 2021 00:16
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Phy posted:I used to torment my wife with puns. That'stoatally depressing.
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Jun 5, 2021 03:21
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