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General Ironicus
Aug 21, 2008

Something about this feels kinda hinky




Website
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Twitter
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I Don’t Even Own a Television is a podcast about bad books. Every two weeks, hosts J. W. Friedman and Chris Collision get together to talk about a book you almost certainly should not read. Past guests have included Jeb “@mobute” Lund, Mara Wilson, Mike Sacco, The FPlus' Lemon, and many others. Chris went from occasional guest to permanent cohost in episode 28, Pines. The dogs in the studio come and go unpredictably. Topics range from musicians' memoirs, bad fantasy, wresters' memoirs, bad thrillers, athletes' memoirs, awful self-help books, and sometimes a celebrity memoir. They're not afraid to go after sacred cows of genre literature, but try to keep away from being the thousandth person to tell you that Twilight is bad. You might know J from the music he made/makes as Satellite High, including a fair number of songs written as jokes on these very forums. IDEOTV updates on alternate Mondays.

Where to start:
I don't loving know. Have some personal favorites instead.

Night of the Crabs
Crabs are more powerful and more intelligent than all the world's militaries. Only one pipe-smoking, sex-having professor can save us all.

The 50th Law
They say 50 Cent wrote a self-help book. What actually happened is a very angry man wrote a self-help book and chatted with 50 Cent for an afternoon to make it sell.

DOOM: Knee Deep in the Dead
The Doom comic is famous for being over-the-top nonsense. The novelization isn't much different.

Wild Animus
A dude drops a bunch of acid and lives on a mountain pretending to be a goat. It is very serious. This book is in stock in every secondhand book shop in America.

Those Who Tresspass
The only person who can stop serial killer Bill O'Reilly is maverick investigator Bill O'Reilly. A book by Bill O'Reilly

Ready Player One
The biggest exception to the "no-dogpile" rule, but hey, Ready Player One really does suck that much.

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Alaois
Feb 7, 2012

D U S T M A N


Some more personal recommendations:

Candy Girl

Experience the real-life journey of the most cripplingly unself-aware woman in Minneapolis through the world of sexhibitionism. Guest starring the aforementioned Lemon of the F-Plus.

Treacherous Love

A Mormon woman made a career off of fabricating journals of troubled teenagers. This is one about a girl who starts dating a teacher and hanging out with a drug smoker named Sarah Silverman (not that Sarah Silverman). Guest starring Mara Wilson, aka that girl what was Matilda in that movie, Matilda.

On The Brink

Ben Stein wrote a thriller. The primary antagonist is inflation, and not the fetishy kind you find on DeviantArt. Guest starring Jeb Lund, that guy who used to post on SA but now he writes for the Guardian so everyone on SA hates him, and Rocky Swift, an actual economist.

The Eye of Argon

An infamously terrible piece of amateur fiction submitted to a short story contest in the 70s. Guest starring K. Thor Jensen.

A Super Sad True Love Story

Imagine Lolita if we were supposed to empathize with Humbert and Lolita was actually a duplicitous slut, and also cringeworthy social commentary. Guest starring Poncho Martinez.

Alaois fucked around with this message at 23:02 on May 30, 2016

EmmyOk
Aug 11, 2013


General Ironicus posted:

Those Who Tresspass
The only person who can stop serial killer Bill O'Reilly is maverick investigator Bill O'Reilly. A book by Bill O'Reilly

I was coming her to post this exact one with the exact same description. I just love that he's so full of himself that the villain and hero are both self-inserts.

Infamous Sphere
Nov 8, 2010
Blargh oh my god yes, I have read fanfiction, in a way it's a guilty pleasure/so bad it's good thing. I can't read trashy romance though. Fanfiction..oh god..some of the anatomical limitations are..well..let's just say these women don't very much und

Oh recently they took down a book by MORRISSEY. I'd definitely recommend that one.

I think I started with Real Men Don't Eat Quiche (some weird 80s book about being a Real Man - you'd better not be watching any Alan Alda!) which was a pretty great starting point but it's an old one, so J and Chris themselves might recommend something a bit more recent.

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat




Gravy Boat 2k

Shame on all of you for neglecting the show's finest hour (and thirteen minutes).

Illinois Smith
Nov 15, 2003

Ninety-one? There are ninety other "Tiger Drivers"? Do any involve actual tigers, or driving?


I added this to my feed when WHM was doing reruns last summer. It's pretty good, not as funny or gross as WHM though. On the plus side, they do lots of lovely musician bios, which is a genre my best bud made me read a lot of as a teenager.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



I listened to the RPO episode years ago, then last year had to read it for a book club and hated it, but thought it sounded familiar. Then I went back and re-listened to that episode. You just can't capture the breadth of its badness in an hour.

Weird thing was, I found it in the Youth section of my library, but given all the references, you've got to be like 30 years old to be in the prime age range for it.

Improbable Lobster
Jan 6, 2012

What is the Matrix? We just don't know.



Buglord

The continuing saga of Wild Animus has to be my favourite reoccurring part of the podcast.

Alaois
Feb 7, 2012

D U S T M A N


Improbable Lobster posted:

The continuing saga of Wild Animus has to be my favourite reoccurring part of the podcast.

Go to your local thrift shop, your library, look in your crawlspace, check under your pillow

chances are there's a copy of Wild Animus in each of these places

Guy Mann
Mar 28, 2016

by Lowtax


I don't think I'll ever get tired of the little segment jingles.

RUSSIAN ROULETTE

RUSSIAN ROULETTE

RUSSIAN ROULETTE

(NOT ACTUALLY RUSSIAN)

X-Ray Pecs
May 11, 2008

New York
Ice Cream
TV
Travel
~Good Times~


Welcome back to I Don't Even Own A Podcast

Alaois
Feb 7, 2012

D U S T M A N


Guy Mann posted:

I don't think I'll ever get tired of the little segment jingles.

RUSSIAN ROULETTE

RUSSIAN ROULETTE

RUSSIAN ROULETTE

(NOT ACTUALLY RUSSIAN)


Sometimes attentions are hard to divide

While others are glear as blace

TELL ME WHAT WOULD THEY DO

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat




Gravy Boat 2k

Dramatic readayinnns!
Road'll make a soundin' point!
Dramatic readinnns!
Yeah, gassy words, phew!

Ixjuvin
Aug 8, 2009

if smug was a motorcycle, it just jumped over a fucking canyon

Nap Ghost

I've got a lot of letters.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Eh, letters, bee letters, see letters, the letters, e-letters.

Heteroy
Mar 13, 2004



Yam Slacker

Infamous Sphere posted:

Oh recently they took down a book by MORRISSEY. I'd definitely recommend that one.

Real Men Don't Eat Quiche (some weird 80s book about being a Real Man - you'd better not be watching any Alan Alda!)
Real Men Don't Eat Quiche actually received a lot of social awareness in its time. Enough so that James Bond cooks quiche in A View to a Kill as a response to it.

Lonos Oboe
Jun 7, 2014


Neat! thank you. I am on vacation next week so it will be good to check these out. Podcasts can be so hit and miss. It's hard to find one with staying power and non obnoxious hosts.

Illinois Smith posted:

I added this to my feed when WHM was doing reruns last summer. It's pretty good, not as funny or gross as WHM though. On the plus side, they do lots of lovely musician bios, which is a genre my best bud made me read a lot of as a teenager.

I never found WHM really gross. Their mailbags had some poop stories for a while but the main show is pretty tame. I tried the Jim Sterling game podcast on a suggestion from a friend and every episode they almost make a point of grossing out the listener or shocking them. I dropped it fairly quickly (2/3s of the hosts are irritating). I just can't listen to about 90% of the "Lou Reads" podcast it's so gross. This might help for peoples metric for grossness.

Looking forward to checking this out.

The Vosgian Beast
Aug 13, 2011

Business is slow

To continue a discussion from the F-Plus thread: Have I just been running in weird circles or is Armor generally considered a minor classic of SF? Because I heard a lot of praise for that book over the years.

I even tried reading it myself, but got too annoyed and bored during the Jack Crow stuff to bother.

ManMythLegend
Aug 18, 2003

I don't believe in anything, I'm just here for the violence.


The Vosgian Beast posted:

To continue a discussion from the F-Plus thread: Have I just been running in weird circles or is Armor generally considered a minor classic of SF? Because I heard a lot of praise for that book over the years.

I even tried reading it myself, but got too annoyed and bored during the Jack Crow stuff to bother.

No, I've heard it recommended alongside other space war classics like The Forever War a number of times. Or maybe we both run in similar weird circles.

HMS Boromir
Jul 16, 2011

by Lowtax


Infamous Sphere posted:

Oh recently they took down a book by MORRISSEY. I'd definitely recommend that one.

The man writes sex scenes like some kind of alien.

fatherboxx
Mar 25, 2013



The Smiths puns onslaught just murdered me

Invisible Ted
Aug 24, 2011

hhhehehe


The Vosgian Beast posted:

To continue a discussion from the F-Plus thread: Have I just been running in weird circles or is Armor generally considered a minor classic of SF? Because I heard a lot of praise for that book over the years.

I even tried reading it myself, but got too annoyed and bored during the Jack Crow stuff to bother.

I was also recommended it, but I've been told to read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Ready Player One, The Alchemist, and Snow Crash. People have told me to read a lot of bad poo poo, in retrospect.

Guy Mann
Mar 28, 2016

by Lowtax


The Vosgian Beast posted:

To continue a discussion from the F-Plus thread: Have I just been running in weird circles or is Armor generally considered a minor classic of SF? Because I heard a lot of praise for that book over the years.

I even tried reading it myself, but got too annoyed and bored during the Jack Crow stuff to bother.

Sci-fi books are like horror movies in that as time passes they will always find people who latch onto them as an under-appreciated gem regardless of actual quality

ManMythLegend
Aug 18, 2003

I don't believe in anything, I'm just here for the violence.


Is there some sort of secret handshake I'm supposed to make to get accepted into the Facebook discussion group?

my girlfriend is Legos
Apr 24, 2013


ManMythLegend posted:

Is there some sort of secret handshake I'm supposed to make to get accepted into the Facebook discussion group?

I just got accepted, goodbye! Is that allowed ITT

ManMythLegend
Aug 18, 2003

I don't believe in anything, I'm just here for the violence.


Ag Bengip posted:

I just got accepted, goodbye! Is that allowed ITT

Yeah, me too. Guy must have just taken a FB break or something, no big deal.

padijun
Feb 5, 2004

murderbears forever


I'm reading Ready Player One because a friend badgered me into buying it, and I guess if Spielberg is making a movie it must be good? No not even a little bit, but listening to the episode about it afterwards will be a nice consolation prize.

SEX HAVER 40000
Aug 6, 2009

no doves fly here lol


Been listening since Covert Conception. I've always found it funny how terrified of leaning into a bit J is, always backing off and sort of putting a hat on it. It's weirdly really endearing, if occasionally frustrating

Improbable Lobster
Jan 6, 2012

What is the Matrix? We just don't know.



Buglord

The Star Wars The Force Awakens live episode is pretty excellent. I'd love to see a live show, though that's pretty unlikely for me, haha.

Anti-Citizen
Oct 24, 2007
As You're Playing Chess, I'm Playing Russian Roulette

Got a hold of a "rare" advance copy of Wild Animus, it's got a "Not for Resale" tag, and advertises that it has a marketing budget of $450,000 right on the jacket.

Trying to think of what to do with this thing, pretty sure I'm the only person anyone in my direct friends group would hold responsible for a book about acid, goat sex, so I need to think bigger.

X-Ray Pecs
May 11, 2008

New York
Ice Cream
TV
Travel
~Good Times~


New episode about Money, Pizza, Respect by notorious joke thief The Fat Jew. Warning, this book is toxic, and Jay gets really pissed.

ZenMasterBullshit
Nov 2, 2011

Ziggy Hero!
Ziggy! Save! Everyone!



X-Ray Pecs posted:

New episode about Money, Pizza, Respect by notorious joke thief The Fat Jew. Warning, this book is toxic, and Jay gets really pissed.

I've never heard of this guy before this episode of the podcast.

Guy Mann
Mar 28, 2016

by Lowtax


ZenMasterBullshit posted:

I've never heard of this guy before this episode of the podcast.

I've seen a bunch of takedowns of him as of late from comedians who are super bitter that he got advertising offers/a book deal/a TV offer off of reblogging their stuff without attribution but thankfully when they came out his TV offer dried up and he started (begrudgingly) crediting people.

EmmyOk
Aug 11, 2013


He sounds awful

http://www.rollingstone.com/culture...ak-out-20150820

https://www.theguardian.com/technol...onson-instagram

Guy Mann
Mar 28, 2016

by Lowtax


Basically imagine all the rage that sites like Ebaum's World or FunnyJunk got only instead of having the plausible deniability of being sites where everything is uploaded by users it's one incredibly shameless individual knowingly doing everything.

EmmyOk
Aug 11, 2013


Guy Mann posted:

Basically imagine all the rage that sites like Ebaum's World or FunnyJunk got only instead of having the plausible deniability of being sites where everything is uploaded by users it's one incredibly shameless individual knowingly doing everything.

The Guardian article is great because he says no one is right or wrong but he will start crediting original content creators from now on. When Ronson asks him does that mean he admits the people who accused him of plagiarising their work were correct he disagrees. A week later when Ronson meets him again The Fat Jew tells him how he has to chide his interns for not crediting the content they publish as if he'd been adhering to that philosophy his whole like.

fatherboxx
Mar 25, 2013



ZenMasterBullshit posted:

I've never heard of this guy before this episode of the podcast.

https://twitter.com/techinsider/sta...261214022553600

padijun
Feb 5, 2004

murderbears forever


I love an episode that starts off with them 100% endorsing pirating the book

Spark That Bled
Jan 29, 2010

Hungry for responsibility. Horny for teamwork.

And ready to
BUST A NUT
up in this job!

Skills include:
EIGHT-FOOT VERTICAL LEAP


This podcast might be one of the first to get me to listen to an obscure 80s punk rock bad, thanks to J talking about "Alfredo's" by All.

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X-Ray Pecs
May 11, 2008

New York
Ice Cream
TV
Travel
~Good Times~


Allroy Sez, the album with Alfredo's, isn't that good, Allroy's Revenge is a better album.

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