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I recall a great news story in Houston where some shitstain bicycler was breaking some traffic laws and loving around on the road and got mad when some truck honked at him. The cyclist decided to do that thing that cyclists love to do and started breaking windows with a bike lock. The guy in the truck, because it was Houston, pulled out a gun and blew off his head. Maybe sometimes Texas is good?
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Jun 3, 2016 01:59
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Shaman Ooglaboogla posted:I recall a great news story in Houston where some shitstain bicycler was breaking some traffic laws and loving around on the road and got mad when some truck honked at him. The cyclist decided to do that thing that cyclists love to do and started breaking windows with a bike lock. The guy in the truck, because it was Houston, pulled out a gun and blew off his head. Maybe sometimes Texas is good? im glad i live in a state where i can waste any noob that tries to pull this poo poo
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Jun 3, 2016 02:00
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my favorite thing is around 6pm when everyone is sitting in gridlock and just screaming mad and they slam their pedals and get into honk wars over 4 yard gaps in traffic and i just toodle along in between them getting to my destination in about the same amount of time as i would at any other time of day yea u mad
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Jun 3, 2016 02:08
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hemale in pain posted:always gets a good lol from me when some guy in a car is desperate to overtake me and when he finally does is stopped 5 seconds later by a red light It always gets me a good lol when I intentionally kill a cyclist and as long as I'm not drunk and don't leave the scene and can convincingly say "I didn't see him!", the literal worst thing that can happen to me is that I'll get a $42 ticket for failure to yield the right of way.
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Jun 3, 2016 02:28
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Buy a motorcycle you dweebs
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Jun 3, 2016 02:46
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THE DOG HOUSE posted:Buy a motorcycle you dweebs
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Jun 3, 2016 02:47
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enjoy my paint balls nerds 
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Jun 3, 2016 02:53
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Robo Reagan posted:i power mine with friendship Same.  http://i.imgur.com/cz389Xv.jpg King of Bees posted:I had a bike and used to ride it 8 miles to work every day and I was respectful to everyone and never had a problem. Then I met Bob.... 
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Jun 3, 2016 03:11
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Shaman Ooglaboogla posted:I recall a great news story in Houston where some shitstain bicycler was breaking some traffic laws and loving around on the road and got mad when some truck honked at him. The cyclist decided to do that thing that cyclists love to do and started breaking windows with a bike lock. The guy in the truck, because it was Houston, pulled out a gun and blew off his head. Maybe sometimes Texas is good? guns are pretty cool and good sometimes, keeps the terrorists at bay 
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Jun 3, 2016 03:22
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Exactly
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Jun 3, 2016 03:25
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Are you him?
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Jun 3, 2016 03:26
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I think the best thing is when cyclists bitch about "entitled car culture." Like, yeah, most of the US is set up to where you need a car to live in any sort of efficient manner. I'm not saying that's great, but until you find the money and manpower to have the infrastructure and civil engineering of most of the country rejigged for your hobby, maybe shut the gently caress up about "entitlement."
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Jun 3, 2016 03:43
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like a year ago they put bike lanes on this busy street here and a few weeks ago they installed these big cement medians to block entrances to some shopping centers except they put them right in the middle of the bike lanes on both sides of the street lol now they have to redo them apparently cause a bunch of biek people got real mad
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Jun 3, 2016 03:48
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"Our city is bike friendly!" *paints "bike lanes" that are an inch from the curb and include every tire-catching storm drain in the city, right next to 60mph major road*
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Jun 3, 2016 04:00
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I didn't have a bike and used to walk 10 miles to work every day and I was respectful to everyone and never had a problem. Then I met KoBee.... NOW I'VE GOT WHEELS!! 
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Jun 3, 2016 04:18
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biking is ok, but I only inline skate 
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Jun 3, 2016 05:26
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The rules don't apply to bicyclists thats why you can just run over those hipster douchebags and keep going.
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Jun 3, 2016 05:30
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GAS CURES BIKES
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Jun 3, 2016 05:49
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I fully extend both arms and invite any cyclists on the sidewalk to clothesline themselves straight off their bike if they won't move. They all do, being bitches too afraid to ride on the street haha.
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Jun 3, 2016 05:49
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Shaman Ooglaboogla posted:I recall a great news story in Houston where some shitstain bicycler was breaking some traffic laws and loving around on the road and got mad when some truck honked at him. The cyclist decided to do that thing that cyclists love to do and started breaking windows with a bike lock. The guy in the truck, because it was Houston, pulled out a gun and blew off his head. Maybe sometimes Texas is good? A good story with a great ending
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Jun 3, 2016 05:49
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If it wasn't illegal I would not hesitate to run a cyclist over that was not following traffic laws. I would have blood on my tires and be glad about it.
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Jun 3, 2016 05:51
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bikes are nice for exercise but seriously gently caress you if your bike is your only form of transportation also if you own spandex for cycling or your bike is over $500 you should be put in a re-education camp
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Jun 3, 2016 05:58
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great thread guys, lots of laughs, good work
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Jun 3, 2016 06:06
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Do cyclists call car folk "cagers" like motorcycle folk do?
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Jun 3, 2016 07:41
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RoboFrance_29 posted:Do cyclists call car folk "cagers" like motorcycle folk do? They try, but can only really get "CA-" out before literally eating their dust.
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Jun 3, 2016 08:16
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mdm posted:do you then overtake the car, dance around in the intersection in front of the car and then take forever to get going again when the light turns green? if im honest i usually just sit behind the car in the middle of the road when waiting for lights DreamShipWrecked posted:"Our city is bike friendly!" my favourite is the loving bike lanes which take you directly next to parking zones down a street. if you bike where it's safe you'll piss cars off because WHY ARENT YOU USING THE BIKE LANE?? FrankieGoes posted:It always gets me a good lol when I intentionally kill a cyclist and as long as I'm not drunk and don't leave the scene and can convincingly say "I didn't see him!", the literal worst thing that can happen to me is that I'll get a $42 ticket for failure to yield the right of way. you sound like a little bitch. i bet you're a big baby who wouldn't even use their horn in case the nasty cyclists glanced at you 
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Jun 3, 2016 10:10
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Node posted:If it wasn't illegal I would not hesitate to run a cyclist over that was not following traffic laws. Oh, you totally can. My brother hit a guy on a bike who was playing loose with the rules of the road, and the guy was so hosed up they were saying he possibly wouldn't be able to walk again. To add a little insult to injury, johnny Doorstop had to pay for the damage to my brothers car.
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Jun 3, 2016 10:20
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Octopus Magic posted:great thread guys, lots of laughs, good work how did you end up with that red title
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Jun 3, 2016 10:29
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I forgot the ironic part. The reason my brother didn't have to deal with proving the accident was the bicyclists fault is because it was witnessed by a bicycle cop.
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Jun 3, 2016 10:37
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Frankenstyle posted:I forgot the ironic part. The reason my brother didn't have to deal with proving the accident was the bicyclists fault is because it was witnessed by a bicycle cop. really there's no reason for everyone not to have dash cams at this point. their so cheap and gonna save you a lot of effort.
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Jun 3, 2016 10:41
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cyclists are scum. here they run red lights, ride against traffic (somethimes perpendicularly) etc ban all urban cycling imo
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Jun 3, 2016 10:47
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hemale in pain posted:really there's no reason for everyone not to have dash cams at this point. their so cheap and gonna save you a lot of effort. Yeah, but that was back around 99/00 or so.
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Jun 3, 2016 10:48
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Frankenstyle posted:Oh, you totally can. My brother hit a guy on a bike who was playing loose with the rules of the road, and the guy was so hosed up they were saying he possibly wouldn't be able to walk again. To add a little insult to injury, johnny Doorstop had to pay for the damage to my brothers car. Good.
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Jun 3, 2016 10:52
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My favorite person in the world is the dumb fucker trying to do a track stand in front of me at the red light and it looks like he's having a seizure all over the road.
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Jun 3, 2016 10:56
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Myron Baloney posted:My favorite person in the world is the dumb fucker trying to do a track stand in front of me at the red light and it looks like he's having a seizure all over the road. Why the gently caress is that a thing to bicyclists? I can do that on a 500lb motorcycle through a red light as an afterthought without looking epileptic. ...well to be fair I guess the weight adds some stability. But why do they think doing St. Vitus dance while being an adult perched on a child's toy makes them look bad rear end ?
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Jun 3, 2016 11:11
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Umm, exCUSE us, we're cycling he- YOU MOVE OUT WAY! THIS STREET FOR CAR!  I'm sorry officer, this was worth way too many points to pass up.   Oh woe is me, someone help! This metal cage almost made contact with my lithe shape!
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Jun 3, 2016 11:21
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[The year is 1998. The Federal Government is the puppet of a consortium of the 20 large corporations which run the country. State and local governments have been completely taken over by real estate developers, whose goal it is to turn America into one giant suburb consisting of subdivisions, apartment complexes, shopping malls, and office parks. Bicycles have been all but outlawed. The Bicycle Act of 1992 made it illegal to appropriate tax dollars for bike lanes, paths, etc., and included a provision that "those persons riding bicycles on public roads do so entirely at their own risk." The law was originally intended to stem the flood of imports of Japanese bikes before foreign trade was cut off entirely in '94. However, the ramifications of this law were much more serious. If a cyclist were to be injured or killed by a motorist, the motorist could not be prosecuted or even sued. It is open season on cyclists. One man fights back....] A cloud of brown dust stretched as far as the eye could see along old route 126. From my vantage point behind an old barn, I watched the grim parade. For the third time in less than a minute, a huge gravel truck rumbled past, spewing acrid, black smoke and kicking up more of the brown mud-dust and spreading it all over everything. Including me. I'm Spike Bike. I hate cars. Taking out a tractor-trailer rig isn't easy. You might be able to get a grenade into the cab, but if it bounces back at you, you're finished. You can sometimes shoot out all the tires on one side of the tractor and the truck will jackknife, but it takes at least half a mag, and half the time you won't get all the tires. I had to face the fact that a MAC-10 submachinegun and a few grenades just weren't going to do the job against these monstrosities. My weekly raid on the old Joliet Arsenal yielded what I needed: a bazooka and a couple of crates of armor-piercing rockets. As usual, the morons the Army has watching the place didn't see anything. All the approaches to the arsenal are pretty well guarded, but nobody expects a guy on a mountain bike sneaking up from the river bank. I slung the bazooka over my shoulder, stuffed all the rockets I could carry into a set of panniers and a backback, and slipped away unnoticed. Back in the garage, I set about converting the bazooka and some old Reynolds tubing into a bikezooka. When I was finished, it looked pretty much like any other fat-tube bike, except your every-day Kleins and Cannondales aren't capable of firing antitank rockets out both the front and back ends. The bike handled a little funny, but I wasn't going to do any criteriums on this baby. I had to ride along 126 for a couple of miles before I got an opportunity to test it. There wasn't a gravel truck in sight, but I spotted an enormous flatbed carrying a bulldozer. Both the truck and its cargo were filthy, covered with mud and chipped paint, just the thing to make my blood boil. He tried to run me into the ditch, but I'd expected that, and I dodged him easily as he rumbled past. He gave a blast on his air horn that meant "I'll get you next time!" There wouldn't be any next time. I waited until he was about 200 feet ahead and let the first rocket fly. It scored a direct hit on the rear axles and blew the wheels clean off. The truck collapsed on the roadbed and the 'dozer broke loose from its restraints to lurch forward and crush the cab. My second shot ignited the truck's fuel tank and set both the machines ablaze. I had a weapon! My first opportunity to take out one of my primary targets came a few minutes later, when I spotted a gravel truck a quarter mile behind me. It was big and ugly and loaded with dirt -- a fat hog to be butchered. I loaded a rocket into the nose and flipped the firing mechanism over so I could launch the round out of the back of the bike. I waited until he got closer, almost too close. I heard him downshift to get more power as he headed straight for me. I let him have it. The missile struck the radiator just above the bumper. The entire cab exploded and blew off the undercarriage. With the steering box destroyed, the truck promptly and violently jackknifed, turning over in the ditch and spilling its entire cargo of dirt, rocks, and debris off to the side of the road. It lay a smoking ruin as I pedaled on. I'd only brought along four rockets for this test run. I'd hoped to get a chance to hit another truck, but it was after 5, and most of the truckers had gone home. The remaining rocket didn't go to waste, though. On the way home, I spotted a big, gaudy, new Pontiac pulling out of one of the myriad construction sites along 126. A foreman, maybe; he smoked a cigar and wore a yellow hard-hat. He roared up at me from behind, hoping to clip me in the side, but he didn't realize who he was dealing with. I feinted towards the ouside lane, then quickly cut back to the shoulder, and he missed me entirely. I could see him flipping me the bird out the back window as I fired the final rocket. There wasn't time for his expression to change, but I'll bet he saw the backblast just before the warhead blew his car into small metal scraps. I had to carry the bike over them for sake of the tires. It had been a long day. I headed home and went to bed early. The construction crews start at dawn.
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Jun 3, 2016 11:43
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Node posted:Umm, exCUSE us, we're cycling he- time to google some fatal car accidents and post them on a forum
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Jun 3, 2016 12:13
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Watching guys on road bikes with thin wheels eat poo poo on dirt trails is one of the best parts of my weekends. Road cyclists are the biggest goddam gear queers to boot, considering all they need is spandex, a gay lil hat and some lovely Ray-Bans they seem to get really slap-fighty about that poo poo. Still, better than goddam hashers. Those assholes doing 20+ person runs at the pace of a 12 minute mile and turning every place they stop in to a parkinglot at a Molly Hatchet concert with beer cans and broken glass everywhere
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Jun 3, 2016 12:19
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i have a car and a bike if im driving and a cyclist gets in my way i bump them deliberately if im cycling and a car doesnt respect the fact that I have Absolute Right of Way in Perpetuity I smash their car into a tiny cube with my ulock
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Jun 3, 2016 12:55
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